Things Not (likely) Put in a Grimoire

[anon39079500]

Confession of sorts and it’s not the juicy kind. More along the lines of inner thoughts, struggles, and (eventual) growth with the topic of Non-dualism (ND). I won’t pretend to be competent with the topic or even competent with describing what I’m trying to say .

I’ve been listening to hours of talks about it while at work since it was put before me in my Lessons of the Deck thread. I had an epiphany of sorts and while the practice dovetails with some of my own beliefs. I have spent time in Taoism and still subscribe to a fair amount of what I learned from it. So this wasn’t exactly new material, but it was a new understanding of it. A “next level” if you will.

But it also led to a bit of real searching and this forum was at the heart of it. As I went about my daily Helios Unbound ritual, I was already wondering what the point was, if we’re already supreme beings. If we’re only remembering who we really are, what’s the point of working my ass off almost daily for years, like I already have and plan on continuing?

This.is an entire area that I’ve largely left alone, not really exploring. Most of the theories seem like cute little packages for people that want to over-intellectualize things we don’t really grasp. Most “scientific” explanations aren’t and are usually one persons half-ass.understanding of a complex topic with a giant heaping of word vomit thrown in that a politician would approve of. So, I’ve left those discussions to others and will.

But I listen to the direction given by those I work with and this was unmistakable.

After the first 24 hours, it was clear that I’m supposed to be taking some serious lessons from the topic. It wasn’t clear how it would affect my practice at all. I began reaching out to entities and sending feelers out to ask for insight and guidance. While I can’t ignore my experiences in the Occult areas, this would undermine a substantial amount of their importance to me both in the past and the present. I needed to understand the present before considering the future and left it, the future, at that.

I’ve spent the rest of that time continuing to study it, contemplating it, and trying to get guidance. And I don’t feel like I have solid answers. Just areas where I don’t completely agree with the philosophy, as I feel it isn’t backed up by my experiences and gnosis. Again, if I hadn’t been told to go down this path, hadn’t asked for the lesson, I wouldn’t have done it at this time and maybe not so deeply. But I did and put forth the effort, as I should.

I don’t have my answers yet, but I can lean on some of my experiences both with living (and when I’ve died and remembered) it. I’m also reminded that all of our theories are based on rationalizing from an Earth-centric (maybe physical world is more appropriate) point of reference with tidbits from other realms coloring things as best we can discern them.

I guess I’m typing this publicly for a few reasons. One is to clarify and just maybe gain insight from it (I wish). Another is to show the struggles of not knowing when there is no roadmap and all the guides are silent. The third is to draw attention to asking for help (lessons) and following through with the work, however it may shake your world and practice.

The final one is one of defiance of sorts. If this isn’t good for me, then I don’t want to know I’ll continue the search for Truth, but I’m not tossing in the towel because I’m already a God.

[A_Pariah]

@anon39079500

I was already wondering what the point was, if we’re already supreme beings

Whats the point of reading for the sake of reading once you’ve learned how to read? (I don’t refer to mundane reasons like navigating through professional tasks or reading the instructions of how to cook a frozen pizza)

[anon39079500]

Thanks. I appreciate it and get what you’re saying. It’s part of the reason we still do ritual after hitting a certain point. Thanks, again.

[A_Pariah]

@anon39079500

It’s part of the reason we still do ritual after hitting a certain point.

I guess thats it. Because we can. Or because we are curious. Or because its fun. Or because we can feel some kind of passion for the things we have to do before we can reach a certain goal. I’ll see myself out

[anon39079500]

Yes, those things apply. I went straight to the utilitarian route. I need reminded. f the others. See yourself back in, any time.

[anon39079500]

It seems pretty random at times, but sometimes they make requests.

I get it’s blurry. The major light is from the table top torch. The incense is “Mimosa” from that Buddhist temple on Oahu. Pazuzu wanted some and doesn’t normally make requests like that. He’s also directly helping a friend who is struggling. I would’ve done it anyhow, but felt it was related, as I am overwatching. As is he.

[Mike_Bee]

I looked at the photos before I read the post and the first thing I thought was “oh that’s cool is that pazuzu?” Great journal, this is a real pleasure to read. Thanks.

[anon39079500]

Absolutely Pazuzu. Scared the shit out of me when I saw the Exorcist.

He’s never “spoken” a complete sentence to me, but I wouldn’t hesitate to call upon him. And haven’t, once I overcame my fear.

Which is why he has a statue. Still trying to find some for others that don’t cost a small fortune.

[anon39079500]

To be honest, there was a friend on here that happened to be on the cusp of change, which meant it was volatile, not always completely thought out, and published anyways.

So, this friend really tried to get to the bottom of things, went above and beyond what I (ever) expected them to.

And she did it with grace.

Thank you @A_Pariah

[anon39079500]

I was upset tonight. I really wish I could share details, but the important part is how I dealt with it. There is family that I haven’t seen for 4 years, dear family I’ve literally died for, and circumstance is preventing me from being with them when we can all get together. Obviously, I’m not upset with them. Circumstance, yes.

