The Secret Diary of Acrians Locket {entries 82 and beyond}

Hot take: I couldn’t fit the whole 14+ page journal on here so I’ve only selected a couple of entries to include for the first post. The whole thing can be found on my magick wordpress blog “locketwashere” but I think it’s against the rules to link stuff so just uhhh ignore that bit. First things fist though I will link the intro.

Introduction
The following book you’re about to read is my diary. It is my magickal diary from 3/28/19 to //.//.//. I use an american dating system which goes by month,day,year. It tackles my start as an occultist and my final progression until now. It is not the most flattering book in many regards especially in it’s portrayal of my learning process. It is also a long one. At the start I did a few many things wrong. If you have never practiced the occult than by all means read ahead however you may find you need some sort of dictionary on hand. You may also find yourself lost at a few points do to the subject matter I don’t bother to explain. I talk about a lot of knowledge and things of the sort that may surprise reader who is not in the know. It’s best read by someone intermediate or beginning their adventure who is willing to do their own research in conjunction with what they’ll be reading.

Also while this journal is educational in a few regards I did do many things wrong in the beginning. Not all of these are clarified in the text so keep that in mind should you wish to replicate any of my experiments. In the beginning I was a novice. At the end of the day this is not a grimoire. I have professionally written grimoires I’m working on if you want that sort of thing. It’s important for me to stress that I am not the magician I was at the beginning of the book. I know now what I didn’t then and I’ve grown in more ways that have been shown on the pages.

This is my personal journal with magick inclined to it. Thus you can expect to read about a lot of my personal issues and politics, wants, desires, dreams, career, music, status, family, friends and the like as well as my magickal experiments. Magick is just kind of the glue that holds this thing together. It contains a bit of vulgarity that while cleansed in the revised version. That being said this is the original version. In it’s original form it has not been censored. If you would like that I suggest you seek out the revised edition. It’s omits everything from my lgbt identiy to certain delusions. If you want a clean ass book that won’t offend the most vanilla reader go read that one.

My take on magick and I feel the need to say this, is known as “The Left Handed Path” I am first and foremost an occultist. There are some magicians who are Wiccan, Priests, some who are from other cultures or religions but I work with demons and in the dark. If that upsets you I wouldn’t recommend this book however I do clarify why I work with what I do several times, misconceptions others have, and why I work with it within the text. I ask you read such a journal no matter your walk of life as someone with an open mind. Also it’s important to note that not all of the operations tend to these things.

I go into elaborate detail about time in retrospect to magick, the Crossroads Ritual at a point and it has no correlation to demonic magick as frequent in this book. I draul on and on about my experiences with Gods and parasites at several points and they are far from demonic in nature. I make mistakes regarding quite a few religions at a point. In total it is a rather thick book with a total of (##to be determined##) entries. I want to iterate while some names and quotes are changed or paraphrased to protect my identity which I later reveal anyways, I have not gone back to rewrite or censor anything in this version. Everything you will read is it’s first draft as I wrote it at the time, as I experienced the events. It is a journal.

Everything is very personal. In many regards as you will find I didn’t expect this book to see the light of day. I do however expect this book to last a great deal of time do to my own personal measures that I have ensured. Thus I explain a lot of things about the time period I find myself in, as well as things unique to my culture as an American that affect my operations and expectations. I am in many regards an unreliable narrator and I want you to keep that in mind when you read my exploits. This book is best dealt with notes on hand and reading into things I the writer did not as I was writing it.

Overall I hope this book serves you the reader well. It served me well for a good deal of time. I have other journals that may never see the light of day and I doubt anyone would be curious to such a regard. However regardless Alon Z.




Journal 6: “The greats weren’t great because they could paint, the greats were great cus they paint a lot” - Macklemore

An american dad episode came on tv recently. The guy in the episode made a joke telling Stan Smith the main character that he was “going to turn you into a clown” and then he said to Stan Smith the character “you’re the worlds most perfect fool”. It should be noted demons and entities have referred to me as “perfect” quite a bit. I’ts purely symbolic for the record but I will cover the symbols of “king” and “fool” later. In my story explorations which is a topic for another day I was speaking to a higher entity and he asked if I understood what he was saying upon my answer he replied “but you’re perfect aren’t you?”. When I first spoke to Occeair because as a reminder I totally founded a religion called Genwa sometime ago before returning to the left handed path. Fun fact Bael said upon this discovery “you really think you could leave the left handed path?” and my response was “bold of you to assume I could” then I promptly returned not a week later. But back to the point one of the first things he said to me was “Acrians I want you to know you’re perfect”. I think this was a sign rather than me reading to much into shit again because for the record I do that alot, is because Belzebub and I were once writing a song together and one of the lines word for word was “don’t be a fool, be kind”.

I realize I come across this way. I trust the entities I work with. I try to see the goetic entities as my equals rather than my servants. Hell, I refer to them as “goetic” entities when the attribution of goetia is a common misconception. They aren’t “goetic” entities. Not technically. They are entities within the lesser keys of solomon and the only “goat” in this scenario is the magician himself. Yet I still insist upon calling them this because it gets across who I’m addressing and what I’m working with to the average occultist fairly easily even if a technical misdirection.

As I was writing this I heard a car engine roar. I should probably mention I’m renting a home in suburbia. The engine spoke (obviously belzebub) saying “you are not a fool”. Which is something he’s advised me on before. This leads me to believe I missed the point of the sign entirely or it was a universe synchrony which is another topic for another day. I found myself stumbling upon the Conjure Codex on accident as of late. I was on one of my favorite occult recourses a blog called “The skeptical occultist”. It’s a person who reviews various grimoires. However upon seeing the website he linked to did not describe this work and it was in an English currency I avoided it. However upon getting into some discourse with tumblr user “This-isn’t-magick” about their obvious lack or experience and mischaracterization of the Goetia (which they later admitted) the book was linked again. Leading me to believe I should buy it since it peaked my interest this time.

Another thing is that I had the idea to listen to the song “Jar of Hearts” recently but kept talking myself out of it and it came on the radio per supposed chance. Another thing is that I found a red lighter on the floor in my home. No doubt my sister’s boyfriend’s brother Victor’s and took it for ritual later. I normally use 3 matches however it’s always good to have a backup. Then I was browsing “Hi I’m Case”’s old music and the album had a red lighter near identical on it. It’s kind of funny. Hi I’m Case introduced me to the idea of synchronicities on their livestream. Then I finally decided to read my book “Space/Time Magic” by Taylor Ellwood that I had purchased near millenia ago. Upon finally reading it, it mentioned this idea three fold and now the idea can’t un-escape me. Also side note: while writing this entry I kind of hate the needless complexity of English (you know the original language this writing is in).

I want to make it clear that I don’t actually know what I’m doing. If it wasn’t obvious to you upon initial reading. This journal is about my ascent into magick. My journal of madness. My trials upon magickal discovery. This is not a grimoire. It is a diary. There is a huge difference. This means at the start of these entries their will be misinformation. I’m still trying to see what works and what doesn’t and I am very much a new student of the craft. The purpose of this journal in a lot of ways is to show how much I will grow as a magician. It’s to show where I started off and it’s a comparison for where I will eventually be. “The greats weren’t great because they could paint, the greats were great cus they paint a lot” - Macklemore. One thing I have learned as the amatuer magician I am, is that nobody likes you to see them as a novice. Thus most people hide any evidence they once were. But even Crowley (regardless of what you think of the man) wasn’t born into this life just knowing shit. Most people never fuking get that. I am not special. Nobody is.

Everybody starts somewhere. This journal isn’t so meant so much to teach you the reader anything. It’s just my log that hopefully will never grace the public’s eyes that is meant to showcase to me, myself, and I where I started. It will hopefully be passed down through the generations of my family as a log or rather tutorial to them of where to go and where to look. I know I do things wrong. I know I read to much into shit. I know I’m mildly crazy and a bit deluded in places still even to this day. I know all of that. I am hyper aware of all my faults and that is part of the territory.

Speaking of my family, I have a strong desire in this life to make sure my bloodline continues. There’s several issues with this. One I am a transgender man. That’s right. I am a hot blooded male (I live my life as a male, I exist as male, I present as male, and my family treats me as male) but I was born female. Laugh it up I don’t care. Pregnancy terrifies me, because of my issues with my own body I will never get pregnant and even seeing a pregnant woman alone disturbs me. So that’s out of the question.

Two, I am adopted. I was born to a catholic red head and adopted after a donation to the cherokee nation (I’m white for the record) to the [redacted last name] family. A conservative Jewish family. A family that was cursed and likely has a hidden past involving magick nobody has the confidence or stamina to tell me about or adress. My mother (my ADOPTED) mother won’t allow me to seek out my birth family. I was a one night stand and the father who was 18 upon my 25 year old mothers first time skipped town upon the discovery. So when I say my birth family I really mean my birth mother. I am not to seek her out because my adopted mother does not think I can handle it.

I have abandonment issues and am terrified of rejection. As verbally abusive as she is my adopted mother does care about me and is worried that the supposed rejection of my birth mother will cripple me. I am transgender and she was an irish christian. How well do you think she would handle that? Knowing her one night passion mistake resulted in a schizoeffective transgender black magician? Not that we would tell her that last bit though. I desperately want to meet her. But it was a closed adoption and the process in my state of Georgia is needlessly complicated so who knows. Perhaps if my father hadn’t killed himself we wouldn’t be here. But here we are never the less.

Point of the matter is, I desperately want to have a child. But in the 20th century which this book is written in that sort of surgery where a transgender male can you know….reproduce…it’s simply not available. So I have two choices, live my life as my transgender self and get the proper surgeries I’ve desired for ages or have a child. And we all know which one I am going with. Speaking of my gender transition, I’ve been desperately trying to go on HRT. So let me explain a few things.

Transgender is when someone is born one sex but identifies as another. So if you were male you identify as female. If you are female you identify as male. There’s also the topic of non binary people who identify as a mix of male and female or neither male and female but we’re not bringing them into this explanation. So as a transgender man I want to get surgery to make my female anatomy at least aesthetically male. Being transgender has nothing to do with my sexual orientation or what gender I am attracted to. I live my life as a male. My peers treat me as male. My family treats me as male (most of them anyways), and in a job environment I would hopefully be treated as male as well. Society sees me as the gender I identify with. Some transgender people want the surgery I do, some do not.

Everyone I know calls me “he” and my name. I have short hair which is what is worn by males in my society at this age. I wear male attire and for all societal purposes look male thus I am considered male. Many people in my culture consider (at this time) what I just told you elementary and probably consider this a needless explanation. However as we have discussed I want this journal to be passed down in my family for generations and I have no guarantee that this book will not one day make it overseas to another culture or that what I have told you will always be so explicitly understood hence the needless explanation. I know it’s annoying. I’m sorry.

So one thing transgender people like me do is take the hormones of the sex we identify as. So if you are a transwoman (someone who identifies as female but was born male) you would take female hormones. If you are a transman like myself (someone born female but who lives and identifies as male) you would take male hormones or in my case injections of testosterone. This changes your body to look male, to the degree that after some time nobody will be able to tell that you were once considered female at all. I want to be clear here, I am not transitioning my gender for “privilege” or “status” or “power” within my society. America is patriarchal and males generally have more social power in all regards. Especially white males such as myself. I am not doing this for that reason. I am doing this because it’s just who I am and I am trying to be as true to myself as I can be and that to me means being who I am, which is also what I am, which is male.

So on the topic of my gender “transition” as we Americans call it, I am in the process of trying to get these hormones or as it’s often called HRT. However I had an entity the other day pop into the shower saying “you’re really not going to like what I’m going to do tomorrow” I expected some grievance or tragedy however my appointment for these life saving and altering hormones were pushed back. I remember being outside talking to myself about my gender because that is a thing that I like to do, and I heard an entities voice claim “don’t go on hormones”. I want to be very clear here.

Demons do not give a flying fuck about your sexual orientation, your politics, or your gender. All the demons I have encountered have respected my gender and for all extensive purposes seen me as male. I have even had entities help masculinize me further. I’m rather flamboyant and he told me by the time we were done I’d be a “jock” which is slang for a super masculine fellow who likes sports and is generally perceived as manly. It’s the masculine ideal within my culture.

I’ve also had several issues getting on the medicine and scheduling the appointment alone. I have no idea why. I had a thought that an entity was keeping me from it and given how inconvenced I am on the matter it makes a rather amount of sense. However I’m going to keep persisting anyways. I get mistaken as female by people who don’t know me far to often, and despite being a musician I am very insecure about my voice so that I need this medicine.

Besides I told Beelzebub that I would only work with him for the time being. While I haven’t called anything off with these other entities my focus is to remain on him in the present. If further action is required I’m sure he will tell me. Also while we’re on the topic. I plan to completely alter my physical form. I am not attractive. I am fat. In all definitions of the word. In America this is seen as disgusting and undesirable. The ideal in America is chiseled features, strong bone structures, thin and petite for women and strong and muscularly built for men. I am neither of these things.

I am fat, with a face full of acne well into my twenties. I look revolting and am by far one of the most hideous people I know. My body is a potato. The only thing I like about myself is my hair. I know I am attractive. At Least kind of when I was thin I was often hit on and seen as desirable. At Least in my mind. I think I found myself far more attractive. So as someone who is 210 pounds and chubby beyond comprehension with crooked teeth perky lips and terrible acne, I’ve decided to do some shapeshifting. I know it is possible. People will tell you that you simply cannot use magick to change your form. Those people are liars or misguided but regardless rather wrong. Magick especially solomon or “goetic” magick does change your face. You cannot change your eye color, or anything dramatic like growing three arms. But with time, and patience within several years you’ll look like what you want. Or better at all. Magick can change your face. It takes time but it is possible. But conscious effort can be made. Hell the demon Orias can make men into anything or any shape and I don’t take that description lighty. It’s possible. It’s not for newbies and it is work but possible. This on top of the fact that this medicine will naturally change my face dramatically anyways will give me my desired results.

So here is my starting point. I know I am not easy on the eyes. I don’t need to be lectured on this.

I know complete and total garbage. These were screenshots from an old video I did some time ago but I look the same say for a shorter more red haircut. Hopefully I will be able to post these results later.

So yes I’m going to start at that point. I want to be very clear. I am doing my best not to rely on entities for everything nor blame them for things always going wrong. I have a habit of both. If I want to learn to shapeshift I will learn to shapeshift and if I bring an entity in later I will do so but I should still know what it entails myself. If I want to learn to manifest wealth I will learn to manifest wealth. I can’t just sit around on my ass expecting entities to do everything and hand me everything. If I want to be a magician I have to learn to do MAGICK.

So far I’ve only done sprit work. And while learning the exercises and shit is good for me. It doesn’t teach me shit. Right now all I know is “Pacts, how time works, Solomons work and everything that it entails, sigils, divination, reading between the lines, syncretism, proper evocation, several stray concepts I do not know how to categorize” that’s so fuking limited. Sure I’ve done proper spells in the past, and sure I have met gods in the flesh and sure I can evoke a demon to my face within incense, but those things are not enough for me. I am a child. I do not know anything. I know about ascent but how the hell do I get their beyond the meer concept of burning anew?

This is such my fuking problem. I’m naive. I don’t know what I’m doing. I know enough not to get myself killed and I literally just heard an entity say “you do” on the topic of not knowing but I doubt myself so much journal. It’s frustrating. I just want more and more and more and have no idea about what work requires me getting there.

I have visions of the future. Okay that’s cool. How do we adapt this into something I can use and manipulate? I can read between the lines easily. Okay cool how do we find shit that does this beyond songs? I know how to enter a story and change it but what purpose does such a thing serve? That last one is something rather complicated that I don’t think I should reveal here not just for fear of insanity (I am insane I don’t care about that bit) but because I don’t want anyone else doing that shit. I’m selfish.

I know I am going to be worshiped one day, I know I will ascend. I know there are plans for me. But how the fuking hell do I work to get to that point. What if it’s all in my head? I know it’s not but other people don’t fuking know that. It irritates me so much. I know my future. I know way more about this world than I let on, and I know so fuking much but it just isn’t enough for me…

Will it ever be?

I don’t know. I know alot and I know nothing at the same time. I’m just frustrated. I need to learn.

On the topic of learning an entity I work with wants me to study math and science my two worst subjects. I suck at both equally. Well okay physics I can at least wrap my head around but how does one do basic multiplication? I’m kidding but I do struggle there. Anyways that’s been todays journal I’ve worked myself into a fuss yet again.

It’s funny this book is so much more “Acrians rants about his problems” rather than “heres Acrian’s magick problems and his progress” hence i guess why I consider it a journal. Goodnight I’m angry.

3/31/19

11:49 PM




Journal 18 “You can’t change the world, but you can change how people see it.” - Hi I’m Case
Let me start off this entry by saying I am sick. I seemed to have come down with a cold and a sore throat. Per this I am pushing back the ritual until I am better. There is a theme in goetic or rather solomonic magick of purifying your body before many operations. It’s the same reason why some ancient grimoires forbid the practitioner to sleep in a bed with a menstruating woman. The blood itself is impure and taints you before the operation. The ritual of the crossroads is not solomonic magick. However I, as the operator want my body to be in a good state before I perform it since it is rather time consuming and a risk I am not willing to take. My mother felt my head upon my waking up and said I was warm.

I had a strange dream involving the Black Man that I wrote upon waking up. The notes are slightly incoherent however I’ll allow them to remain unaltered. Here they are:

“I saw into his mind. The black man’s per our dream. I saw his face he was african american. He was very mathematical. He started going on about spirituality and I don’t remember what he said but I heard humming but it was intertwined with math. He then started going on about who he is and what he did and my mind retreated losing focus. My dream shifted. I think do to the the math aspect. My mind often retreats from spiritual information if it’s a combination of what i cannot understand and a topic matter that surprises me. He was calculating in his elements. There was orange energy around him. Then again like I said my dream took focus. It was a chase scene in some sort of hospital. I was desperately trying to get to the preferred location. My mom told me the area I picked for the crossroads ritual was wrong and tried to encourage me into going somewhere else. I told her it was fine. And then I was in a cop drama show. Or rather a parody of a cop drama show with the actor Nathan Fillion. I was him but watching from 3rd person’s perspective. I via show, finally made it to the ritual. Falling back asleep now. Something told me to do it for 7 days not 9. And to bring my guitar case. Goodnight

I told him about if he wanted to tell me who he was as I was falling back asleep he could give me a name as I’m waking up or right before that. I Then saw a storm outside my window. Which connecting the dots it made me think the storm from before was also him and not beelzebub. Who is associated with storms.

