I’m not exactly sure how to describe this. I’ve attempted to write this post for several days now but just end up backspacing everything and hitting delete.
It feels like I’m bigger than my body and I don’t exactly fit inside.
When I was younger I had a really hard time because I didn’t know how to shield myself from other people’s energies. Feeling everyone at once put me in a really bad place until I learned how to “shield.”
However now it feels like my own energy fills the entire room and everyone is inside of me. It’s not just me feeling them, but its as if my energy is enveloping all of theirs, and it really messes with me when I have classes and have to spend an hour and a half with 30 other people in the room, or when I’m walking through the hallways. I’ve had to be an asshole lately and tell people not to touch me when walking by because I cannot stand feeling that many people’s energy all at once. It feels icky. All because I just can’t stay inside myself.
I have to cleanse myself each night because it’s like I have carried pieces of them all.
I’ve set up shields, just as I always do, but what good is that if it feels like I take up an entire room. It hasn’t been working.
My hearing and sense of smell has become so accute that I have to have complete silence at home. I can’t even stand the ticking of a wrist watch in a drawer on the other side of the house. I should not be having to deal with that. It sounds as if it’s right by my ear. That’s just an example. I can hear anything if there are no doors blocking me from where they are.
I went out and bought ear plugs to wear but ultimately it ended with anxiety because although the outside sound was muffled, I could hear my heartbeat and breath and could feel my veins pumping. It made me feel trapped which is odd to me because it’s my body… yet I feel trapped.
Alright family. I’m open for ideas and suggestions. Wtf is going on