I hope things turn around for you friend. Just one thought, and please do keep in mind that I am not an experienced practitioner, but I think you might find great benefit in asking yourself what lessons you should be learning from the challenges that have arisen. I found myself in a very difficult predicament earlier this year after my mother died and my work situation became extremely fraught.
By happenstance I stumbled upon a book about the Goetia, gave it much thought, and ultimately did pathworkings to Lucifer and Amaymon. I asked for their support, wisdom and guidance as I navigated this horrible time. I told them that I sensed there was a lesson this situation for me and that I wanted the fullness of that lesson and was committed to learning through experience, even though I was also just very afraid that perhaps the lesson would be about dealing with loss.
What unfolded was the most difficult, arduous, exhausting few months of my life, and the lesson turned out to be about turning to face your adversary and hardening the will against all enemies and circumstance. It wasn’t about loss but it was about experiencing what it really takes to reach out and grab what you want in this world. Looking back to only a few months ago I realize how lazy, feckless and weak I have been most of my life. I skated by on talent and wasn’t really putting in the hard work, I can’t believe I didn’t see it but they helped me to see where I was failing.
Today only a few short months later I have reached a new level professionally, a new level of confidence, my world has been transformed inwardly and outwardly. Whatever lessons are here for you, they may very well be for your own benefit. You may be tested to the limits of your fortitude and physical endurance. You may have to take a hard look at how you’ve been living and not like what you see. My sense is that these extraordinary beings are tough and stern, but ultimately benevolent teachers to those who earnestly want to learn. I hope I’m right about that, I think I am.
I haven’t asked them for anything major since. I only asked them to help me once, and I felt 100% confident they would hear me and help me, and they have. One of my areas of development has been public speaking and addressing large audiences. I do a little Qigong beforehand and I think of their sublime power flowing through me, sometimes I will ask them to be with me. I have actually become someone who loves public speaking! I quite literally addressed hundreds of people very recently and after the initial nerves wore off I really enjoyed myself. But, again, all of this comes after days of heavy preparation and just doing the hard work to make the presentation great. It seems like they really reward the hard work.
This became waaaaaay longer than I intended, sorry about that. Super long-winded way of saying that if you can try to make yourself commit to working for the lessons they have for you, there could be huge rewards on the other side.