One more thing. I heard my song that I’ve been working on in my head in the dream. In real life it’s just a ukulele but in the dream It was fully composed. Had a lot of bells and whistles that I don’t know how to implement or would even think to. Anyways.

Wait until body pyre. Sleep ““

So those were my logs. Upon further inspection and in a clearer mindset it seems to me that The Black Man was telling me within my dream to pick a different crossroads then the one I was planning to attend which was near an storefront and intersection. This may become an issue because I have to drive to wherever it is, and my mother is not in a position to take me or rather refuses to even if she believes my lie, and I cannot afford a taxi service such as Lyft to get there. I was planning to walk to the location. It doesn’t matter though I will figure it out. I found it interesting something was pushing me to take my guitar case as a safety measure. Given the weather lately in a lot of ways it makes sense.

My guitar case is by no means the object per the ritual. The object is my guitar itself whom I have affectionately named “Annabelle”. However given the weather lately it makes sense. I found it interesting he was telling me 7 days rather than 9 as I had read. However if that’s what he wants that’s what I’ll do. Yesterday night some time after I had gotten done writing in you, I went with my family to pick up my sister’s boyfriend from his work. He works a low end job making sandwiches for minimal payment. He however got 70 in tips. Which is strange. People don’t usually tip that much in America. Especially at a job like that. Also I’ve been receiving money lately though far less (literally 3 at best) from my online store as well. It’s all very strange. An entity has arranged this I am sure.

That being said while I was in the car and we were pulling up to the restaurant a black cat appeared on the road crossing our path. Then it rained. This was The Black Man I’m sure of it. It’s said during the ritual you will see several black animals. On the topic of the ritual one thing bothers me in what I have read. Many people contemplate the Black Man with the devil even though the sources I read say they can’t confirm this. I can 100% assure you as someone working with demons regularly that this is not true. He is a powerful and wise entity. He has a brain that is like formulas and the cosmos itself. However his energy is not remotely of a demons. I’ve felt the energies of entities you might call “Satan” or associate with his image highly. The Black Man is in an entirely different pool.

I doubt a christian guitarist is reading but if you are that should reassure you in some manner of regard. He has more of a vibe that I associate with voodoo when I have experienced it, if I’m being honest. Different spirits of different paths and pantheons all share a common energy bite if I’m to phrase it properly. Also Voodoo isn’t inherently of the devil either like many americans somehow seem to believe. Voodoo is just a religion. It has an interesting history within America at that. So no he’s not the devil, by completing this ritual you aren’t “selling your soul” in any manner. That’s not how this works. Never Minding that demons in general do not care about your “soul” in the first place.

I appreciate him visiting me in my dreams. Alot of entities have done this. It’s not something I expect of them in any manner. Nor do I take issue with it. But I appreciate him showing the effort and time in many regards. He doesn’t have to show himself like that to me but he takes the time anyways. I appreciate it. A Lot of people who I have seen go through this ritual don’t talk about it at length, or if they do they don’t really explain who he is or what he’s like to them. I would also like to mention most people who I’ve encountered performing this ritual on first hand accounts don’t usually have a magickal background of any kind (usually white americans but that’s just my experience with the white people I know). So in many ways you could argue that gives me a sort of advantage (over other white people explicitly).

Anyways regarding my personal life something has occured to me. This something is that I generally let people think I’m more of a dumbass then I actually am? Like even in how I present myself in these writings I have a tendency to do that? I let people think I’m far more naive than I am in actuality. While it is true that I am naive I am not as naive as I come across. I am not as unprepared or stupid that I come across. People just tend to think that I’m an idiot in my everyday encounters and in alot of ways I think it’s do to my presenting myself as small and casually.

Truly if it suited my fancy I could present my dictation and presentation in such a manner of regard that I would come across rather acquainted with knowledge or that of a master of the sport that is magick and my other interests. But I don’t do that. I can easily do that. But I don’t bother. Yes I have a very impressive vocabulary but as showcased within this journal I heavily tone it down for anyone who I’m speaking to and writing to because otherwise it would alienate them. As you can clearly see my vocabulary is rather simple in many of my writings. I intentionally put a cap on it’s scope for you the reader’s benefit. I do this in real life and on account of my also carrying a rather casual demenur and using vulgarity it results in a fiery combination that many people easily equate to “dumbass”. Which in America is an insult that says you’re an idiot who doesn’t know anything. You’re naively stupid per this impression.

While I do lack self esteem in many respects and aspects I know I am not stupid. I can call myself an idiot. Hell I can think that I’m an idiot (which I do). But I’ll be damned if someone else agrees with me. I do care a great deal about other people’s impressions of me. That’s where I place the value of my self worth. The fact that my mother constantly cuts me down saying these things is irritating and upsetting. It’s been happening my whole life. In many ways my lack of self esteem isn’t the result of the trauma that I have endured but the direct results of gaslighting by my mother. She is manipulative. She is abusive emotionally. She is toxic as all fuking hell and I hate her for this.

So no, I am not a dumbass I just fuking look like one ok? Yeah ok. Now I’m kinda angry at the notion. I remember I was once watching a video by an acclaimed occultist. He said what most often drew people to the occult and the left handed path specifically was a loss of power. That at some point people felt out of control of their lives and that’s why they came to this path. I wouldn’t argue that. I do however thing there is a heavy correlation to trauma for most. Thus I can see how someone would take that and feel like it’s loss.

I remember my sister’s boyfriend’s nephew Victor. I have this talent for looking at people and being able to tell instantly if they would excel at magick. I can also look at them if they have faced hardship or trauma. I looked at Victor and instantly thought “he would excel on this path” that doesn’t mean that Victor is going to become an occultist. That doesn’t mean that he will ever venture into magick at all. He’s an atheist though he holds a few mexican specific superstitions. He also fits the bill of having gone through trauma and in many ways also, loss. This to me in many regards paints him the perfect candidate. However I cannot with a clear conscious bring him on this path.

My family and my sister’s boyfriend all have a tendency to see me as rather deranged. I am in many respects. But it still hurts. If I, for whatever reason told him about what I did or tried to get him into it not only would I receive backlash from their family but I would also most likely be cut off from the lad hence my not doing so. He’s even at the perfect age to! He’s 16!!! 16!!! That’s the age most people start experimenting with the occult! Ahhh! I hate that I can’t show him so much. He would be perfect and I as Acrians Locket could be a great mentor.

It’s really rather a shame. In most regards. Not to mention that my sisters boyfriend was cursed some time ago. Someone sent something after him. Ever since he has an well earned fear of the demonic and the occult. I don’t really blame him. Having one truly bad experience can alter your ability to do magick in that regard forever. Also it pains me because most of the people who I sense have a talent for the craft rarely pursue it. It’s never my job to push them. I could if I wanted to. I have in the past and those people became great magicians. However, it’s not something I like to do. It’s fairly manipulative of me to push someone in to magick no matter how much I think it would improve their lives. It’s not my job to convert you. It’s not my job to make you believe in anything at all. I could and have done this in the past. But it’s just not my job to better your life in how I PERSONALLY think it needs to be changed. That’s just such an asshole move you know?

Anyways that’s all for now, see ya!

Acrians Locket
11: 56 Am




Journal 21: “Wait for it ||| Hamilton”

One thing i have noticed via time without any rational as to why, is that whenever my life is about to begin a new sort of phase, I buy new clothes. It’s usually not intentional nor do I do it to initiate anything of the sort. Once even a spirit told me to do it. But normally it’s on accident and only after the fact do I realize the significance of such a process. I heard the name “Tote” again while shopping and on the way there (he is an egyption god by the way) I saw 666 on my way to the store. In my culture this is mostly a pop culture thing however often a sign of the devil stereotypically. I say stereotypically because demons don’t actually have pointy horns and fangs and red skin. That’s a stereotype. Demons are a diverse bunch in fact.

I saw an stuffed elephant in the isle. A lion statue which reminded me of Marbas (A demonic healer, a demonic doctor if you will) and another entity. A few variants of Monkey toys and dolls more on that later, and a few other things. I also saw a black bear sticker on someones car and a black rabbit statue. A black bird flew past me in the car. Basically on my path. I found myself buying a new shirt online and a used one in the store both on the same day though from different places. Which usually happens during the clothes thing. I find myself buying used clothes and new clothes whenever this happens.

I’ve mentioned my X friend M##@%# quite a bit here. Not just because I have a hard time letting go. Which I do. But because he was there when I first got into magick. He was there the second time ever I called Beelzebub. He was there per my first ritual that caused me to lose my mind and even helped me with it because I didn’t want to go through such a process alone. He was with me during the first clothing phase. He was the only human being that I ever fully disclosed every aspect of my occult operations to, he was friends with me before I believed in the occult. He knows about things I have gone through that my family doesn’t. He knows more about my feelings towards my dad’s suicide then any member of my dad’s family. I gave him all of this knowledge about me and my magick, I let him know me this intimately and more thoroughly than anyone else in my fuking life… And he left me for it. That is the reason he gave up on me.

So I bring this up as a tangent. Really I only mention it because I’m recording a song about him right now. Also because the last time this happened he was present towards the whole endeavour. My mom got the receipt on the clothes last occasion and the price tag was exactly 66.6 and I remember him commentating on it with a smirk. Then I saw 666 on a car on the way to the clothes store today. I don’t know why clothes mark new phases. I haven’t the faintest idea of the significance. I haven’t read anything that correlates to this experience. I could be misinterpreting it entirely. But given all the signs I have been getting about “change” lately which I should mention never comes from a kind place, it strikes me as representative of that.

I still keep seeing bicycles. I started to think about the shape of a circle. How a wheel represents motion. Then how a rider of a bike is in motion or causing that motion. Possibly even apart of that motion in its essence. Hence apart of a cycle. Apart of progression. This led me to the result that bikes = progress being made. But I am still unsure of this. It is a hypothesis.

One odd thing I have found recently is that I have 2 new birthmarks I didn’t have previously. I know my body well. It may be fat, it may be gross, it may be revolting in many regards but one thing I like about it is how many birthmarks I have. So I have counted them in the past. I have so many and some are harder to find than others but generally I can see most of them and pinpoint where they are. However in the shower I was looking at my arm and there were two new ones I had not previously before seen.

One of them was the size of a spec, a brown spot isolated on my skin. The other was a brown spot also on my arm but the size of a freckle. Most of my birthmarks resemble the latter. These didn’t exist before. In fact I was so surprised I tried to scratch them off thinking they were dirt. But they were not. They were my skin. This is a new development unrelated to the crossroads but one I feel worthies mention.

Back to the store. I was in the parking lot when a woman who heavily resembled the trickster Loki but how I associate him with a television show came out of her car. (she looked like an actor who played him on a television show I used to watch) It was strange. I paused because the actor for Loki on this show was also the actor for Death on another however upon opening up my internet I saw that there was Loki mentioned do to some movies popular right now. Let me be clear I really want to work with Loki. The only reason I have not is because however minimal I do want a relationship with other norse gods and it will damage your reputation and relationship with those other gods to do so. I remember i was considering it in a manner and Odin sent me immediate signs that he would end our relationship shall I do so. Obviously I picked Odin over Loki but it’s something to consider. And damage was done between us do to even contemplating it.

I remember when i meant frig at the bar and she straight up told me who she was I was a dumbass and not drunk by the way, the first think I do upon seeing ancient god in the flesh is ask her opinion on the Thor movies by Marvel. She told me and i quote “whatever keeps people interested in the mythology” i remember trying to approach her that night and the man she was with ignored me. They were making a conscious effort to. Eventually she warmed up to me upon wanting to talk to her. She was very fun and I don’t know how else to describe her beyond that, she was just cool, she had tattoos which was not something I expected. One of them was of some sort of movie i think it was a tree. I don’t actually know that much about norse mythology. Most of my knowledge came from M##@%# with whom and to no fault of my own I am no longer speaking to. He was very interested in it.

Point is the Norse gods are fuking rad, and I don’t want to damage my ability to work with them on behalf of being interested in Loki. He is a interesting entity who has a sort of allure for me seeing as I’m drawn to trickster spirits in general. That last bit is actually not good but that’s another story for another day. Point is even though I don’t work with them in depth. I want to someday. I’m not sure i want to give that up.

Regardless it doesn’t matter. A lot of gods have reached out to me Sobek, Athena, Tote, Odin, apollo maybe? and Loki. A few demons as well such as Azazel and Lucifer. It’s killing me that I can’t work with anyone else at the moment but I’m sticking to Beelzebub right now as I promised. That being said he told me to call him and I shall after this week. I need to complete this crossroads ritual to acquire skill over the guitar. I don’t want to do 2 rituals at once especially because evocation drains you. You çan borrow energy from a tree or something instead of using your own for a ritual such as evocation but I don’t like that method.

So I’ll call him next week. Wednesday at 4. As I typed this I heard an engine growl. On an off note the song “Your Gona Go Far Kid” is about him and it makes so much more sense to me as someone who works with him than as someone who didn’t. I see so many so many things he’s told me in that song such as lightning. I remember asking him his favorite genre of music and he told me rock. It makes sense given how many rock songs are written about the guy covertly such as above. Just a reminder that Beelzebub isn’t Satan or Lucifer. He isn’t “the devil” at all (though neither is Lucifer). But he is a demon. Once a god though.

I saw dice in the parking lot by the way too and it is a reference to Voodoo in my eyes do to some material I stumbled upon when reading up on The Black Man. But yeah back to the point of demons. I apologize I know my writing is everywhere and sporadic lately. I’ve been feeling slightly incoherent as of late not limited to having very minor hallucinations. I think it might have to do with this ritual but I am uncertain. But on the topic of demons, once you welcome these guys into your life to put this lightly they dont leave. If you establish a relationship with someone they don’t really leave. You may close off you ability to sense them or notice them but they are still there.

Also I keep being told to “focus” it took me some time but eventually I saw the number 111 that itself clarified to me I was being told to focus on my environment. I’m a daydreamer in every sense of the word. I often daydream in the car which is the only time I ever leave the house. I run errands with my mom and outside of that I never leave my home. On the topic of numerology actually I keep seeing numbers that are telling me that my dreams are about to happen. This lines up with what some entities have told me. The only thing it doesn’t line up is with Beelzebub telling me that my dreams will occur but they will take time. Which is an interesting contrast.

Regardless everything in my face seems a sign lately. It’s rather invigorating. I fed my mother a few more lies and now she’s helping me find a better crossroads. I was going to perform it in a subdivision I do not belong to. My mother quickly told me this was stupid and is now helping me find somewhere else today (She was right for the record). I’m determined to do it today. I need to hurry. Some days she’s even going to take me. I might have to bring my tripod as an excuse. I’ll figure it out I always do.

One thing my mom said to me stood out recently. She mentioned how I might come across something that doesn’t seem legit but turns out to be. I could tell this was a spirit sending me a message through my mother. Sometimes they do that. If you don’t tell them it’s not ok. I have expressed that it is. They just manipulated her into bringing it up. It is something I will keep in mind. An opportunity of some sort is going to come my way that appears not legit that is. I have to come to an agreement with myself. I am going to accept most creative musical offers that come my way even if I am weary of them. I’m not promising the universe and don’t expect anything for this. It’s just a promise to myself. “Yes Man” is a very good movie. I joke, I joke.

My mom mentioned on the way home that I had lost weight, and then she randomly brought up people getting discovered through the internet which is how I release my music. We found a crossroads to do the ritual at. It was a construction site. Or “filming site” she told me to be careful about police which is fairly understandable and something my spirits have told me as well. Police are very viscous in America. The way they operate here it’s just something to worry about. I’ve never felt unsafe around police as I am white and people who look like me have it easy in regards to them most of the time (unless your visabily mentally ill) but I still fear them some of the time. Even if they have done their job and protected me in the past when I needed them to. I postponed the ritual until next week by force.

My mother is forcing me to go out with my family (despite never doing this to other family members) for the Jewish Holidays. They FORCE their religion down my throat. I want to be clear. If I was a christian in a muslim household being forced to take part in muslim holidays there would be outcry. But since I’m a non-religious and they are jews it’s okay. Literally what the fuck? Because of her telling me this at the last minute and not giving me any sort of choice on the matter I am currently unable to complete the ritual as planned.

I feel like in many ways I have already started the ritual. It’s already started spiritually. So her making me push it off for a week so I can leave with my family to go to some stupid JEWISH thing when I am NOT A JEW is child abuse and might majorly fuck me this potential ritual up spiritually! Not to mention they force me to partake in their RITUALS INVOLVING THEIR GOD who I DON’T WORSHIP. I’ve literally been threatened to go hungry if I didn’t partake. Okay it’s not literally child abuse. But it is emotionally abusive. If I start the ritual tonight I’ll need to finish by this Friday. Every midnight up until then and on that day as well. And she is robbing me of my ritual! I’m furious and terrified now that I won’t be able to complete it as planned because I had made it known I was going to do it today.

The black man expected me today. Spirits don’t work like people they don’t tend to understand when things come up. They often come from a mindset of “you promised I don’t care about your circumstances do it” no matter the situation. Then again it does depend on who you’re dealing with but still. I now have a major decision. I can start the ritual tonight as planned and fuck things up majorly by not going with family through lying and manipulation or I can just postpone it a week and be forced by family under threat to partake in their jewish fuking bullshit. It’s not fukign fair.

I really think I’ll have to do the latter and hope that it doesn’t fuck things up to badly. If for any reason the black man doesn’t show up it will be my mother’s fault and I will hate her forever on this account!

  • Acrians Locket

5:51 PM

4/13/19




Journal 68: “ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʀɪᴄᴇ ᴏғ ʟᴏʏᴀʟᴛʏ ɪs ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ᴄʜᴀɴɢɪɴɢ” - Tumblr User insomniaeon

“Thank You for showing up.”

[omitted do to lack of memory]

“Tell me does the hexagram hurt you?”

