Today has been a difficult day. My dad was doing renovations to the house and he accidentally saw off his hand. My mom rushed him to the hospital while I stayed behind to grab his pills, clothes and the rest of his things. I joined her at the hospital and brought her everything. The doctors are going to try to reattach his hand. My brother arrived at the hospital to join us and my mother told me to go home. That it was useless for all of us to be there.
I went back home to clean up everything. There was so much blood. Cleaning up all that blood from my father was one the most difficult thing I’ve done in my life.
Four months ago, my father also fell asleep in his truck and almost got killed. The truck was a total loss.
Yesterday, my brother finally was set free from his house arrest from a false rape accusation. Even after his crazy ex girlfriend told the district attorney she had lied and my brother didn’t do all the things she claimed he did, the state decided to continue with the case. He spent almost six months in house arrest. He lost his job, his reputation, and entered in a long depression.
Also, my best friend ran over a bum at night recently. It was late, the road was dark and the bum basically jumped in front of him. My friend hasn’t been arrested, but he’s a little bit worried. He doesn’t know what will happen with that.
Thing is, I don’t know if it is my Christian upbringing messing with my head, but I feel at the moment that I’m to blame for all of this. I’ve invited so many spirits into my house, that I don’t know if I’ve invited the wrong one at some point.
The possibility that I’m cursed also crossed my mind. I have bought most of the magick books I own, but I’ve downloaded a couple illegally. Could a curse put on a book cause so much mayhem in a life?
I mean, maybe this is all simply life happening and things that can’t be controlled. Maybe none of this is my fault. But I can’t help but feel guilty. More so when all that has happened has been one thing after the other.
I don’t know what to think. I’m gonna do a couple of more rituals to cleanse my home, then an angelic ritual to deflect any possible curses, then I’m done with magick for a little while. This is too much.