Towards Eternity: incinerating my old self

Thanks! I was looking at that book previously :slight_smile:

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Lahiri Mahasaya said that the after effect state from kriya yoga is more powerful than any technique. SantataGamana goes to great lengths to emphasize the same. This seems to be the case, the state of bliss and consciousness attained from kriya supreme fire might even be more important than the technique itself.

I’ve been thinking about kundalini lately, and I’m not that enlightened on it, nor can I say anything with certainty, but I think it’s likely an experience that can be had with the energy circuit. It would be sort of dumb if the energy body just shot a ton of energy up to the crown and flung it out into space. I notice this with kriya supreme fire, after the energy goes up my spine it rounds the crest of my head and goes back down the front of my body.

I had an interesting experience last night. I awoke into what might have been the astral equivalent of my room. It was diffuse with silvery light, and the covers were flung off my bed. A deep and resonant voice started talking to me, it came from above. My body started vibrating as the voice introduced itself as my higher self. The voice told me some interesting messages which were all underscored by the theme of getting out of my own way, overcoming blockages, trying harder, the usual stuff. I’m sure that I could make tons of money on private consultations saying stuff like that.

I’ll take its advice though.

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That is exactly what the kundalini is, an energy circuit. If you’re interested, I recommend the book Path Notes of An American Ninja Master by Glenn Morris. The author himself went through the Kundalini using qi gong, and describes the process from a non-religious Western perspective.

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I am noticing a lot of synchronicity and signs in my life. I don’t experience other synchronicity that people report, like angel numbers, rather I have deja vu moments that often come with a flash of precognition for the next 5 - 30 seconds. These moments are often spontaneous.

There have been periods in my life when I go months without experiencing these moments, the last 2 months I’ve experienced more than I have in my entire life. I don’t want to say I’m getting close to something, but something is at play and I don’t really know what it is.

After I listened to the concordia booster for a while I got pretty good results, but for some reason I couldn’t get back into subliminals. I found a great new subliminal channel, Wabbajack Subs, that is like absolute power subliminals except they focus on more specific things. I made a bundle of their subs.

I think they’re working well, as I am noticing some resistance, but not an insane amount.

I’ve been trying to have success with falling asleep while manifesting. I understand the last thought on our mind before sleep is very powerful. I don’t remember when I fell asleep the last two nights but I think I had success.

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More signs and synchronicities are happening.

Yesterday I got really intense resistance symptoms from the subliminal I was listening too, but I think I’m turning the corner, which is awesome.

As an experiment I started a YouTube channel making subliminals last week. I used Labusi’s sigil to make it go viral. So far I’m totally surprised I already have about 65 subscribers and someone from another channel contacted me wanting to make a collaboration subliminal.

Last night I had another experience with my higher self or something else wanting me to project. I laid down to fall asleep and relaxed, almost immediately vibrations started from the third eye and I felt that my body was spinning. I think it has something to do with the subliminals I’ve been listening to.

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I haven’t posted here in a month. I intend to be more regular now. Since this journal is meant to log my development.

A quick overview of what I’ve done while I’ve been gone, with a few snapshots of some manifestation successes.

Throughout the school year I had been practicing brazen imprudence with the Law unconsciously. I never worried too much about my work, yet I put much less effort in than would be needed to succeed normally. I didn’t care, and assumed everything would work out in the end. Long story short time after time I was extremely lucky, in other words my choice to ignore the undesirable external state.

On the last day of school I had 5 assignments I hadn’t done which made up a significant amount of my grade, enough to get my college acceptances rescinded. Once again, I just didn’t care, and figured it would work out, which it did.

Extreme detachment:

I’ve realized that at its peak form, manifestation can be accomplished with next to no conscious effort, when we just don’t care, stuff happens. To give an example, I’ve done the magickal cash book with Nitika and didn’t get results from it. I kept thinking, “ I should try and manifest money sometime”. I then realized that instead of thinking about how I should manifest it, I should just assume it’s coming and forget about it. Of course, I found $20 an hour later at Safeway. Someone forgot their change in the self checkout. Who does that?

Labusi’s been at work on the YouTube channel, I’m up to 120 subscribers now, although I’ve only made one more video. A channel with over a thousand subs wants to do a collab with me. I don’t really want to pursue this, but the experiment seems to have worked.

Larger success eludes me, my challenge there is probably just commitment to daily sessions.

Remote influencing:

I finally managed to learn how to make people move using my mind. I find the best approach is to imagine myself as them and then make the move mentally. There is usually a short delay after that, then they move.

Spirit Familiars:

After thinking about it for a while, I’ve decided I want a succubus familiar. I believe they would be a valuable ally along my path. I have the materials for the ritual, and I think I’ll do it at 3 am tomorrow.

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I guess there is a difference between intending and doing. I actually took a break from spirituality for much of the last month, and only recently picked it back up again, albeit at a lower intensity.

My path and goals remain the same, figure out the law of assumption. I daresay I have been figuring it out pretty well. I have been racking up tons of manifestations, too many to list in entirety.

I got the idea for this from an author I actually don’t like - Frederick Dodson. I feel like his books are just a rehash of the Abraham material combined with his own stories about how he’s obsessed with conspiracies. I tried his intention list technique, which involves writing down a list of 10 desires which you assume are fulfilled, and noticed that I got huge results from a single act of manifestation. It didn’t make sense to me that so little effort could yield large results. I realize now that was the law of reverse effort in action, much of the difficulty I add into manifesting things is perceived, instead of making things hard for myself, I need to let them flow. Of course this is easier said than done.