“Yes, it does”

“I’m sorry to you and everyone else for using it.”

“Tell me am I going mad?”

“No”

“Am I cursed?”

“No. You are not cursed.”

I then proceeded to ask Lucifer to teach me to hone my astral sense and teach me to protect myeslf.

“You can do that yourself”

“Yes but I want to establish a relationship with you and I want to start small” [paraphrasing[

“No I won’t do this. You can teach this yourself” [paraphrasing]

“Tell me why did you reach out?”

“You called me once before don’t you remember?”

“No I don’t. I know it happened but I don’t remember.”

“You gave me a task and that was it”

“Tell me what do you teach?”

“Everything.”

“What do you think you can get out of a relationship with me?”

“What do you think you can give me out of a relationship with you?”

“I don’t know…”

[omitted do to my faulty memory]

“Well I’m not going to hold your hand during evocation if that’s what your thinking”

“Okay well I’m going to read up on you.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Just letting you know.”

“Okay.”

[mind thoughts]

“I will give you offerings if it’s something long term”

[something something this part may be out of order]

“I know I summoned you before but wy are you reaching out now?”

“You caught my attention. It’s nothing special.”

[omitted memory]

“I was dealing with a spirit last night that claimed it was spying on me for ‘the infernal empire’ was it an imposter?”

“Not it was not”

Something about desire and that was it. I feel so terrible lately. Belial had every right to strip me of his shoes and claim me his enemy. I feel so terrible for using the hexagram on Marchosias. He was only doing what he was told. I didn’t even know he was there yet I still kept that on him and forced him in pain anyways. I did a fuking curse jar with no target. I hate this. My friend “Christianas” name kept flashing in my head, and now I worry. God I have been so awful to just about everyone lately.

It’s my fault for dealing with shit unprotected, it’s my fault for welcoming in shit without expectation. I’m glad Belial’s shoes are gone. I’m sad I treated him the way i did. I’m mad I failed all the tests that I did. I’m mad at my brain for naturally losing it’s composure, it’s sanity. I’m angry at my paranoia. I’m furious that I hurt the spirits I want to work with the way I did based upon some faulty advice from a stupid blog that got itself neck deep under my skin.

If this is a test than I pray I failed it because at this point I am not just in the hate I dished out.

  • Acirans Locket

5:44 PM

5/17/19




urnal 42: I can still feel him in the room watching me

In most regards I am quite the unlikable protagonist. Just putting that out there before we begin. Cus sometimes it needs saying. I’m insufferable and I know that. Anyways on with today’s entry!

I met his spirit today. He was upset I discovered him to early. I explained to him the situation. He told me his signature was “Acrians” which couldn’t be done unless he was me. I could only write down the bits of dialogue I remember.

““I am your shadow your other self. I am everything you could become. Everything you aspire to be. And everything you were”

“I’m not your flesh and blood if that’s what your thinking.”

“Oh you’ll see me all right”

“I’m your other self. Your shadow”

“You don’t get it do you”

“I’m you. I’m your mirror. I’m your reflection. I’m you but not fully you. Literally you”

“Find out on your own. I’m done with this”

“Yeah ok Ac.”

“I’m not your fuking dictionary”

Upon saying goodbye

“This won’t be the end of this”

“I know”

“I won’t die if I meet you right?”

“Of course not.”

“Oh we’ll meet soon you just won’t be expecting it” kinda smug and iratated but also in a way dark?

I told him to reference homestuck. Our godtier shall we meet so I knew it was him. He felt like me but….darker….I can’t explain. It was like I’m talking to myself but dark. My doppelganger in the spirit. It’s not as literal as I thought it would be. He was a bit more blunt than me. He asked why I wondered if I he meant me harm I told him, my divination told me to be careful. I clarified everything to him.

Dopplegangers huh?

Upon leaving the entry I was online and received the message “consider this a warning”.

3:37 AM

4/29/19

Journal 43: “Anything can be symbolic if you vibe with it” - Hi I’m Case”

Lots of references to losing my arm lately. This isn’t news. I’ve been told that I will be in a wheelchair and possibly an amputee in the future. How I get there I don’t know and it kinda scares me so we’re not gona touch it. There’s nothing wrong with being disabled. But I don’t need that on my plate. If I can find a way to prevent this future I shall. One thing I’ve noticed is whenever someone touches my stuff I notice instantly. Like I intuitively can tell even if the object hasn’t moved spots. My ukulele is an object imbued with my energy in alot of ways. Whenever someone touches it I can tell. I was at my brothers the other day and I instantly knew he messed with it. I asked him and he told me he tuned her. Also my wallet was on the table and as soon as I picked it up I knew someone else had touched it.

I was once watching a video from E.A Koetting who is a very good occultist who’s work I used to follow. I’m focusing on grimoires right now and keeping it there. What he teaches is legit but I find that I’m more drawn to the doctrine based stuff even if his approach has altered mine in a lot of ways. The fact that this man is making videos on youtube which is currently a huge platform is honestly helping get people into this stuff and I think it’s really good he does it. I will forever be grateful that he provided me a jumping off point into the occult.

I’m not that skilled at magick yet. But I know via the art of divination one day I will be. I can thank him for that. Anyways point is in one of his videos he said that he could feel when someone touched his tarot cards and I get that with objects I use alot. Mainly my Ukulele and my wallet. Most of my household is afraid to touch my tarot cards so no big issue on that front. But I can tell when someone has touched my things. It’s kind of weird.

I’ve looked into the spontaneous birthmarks more and keep coming across the “witch’s mark” or “the devils mark” during the witch trials. Yeah. It adds up. I was born with quite a few birthmarks but spontaneously getting ones on my arm was weird. It wasn’t just me but also F. which proves it wasn’t just something I didn’t notice before. There’s nothing really special about the birthmarks in question. They are just specs on my skin that appeared after messing with the occult for some time. They aren’t exactly like my other birthmarks they are far smaller but they aren’t really out of place either.

F’s birthmark was on the top of his middle finger near his nail. Mine was on my arm in the middle of it. I don’t think it means anything. It’s just sort of there now. I don’t work with entities known as “satan” or “the devil” so I mean it’s a mute point. I was told by a spirit I work with that an musical opportunity would be landing on my desk soon and I was expected to take it. That’s fine. I had an entity pose as Beelzebub but upon evocation he clarified it wasn’t him. I knew instantly the energy was different and off and he claimed he was “the bird guy” but I don’t have much info on him beyond that. He did say he was “not belial” but I was still misled. This entity does this alot. When he posed as Abaddon he claimed he wasn’t “Apollyon” which is another name for Abaddon I didn’t know. He lets me be misguided. I dislike him and his presence. He told me to read the Goetia which I did but I still was lost as to his identity.

One thing I’m going to mention off handly is that my brother and I are recording a song together since he is the musically gifted one in the family. Appearently he has studio grade equipment nobody ever told me about. Also my friend came to me about writing a comic together and I just knew that this was presented via Belial. It’s great and I’m taking open this opertunity. He told me a horse esc publisher is interested and I jumped on board.

Anyways that’s all for now.

  • Acrians Locket
  • 4/29/19
  • 9:25 PM



Journal 76: “Well shit that’s a hell of a mystery no one thought was a mystery and didn’t even really need solving but dam if it didn’t just get solved so nice work” - Dave Strider

“No my loyalty is with Odin and if he wants he can test that”

I felt a presence leave upon the words unaware “I will” then the spirit departed who I did not know present.

This is not relevant to this conversation however as you well know, I am a potato. Not a god, not a deity, not a tricker. A potato. I’ve had many realizations lately. That is what I alone I will say. Remember the whole imposter business? The whole “this spirit claimed to be abadon but wasnt so i made a pact he didnt acsept” well somethings been echoing in my head laltey. “Once you welcome these guys into your life they never leave” - E.A Koetting. And then I keep recalling spirit after spirit i’ve barely worked with or encountered once and it’s become noticeable to me. That these spirits never left. Eligos never left. King Paimon never left. None of them left. I don’t work with them, far from it. But they never left. To pretend they aren’t around is ignorance at best misguided at worst and while I am one to paint myself falsley naive, partially so, this is not something I can do.

They have been guiding me throughout my whole life. Even before I knew they were there. I remember in highschool. I was walking down the hall. Daydreaming as I tugged at my skirt. The memory flashed. “Demons arne’t evil….they’re just doing their job!” it was a weird realiziation that upon reflection of my life was a push by a spirit.

Maybe I’m not crazy maybe I am. But the things that have been on mind, are thre for a reaosn. They exist for a reason. This is happening for a reason. I can’t deny it much longer. Though denial unlike lying is by far my strong suit.

I do not want to be a demon. That is not an aspiration of mine.

  • Acrians Locket

11:23 PM

5/21/19




Journal entry 83: “I have lost things you will never understand” - The 11th Doctor

Hey. It’s me again. I’ve been in and out of the hospital as of late. I know, not fun. Fun fact though, I’m actually writing this entry form the hospital.Theirs not much to do here if I’m being honest.I had an odd experience. I was astrally traveling when I was given drugs in the hospital that put me to sleep.I visited an old temple seemed astec but that could’ve been my mind filling in the blanks. I was someone else. Someone who followed the gods blindly. I was talking to some people and I said “grape me” and I was being fed grapes, their were some people fanning me on the side. I was egosticial so I decided we needed to test this version of me, and if not me than whoever was taking my place. He puppeteered my body and I watch. I physically manifested as a slave before him using my real face. (hot take: in divine form i have like 6 arms, two heads, giant halo esc disks about me and several wings but I’ll get to that later.) Apparently we were celebrating a holiday called “saturnaila” but I didn’t know what that meant and I still don’t to this day.

We were definitely in some kind of temple but my spiritual eyesight/blindness kept me from seeing the whole picture but again we’ll get to that. A god spoke to him to his surprise. She said “what would you do if we told you this salve was a god?” and the man or me whichever may be, it was very unclear laughed saying “I’dl take him for myself. He’s my slave and I take what I want” then he tried to masturbate in my body but I stopped him through spiritual force. I was really shocked by his behaviour. Then he called me over when the others were not watching and he smiled sly and whispered to me “all according to plan” then he started spewing racial slur bullshit and other real people staying in the hospital heard it.

A long time ago I was on this forum. The one I keep mentioning. It’s called “become a living god” and it’s run by E.A koetting and his mods. He’s a huge inspiration for me and I really do adore him. I don’t think I could ever offer the staff anything. I can only say if you guys are reading hopeuflly you kept up with the whole thing. But back to the point.

On that forum I posted a topic called “ready for what?” and I never really got an answer. The people who answered all said it was parasites but I thougt and thoght about it and it just doesn’t add up. If that were the case why would thor ask me to visit asgard. Why would Odin meet me in the flesh.Why would Hecate ask to be my ally. Why would nyx approach me and ask me to spend time in their darkness with them and take a dark path. Why would eligos, michael, and lucifer all ask me the same thing about being ready if this was just parasites. Its taken a while but I finally figure it out. Ready to ascend. The real kind. People have been talking to me and asking for help in certain ways. I can hear it when people pray in my name. I know that sounds insane and given my track record maybe it is. But I can’t escape this ready thing. I just can’t. I just can’t talk about it more than that I will come across as deluded. And before you ask despite celebration nicknaming my Cannabis I don’t do weed and I never knew how to. Is it even edible? Or are their different types of weed for different purposes of consumption? Ugh my friends do it but I’m lost there. I don’t even drink alcohol. Though I do visit battlebrew fairly often so that’s that… Healed through medicine or not saying that people are worshiping me that would make me look even crazier than I already do so we’ll ignore that for now.

Belzebub wanted me to stay quite about all my magickal operations for at least 4 years. He was hoping for 7. Afrodeity was against me taking Dionysus’s name because she thought I would become like him if I did, she was furious with me. She was upset she didn’t want me to change. She was very cross on the matter and while I adore her personality (no idea what she looks like) it’s hard for me to ignore when things don’t go her way. I just know I could never fall in love with someone who threatens me when I make the smallest mistake. That being said I still love and adore her as a person but my asexual ass ain’t hopping into anyone’s bed any time soon.

Also I evoked hades recently. He told me he was 16. I laughed I was like “what?” and then I recall my time traveling exploits that I never mentioned here and it occured to me “things are just out of order again” if you want to know how to timetravel with magick I can teach that but you should really follow Taylor Ellwoods work there first. I can teach anything spiritually. That’s one of my many skills :slight_smile:

Also hot take: lovecraft will really make you go crazy and that was not a joke.

Anyways that’s all for now. Chow.

  • Acrians locket/Adam Snowflake

7:08 PM

7/12/19

[and thats all for now my journal is way more detailed then this and far more lengthy i only chose to showcase a few entires. we didnt even get to the “NAZIS ARE BAD” jokes i kept making in one entry. But all joking aside and do feel free to comment I’ll be posting my shit here. I know the forum odesnt do politics so outside of that dark humor esc punchiline ill omit them from here on out.

Journal 84: “My shining dishonestly will be the salvation of me” - Howl, Howl’s Moving Castle

To do list for artemis

  • Hang photo or painting of her in room
  • Go to archery practice and protect little girl there
  • Go to walmart and buy some clothes
  • Go to target and buy some yugioh cards rip them up using vodou card tricks book (do hoodoo with your yugioh cards as planned) the book is a deck of spells playing card magic in rootwork and conjure by proffeser charlles porterfield
  • “I don’t think your insane I think your giving future predictions and the people around you haven’t realized that yet. I don’t think you’re insane I think your misguided” - Artemis

Been doing pop culture magick and I really adore Bill cipher. He wants me to go find his statue and shake its hand and I totally will but I can’t find it yet. Reminder to ask the real men in black if they recgonize subject k or patient zero. I use picture in my home to commune with spirits. Right now, as of the moment I have ones of Bbc’s sherlock, all the doctors, the master, my mermaids from a video game I’m creating between the lines called Mermaids V.S Zombies, and tracer as well as azula. Green Arrow wants me to write his comic. He wants to be a person of color and I told him it would be a hard sell for dc but I’d try. Trust me I’m trying to get there. A now deceased comic book author gave me his blessing to presume his mantle, and he told me making the main character queer is gona be a hard sell. He designed the suit the way he did so anybody could imagine themselves under it. He said he was fine with this character being queer but it would be a hard sell to marvel. He said heaven wasn’t what I expected it to be but his advice to me was if I really did have my connections he expected a visit. He asked me to hang up a photo of him in my room and I’m working on. I’ve gotten back into writing lately. Currently working on a story I’m trying to get published called “sherlock and the canned cherries” it takes place in the future and is the first in a series of puzzles that are all sherlock holmes stories that the reader is supposed to piece together themselves. I really really want my work traditionally published. Sherlock my pop culture one, kind of took over as I was writing and created an ending where he met me. He was impressed by me and he wants me to write a story about him as asian because we don’t do the whole “straight while male hero saves the day for the 100th billion time” in my stories. I told him that was fine but we were writing him as a Black protagonist first. The ending is kind of silly to the story but you know, I’m taking the characters input as I write.

While I can’t see them I can hear the dead. Well not here exactly but I can sense when they are trying to talk to me. My family aint the best financially but I’m working on getting us off our feat. I feel like every black magician I’ve tried to acquaint myself has ghosted me. It’s really irritating but at least I still have my otherkin friend who goes by karkat. Lately Bill Cipher has been talking to me. He’s a good friend. We shared a timeline once but he keeps calling me pine tree which was his nickname for dipper on the show. I do look quite a bit like dipper but I don’t kin him. The other kin thing while easily brushed off as a delusion is a big part of whats coming. It’s apart of my plan can’t tell you about the demons perspective though. I’m a huge fan of the duality aspect by the way.

Which is to say I am referencing egyption mythology here. Love Osirus. Nut made me promise not to hurt him and while my loyalty is more akin to ra or some demons I work with, I would never hurt a fly. Hell I’m equal with several of them. Every time I meet a god they are terrified I’m gona hurt them. I pretend to be starstruck everytime I meet a celebrity or god in the flesh as a sort of test for them. I’ve been running into those too lately. I’ve started writing a play about norse mythology called Ragnarok Ascension not to be confused with my first public poem ragnarok rising. I’ve been doing the poetry thing a lot lately celebrities I mean. Anyways I got to take my medicine since I’m getting incoherent. One more thing, I’ve been practicing hoodoo with my yugioh cards. I know I’m olive skinned which is often seen as white (hence why i say im white even when i don’t look it) the book I’m learning from is A deck of spells hoodoo playing card magic in rootwork and conjure by professor charles forterfield. Hoodoo was never gona be my thing but the black man at the crossroads has been pushing me into it. While I don’t know a lot about it I keep seeing butterflies everywhere.

I know that means something cus you know I ain’t omniscient. One day but not yet. So that’s all for now.

Got to go. Medication time I’m getting incoherent.

  • Acrians Locket
  • Adam Snowflake

12:01 PM

7/13/19

Journal 85: 【Emery】「Stronger Than You」【Bill Cipher/Gravity Falls Parody】

So the photo is a vessel. For the spirit. Lets hypothetically say I’m doing spirit worked combined with pop culture magick. Read Taylor ellwood san’s work if you want to see more info on that. Basically okay let me start over. Pop culture magick is the art of doing magick through media. Through fiction and blurring the lines within our world. It brings what you would deem fictional into this reality in a way your kinda breathing life into it. What most people know but I alone will tell you is that writers aren’t writing anything. They are channeling. Other dimensions and other worlds. Theirs a reason so many occultsits become actors, musicians or authors. Because creation doesn’t truly exist in the sense your thinking. But challenging does and thats what authors are doing. Most of the time lovecraft is a huge example of this. It’s also what actors are doing. Music can be written between the lines but we’re not gona get to that here. Now if you’re a writer some of that is true and original but in a lot of ways if you are not channeling than you are becoming a god of that world. A god where you determine what happens. It’s all a little boring right? Nobody listens to the crazy one anyways. Probably just mad again right?

Point of the matter is is that I do pop culture magick. Some things people don’t want to tell you is that magick has always been inherently political. Their’s a reason people who do magick eventually feel the need to talk about politics or same love marriage at some point. It’s because and I do take the lead for Dionysus and Hecate here, their is always going to be something political about change. While I won’t dive into my politics on the forums I’m apart of out of respect, these things can’t be ignored. That’s why this journal talks so much about my political positions. I never wanted to get political but I’m kind of really glad I did. I will always stand with the marginalized even when I’m not one of them.