I didn’t lnow what to do I still don’t. But I know what I’ve done, because I’m not some weak, little, powerless sheep.

Since I don’t know what to do or who to call, but know I can’t wallow in self pity, it’s time to call on The Adversary. In this case, the adversary to this complex problem.

Another drop of blood added to the sigil. If I was done unpacking, I’d make a wooden one by hand, no power tool. That’s then and not now. For now, a drop of blood for the sigil.

Next, I charged a candle with energy, but not fully. Leave something for the Deity/Spirit to do. Not photographed.

Sigil opened, I lay the candle on the opened sigil.

I’m listening to the same song as the video with Behemoth-X. Why? I already had it before this. And some of the text in tje middle portion is in my Helios Unbound workings. Thus, it has meaning. Experiential meaning.

As I’m channeling my energy into it, the entity behind the sigil comes, without being called. I did not ask it or call it, but Satan k ows they are welcome. Without being asked, Satan agrees to direct it. I designated my “safe” people in my immediate life. Wonn’t affect those outside the situation. Baneful or Death workings are not the goal here. No ill-will at all.

I charge it for the whole song, as the second half is the incantation portion, if you will.

I was touched that Satan came, to be honest. I did not call or compel.

The song done, the candle charged by both me, Satan, and the sigil, I blooded it and set it alight.

Hail Satan.

[anon39079500]

It’s been a rough year for some and the Holidays can make it harder. In light of that, I decided to carve, charge, and light a candle for my “Balg Friends”. I did put the clause in that this is only for those that would accept it and is primarily for strength, defense, and comfort.

On the other side, I carved a skeleton key for Hecate, who I called forth. She accepted the task.

I charged it until.she said it was enough. Then she charged it. I blooded and lit it. May it go to those that need it.

[anon39079500]

I stood up, feeling the presence of Helios, “My Lord.”

As I wondered who else would be needed, I felt Raphael and Marbas come into my sphere. I was thankful. Colorectal cancer isn’t pretty. Not me, but a local friend before we left for Hawaii.

Still young. Pretty serious. This is a parent of my son’s friend. Business time.

I let the task ruminate in my head. When this happens, sometimes, I find out which spirits are willing. I don’t “just” think of the task. I also think of how it may play out. By the time I’m getting ready for the ritual of it, any questioning of it is done. We don’t know all the answers, but I know this person. Personally. So, I will act regardless. I know this at this stage and this willing come forward.

Helios
Marbas
Raphael
Hecate
Belial

Belial? Not my first choice, bit he wants in and in sounds like it’s because he wants to reduce medical legal or logistical bullshit. Other Healing Deities (like Hi’iaka) can join as desired, in my candle.

Not all requested a blood donation, but I gave it.

I got the signal that it was time.

[anon39079500]

Ironically, I was listening to Raining Stars (Lord of the Lost) and Hecate asked me to funnel it into her idol (forn the purpose of fueling something related to this)

[anon29949371]

Lots of energy, very powerfull!

If it’s not too much to ask, I would really appreciate it if I could also be part of this BALG friends list.

[anon39079500]

That’s the beauty of it and using a deity. It’s open. Make a call to Hecate and ask to have some. Otherwise, she decides.

Here is the current length.

[anon29949371]

Thank you Hecate

Thank you so much @anon39079500

[anon39079500]

Of course. I may do another around New Years.

[Mike_Bee]

Your practice is inspiring my friend.

[anon39079500]

I got a lesson in offerings yesterday from a land spirit. For those that don’t know, I started cultivating relationships with them in Hawaii and have continued that here in Maryland. To be honest, I don’t feel like I fully understood it.

I’m the cook in the house and was making apple pie filling when I came across an apple that was at least 1/3 rotten (dark brown) and had spread enough that it wasn’t worth cutting around. Yet, I didn’t want to just throw it out.

I got the idea that maybe the squirrels or ants would like it. Temps right now are more Spring than Winter. The ecosystem is still active. So, I tossed it into a part of the backyard that is full of cut wood that needs split, but wouldn’t attract anything towards any of the nearby houses.

One of the more vocal, extroverted land spirits came before I made it back to the door. To thank me. For a rotten apple?

Yes, for a rotten apple. An apple I chose to help sustain Life with, feeling that I shouldn’t just discard it.

I acknowledged, but don’t know that I really understand. Nobody said jack about b the potatoes peels for mashed potatoes. Or the bone and fat from the ham.

Maybe the lesson was learning to listen to “requests” from the land or its spirits. Maybe it was about not wasting what’s still usable, in some way. I’m unsure. But he was thankful.

[Kish]

Unless the apples was cores and pitted I’d say it makes sense to me cuz a rotten apple with the seeds still in it is a new life in the making (not sure best way to say that). Apple decays seed falls out into softened by rotten apple fertile ground sleeps til spring grows and voila new apple tree. So you were potentially restoring life to this dirt ball. That’s probably why the thanks.