I’m pretty lazy, so learning that I don’t have to do SATS to manifest things is pretty nice. Like a chaos magick sigil, I just set and forget to manifest. That said, I’ve struggled to manifest things that have more resistance. My next goal is cut out for me.

A random insight into my life:

There has been one trait I have been trying to change for a while, and I’ve made slow progress with it, not enough to appease my ambition. Every time I make a positive change in this direction, I notice that the change recedes. Yesterday, I was pondering this, and realized that I was ignoring my self concept. Maxwell Maltz says that you can’t make any lasting positive change that doesn’t correlate with your self image. The reason my own mind seems to be working against me on this is because it’s doing its job, to manifest my concept of self. I have tried to apply surface level methods to this problem, but the roots are still there.

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9/18/21
I moved into college, and to be honest, I expected much less free time.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do with it, but I think I will reserve a space for spirituality. I am pretty good at concealing my practice, as all I visibly appear to be doing is meditating or sleeping. I don’t like tools, and I haven’t really gotten into mantras yet.

I think I’ll at least try to continue meditation upon observation of thoughts, as that seems to have a really strong impact on me.

Neville Goddard appears to be very right, the feeling you hold when you fall asleep is extremely powerful. I did an experiment last week where I spent one day holding onto the feeling as I fell asleep. I notice that without fail the next day goes well.

After a while I’ve decided to update here again.

I’ve changed a lot since the start of my journey on the forum. I’m not really much of a left hand path practitioner any more, I just follow whatever I feel is the best approach at the time.

In the last few months my mental conversations have become much different as I’ve become aware of the Law in action. I tend to dismiss most of my negative thoughts and fears now. Manifesting has been pretty easy for small to medium things.

I took a break from spirituality for a bit, and have been practicing a new routine for the last 2 weeks. I was hoping to design or find something like initiation into hermetics where I can work on developing skills sequentially.

Now my daily practice is 10 - 15 min of meditation along with self love and gratitude journaling. I used to consider gratitude and self love as sort of cringy law of attraction practices but they really build up a manifesting mind and I’ve seen a lot of manifestations occur pretty easily within this routine. My life has improved a lot in general with these practices, I feel better and things tend to go my way even more than they did before.

One of my latest experiments is loving kindness or Metta meditation. I’ve found it quite powerful and it fits with my current practices.

I’m not entirely sure what my next move will be, but I think my focus on self concept will remain, and if I do decide on something: I’ll probably keep it a secret until it works as usual.

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11/10/21

I did meditation upon observation of thoughts for 15 minutes, I’ve been listening to an ego dissolution morphic field and I find that in a week I’ve gotten close to my original skill level.

The last two weeks my routine was mostly based on the mirror model, which is a manifestation model along with exercises to develop a manifesting mind / self concept, today I shifted to the next chapter of that, which the author calls the matrix model. It’s from u/cuban on reddit.

I did the usual gratitude and self acknowledgement practice today, followed by 5 minutes of Neville’s lullaby method. I felt pretty good. The matrix model asks that I choose one major goal to manifest, so I’ve been analyzing my relationship with that aspect of my life. I think I’m going to watch my mental conversations for a day or two before I make any large moves.

I’ve noticed that people I send loving kindness to in the metta meditation tend to become much nicer to me after that. That said, the purpose of the meditation is not to effect change on others as much as it is to embody the state of metta, so I try not to focus on it as a tool like that.

Additionally, the work with gratitude and self acknowledgement continues to yield results. I notice that I experience synchronicity like I did with the concordia booster. For example I can lightly think about something and notice that it appears in my reality.

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11/11/21

Today I didn’t have school so I spent a little longer on my routine.

I did meditation upon observation of thoughts for 15 minutes. This was followed by gratitude and self acknowledgement exercises, the lullaby method, and metta meditation.

I’ve already noticed results from yesterday’s session with the lullaby method. I’m eager to keep going with this.

Before starting the self acknowledgment practice I often let myself get demotivated by inner conversations, now my mindset is more like “The creation can’t be better than the creator”, so I don’t get as caught up in things.

I’ve been interested in allismind’s experiment with dedicating yourself to one idea / belief for a month, and since the matrix model asks you to choose one goal for your practice with it, my work is cut out for me. I consider it a test of my ability to restructure my life.

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It’s been a while. A few weeks into December of last year I got a bit sidetracked and stopped practicing pretty much everything. I’m sort of making a return now, not sure how much I’ll commit to. I plan to do a little bit of work with some of the gallery of magick books.

While I’ve been away from the practice of controlling my mind, I find that things tend to be harder in general. It’s surprising how much I’m at the mercy of external circumstances in day to day life. From time to time I would bust out some magick in response to an emergency, which often worked pretty well, but for the rigors of daily life, I just lived normally.

Over these months I noticed one interesting belief that comes through time and time again. The way it acts is almost like plot armor of a main character. If I had to describe it, it’s the belief that I’m incapable of failing a class. I know, it’s kinda lame, but after racking up several undeserved successes, it’s drawn my attention. In addition, at this point in my life it’s pretty useful.

I still want to experiment more with subliminals. I don’t really know what effect they have at all, but there seems to be some scientific studies that conclude they assist with changing beliefs / attitudes. The practices from this study focused mostly on repetition.

For now, I’ve abandoned listening to subliminals like the concordia booster, and am listening to my own creation, because I want to have control over what suggestions I receive. I limited it to 15 affirmations, all on one topic.

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Writting was for me the best shadow work. All that was to be put on paper, got transmuted.