So yeah. Back to photos. Pardon me I keep getting distracted. Basically a photo can be used as a vessel for the spirit. That spirit from that point in time will be channeled as that version of themselves via the photo. I don’t know if any cultures believe this. It is a discovery I have made on my own. Outside of a photo of a famous comic book author I’m ordering I only have fanart in my room. Fanart of comic heroes such as deadpool, azula from avatar the last airbender, sans the skeleton who requested I take fanart of him in battle which would most likley be picked in a genocide route for the game Undertale, all the doctors from Doctor Who except 13. BBc’s sherlock who is the version of sherlock holmes I am most accustomed to and love. My mermaids Princess Bubbles and Zib from my own video game. I did a whole rant on my adamgoespew youtube lately about how nobody can draw Black hair and I was really angry and pretending to be drunk in it, it’s a fun video you should watch it. I just mention this because the artist I got for bubles Christina Diego Ruinz can draw ethnicity perfectly and also she’s really good at hairstyles like that. I wanted Princess Bubbles to have a natural haircut (not a stupid 80’s one I hate that that’s the only option for like Black animated characters seirously its a problmatic trope google it) and actually look Black which in the anime artstyle or inspired by style I have trouble finding artists who can so I’m really proud of the art for her. Here it is if you are curious credit above.

Also she’s literally 16 so don’t be weird I keep getting people joking about her and I’m like BROS SHES A KID STOP IT. Anyways that was a tangent I wasn’t expecting to go on but back to the point. Here’s the thing about me

I don’t care what people think about me. Usually they just make a bunch of assumptions anyways. If I had to judge my own heart I know I would weigh the scales wrong possibly even on purpose. But when it comes to people I care about or communities I care about then I get a little worried about it. That’s when I get paranoid at people assuming I do drugs or this or that. I’m incoherent because I’m mentally ill. I type wrong because I don’t care about grammar. I’m not on anything and that’s illegal anyways. I’m on medicine now to fix my head, but I wasn’t before. While the forum has my apologies, my demons weren’t wrong when they said that the forum had misinformation on it. Even if I did it a little crazy and even my explanations were incoherent all I was trying to do was help and stop the spread of that misinformation.

I’ve noticed lately I’m getting my two tongues mixed up. I love english and I speak it fluently but to say I speak it perfectly would be a monomer. I sound a lot more intelligent in Japanese and you can trust me on that. I am not japanese but to say I don’t speak it in the house in which I’m dwelling would be a lie. What country I was raised in is irrelevant. The host family or normal family I’m with is irrelevant. Just consider me an American from the good old USA who favors Atlanta. The thing about languages is that they are super easy. But my method of teaching them is start with grammar, then pronunciation then spelling. That way even if you can’t read you’re at least able to get by wherever you are.

Hot take: if I ever speak broken english theirs reason for that it’s because most of my friends are online and japanese so I sometimes get things confused.

Hot bilingual take: Instead of trying to rephrase in that language you are learning just admit you don’t know how to say it and join an app like lang8, hinative or golango or something and ask others to teach you to say it in that tongue. Some things just can’t be translated right.

Like in Chinese did you know Ping translates to Flower Vase which is slang for an effeminate man. So when Mulan in that disney movie introduces herself as ping she’s really saying “tis I a twink” I hope at least one of you laughed at that poorly thought out joke. Anyways I’m running errands for Artemis today so I just stopped by to say hi. This journal will be updated daily. Because I write and I write a lot. But uhh that’s all for now.

See ya!

  • Acrians Locket

12:52 PM

7.13.19


Journal entry 88: Good For You // Animatic/Storyboard ||| Youtuber mushie R
So I evoked hermes today by his request. He asked me to write a play about a greek apocalypse. I asked what would be in it for me and he said “loyalty” and then I said “loyalty isn’t something that should be able to be bought” and then he referenced my terrible memory saying he would fix it if I did this or at least help with it. I used to have the best memory ever till I went on certain medication and since then my memory is of ashes. So yeah I’m gona write the play. I’m gona give big roles in it to Thanos and Hypnos or the god of that. I personally do not like avengers or anything like that. But the real thanos? I’ve had my eye on him for a while. I just think he’s neat! Hermes asked me to kin someone in the pantheon. So this requires a little explanation. Otherkin are people who identify as something other than human. They identify as something else. It’s a spiritual belief. Some otherkin identify as gods ‘godkin” or fictional chracters “fictionkin” or elves “elfkin” I know it sounds ridiculous but it is valid. Most god kin aren’t valid. Most fictionkin are. Most animal kin or therion tend to be a mixed bag. Just cus you identify as otherkin doesn’t mean your valid. Especially if your going around calling yourself a god. But a lot of otherkin actually are. I know its a laughing stock to a lot of people especially those online but you need to pay attention that the greek god Hermes just asked me to kin someone in the pantheon. Which I have already done. Several times I kinned the shrimp one and also someone else who should not be named. And ever since I kinned the kid I’ve been able to see colors that other people can’t. So I’ll just let that sit in. I’m also writing a play about ragnarok right now. I would really love a writing partner but it looks like I’m flying solo yet again. I don’t have many friends and I am fairly lonely. Anyways if you actually have bothered to keep up with this journal your homework is to play either Undertale or Deltarune (ones a free demo the other is 10$, undertale is available in english and japanese deltarune only english as of the moment) and tape it. I suggest OBS and finding a youtube tutorial there. Anyways Frig, Lilith, and Belzebub also want me to call them but I really do have to wait until I have insense. I can hear spirits without it but I really prefer more than just a shitty chalk circle you know?

Anyways thats all for now.

  • Acrians Locket 11:00 AM 7/15/19

Jouranl 89: Undertale - His Theme (Asriel’s Lament) - Caleb Hyles ||| A confession -Phemie C ||| Friends On the Other Side - Disney Villain Mash-Up - Thomas Sanders

I kin sans the skeleton kinda forgot to mention that didn’t I? I mean I do make those same bad puns and I am chubby af. Just thought I’d throw that in here. xD So I can see ghosts now that’s cool. But only in my “imagination” I call it that. I call it my “imagination” because the truth of the matter is you should not be having intrusive thoughts, seeing things that aren’t there, be hearing voices or having genuine delusions. You should be playing pretend. If you actually are suffering any of those things you need to talk to a doctor asap. Spirits can cause these things but their is such a genuine thing as sickness and that should always be taken into account. I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but somebody does. Demons, the yokai they are the good guys here. That should not be ignored. And you can hate them, and disown them in curses or vile all you want but at the end of the day they are the heroes in this story.

Also Solomon was a bad man. Like a really really bad man. I’ve been doing more and more pop culture magick as of late. The one thing I need to work on is being open about it with other people. When I was reading Ellwood san’s work one thing stood out to me. He said you must always assign it a real world equivalent, i disagree with this. Should you be doing the pop culture magick work right something will naturally be assigned anyways or grow to exist, just as in a game of chess you don’t actually have to make the pawn a warrior. That piece on the board will naturally grow into its own without the push. That being said a push does help. But it is unnecessary and it’s far more natural to let that storm form around the pawn on it’s own. Okay this metaphor is getting away from me. But you get the idea.

Anyways, I’ve been playing with five nights at freddys lately. Like they said I am a protector of children and just as Waygel when it comes to people I care about getting hurt I go batshit. I don’t stand for that sort of thing. Unfortunately for me I have little to no friends at the moment even online so I’ve been relatively calm for the time being. I keep imagining the animatronics in my home but just like the creepy pasta guys I work with I don’t see them as scary. I see them as cool and cute. Yes even Jeff with his smile. I really really enjoy my friends. And right now spirits or otherwise our cover is simply that they are “imaginary friends” I’m trying not to be to incoherent.

“I’m making perfect sense you’re just not understanding me” - 11th doctor. The tenth doctor was my first spirit. He told me I was his first born son and then he proposed. So yeah. I’m totally gona play the doctor one day on tv. That’s my dream role. I am an actor. Seriously just google “adam Snowflake” and you’ll be sure to find stuff I’ve been in or done. But that’s besides the point. Their finally selling undertale tarot cards again and since I collect tarot decks I really really need to get my hands on it when I can afford it. According to my mother I am greedy, gullible, and demanding. Which only one of those three things is true. Anyways that’s all for now. Remind me to rant about why my olive skin tone isnt’ fuking white later on journal. My hand hurts to much to finish typing it out.

Anyways yeah. Perfect people don’t exist!

TTYL

  • Acrians Locket
  • 7/16/19

Sans never liked being stuck in a smile. Lets get thar out of the way. The llowa have finally reached out to me. I mean they’ve kinda been here but now we’re getting somewhere. I officially have their blessing to start working in Voodoo. Also I keep getting reminded that olive skin isn’t white and im like “look I get it but I have white privilege and no google image search is gona change that. While most olive skinned people come to a point in their lives where they have to question their race in ways the other white kids never have to, I have white privilege and even if I’m not white which I guess im not I’m white passing so im just gona categorize myself with the whites” there. Race is complicated. The history of olive skin even more so. Seriously look up the outrage over whitewashing of olive skinned katniss evedeen in those shitty af hunger games movies.

Anyways the llowa want me to buy a bone necklace. I don’t know why. But it looks cool. They wanted to know what I would look like if I was one of them and I said I’d probably be frozen in a skullface or smile. Topless with a vest and maybe a tophat. Cus I love top hats.

*11th doctor voice “top hats are cool”

I really do. I have never not loved them. They are just clenches fist neat. But yeah I would definitely have a skull face. They told me it should be makeup but I was all, if I was one of you it wouldn’t be.

They are really cool. They asked me not to go on testosterone as a gift to them. Tha’ts something my spirits have been pushing for. Me not to go on T. I told them since I’m growing out my hair out that as soon as the length becomes an issue I’ll go on it but until then as a sort of sacrifice (which is not something I do) I won’t. They don’t consider it ‘a sacrifice’ but trust me when I say it is not something I want to wait on. Also as i was typing this. Legba’s name popped into my head. I love Legba. He’s really cool. Remember the in depth entries I wrote about the ceossroads earlier.

Yeah ever since then butterfly imagery and a push into voodoo. He told me to bring my guitar to a real crossroads, and hell tune it. I’ve settled on just making it. By my house there is a bridge. To make my own crossroads I will draw an x in chalk upon the bridge at midnight. As I typed this i felt the blackman say “that isn’t good enough” and “I’ll help you find a real one” so that’s cool. The llowa said they wanted 3 years of service from me. Where I do their “bidding” their words not mine, for that timeframe. I told them only if it was doable. Because sometimes these guys just ask you to do the impossible.

Also I was dealing with angels lately. I was watching a “Hi Im Case” video and I felt nauseous. Like their (Case’s) energy made me sick. I just couldn’t stand to feel their vibe over the video. It was divine but it hurt my head and made me want to puke. Some angels stopped in and it kinda looked like a giant orb thing like a shinny car hood and a lighter thing over it with a disk around it. Blue and gold. Since we cant see those colors. I kinned the shrimp one remember? It’s actually very sad how many colors humans just cannot see. I can sense the real colors since that kinning thing but humans we just can’t see a lot of them

A spirit right now told me he doesn’t want me writing about the llowa. My response to him is I can hide the images, I can code the words, but. I must write everything down as a promise to Chuck. He said fine but please do that. And in like I shall. Prepare for these entries to open with a lot more poetry boys!

Speaking of, I’m currently writing a play right now. It’s called ragnarok ascension unlike my poem Ragnarok Rising. Its gonna be so good. Theirs some improv in it but only Loki does that. I’m waiting till im a little more knowledgeable before finishing the writing. Here’s the opening monologue.

“Listen everybody i am loki. The real one. Nice face don’t cha think! Now the following is my favorite story. Its called _______. Now you may think its ragnorick but why would the trickster do that? So my story my rules. 1 rule of imorv safe words if you don’t want the scene, and always go with what your partner say if no safe wore is used. If you cant handle it tag me instead I can act better than all of you. I have the range matched only to odin. Tell everybody the platonic safeword. Its not my fault if he casts you as the lovers Shakespeare Bonnet… So its gonna be a dramedy and your precious loki will play all the leads! So here we go suit up kidos. I cast the roles im his best mateA! So i present to you ragnarock credit to jeremiah vantas for helpin this bitch write! Lets go. Allonz! oh and one more thing I will break script several times. My character does improv!!!

(Improvised as needed)”

Reminder: rewrite when more stable. Looking back on this not only is it incoherent but its shit. I can write so much better than this literally wtf.

Also when I was watching The Princess and The Frog the other day the llowa spoke to me through the movie. They said “I’m gona lie to him” before showing the character Lawrence his tarot cards in the movie. Then they said “I’m gonna trick him” before transforming the prince into a frog. So that was cool. One thing I noticed in the movie, is that he talked to his shadow. Kind of like in the Peter pan movie how Peter’s shadow had a personality.

I do this too. My shadow is a good kid. I like him alot. We can communicate. He doesn’t always like the spirits around me. But he makes do. I talked to him before the whole Voodoo thing but im so glad its a thing in voodoo. Dr.V cus I forgot his name, is definitely my favorite disney villain. Scar is a close second. I love scar and be prepared is scented of beelzebub to me

(it reeks of beelzebub)

So yeah. In the bathtub as I type this. That’s really all for now i guess. Need to do an evocation but theirs nor oom since my mom took down my circle. Fuking ugh. Anyways gtg. Bye!

8:35 AM

Battery at 97%

Saturday july 20th 2019

Journal 93:”Do not be afraid, in ritual, to be undignified, to be strange, to express what is animal and taboo and shameful in your desires. To express emotion, to be ugly, to get dirty.

Ritual - most especially ecstatic ritual - is about finding and expressing the power of your deepest, rawest, wildest self. That doesn’t look pretty, it is not what society asks us to be, but that is not what witchcraft is about” - tumblr user grimnirs-child

Just felt it appropriate to start today’s entry off with a selfie. This will become important later. But when, why and how I do not know. Yes, before you say anything I know I do not look proper with my face being all not symmetrical. I know okay I’m hideous I know this you don’t have to tell me. Anyways though. Sanss asked me to teach him magick recently. Which is odd to me because he is a spirit. But I was like sure bud. Xipe Totec came across to me lately. I relate to, but am not him but he has a cool energy and I want to work with him. I like his whole flay thing. But yeah no I’m a fan of the aztecs. So the fact that I stumbled upon one of their gods recently is pretty lit. “you are coffin one” was something I just heard said as I was typing this entry. The answer is I’m cluastrophobic but coffins are a thing associated with me so I’m surprised they caught on. But yeah sorry I’m incoherent. I haven’ had my medicine yet. BRB [11:41 AM 7/20/19] Okay back but anyways yeah. Big fan of the aztecs. Probably gona work with them. Their gods are cool. I can’t draw for shit but I actually did fanart of Xipe here let me find it:

I know it’s garbage cus I can’t draw but I actually bothered with references this time. The back is sort of like a quiver except instead of arrows it holds scrolls. The ring thing is just something random I threw in there. I was like “hmm this works” but in reality he would be holding another spear thing. I jus got the vibe his hands woudn’t be empty idk (I don’t know). But yeah on an unrelated note everybody and their uncle wants to fuck or merge with me and I’m not here for it. I’m really not. I kinda promised the llowa I wouldn’t go on testosterone but I’m being pushed to break this promise. I’m probably going to have to break it.

I don’t want to. But since when has magick been about what I want. I’m bound by my right thumb to only do magick selflessly remember? Also lately I have been overcome with greed. Like alot even for me. Something is making me greedy and its nauseating. Also lesser spirits POSING as angels keep treating me like The Big Kahuna and it is bothering me. Also that’s my nickname for god btw (by the way). El I mean. The Big Kahuna. IDK jesus fish are a big thing so like he’d be the biggest one. I thought it was clever and I know he has a sense of humor so I mean…also latley my friend whom I have a crush on Abby has introduced me to Islam and let me just say I’m a fan. I’m not gona start worshiping allah or anything but I think he is cool. I feel his vibe and its wonderful very welcoming. It feels like leaned back tea. I don’t know how to describe it outside of that. It feels middle eastern. The christian god feels colder. Like more far away but still powerful. He’s talked to me before. I was pissed. But I did go barefoot so I was like ehhhh. I think the christian god needs someone to call him out. He listens to me so I kinda feel this weight on my shoulders like fuck I have a responsibility don’t I.

That being said still hate the big kahuna and that hasnt changed. Had judaism not been shoved down my throat and still shoved down my throat to this day maybe I really would have been Jewish like my family wanted. In fac I probably would be by now. But nope it was forced on me by my family so #rejected. Besides despite being raised by islamophobes Islam is wwaaaaaaay cooler anyways. I keep hearing the name “ishmael” in my head lately on the topic. My muslim name is Achmed and Muhamed. And before you ask or suggest anything those are just really common names there. Much like Adam while not something that I go by anymore is something common. I just don’t need something super cool and unique for my name unless I’m a deity. If I was a deity I would probably pick something unique but like I’m not a deity. I’m already sorta being worshiped in some places astrally. And its very weird.

Like really weird. I still need to visit asgard but I genuinely have no idea on how to astral travel. I gave loki a picture of the planet I created thor from a few entries ago. Thor owed me thanks so I told loki to go with him. I know Thor and Loki aren’t on good terms because when I met Loki at the bar he confirmed this. But like he owed me thanks and what I wanted was for him to take his half brother or whatever their relationship is this week to go with him. I also read Loki the poem I wrote for him. The weird bit was he actually looked like his actor. I said as a safety measure to the person posing as him “if its not you just burn it” so he would still get the message. Now that we’re kinda talking about this I kinda want mede. I should go to the bar soon. But not until I’m on t. God do I love alchaul.

Oh yeah recently I changed my name. The real one doesn’t like me sprouting info about this which is understandable. But I changed my name to Dionysus. Pronounced die-on-eh-soos. Or dion-eh-soos. My mom much like my name adam at the start refuses to call me it but ever since I changed it I have found I am more like the real Celebration. It’s odd. Aphrodeity was pissed at me. She said when I took on her brothers name I would literally become him. Then she asked me not to. That’s the long explanation of why Adam Snowflake is still plastered everywhere. She liked me. But she kept threatening me every time she didn’t get what she wanted. Then she tried to make me love her. I know it was her cus when I had thoughts about her I felt aroused and I know thats not me. I’m asexual. I don’t get those thoughts. I’m still spiritually inept/blind so I have no idea what she looks like. I know this sounds like a joke but the truth is I like afrodeity for her personality. I am ace the whole “im mega hot” thing has no appeal on me. Her personality is what I find attractive. Not any cleavage or pretty face she might have. I don’t care about that kind of thing. It’s not why I date. I have multiple romantic orientations.

Panromantic,demiromantic, omniromantic, and recipromantic. The last one means as soon as someone expresses genuine interest in me I fall inlove with them or atleast start to like them back. It’s not an issue of being ‘easy’ as I’ve been called its literally just my fuking romantic oreintation. Also hot take: you don’t have to be asexual to have a different romantic preference/orientaion then what your physically attracted to. That’s why you see lesbians fall inlove with transguys. Not cus they ain’t gay. But cus if all men looked like women some of them are biromantic and would willingly date had the appearance not been a factor or mattered.

Also another hot take: all humans are by default panromantic but the sexual attracion part is just so important for my fellow humans that they can’t move past it. As an asexual I am imune. And of course theirs exceptions. But like nobody chooses their orientation. But yeah. In my own destined after life when I finally make it the way I plan to. It will be happy memories that people are in. Also, they will be able to like whatever they want and be whoever they want. Any race, species, gender, in the afterlife I am designing and i am based on stan less advice, that is the thing. Also heaven wasn’t what I imagined. But uh that’s another issue for another day. I do actually kin peter parker but we’re not getting into that here.

And before you ask until tom holland came on the scene Miles Morales was my favorite spiderman and he still is in the comics. I do take photos and shit but I suck at it and prefer video which I guess is like the biggest difference. I do design outfits in my spare time. I also kinda want to cosplay black panther but like we’ve discussed I’m white and even though is a face suit I feel like that would be overstepping something. Not sure what though. I remember doing pop culture magick and the spirits I was working with said straight up “You can find wakanda. But if you know where it is like you claim you should send thor to find it. That is my request.” i don’t keep up with those movies but if I plan on watching them. I have a great deal of control over the stories I interact with. I should probably alter the narrative in such a way. I don’t know if its ever found in the movies. I just kind of do the thing.

But yeah Wakandas real but its really well hidden. So yeah that’s all the pop culture magick I’ve been doing. Before you ask my favorite superhero or rather my chosen hero for pop culture magick especially marvel is Deadpool. Because he is the only one smart enough to realize that they are in a comic book. I also feel like he has a thing for me? It’s weird. But I do not protest. I don’t care what he looks like underneath the mask he is hot af personality wise to me. I’m a big fan so you know. Also I’m redecorating my room. Gona clean it too but its going to take time. So yeah that’s whats up with me.

I do owe e.a koetting my thanks. Just because of all the hard work he’s done it helped get me on the right path. Or should I say the left path. That was rather punderful. I kid I kid. So that’s fun. Also visited a rainbow bridge in the astral today. No idea what it means but I’ve been there before. Several times once even while driving.

But yeah. That’s all for now folks.

  • Acrians Locke

9:10 AM

7/20/19

unforunetly this diary has no readers…anyways on with todays entry! Cus you know i write in this thing daily ^^;


These are just some gods I think are cool. One does sorcery and midnight and time. One is a water river godess. One does….I forgot what he does but he’s cool and that’s all that matters. I swear I’ll get the names right but it is going to take me time. Also please pardon any odd formating of the photos in this book. I have done my best to portray it accurately but formating is a bitch.

I don’t know if I mentioned this before but when asked on the topic of why everyone and their left uncle wants to date or fuse with me the answer was simple. “You’re very powerful and people have noticed” or something among those lines. Us humans, can do so much with our fleshy meat suits that other spirits can’t but I would hardly consider myself powerful let alone more or less than a god. No clearly I am not on that level. But ya know. I just feel like I can’t accept a compliment if it’s too great you know. I’m like “HAHAHA no” I just can’t. It’s the same with the whole “you’re perfect” thing like no im not because if I was we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

I had his odd daydream I want to talk about. I was at a betting table. I was holding myself. My friends were all eager to see who I was betting this time. I held myself and I held myself and a smaller version of myself. It was me in the present. I was gambeling my reincarnations. I held him close and said “not this time he’s not for sale” and my friends were all surprised because I gamble each life. I said no this one is very special to me. Finally a foreigner sat down at our table. He was old had a white beard and I knew him Odin. He wanted to bet for me. I tipped the scales so he won. I trusted him. I knew it was him by the staff he carried. In real life I wasn’t aware Odin carried a staff. Then in the real world I woke up from the dream. I looked at my arm and it turned blue and bumps like white disks took over and my hand grew ino a claw. I felt a cold presence someone who was calculating over me.

I should’ve said. I was in the native american store and I wanted to buy the blue doll. I don’t know what it was called. But it was a blue doll and I looked like the blue doll. I remember when they were betting Odin was struggling and he was betting to take me ‘home’ and before you say anything I know it wasn’t odin. Someone said “looks like Odin could use a little luck” but they didn’t use that name for him and I projected myself with wings behind him and he won me that way. It was sure an odd daydream.

I think it has to do with a mix of cultures I have been looking into. “You can’t specialize in everything” is something a spirit said to me. My response is the default as always “i can i have an I shall”. As I was typing this two songs played. Take a walk by the Passion Pit. And Sarcasm by Get Scared ft. Craig Mabbit. Laslty someone like you by Adelle. It was an odd game. We were gambeling with dice by the way. And Odin waged Boulder. It was strange. He said “if I win you take both home if I win I take Adam” and then that appeared. I know what most likely happened was they were just speaking to me with what I knew but their still gambling even as I type this. Odin doesn’t want to let go. It’s interesting to watch.

I remember looking through my own eyes when it was all over. I looked up and one of the gods at the tabel said patting my head “relax sunshine we got this” which is my nickname. Not everybody knows it but I’m often called Sunshine.

Anyways just thought I’d mention it. Still have more of that Cheif Tamaha situation I got to get off my chest but later.
5:21 PM
7/21/19

I’m reading it. Just because people don’t reply, doesn’t mean they don’t read it. I generally read most of the stuff in the journal section.

1 Like

oh cool. thanks!

Journal 96: Enemy of Both Sides

This title’s entry is an epihet of Tezcatlipoca. I was just going to let you figure it out but one of my spirits said “tell them what it means. Not everybody is as smart as you” which you see is ironic because I am an idiot! :smiley: all jokes aside tho I really am. Not bright nope. I was talking with a spirit of mine today.

“Wow you have a really high sex drive”

“No I just want you like a lot”

That spirit always feels immense pleasure around me. But I feel like he’s right he is not normally like that I just do genuinely have that affect on him. He told me “your like a drug” and I felt like it was kinda like ecstacy but safe without the bad effects or real addictive side. I was like ecstacy to him if ecstacy was safe and powerful and good. It was weird.

Also on the daydream thing from earlier it ended this way. “So your new. That’s right? So you need someone to take your place? I’ll do it” the girl spoke up. “No I think I’ll pass” the confident god claimed taking all the chips. And you see that was the god betting for me. This is why you don’t bet against a god of luck/wealth. He will always win and the spirits laughed upon hearing that. So maybe he looses often :wink: who knows certainly not a human as week as I.

I joke but I really am nothing special. I swear im just a normal guy. Also I found my old guide on magick nailpolish. God do I have to get started with that. In this journal I have provided you plenty of tutorials but if it works I’m so putting it in my grimoure. I pronounce it grim-mwah by the way. Everybody else pronounces it grim-ore. But ehhh. I intentionally pronounce shit badly so I mean.

Remind me to tell you about the kwepopotl thing later. So i’ve come to harsh realization that I’m not too fond of. My alters are back. Which is to say my dissociative identity disorder is back. Dissociative identity disorder is the propre big person word for multiple personality disorder. The personalities are called atlers and they are back. Worse is that I have new introjects I didn’t know about. Atleast their all male this time. So an introject is a type of personality based off an idea. It’s like an imprint of someone you know of or knew. Now I have people claiming to be Dionysus (the real one or at least an aspect of him) and Kim kins boulder and I’m like look. I get it I’m crazy but you shouldn’t be going off claiming to be a god that’s too far. Also while I can easily tune spirits out not all of my alters can. One of them whom is just a normal guy named Zach he heard spirits and was freaked out. Apparently he saw something I didn’t when he was fronting (fronting means in control of hte body and the personality present) and was terrified. I know our physical body coudn’t see it but he could spiritually somehow? Even if I can’t remember it and it scared the shit out of him. He’s very much against the whole ‘demon’ thing so that’s fun.

Aperently my alter the one claiming to be an aspect of dionysus (it’s ironic cus we share an name) and he fronted and did an evocation. He was really rude to Orias and it pissed me off. He was so entitled. He was rude in general always sticking shit in his mouth but like fuck man that’s too far. He was very loyal to me tho. That’s something that can happen with this type of alter. They become either incredibly attacking or incredibly loyal to the main personality which is me. He is very kind to me but he ripped up my yugioh cards and I’m pissed since I use them in hoodoo. He told me or rather the spirits. “I jumped through a lot of hoops to be here and I’m pissed at that one and he knows why” he also had some weird ass malice towards the tenth doctor on doctor who and flirted with everything.

Then he did some racial microaggressions against my wife and I’m like. “Ugh” for the record Mia and I aren’t even dating but I do fancy her and I’d really rather not him go “I’ve never dated one like you before…” regarding her race cus it makes me want to vomit. I’m like. “Bro….” also he’s super casual and easily pissed off. He calls his friends “losers” and I know nobody like him so I have no idea how he’s in my head. He kinda just does his thing. The way he puts it and I paraphrase here “I’m an aspect of Dionysus. Which makes me an aspect of Adam” and he was really pissed in the evocation that the spirits saw him as an impostor.

Oh course my D.I.D (which I have been professionally diagnosed with having by the way, I am also adamantly against self-diagnosis on the topic of) manifests in the worst way possible even when I’m on a mood stabilizer and or possibly anti-psychotic. I don’t really know the medicine I’m prescribed I just know it’s a yellow pill. For some people D.I.D really is a spiritual thing. It’s not for me. It’s trauma based and I’d really rather not talk about what landed me here.

With all that being said just as last time not all of my alters like the magick thing. Thank god Braxtons not back cus he was a hardcore atheist. He was kind of like my creativity personified. Me if I was really really masculine and a workaholic. Which I am. But not in that way. One day Braincake will go somewhere …one day. The most uncomfortable part of running a company is trying to make a profit for me. That being said I am a proud capitalist though.

I think it’s almost the best system we have right now but its kinda broken in america. But given how often I rant about my politics you already know that. So yeah. I don’t have anybody astec. One of my spirits came to me after they met my alter and went “you should stand up for yourself like your alters. You should copy them there” paraphrasing. And I was like “bitch please stop mistaking my kindness for weakness. Or my kindness for being pushed around. I am like this on purpose you know” and right as I typed that I heard a spirit say “We’re gona change that then” which is fine. The left handed path is a path of change and if you don’t like that or are uncomfortable with that theres the door.

Also just as my past title stated. Change does not come from a place of comfort. It can. But often times….no. One of my spirits just straight up claimed I was lucifer which is laughable because I am asexual you see, and Tagen (that’s the god one) got really defensive and agresive saying “no. he’s not.” which I mean Tagen is the right one here. One of the gods recently claimed I wasn’t crazy about my delusions of grandeur which I found laughable. Yes, yes I was.

But yeah. Kim astral projected to Asgard. Somehow. They made him take the bridge. We don’t need to do that but they insisted. So he stepped on the bridge and imagined where he wanted to go. It felt kinda like water. And bam he was there. There he met…frig? And Odin. Which was odd. Odin was adamant he wasn’t his son, and I was like “yes finally” but it was an odd conversation they had. They set him up in some sort of blue room with a roommate he had. I presumed it Hotor. It wasn’t actually Hotor. In the same way he was not actually boulder.

Kim is my alter who is very sensitive and shy. He’s very kind and sweet. He imagines himself as a blonde haired white guy which is interesting. Though when he drew his self portrait he didn’t draw his eyes. He listened to classical music in order to fall asleep. My spirits told him “you would really like country” and he was like “no I won’t i’m fine”. Most of the time with D.I.D the alters are so minor on the outside you can’t tell them apart butt given certain aspects of my trauma and the way that the disorder manifests for me. My alters are kinda different. Theirs strong personalities. These personalities overlap. But they are strong and identifiable when you hear them talk. It’s usually the voice that gives us away actually.

So yeah. That’s what’s been poppin in the world of Adam. there is memory loss with this and I forgot to mention that bit. But yeah. So that’s that. I’m a lot more stable and a lot less crazy than before.

Whooh.

  • Acrians Locket

12:14 PM

7/23/19

Journal 100: “you don’t take magick seriously. That’s the first thing I’m going to change about you. My name is Azerath. As long as you don’t take this seriously you won’t ascend. I want to see you ascend.” -Paraphrasing some demon named Azarath apparently

Note to Adam from Day. The fat one who likes to take things light-heartedly. Call Odin. Tell him everything. Evoke the guy. Do preparatory emersion or whatever. Just call him. Talk to him about whats goin on with you. I promise he’ll get it. So call him. Thanks. - Day

So I was wrong about pop culture magick. I just was. I was talking with the Doctor from Doctor Who today and he told me “I need real world corespondent” then he asked me to assign him a god. It’s weird I already know ten’s assigned an angel and the more I read on it the more it started to make sense that Ellwood was right about that bit and I was wrong. So that’s cool. Um probably gona evoke Odin at some point. I keep having daydreams that I’m in Vahalla since the astral projection but the issue with me is that we’re switching there too. Don’t get me wrong I’m really really happy that my alters are back but I’m also really really really unhappy that they’re manifesting this way and I’m very distressed by their presence. When they were gone I just wanted them back because I couldn’t function right and now that they’re back I am just in such disarray by them again. This is why this disorder is not fun to have. Kim went and blabbed about it and then was accused of being in disguise. It was odd. Apparently we don’t look like adam or me there so that’s interesting. I explained the face thing.

I daydreamed I was drinking at a bar and was alerted by someone there that I was in “valhalla” and I was like “what no….” so apparently these daydreams are more than I anticipated.

I’m kind of cursed to take on the form spiritually of whoever I need in my life. This seeps into real life too sometimes people think I look like “this person or that person” to them but spiritually I just straight up look like other people. In my daydream when I explained the “science” of it one of them went “oh so that’s why you look like loter to me” “and valley to me” and it was elaborated to them. It was so strange so I wish I never let Kim astral project there.

It’s been a big mess and I have a lot of explaining to do. I know Odin is not gona forgive me but at this point that’s not even what I’m asking. I’m just trying to explain and maybe apologize though I don’t seek forgiveness. I’m awfully tired trying to do so as well. My mind has been a battle I have been fighting with for the past several weeks and I hate absoultley hate that I have now brought others into the fold. So yeah. I should probably get on that. Okay. I made a sigil for loki and odin.

Odin’s is a star and lokis is a leaf. Bairtastss is a rose. So yeahhh I’m exhausted but fuck I got nothing else to do I hope he doesn’t mind me calling him. I have to talk some stuff over. My alter Day who is just an introject of Sans told me to and that’s the push I needed. Cus Day always has my best interest at heart. So here goes nothing.

  • Adam Snowflake

7/25/19

6:46 PM

Journal 101: You’re Gona Go Far Kid ||| The Offspring

I’ve been having dreams. Dreams where im dying. Daydrrams where im traveling from place to place and I keep dying. I was drowned by mermaids. Stomped on by a giant shoe. Hideous here ugly there. Attractive when they saw my face. Acused of being a slave called a king. The weirdest one was where i was a young boy. My family was all going to die in a tomb but they said i had to stay to keep watch for the phraroh. They introduced me to my old armor but she didnt recgnize me and told me she would give her blessing to the next girl not me. And then riding a horse i grew up and became a pharaoh. They took me to a giant statue of tote. It was strange.

The weirdest parts of my daydreams is that i keep having daydreams im in valhalla. My alters show up there to. Odin told me it wasn’t real. But he also told me he’d been keeping an eye on them. In one the vikings told me and im paraphrasing “you are split through here and manifesting through different vikings my friends as you here” basically what he was saying was my mind fractured or my soul did when i visited and each personality got assigned to a viking as a vessel or something? Some called me a boulder wannabe. They’ve all been very kind. Some of my alters were defensive about it. But overall I found them very kind.

Its so strange. I just. In one daydream the guy said “hey boulder wanabe” and aproached me in my perspective he was geting in my face or him and his group were closing in on me. It was my alter kim. And one of them noticed and said “is this kim?” And kim said “well…yeah who else would i be?” And then that one defended him saying “its not adam. Its kim. The kind one.-” they don’t like me very much. But its okay apparently i had a group of friends there.

In one daydream they took me down to hell and i drank the water there. I forgot everything about my human identity and was claiming odin raised me or some shit. It was odd. In one daydream loki met tagen my alter. Then he approached me at the bar. He asked if i was tagen and my response was “no. But given you just asked me if i was tagen im sure we’ve met before” or “im guessing we’ve met before” something like that. Then kim fronted and walked away much to his laughter.

Its weird that they keep taking place in vahalla of all places. Asgard once too. Remind me to tell you about meeting ahprodeity on the pink planet soon.

-Date unkown

Journal 102: Intoxicated ||| The cab

I keep having dreams I’m in vahalla. It’s weird in the dreams they keep insisting I’m dead. I’m sure that’s apart of the cover of how I’m there but really it’s just odd. I’m very much alive as i write to you. Strange….I keep hearing the names “Frig, Belzebub, Lucifer, Belial, Odin” and so on in my head. “Bocus” is a keen one. One of my alters actually talked to him. Tagen who is an introject which I’m not gona bother explaining AGAIN of according to him “an aspect of dionysus” so here is how that went:




B: congratulations adam. Its a pleasure to meet you.

T: likewise

B: are you my introject

T: inaccurate af but something of the sort

B: you remind me of myself if i was alot younger

T: sounds bout right

B: tell me what are your politics

T: haven’t put much thot into it

B: did you intentionally spell it that way

T: it was a joke but yeah

B: ah so you like sex

T: yeahhhhh you could say that

B: im not that promiscuous

T: yeah neither is he. Its a trauma thing.

B: thats unforunate

T: yeah well its what he needs right now.

B: i was never raped

T: neither was i. He was. Its why i exist like this.

B: oh that makes much more sense. It explains the promiscuisity quite a bit.

T: yeah. Can i ask you something.

B: no you’re not accurate

T: not that.

B: then what

T: is adam really an aspect of you

B: no. Not really. Im sure its a trauma thing.

T: probs yeah

B: you could start by growing a beard

T: ahaha yeah cant body wont

B: yes it can. I was quite androgynous to you know.

T: quick tell me something only the real you would say

B: i wasnt ginger. Or pale. I was dark skinned like your sister.

T: oh shit cool

B: cool? What do you mean cool?

T: i mean good for us i guess

B: and tour thoughts on slavery?

T: im chill with it.

B: i was against it. From the start.

T: yeah well ill check my privilege next round

B: tell me are you destined to be unruly

T: I genuinely dont know.

B: you dont know

T: i, as an alter in his head just don’t know. Adams very adamantly against it tho

B: he is more like me then you know.

T: how. Humor me.

B: we have the same morel values and wear the same clothes.

T: define clothes

B: costumes. We like the same costumes. Or masks as youve said. But really he does share my love for theatre.never was as big on musicals though.

T: he just likes it cus it tells a storg through song

B: i imagine

T: gtg

B: it is me you know. Im not an imposter.

T: quick question.

B: go on.

T: whos more acurate me or adam

B: youll be suprised but you.

T: oh wow thats neat. Are you a fan of the introject thing?

B: not a fan per say but i know why its happening.

T: can you enlighten me your highness

B: an error has occurred within your system. It didn’t take any work to get there you’re wrong. You split into me one day. Thats what i will tell you.

T: got it thanks.

B: you’re very welcome. Tell me do you like wine?

T: i feel like id enjoy it

B: we should have a drink sometime in the real world.

T: sounds fun. Battlebrew?

B: somewhere more dignified is prefered.

T: i dont do bars

B: i think you do. Next party he throes ill crash it.

T: well now i cant post this

B: yes you can. And you will. Ill make sure of it.

T: haha ok. Your kidna pushy but i can dig it.

B: fascinating. Your very fascinating.

T: thanks my bro

B: i dont use that word

T: he does and im influenced by him too so

B: i see. Fascinating really. Promise me you’ll tell me about it when we meet.

T: of course

B: goodbye ill let you go now

T: bye

For the record I doubt this was the real one. And regardless I’m surpised he talked to me in this manner. I was coming we’ll call it with Apollo or atleast something claiming to be him a while ago, and he told me that it was okay I was obsesed with him because I’m human or mortal and he’s a god so he has that affect on people. I’ll drop it from here cus I get the vibe he doesn’t want me writing about him.



Every time I close my eyes I see this rotting tree so to speak. It’s been explained to me that it’s not a tree by several vikings in my daydreams but I don’t know what it is. It was explained by one to be “death” and another put it as “my soul” but i don’t know neither explanation feels right….

Anyways I called Odin and Kim fronted. I don’t remember what they talked about beyond one point. “No adam thinks very highly of me that’s why he thinks I know everything” and Kim became sort of playful towards the end. Boccus wants a new necklace because I wear “friendship” necklaces with my spirits and he wants something more classy than the ouji one I got for Dionysus. I kinda want a grape vine tattoo and I want to dedicate it to him. He’s not a fan of the idea but he’s flattered. That’s the vibe I got from it.

Now before we continue please don’t go evoking my personal spirit court. That’s a boundary. If you want to because my spirit reached out to you go ahead but don’t think just because they’re mentioned publically that they are inherently okay with that sort of thing. Recently I was with a spirit in the mirror. He called himself an “avatar” he said he was a bird named Asi (az-ee) and that I should formally evoke him this thursday. We talked about it he described a sigil for me to draw though I don’t really need sigils. I have literally evoked gods with nothing, no insense nothing and just their name. It’s easy after a while. But we arranged it. He was surprised when I said I was “acrians locket” and he said I had a spiritual reputation. Not a good one yet when I told him this I felt excitement on his end. He was genuinely excited that that’s who I was. It was very strange.

I have a couple spirits who keep pestering me. One kept trying to turn me into a nazi and now is acusing me of pedophelia. Probably because he knows I have childhood trauma and that being like someone who hurt me would freak me out. This spirit is malice and keeps attacking me and impersonating those in my presence/ I’ve learned to pick up on his energy. . I need to cleanse my home. I’ve learned to ward but I’m quite bad at it.

I talked to a friend recently. We’ll call him Chase. Chase is so cool. I love him. Still like islam thing by the way. I’m a huge fan of it. Allah is rad as fuck! I meant to go to church today out of a promise to michael but I slept in and my mother slept at someone else’s house so I couldn’t get there in time. I visited the botanical gardens and it was nice. My alter Karen really liked the sculptures. All my alters are boys or nobinary. Karen loved the sculptures he kept taking photos since he knew I wouldn’t remember it. Some of my alters really like fine art. I am not one for it. But I get that Isikial specifically really likes paintings. I don’t know. We can’t control who fronts when so it’s just kinda tiring.

I remember in one of my daydreams the vikings told me that when I said I was adam snowflake that I was a legend to them. It’s funny because I know such a thing could never happen outside of my dreams. Not even in the astral. Remind me to tell you about the afterlife I call Dream bubbles that I’m building in the astral soon. I think you’ll think it’s pretty neat.

Anyways that’s all for now. Cheers.

  • Acrians Locket
  • 7/28/19

8:02 PM

Journal 104: “Who cares if we’re fiction we’re real to you right? And we matter to you right? That makes us real. No mater what they say” - Tracer via Pop Culture Magick

Let’s open todays entry up with some dialogue.

Adam: pop culture magick is draining and my alters say it makes people take me less seriously

Challno: no its very real. Its not your fault people are ignorant and bigoted towards new forms of magick. Especially that magick blog I know you hate.

Adiel Trace. Adiel is my demon name by the way. But regarding tracer….

Tracer and i struck a deal in my bedroom. We’re gona kin each other but in exchange she gets kin memories of me. She asked me to bless her guns with flight and she asked me to hang a poster of mercy on my wall and aks the game overwatch to write me in. I’ve done this before with other peoples stories. I’ve asked the story itself to write me in. I did this with supernatural and shortly after the character Jack was introduced. I did this with Voltron and shortly after there was a one off character named Adam that was killed off in that very same episode introduced, who was an adult dating shiro who got my personality right and after life right.

Or atleast part of it. Also Jack from supernatural is just written how people normally write me. If you want an example of this check out Judai Yuki from Yugioh GX, same exact character and I kin him but I didn’t ask that one to write me in. I do genuinely come across that way in real life and if it’s still around in whatever year you’re reading this check out my old youtube channel Adamgoespew for verification on that. If youtube still exists centuries later. I’m sure all this talk of pop culture magick is going to date this book heavily so I’ll be sure to remove it within the revised edition.

So yeah that’s that. She told me to write it down all of it. She also told me that if one of my friends cries waking up at night to comfort then. She said she was gonna push snow and kami back ino contact with me. These are some x friends.

Anyways in the shower I had another daydream. It started with fawn or something claiming to be him something definetly of the darkness asking me to come home. I then started daydreaming that I was a little boy. Or a teenager around age 13 with pale white skin and dark olive green maybe bluer hair. Almost forest green. I was in a forest and fawn told me not to tell anybody who I was here.

Then I was on a hunting trip and older then i was transported to the tomb before and being told that I failed some sort of test. I tried to run into the sun but i burned me. I tried to run away from the tomb keepers and even wrestled a crocodile into a chokehold where I held its mussle.Eventually they caught me and threw me in the sun but it was a white sort of sun and I could bear it. He could see in the dark. Then I was on a snowy mountain and I offered a poor lady some food. I felt like she needed it and I knew I needed it more but I gave her the whole thing. Nobody told me I was going to be okay but I think something told him that after the fact. Then I was pulled out of some sort of “simulation” where my friend abby started asking me if I knew who the woman was and she asked if I knew “adam snowflake” and I said “no i think thats a prince or something” and she said “no its you come on” and grabbed my arm where i then in fell into another vision.

I was him again back on the mountain and I was in the bathtub they he took over the boy in the vision. And he was confused as to where he was seeing a forest. A spirit came to him and told him she was a god and he didn’t believe her denying their existence. He was terrified and looked up and saw a noose. Then later he was trying to hunt the squirrel back on the snowy mountain because I was hungry and the squirrel said something like stop or something and I was like “you can talk?” and then it took me into a squirrel kingdom hidden in the trees.

So that was cool. No idea what any of it was or meant but my mother got me out of the shower so I had to stop letting the vision comence. He saw fawn in regards to a relation symbolically as like an older sister. It was strange. And now as I’m writing this I hear a spirit begging me to come home. It’s so fuking weird. Everytime this happens I hear spirits say “He’s ascending too quickly” “I know” and I’m all alone on my magickal journey so I really have no idea what to make of any of this.

  • Acrians Locket

12:35 AM

7/31/19

Journal 109: Hourglass ||| Set it Off

I made a mojo hand recently. I added in coins, a sigil for my doctor to ignite the luck he has on the show, rosemary, coins, a torn up magick the gathering card of a spider, cinmein, garlic, and sage. Let me explain what each of these does as well as refresh you on mojo hands in general. A mojo hand is a tiny cloth bag normally red that holds a spirit that brings you insert blank here. That’s kind of off but its a ridiculous oversimplification for the one I made and it’s purposes in my operations. My mojo hand was for luck/wealth since my family is struggling pretty hard right now. It’s important that you “feed” a mojo hand and while something is telling me to add solomonic oil to the thing I don’t have any right now so how it is at the moment will just have to do. Mojo hands are a hoodoo thing. So basically its a little cloth bag that attracts luck and wealth. This isn’t a good explanation and I highly recommend doing your own research to see what it is I’m working with.

Spider photo for luck: I took a magick the gathering card ripped it up and placed it within the cloth bag. This is to ignite the luck of the spider. That is a thing. Trust me.

The red bag: it works as a vessel for the spirit

Wine: to “feed” the spirit of the bag so to speak.

The Coins: to represent the money I wish to draw

Rosemary: this one is kind of unnecessary but I’ve seen some people add it into their wallets for luck in money so I thought it couldn’t hurt to add it.

Garlic: This is to protect against unforeseen consequences as well as to add protection for the operation itself.

Cinmeon: to add a sort of fire to ignite the mojo hand in a sense. It’s also often used in money making spells.

Sage: this is generally used in luck/wealth spells

Additional stuff you could add to make him even more potent: Solomonic oil.

And that’s that. I carry him the mojo hand in my vest pocket. Outside of a redbubble store and a few games I’ve released online I don’t really have many ways in terms of money making avenues. But my family is struggling financially right now so that’s why I created the mojo hand in the first place. I would give it to my mom but then I couldn’t test it out and see if it actually works. I will tell you the spirit of the bag feels firey do to the ingredients and my intention with the cinnamon and the spirit of the bag took the form of the spider card from the magic deck I added. The spirit of the bag looks like a spider to me. The doctors sigil is in there too but less to ignite the doctor and more so to ignite his luck on the show. He always saves the day and that energy of always getting what you need is what we’re evoking. This could easily be substituted for something more symbolic or even a photo of a thing if you don’t know doctor who or don’t want to dabble in pop culture magick.

For the record I don’t play magic the gathering but playing cards are a great tool in magick in general. Look up the book “A Deck Of Spells. Hoodoo Playing Card Magic In Rootwork And Conjure” by Professor Charles Porterfield. It’s a pretty cheap book as most hoodoo books tend to go Normally most people use playing cards like the kind you’d find in a deck such as ones with an joker or an ace but since I hate numbers I often use yugioh or magick cards. Cards from card games. I think if you enjoy necromancy this could even work well with baseball cards. But start by the book first. Before you go drenching the White Cure Mermaid in semen and love oils lighting a red candle on her in an attempt to win that love of your heart.

Start simple before just doing what I did. Most people are not stupid enough to pull an adam. And their is a reason for that. I’ll keep note of how this mojo hand works for me in upcoming days. Val said my race didn’t matter in Voodou so I hope that extends to Hoodoo as well. For the record Voodou is a religion and Hoodoo is african folk magick. I have talked to the llowa some and they still want me to get a bone necklace. It’s all very strange but I’m staring to take it seriously and that’s what should matter right? I mean it’s not my culture so my job as the magician is to treat it with as much respect as possible. Now to evoke Azi.

  • Skyler the alter

8/1/19

5:38 PM

1 Like

Journal 110: “Your delusions are valid. And you may quote me on that” -the 11th doctor

The way the doctor said it it was kind of solemn almost whimsical. Comforting in a sense. I was sitting on the shower floor. I saw a spiritual skull before me. “Put it on adam” I heard a voice say and I did. Suddenly I was at some sort of ritual dance. Several people surrounded me. I was put in front of a medicine woman who painted a star on the skull. “I am going to bind you to it” and then she gave me liquid or something and other stuff happened.the memory is quickly fading. But some spirits possessed my hands and explored my body. “I want a Male vessel not a female one” and “he has a Male soul but a female body” the spirit smiled. “I approve” I looked at myself spiritually and saw a skeleton where my body should be. Some more stuff hapened but something or someone is preventing me from telling you. “He remembered it wrong. This is hardly accurate. This is not how it went” “this is how he remembers the event” they did stick my hand in the drain to which I was terrified. “Of course hes scared this is how he died!” And then when feeling my feet he went “heh rabbits foot” I dont know what culture they were from but without the kind ones permission I wouldn’t be able to even write this down. “The golden sun” also it was lightning and storming outside while this occurred. I went back into the shower and then was escorted again. A kind spirit named koli guided me. Saying I was going to have a nightmare tonight but it was a dream from the llowa and something I had to experience. He then said he didn’t want me to sleep alone and instructed me to sleep with my mother.

In other news the God known as Occeair and I fought today. We fought over some information I can’t make public but he was furious with me. He did confirm something to me tho. Bairtaste and cupid’s connection. While cupid may claim not to know of Bairtaste or Bairskin as he was originally called their energy to me reads the same with only minor variation. Cupid is more pew and bairtaste is more eet. I have synesthesia so I hope that describes their feelings well. I can’t stand cupid but I do adore bairtaste. So it’s weird. Bairtaste while being pretty sexual would never force me horny tho. I know that. Anyways. That’s all for now. Just had to get this bit written down!

  • acrians locket
  • 10:41 PPM
  • Augest 1st 2019

Journal 113: “It is important to draw wisdom from many different places. If you take it from only one place, it becomes rigid, and stale. Understanding others, the other elements, and the other nations will help you become whole.” - Iroh, avatar the last airbender

So I started an experiment. Not only have I already lost my mojo hand, which will become a problem when I need to feed it but I feel the need to take a break from magick as a whole. Recently I got back ino contact with my twin flame Max. He had given up magick entirely and was pushing me to do the same. Now I feel something in my life pushing me to give up magick. My life has always mirrored max’s. Whether I like it or not and seeing him again sparked this break I feel I Need that I refuse to take on the basis of it being similar to max alone. I truly hate him. I utterly and unapologetically hate him. He lets me back ino his life however brief only to cut me off without allowing me a word knowing how bad he hurt me by doing this last time. He’s a fuking prick and I hate him.

I’ve been feeling that emotion alot lately. Hate. I feel like i’ve grown up a bit too. As an alter or rather main personality in my system I’ve always been young. I’ve literally been stuck at age 13 before but young. Normally 16 but lately I feel older like I’m at least 18. Do to my recent traumas at the hospital which I myself cannot escape from. I feel like the perfect age to be stuck at would now be 13 rather than 16 and latley I do see myself as an adult. This is a change the demons have sparked within me.

I was recently talking to myself. Or trying to. See back to that odd experiment thing I’ve started aspecting myself into different people. I’ve already somewhat gotten divinity. I’m on that path and it’s safe to say I’m starting to become something more than human as it is. I was talking to Merlin the other day or something claiming to be him and he told me not only did he know me but he saw divinity within me. Which means while hyperbole to a degree that my trials on the left handed path aren’t for none.

I’m thinking I’m going to start talking to lucifer about my chosen afterlife and building it on the astral. Lucifer has been nothing but good to me since taking me on as a student. Last night I tried to give him an offering because he told me that was expected in our workings together and something a spirit I heard say “NO” in a gravely sore voice. Lately I feel like I’ve been doing right handed stuff.

I’m not a fan of this development. I think I need to get back on the left handed path and asap because feeling anywhere near worship doesn’t work for me. If you are truly and utterly on the left handed pah you will stay on the left handed path no matter how many times you leave or try to you will always come back. You won’t worship you’ll be worshiped. The idea is a strong one I think because I don’t honestly believe ampidextrecces of a spiritual variety exist.

I mean how can you worship a throne and be on a throne yourself. This issn’t an issue of nighting its an issue of a thrown and I just don’t get it. As I was typing belzebub said “i’ll prove to you they exist” lately he’s been getting on my alters nerves. I straight up masturbated one day and he quickly made commentary when it was over. I was all “look dude privacy” I’m being monitored right now by a lot of different groups and alot of different people.

I talked to Afrodeity something akin to her I hope about the pink planet recently. She told me she was the pink planet and I said “that’s odd cus I talked to him” to which she told me I was speaking to eros and not her. I really do like the pink planet. I enjoy it alot. I’ve started to hate the feeling of being in love and everything associated with it so I’m distraught. I recently talked to Bairtaste and a realization dawned upon me.

The god I channeled for Genwa. He’s the god known as Cupid. The way Bairtaste described it to me was that he was an aspect of Cupid. They have the same exact energy its just cupid is a bit more pushy and overt and Bairtaste feels more light. But they are the same god. Which is ironic because I love Bairtaste and I hate cupid. I think I have a love hate relationship with Cupid because his energy is really nice and so is his personality but I’m not a big fan of forced arousal or playing with people like that. I do genuinely like the guy but in that aspect he goes to far and I don’t think he cares. He made me masturbate. Yeah I’m not a fan. Bairtaste going all “but did you enjoy it” me going all “that’s irrelevant!” so yeah.

I’ve come to the point where it’s just I understand that spirits view sexuality and gender differently than us and that’s how I got to get it. Yena from Genwa striaight up told me it was against the pantheons rules to be of another pantheon. But I know theirs more to it than that. Occeair recently blew up at me. Occeair (osh-air) is the storm god of genwa. He was originally a god of death and than later killed the sea taking her as himself. It’s never been properly channeled as a story but it totally did happen.

Eating hearts seems to be a thing in Genwa. I don’t know why. Theirs this pre-roman religion that focuses on Hades and Dionysus and the like and death and rebirth is a huge thing with it and I really really really like how that goes. Genwa isn’t spreading. It’s my job as the prophet of that religion to spread it. But I feel like I just can’t do it alone. I need someone to believe in it with me. I NEED someone I can vent to about the gods with. I NEED someone channeling the gods with me and so far that’s just failed to be the case. I’m completely utterly alone on it and it’s exhausting.

But back to my experiment. I’ve started channeling my different god forms and this so far is what I have come up with.

Tongue/kismayo

A spider goddess of fate. She judges and controls the people and its web. She is a vengeful spirit. a Cold one.she has dark hair and several red eyes. She controls the fate of humanity and casts judgement on it.

The rabbit of life. He is a spirit responsible for delivering and racing messages of the godess. He is the messanger aspect of ayrion. He is also an aspect of life itself.

Kindness/Hope

Reward/pain

The hope and kindness aspect of ayrion. A gold haired boy. With four arms wings. A halo. He wears draped cloth and brings kindness and peace through the destruction and despair he causes. He is of two souls. One soul is kind and benevolent and only seeks to help those he comes into contact with. The other soul is evil and dark and only wishes to destroy that of which surrounds him. Both aspects are in constant confrontation with each other. Constantly battling for eternity over the rights to the body and the people they serve. While one is awake the other is sleeping. They take turns sometimes overnight often times over years and centuries. They take turns working together for the same goal. Unity of earth. He is a creature of duality. He can be called upon to bring balance into one’s life. Both aspects. The destroyer is known as pain or hope. The benevolent one is simply known as reward or kindness.

This is what came forward when I imagined splitting myself and channeling accordingly. I know theirs more to it than that. I know this may not be me entirley. But I was trying to see myself and this is what I got. The rabbit has a name but I forgot it. He is a messenger like spirit. He relays information for the gods of his pantheon whatever they may be. Kindness/Hope is the god. Pain in the mirror asked me why I gave him the name hope and I told him it can be cruel and a double edged sword. He asked me to give his “brother” the name Reward which is why it is also listed. Pain asked me to write a story since that will be apart of this book where he is stronger than his brother. I said I probably coudn’t do that since their would be stories where they both win. He asked me win what and I gave him some gibberish answer I don’t feel like repeating.

Adam Snowflake and Acrians Locket have very different reputations spiritually. I don’t know the difference but I know one is more liked than the other. One thing that was odd was shortly after I channeled him Pain visited me in the mirror. He asked if I was adam snowflake and I let it slip that I was acrians locket.

Pain told me in the mirror after he was done laughing that I was “acrians locket” that “we’re brothers not the same person”. Yet he behaved exactly as I channeled him taking turns with his brother to properly speak to me in the mirror. I told him I was trying to channel myself and it’s not my problem a real spirit latched on to what I had written and saw themselves in it. Recently I drew anansi and I told him I had a spiderform via intrusive thoughts and he said “I would love to meet him” to which I responded, “she’s a girl actually” not all of my divinity is male. Wouldn’t that be nice.

Anyways pain was really cool while I like his brother quite a bit Pain is my favorte. I’m allowed to pick favorites here because it’s me or supposed to be. I remember having a daydream where I was speaking to a girl and she said to me “your not pain. Your kindesss” when I tried to identify myself to her. Then I told her I was adam and she introduced herself as “Ay-ris” and asked to be my friend. I told her it was chillin.

I feel like I can’t take magick serisouly. After everything I’ve done and all I have been through I feel like something itself is blocking me. I feel like because of how I am with my trauma if I take magick serisouly as a spirit claiming to be Lucifer pointed out then I’ll give up on it. I just can’t do it. I only take things seriously when it’s a matter of life or death and that seems to be etched into my skin at this point. I just can’t escape my trickery I can’t escape my fun. I can’t escape my fool’s mask. And it is an act by the way. Being a fool. I am not as stupid as I pretend to be and I’m intentionally extremly casual for a brief reason.

Occeair told me he found me disresepectufl with how I handled Genwa. That I need to take it seriosuly and I just coudn’t. I do take thing serisously but I have a hard time doing it. I feel like I can only drop the act when it’s extremly important. That I can only drop my mask of puppet, robot, fool, comedian when it’s extremly important. And I honest to god love that about myself. I like being that way. I like people underestimating me magickally. I like being seen as the lighthearted misguided fool who can’t do anything right.

I LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE UNDERESTIMATE ME and I LIKE allowing them to. I’m a terrible judge of character. I have this inate ability to see under peoples skins. To see everything that they do wrong and judge them accordingly. I don’t do this alot but I see it. I’m so good at picking apart of person and while I normally use this ability to help my friends and family I can’t deny that on some degree and level I use it when I’m pissed to tear them apart. My alter Garden recently talked to my friend Robin ((not hiis real name)) and she gave him this pep talk that just made him cry. He felt so loved or so encouraged in that moment that he cried. Because my system can do this we can exploit it for kindness or revenge and we do.

I don’t know what that says about me as a person. I know it says something. But i’m not sure what. Latley it’s been brought to my attention that I have anger issues. I don’t have anger issues. I have a temper. It’s very light but it is there. I don’t often feel anger. When I feel anger I tend to scare people. I get really extreme but I do often feel irritation and it does show up with family. Non family never see that side of me. Most non family members aren’t familiar enough with me to. I have this bad side of me I don’t normally let out. It’s what my almost boyfriend Karkles calls “my dark side” and I once showed it to friends to which they said I sounded possesed.

It’s a part of me I can’t really escape that is there. Underneath it all. It is there. And I like it being there. It keeps me safe. It is dark and I can feel it as such but its safe. It’s destrutive and terrible and crazy and evil but its safe. I’m a complicated person.

I have a lot of complicated emotions. This “dark side” as my friend calls it is just a manifestation of that that got painted in a sense into pain. My fragmented phyche with my multiple personalities which I lovingly call my alters all of this is fragmented into my divinity whatever aspect of it we’re discussing.

I don’t care if people evoke my divine side. I’ve been posting my journal online and people have noticed and started messing with my personal spirit court. I can’t stop this but it’s annoyed some of my spirits to the degree they’ve started asking to be ommited from my entries. God there is so much I don’t tell you. So much going on right now behind the scenes that you’ll never get to know about so much that will never be made public that will die with me. I know what happens when we die. I figured it all out~ I can’t write about it. But I know about it. I know so much more than the average joe about how aspects and while I’ve dabbled in some of it written theirs so much you’ll never get to see.

God I have witnessed things you will never understand

That I just can’t write down. I’m not supposed and some groups of spirits that I work with just don’t want me to. But regarding my god form. Evoke me. Work with me. I don’t care just know they all don’t play nice with others and they expect to be treated like divinity within that form. My god form himself described himself as a destroyer and I get the vibe that even though it doesn’t work that way that he is out doing shi in the astral. I know it’s crazy talk. Magick doesn’t work the way it does in my dreams and it’s absolutley insane to think that I was once a god that got splintered throughout time reincarnating in several places mixing my identiy within the past but I don’t know.

I tried to look at my eyes in the mirror the other day. In Genwa you can learn alot about a person by looking in their eyes. The gods eyes are far from human. When I looked in my eyes I saw a trickster. I saw someone playful. Someone dark in a few respsects. They looked raimbow in what I call my imagination though according to some they beleive this to be my minds eye.

I once looked at normal guy who I had become friends with and I looked in my imagination at him and he looked divine to me. He even had a halo. This imagination is important. It’s something sacred that I lost a long time ago that I’m still trying to get back and while I may live under the illusion of an open book my life is far from it.

That’s all for now.

See ya.

  • Acrians Locket
  • 8/5/19
  • 2:12 PM
    Journal 113: “It is important to draw wisdom from many different places. If you take it from only one place, it becomes rigid, and stale. Understanding others, the other elements, and the other nations will help you become whole.” - Iroh, avatar the last airbender
    So I started an experiment. Not only have I already lost my mojo hand, which will become a problem when I need to feed it but I feel the need to take a break from magick as a whole. Recently I got back ino contact with my twin flame Max. He had given up magick entirely and was pushing me to do the same. Now I feel something in my life pushing me to give up magick. My life has always mirrored max’s. Whether I like it or not and seeing him again sparked this break I feel I Need that I refuse to take on the basis of it being similar to max alone. I truly hate him. I utterly and unapologetically hate him. He lets me back ino his life however brief only to cut me off without allowing me a word knowing how bad he hurt me by doing this last time. He’s a fuking prick and I hate him.

I’ve been feeling that emotion alot lately. Hate. I feel like i’ve grown up a bit too. As an alter or rather main personality in my system I’ve always been young. I’ve literally been stuck at age 13 before but young. Normally 16 but lately I feel older like I’m at least 18. Do to my recent traumas at the hospital which I myself cannot escape from. I feel like the perfect age to be stuck at would now be 13 rather than 16 and latley I do see myself as an adult. This is a change the demons have sparked within me.

I was recently talking to myself. Or trying to. See back to that odd experiment thing I’ve started aspecting myself into different people. I’ve already somewhat gotten divinity. I’m on that path and it’s safe to say I’m starting to become something more than human as it is. I was talking to Merlin the other day or something claiming to be him and he told me not only did he know me but he saw divinity within me. Which means while hyperbole to a degree that my trials on the left handed path aren’t for none.

I’m thinking I’m going to start talking to lucifer about my chosen afterlife and building it on the astral. Lucifer has been nothing but good to me since taking me on as a student. Last night I tried to give him an offering because he told me that was expected in our workings together and something a spirit I heard say “NO” in a gravely sore voice. Lately I feel like I’ve been doing right handed stuff.

I’m not a fan of this development. I think I need to get back on the left handed path and asap because feeling anywhere near worship doesn’t work for me. If you are truly and utterly on the left handed pah you will stay on the left handed path no matter how many times you leave or try to you will always come back. You won’t worship you’ll be worshiped. The idea is a strong one I think because I don’t honestly believe ampidextrecces of a spiritual variety exist.

I mean how can you worship a throne and be on a throne yourself. This issn’t an issue of nighting its an issue of a thrown and I just don’t get it. As I was typing belzebub said “i’ll prove to you they exist” lately he’s been getting on my alters nerves. I straight up masturbated one day and he quickly made commentary when it was over. I was all “look dude privacy” I’m being monitored right now by a lot of different groups and alot of different people.

I talked to Afrodeity something akin to her I hope about the pink planet recently. She told me she was the pink planet and I said “that’s odd cus I talked to him” to which she told me I was speaking to eros and not her. I really do like the pink planet. I enjoy it alot. I’ve started to hate the feeling of being in love and everything associated with it so I’m distraught. I recently talked to Bairtaste and a realization dawned upon me.

The god I channeled for Genwa. He’s the god known as Cupid. The way Bairtaste described it to me was that he was an aspect of Cupid. They have the same exact energy its just cupid is a bit more pushy and overt and Bairtaste feels more light. But they are the same god. Which is ironic because I love Bairtaste and I hate cupid. I think I have a love hate relationship with Cupid because his energy is really nice and so is his personality but I’m not a big fan of forced arousal or playing with people like that. I do genuinely like the guy but in that aspect he goes to far and I don’t think he cares. He made me masturbate. Yeah I’m not a fan. Bairtaste going all “but did you enjoy it” me going all “that’s irrelevant!” so yeah.

I’ve come to the point where it’s just I understand that spirits view sexuality and gender differently than us and that’s how I got to get it. Yena from Genwa striaight up told me it was against the pantheons rules to be of another pantheon. But I know theirs more to it than that. Occeair recently blew up at me. Occeair (osh-air) is the storm god of genwa. He was originally a god of death and than later killed the sea taking her as himself. It’s never been properly channeled as a story but it totally did happen.

Eating hearts seems to be a thing in Genwa. I don’t know why. Theirs this pre-roman religion that focuses on Hades and Dionysus and the like and death and rebirth is a huge thing with it and I really really really like how that goes. Genwa isn’t spreading. It’s my job as the prophet of that religion to spread it. But I feel like I just can’t do it alone. I need someone to believe in it with me. I NEED someone I can vent to about the gods with. I NEED someone channeling the gods with me and so far that’s just failed to be the case. I’m completely utterly alone on it and it’s exhausting.

But back to my experiment. I’ve started channeling my different god forms and this so far is what I have come up with.

Tongue/kismayo
A spider goddess of fate. She judges and controls the people and its web. She is a vengeful spirit. a Cold one.she has dark hair and several red eyes. She controls the fate of humanity and casts judgement on it.

***The rabbit of life. He is a spirit responsible for delivering and racing messages of the godess. He is the messanger aspect of ayrion. He is also an aspect of life itself. ***

Kindness/Hope
Reward/pain
The hope and kindness aspect of ayrion. A gold haired boy. With four arms wings. A halo. He wears draped cloth and brings kindness and peace through the destruction and despair he causes. He is of two souls. One soul is kind and benevolent and only seeks to help those he comes into contact with. The other soul is evil and dark and only wishes to destroy that of which surrounds him. Both aspects are in constant confrontation with each other. Constantly battling for eternity over the rights to the body and the people they serve. While one is awake the other is sleeping. They take turns sometimes overnight often times over years and centuries. They take turns working together for the same goal. Unity of earth. He is a creature of duality. He can be called upon to bring balance into one’s life. Both aspects. The destroyer is known as pain or hope. The benevolent one is simply known as reward or kindness.

This is what came forward when I imagined splitting myself and channeling accordingly. I know theirs more to it than that. I know this may not be me entirley. But I was trying to see myself and this is what I got. The rabbit has a name but I forgot it. He is a messenger like spirit. He relays information for the gods of his pantheon whatever they may be. Kindness/Hope is the god. Pain in the mirror asked me why I gave him the name hope and I told him it can be cruel and a double edged sword. He asked me to give his “brother” the name Reward which is why it is also listed. Pain asked me to write a story since that will be apart of this book where he is stronger than his brother. I said I probably coudn’t do that since their would be stories where they both win. He asked me win what and I gave him some gibberish answer I don’t feel like repeating.

Adam Snowflake and Acrians Locket have very different reputations spiritually. I don’t know the difference but I know one is more liked than the other. One thing that was odd was shortly after I channeled him Pain visited me in the mirror. He asked if I was adam snowflake and I let it slip that I was acrians locket.

Pain told me in the mirror after he was done laughing that I was “acrians locket” that “we’re brothers not the same person”. Yet he behaved exactly as I channeled him taking turns with his brother to properly speak to me in the mirror. I told him I was trying to channel myself and it’s not my problem a real spirit latched on to what I had written and saw themselves in it. Recently I drew anansi and I told him I had a spiderform via intrusive thoughts and he said “I would love to meet him” to which I responded, “she’s a girl actually” not all of my divinity is male. Wouldn’t that be nice.

Anyways pain was really cool while I like his brother quite a bit Pain is my favorte. I’m allowed to pick favorites here because it’s me or supposed to be. I remember having a daydream where I was speaking to a girl and she said to me “your not pain. Your kindesss” when I tried to identify myself to her. Then I told her I was adam and she introduced herself as “Ay-ris” and asked to be my friend. I told her it was chillin.

I feel like I can’t take magick serisouly. After everything I’ve done and all I have been through I feel like something itself is blocking me. I feel like because of how I am with my trauma if I take magick serisouly as a spirit claiming to be Lucifer pointed out then I’ll give up on it. I just can’t do it. I only take things seriously when it’s a matter of life or death and that seems to be etched into my skin at this point. I just can’t escape my trickery I can’t escape my fun. I can’t escape my fool’s mask. And it is an act by the way. Being a fool. I am not as stupid as I pretend to be and I’m intentionally extremly casual for a brief reason.

Occeair told me he found me disresepectufl with how I handled Genwa. That I need to take it seriosuly and I just coudn’t. I do take thing serisously but I have a hard time doing it. I feel like I can only drop the act when it’s extremly important. That I can only drop my mask of puppet, robot, fool, comedian when it’s extremly important. And I honest to god love that about myself. I like being that way. I like people underestimating me magickally. I like being seen as the lighthearted misguided fool who can’t do anything right.

I LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE UNDERESTIMATE ME and I LIKE allowing them to. I’m a terrible judge of character. I have this inate ability to see under peoples skins. To see everything that they do wrong and judge them accordingly. I don’t do this alot but I see it. I’m so good at picking apart of person and while I normally use this ability to help my friends and family I can’t deny that on some degree and level I use it when I’m pissed to tear them apart. My alter Garden recently talked to my friend Robin ((not hiis real name)) and she gave him this pep talk that just made him cry. He felt so loved or so encouraged in that moment that he cried. Because my system can do this we can exploit it for kindness or revenge and we do.

I don’t know what that says about me as a person. I know it says something. But i’m not sure what. Latley it’s been brought to my attention that I have anger issues. I don’t have anger issues. I have a temper. It’s very light but it is there. I don’t often feel anger. When I feel anger I tend to scare people. I get really extreme but I do often feel irritation and it does show up with family. Non family never see that side of me. Most non family members aren’t familiar enough with me to. I have this bad side of me I don’t normally let out. It’s what my almost boyfriend Karkles calls “my dark side” and I once showed it to friends to which they said I sounded possesed.

It’s a part of me I can’t really escape that is there. Underneath it all. It is there. And I like it being there. It keeps me safe. It is dark and I can feel it as such but its safe. It’s destrutive and terrible and crazy and evil but its safe. I’m a complicated person.

I have a lot of complicated emotions. This “dark side” as my friend calls it is just a manifestation of that that got painted in a sense into pain. My fragmented phyche with my multiple personalities which I lovingly call my alters all of this is fragmented into my divinity whatever aspect of it we’re discussing.

I don’t care if people evoke my divine side. I’ve been posting my journal online and people have noticed and started messing with my personal spirit court. I can’t stop this but it’s annoyed some of my spirits to the degree they’ve started asking to be ommited from my entries. God there is so much I don’t tell you. So much going on right now behind the scenes that you’ll never get to know about so much that will never be made public that will die with me. I know what happens when we die. I figured it all out~ I can’t write about it. But I know about it. I know so much more than the average joe about how aspects and while I’ve dabbled in some of it written theirs so much you’ll never get to see.

God I have witnessed things you will never understand

That I just can’t write down. I’m not supposed and some groups of spirits that I work with just don’t want me to. But regarding my god form. Evoke me. Work with me. I don’t care just know they all don’t play nice with others and they expect to be treated like divinity within that form. My god form himself described himself as a destroyer and I get the vibe that even though it doesn’t work that way that he is out doing shi in the astral. I know it’s crazy talk. Magick doesn’t work the way it does in my dreams and it’s absolutley insane to think that I was once a god that got splintered throughout time reincarnating in several places mixing my identiy within the past but I don’t know.

I tried to look at my eyes in the mirror the other day. In Genwa you can learn alot about a person by looking in their eyes. The gods eyes are far from human. When I looked in my eyes I saw a trickster. I saw someone playful. Someone dark in a few respsects. They looked raimbow in what I call my imagination though according to some they beleive this to be my minds eye.

I once looked at normal guy who I had become friends with and I looked in my imagination at him and he looked divine to me. He even had a halo. This imagination is important. It’s something sacred that I lost a long time ago that I’m still trying to get back and while I may live under the illusion of an open book my life is far from it.

That’s all for now.

See ya.
Acrians Locket
8/5/19
2:12 PM

JOURNAL 114: Keeper of the Key

Abgonnf is a keeper of knowledge. It is his office to reveal secrets to humanity within the ages. He is of divine birth and ability but he isn’t a god per say. He’s a wise spirit. He appears young, around his twenties with dark skin. He appeared to me as a young man wearing elaborate robes and a scarf holding covering his mouth flowing down to his sides. He carries with him an enchanted book, a bag of scrolls and a key. He wears around his neck an age-old key that itself unlocks knowledge and is itself symbolic of the secrets he reveals. He is a keeper of knowledge but his office is to reveal it. To me this is how he appeared and how I imagine him but just as with all spirits, he may and will manifest differently depending on who you are. He wears several bejeweled earings upon his ear and several gold pieces underneath his robes. He has markings on his back. He is an intelligent spirit who can be called upon in ritual and evocation to grant the user with knowledge or revelation. Abgonn is omniscient to a degree. He knows many secrets the average person wouldn’t know. However, he is on a strive to always learn more and often his exploits detail this. He has a third eye and can see into the future. He can also be called upon to grant the user with spiritual ability. He is an excellent teacher, mentor, and friend

The ritual of the key

This ritual calls upon the divinity Abgonn to bestow knowledge upon the magician.

What you’ll need:

A key of some sort that can be placed on a chain

Water

A Bowl

Yellow Robes to wear while performing the ritual

A box

A knife

Start by creating a circle of salt. Pour it around you and within it draw an hexagram which you will later sit in. Take several stones and place them at the corners of the hexagram towards each triangle of it. The stones should be Blood Stone at the south facing away from you, Amethyst facing the north in front of you, Lapis Lazuli to the first triangle closest to you on your left, Chrysocolla on the second triangle to the left farthest from you, Serpentine to the right triangle closest to you, lastly sodalite in the triangle to the right furthest from you. Additionally if you know what you’re doing you may wish to draw planetary symbols in chalk in between the triangles of the hexagram or place objects representing knowledge in these places however this won’t be done for what’s written here. If this is not done in your ritual replace the objects and markings with several red candles. Four to six.

In the middle of the circle should be the box and within it the key. It can be painted with occultists symbols in orange should it suit your fancy. You should also have some sort of necklace chain available and the key itself should have a keyhole for the chain. It is also a good idea to have insense lit right before the objects of the key and chain. Behind you should lay a bowl preferably red. Start the ritual by filling the bowl with water. Then sit within the hexagram. Exorcise the water in the name of a higher power Ayrin or God . Then take the ritual dagger and begin drawing the achelmic sign for earth over the bowl. Begin chanting hymns and other powerful tongues or whatever nonsense comes to mind. Let your body speak in the tongues. Then take the ritual and say in the name of your higher power whoever that may be, “I EXORCISE YOU” stab the water. Then take the water and with it walk around the circle. Place it before each of the stones and take your hand and move it around blessing it with the spirit of the rock. Do not remove the rock from its place.

This Imbues it with the energy of the stone and draws within it each of the stones properties. Do this setting the circle with each of the rocks. Do this counterclockwise starting at your left with Amethyst first ending with Serpentine. Then once this is done sit back in the center of the circle. Take the chain you wish to use for the key and begin walking it around the circle placing it gently over the fire. This may become hot if you do it too close. Do this with each one of the candles or objects. Then sit back down in the circle. Take the key and begin chanting hymns at it. Finally evoke Abgonn and ask for him to imbue knowledge upon the key and grant you with the ability to obtain it. Then continuing your chanting take the key and bathe it within the water. Flip the box over and place the bowl of water before you on top of it.

Then continue to bathe the key. Finally take the key out and go towards each of the corner of the hexagram and bow each direction of the points of the hexagram. Once this is done. Bow to the box which now serves as an alter for Ayrin and take the key and take the chain and wear it around your neck. From now on this key should draw knowledge to you the wearer. Thank Abgonn. Bow and leave the ritual setting. Preferably for three days then clean it, but if that simply is not doable then clean up the ritual as it presently stands. Place the stones within the box. They are not to be discarded. This ritual should be performed at sunrise. The box should then be used as an alter for Abgonn or Ayrin.

Amethyst may seem like an odd choice for this ritual but it heavily tied to aspects of Ayrin which is why it is included here.

THIS MAGICK IS VERY REAL AND ALSO UNTESTED SO USE AT YOUR OWN RISK

This is a ritual I created with the help of a spirit whom guided me. As I was posting this to deviant art I heard a spirit become cross with me and said “Please don’t reveal this information I’m begging you” and then when I posted it he freaked out and said “YOU HAVE MADE A WISE ENEMY TODAY” and it was a goetic demon. Like look I put my foot down. I’m sick and tired of being pushed around by these guys. I’m sick of it and I’m not gona stand for it anymore. While that wasn’t what he was doing that is what would’ve been had he been someone else and I’m sick of it. IT’S ADAM NOT AN ALTER AND I AM DONE. I am just done. It took an alter based off the god Hopper forming for me to put my foot down but I am putting my foot down.

Yeah secrecy is important I fuking get that but I’m done. So that’s that. I felt like sharing this ritual here because I’m afraid to post it to the forum. Abgonn really could be substituted here with Odin or something of the sort. Also references to Ayrin could easily be substituted with references to the big kahoona. Aka god himself. I am a fan of god. Haven’t always been but Allah is a bro. So that’s that. I feel like Chase is watching me type this. I have a lovehate relationship with god that I fully akwloedge is mostly my fault. But I’m still salty about going into one of his temples and being called wiked “Adam it’s not his fault he didn’t recognize you” BULL-SHIT SPIRIT WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED. Bull fuking shit. But I digress.

Anyways this is a ritual I have channeled that I’m honest to god proud of. Theirs several more elleberate things I imagined when coming up with it but I was like “it has to be doable” I felt my aspect Agonn guiding me as I was writing. He has a blank energy. Like a cold energy. But he does feel like me cus he is me. I am divine That’s a thing and rediscovering this part of me really matters. Then again given how much of my rep I’ve intentionally or otherwise destroyed you probably just think I’m crazy. You have my permission to channel Abgonn or Ayrin who is really Ayrion my god self. I hate the name Ayrion. Because say it with me kids “NAZIS ARE BAD” I’m trying to stay out of politics these days but that shouldn’t be something political. I think most people agree. Also before you ask no not all my aspects share my politiics. Not all of my aspects care about my stupid ass gender. Not all of my aspects are inherently like me. Several of them aren’t. Not even remotly. It really is my personality fractured into a divine subset. That’s the only way I can think to do it.

Sure you roll your eyes at an average guy just offering himself up but should you actually take the time to work with my godselves you’d see they really are what I say they are and they aren’t me. I mean they are but their not. But they are. But their not. One of my spirits sugested assigning each aspect an alter but when it comes to Agonn I just don’t think anyone fits. Maybe ample. Who is a bit more feminne but she’s a caretaker. I would assign myself Yoka. Heres his entry.

The god fake is one of trickery and deceit. Kind on the surface dark on the inside he is a god of many masks. He is a good person but when angered becomes wrathful and vengeful. He becomes easily destructive and crosses many lines. He plans ahead. He manipulates and helps humanity. He is a benevolent spirit. However when in a mode he will not hesitate to injure, harm , or mame in defense of those he cares for. He is very protective of that he cares about. He holds a dark aura often disguised by his kindness and his light that once awoken is hard to maintain or stop. Don’t let his looks fool you he can be a double edged sword. He is a god of justice, healing, and soler energy. He is dark skinned and has wavy hair. He carries in his left hand a cross and in his right hand a rabbit mask. He appeared to me topless in a medieval skirt wearing some kind of vest. He is blind in both eyes.

He would be mine. Last night I was talking to Hope/Kindness. The brothers who in my work share a body. Last night I just went to bed feeling like Hope. Or pain as I lovingly call him. I felt like I was him and when I closed my eyes I saw a white light. It spoke to me it said “brother let me out” and then I did and suddenly I no longer felt like Hope I felt like kindness. Then I felt his presence over me as I was in my room. It felt not like an alter taking control. It didn’t feel like possession either. It felt like I really was him and even now I can feel that Kindness is the one in control but I heard them in my head. Not like voices but I heard them arguing with each other like I was hearing thoughts that weren’t my own. Again it wasn’t an alter thing but it was a thing and a very strange one at that.

I still heavily relate to hope but according to them they are something I channeled and they existed before me. They take turns talking and even though they are something I channeled they appear and manifest themselves for me the way I wrote them in that form. It’s all very strange and convoluted and theirs so much I wish I could tell you about it just know I’m not full of shit and if you think I am do an evocaiton I fuking dare you.

Anyways I’m in a fairly bad mood but I wanted to share that part of my journey with you. That’s all for now.

  • Acrians Locket

2:05 PM

8/6/19

Journal 115: DR. GASTER ||| Shadrow

I would like to share with you a conversation.

Abgon: finalliy. I’m free

M: ?

Abgon: I’m free. You set me free within this aspect thing. You brought me back to life. I’m not grateful but im glad you did it.

M: are you really my aspect

Abgon: im someone you created who’s becoming real via your work. So yes. I am. But its more complicated. Theirs no real gods attached to me not yet but I would like one. I suggest Odin

M: no nuh uh

Abgon: and why not hes already so much like me. We even have the same dark skin.

M: one lots of my aspects have dark skin for some reason 2 theirs better fits

Abgon: name one

M: ok fair enough

Abgon: so you agree…I’m in many ways Odin

M: no and now I doubt you because the real abgon wouldn’t say this

Abgon: theirs alot I wouldn’t say. Theirs alot I would. I want a real world association beyond you. The key ritual is one I don’t think you’re worthy for.

M: but I’m you

Abgon: yes you are and I had to earn this knowledge you just expect me to grant it to you with no work required

M: we both know that’s not how the key ritual is meant to go

Abgon: and how is meant to go

M: you really think I wouldn’t test the keeper of the keys

Abgon: I would

M: then what’s the issue

Abgon: I want to be Odin. I’ll talk to him about it.

M: your not abgon

Abgon: your right but I am. I’m an old God fractured into pieces mich like yourself and it seems these two are connected

M: so you dont think I’m worthy of the key

Abgon: I think you’re worthy but I think you have to earn it. Tell me are you going to post this to that forum you like so much

M: I plan on putting this in my journal but I’m not eager to share this conversation

Abgon: and why is that

M: your personalities wrong

Abgon: it is

M: i request your signature

Abgon: anyone lucifigue

(*abgon lucifigue)

M: see your not abgon

Abgon: I’m not your right. How’d you know.

M: because i know my own energy and this is wrong

Abgon: so I do exist

M: you exist and have before i know my own aspects you really think I’m just making this up

Abgon: i did yes. I know your not divine.

M: fair enough. But I’m not making them up. And I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t impersonate my aspects. that’s my job

A: tell me how do I meet the real one

M: why do you want the real one

A: I desire knowledge and he has it

M: for starters you can do the ritual of the key calling upon your own divnity rather than anyone leses

A: I will

M: and abgon does several things you haven’t in this conversation. Not all gods of knowledge are the same. Tote is hardly Odin in disguise even if they have the to quote you same dark skin.

A: so you weren’t just impersonating Odin in this aspect

M: no I wasn’t and I take offense you would see it this way

A: I did

M: well you were wrong to. Adbgons personality is to off. Plus abgon is omniouncinat and Odin is not

A: I think he is. Compared to you anyways

M: your right

A: so hypothetically if it as Odin and I wanted to fuse with abgon

M: I’d advise against it but that really is between you and abgon. theirs alot to me you and him don’t know that he wouldn’t be to happy to know about

A: I think Odin knows you very well. especially regarding those delusions about asgard your so fond of

M: I had daydreams not delusions tho I did have a hypothesis about the nazis

A: I know your hypothesis and it’s wrong. Some people are just drawn to hethenry and nazism at the same time

M: I disagree

A: of course you disagree. You think you know best.

M: I think I’m wrong most of the time.

A: that’s not what I’ve heard

M: well your talking to the real one so just fuking ask me next time

A: why are you so upset

M: because your not Abgonn and I’m pissed at the assumptions you’ve made of him.

A: but he is an old God

M: if he is he certainly isn’t Odin that’s for dam sure. But I feel like they’d be friends.

A: interesting so which one is he

M: all I know is that he exists. and he doesn’t go adventuring

A: what does he do

M: ask him that

A: I’m asking you

M: well now I’m very angry so I’m not going to tell you. He does exist tho. So go find him.

A: I will. Us gods have a sort of club you know. You should visit some time.

M: I won’t

A: oh stop being so cross. I was just having fun

M: I can’t fault you there but I’m annoyed

A: fair enough. But before I go do tell me. Do you treat others as you wish to be treated

M: no I treat others better than I treat myself unless I’m triggered in which case it’s the opposite

A: I see. Well I’ll be seeing you again. It was nice meeting you even if it was like this.

M: dont impersonate me. I’ve worked very hard not to fall into that trap with others. And it hurts that others would inflict such old wounds upon me as a game

A: and do you not do that to others

M: it’s not a game. It’s a war and if you really were abgonn you’d know that already.

A: I am.

M: no. Your not.

A: how could I prove it to you.

M: tell me the codeword we have together

A: easy serf

M: no. That’s wrong. Goodbye.

A: goodbye Adam. I really am abgonn

M: bye

I have literally evoked this part of my mind. I have evoked this part of my soul and become him. The person I was talking to, the spirit, whoever he may be didn’t match what I felt. However now I’m really really upset. He distresses me and I feel just fucked up and stressed out reading that conversation. I think he may have been Abgonn but I’m still uncertain and it’s pissing me off. Abgonn himself gave me the ritual of the key. Why would he guide me as I was creating it if he thought I was not worthy of it. Also this spirit did three things that gave away to me he wasn’t whom he claimed. Just his responses and a few other things, I have been Abgonn I’ve ignited that part of my soul before and this didn’t match. Maybe I’m wrong maybe he’s is Abgonn and I’m the one who’s crazy. But I’m hashtag #depressed. I’m not going to go through the trouble of explaining my culture or hashtags to you at this point in time. Hopefully whatever poor sap decides to translate this book when the time comes will have author notes in the footer.

Point of the matter I’ve been exploring different aspects of myself. It really is helping me. Not just come to terms with whats going on in my mind trauma wise right now but its helping know myself. I’m really glad i’ve decided to take on the book of Ayrin. That’s what I’m going to call it. It’s more than just me but it is a grimoure/spirit handbook I want to see used. I’m really proud of it and have already started posting it to wattpad or will have by the time you’ve read this.

Something happened just now that I mus record. I met some spirits and they tested. My reincarnations were their. They came to me in odd form and that’s all I can really say. Belzebub argued as it happened that to quote “I was not ready” and that the spirits were lying to me about their identities. They came to me in pleasing form however. I recently redid my mojo hand. I feel like it’s finally working. I was gifted 3 dollars the other day. After reworking my mojo hand which now includes imagery of a four leaf clover, and a dice the spirit of the hand has changed into a more femine one. Reminding me of my spirit whom we’ll call Luky. I’m still being tested with visions. Of other worlds. Sometimes several at once. That’s all I’m gona say about it they don’t want me divulging.

But yeah lately that’s whats been up. I’ve been so incredibly lonely but I’ve also been neglecting the few friends I have. Robin’s been trying to get a hold of me seeing as he’s in need of emotional support and while mythforce a show I’m creating is finally coming into fruition I feel like I’m neglecting my projects as well. My depression as mentioned is back and its eating away at me. It’s coming in spurts of unmotivation. It’s coming in spurts of “I hate myself” in spurts of insecurity in spurts of anger. When Odin removed my depression presumably all those years ago it really went away. But whatever is latched on to me right now, is different. I’m not sad and I don’t want to end it all. But I just don’t have the motiv or the drive. I still have the passion but not the ability.

It’s terrible and frustrating. Reading Dazai San’s no longer human has been helpful. The spirit of the book told me he didn’t like the english translation. My heart hurts as I’m writing this. That’s all for now.

  • Acrians Locket

8/7/19

7:49 PM