Intro
If youre not going insane then youre doing it wrong!
Into Madness, Into Power
The Spiritual Awakening of the Black Magician is not one where he awakes out of the Dream to a realization of Love and Oneness, but a rude Awakening further into the Dream resulting in an onslaught of Chaos and Anxiety.
As the limits of his consciousness breaks, like a Newborn chick pushing against the shell of an egg, his mind fractures into bits and pieces and that which has been hidden in his psyche comes forth with a Vengeance.
At the core of this Mental Molestation is deep Negativity and Entropic energies. As he has gathered the Will to Destruction and sent it forth to remove others from his path, so The Pendulum and its Associate being the Law of Rhythm kicks into play and the Karmic Backlash crashes in on him to remove all that blocks his growth.
Let me say that again:
To remove all that blocks his growth.
These corosive energies are designed to shake the Magicians Profane Identity and All its limitations awake so that the God within can arise in full strength and Power.
The Path
The path to Power in Black Magic is hard and unforgiving.
It is a Mental Concentration camp that has listed above its Entrance:
āAbandon all hope ye who enter here, for hope is the Twin of Fearā.
For clothes, it provides the magician with rainments of Anxiety and Doubt. In some cases it strips of mental clothing leaving the Mage in a Nihilistic state of Mindā¦naked before the powers
Of Darkness.
Its Gospel is thus,
āSeek not Strength through Ideaoligies or Through Joy, but Seek strength Through Death and Destruction. Make yourself strong by eroding that which is weakā
The Black Mage hears this Gospel and first thinks that the things that are weak are outside himself in the form of constant obstacles, people, objects, and Cultural Systems of Belief, all which impinge on his Ability to be the Dark Lord he so wishes to be.
And thus, he curses them and revels in an illusory victory. Then he wakes up one day and nothing is as he first thought it was at all.
The Ascent Begins
Strange pains in the Body start to overtake him, and Tormenting thoughts race through his mind. Memories of his former Religious commitments return and he is caught in a cycle of Blasphemy and Sacrilege in vain hopes of not fallong back into the bottomless pit Called Faith.
He loses sleep night in and night out, and during the day his friends and colleauges turn against him and abandon him. He no longer senses the presence of His Beloved spirits and finds himself engaged in magical wars all by himself, or so it seems.
By now, the symptoms of Internal and External Ascent are starting to look like a Classic Hex or Death Spell to him. And indeed, it is a Cosmic Death Spell sent from the Universe to kill his current Identity and Perception. To make him turn Inwards and realize the root of his problems is himself. Not others. They are simply pawns in the Aeonic Scheme of things that can be arranged at the Mages Will to Destruction.
The Dark Knight of The Soul
Beginning to meditate and go within the realms of his own Mind he finds gateways of the Black Sun, that which is Hidden and Obscure, to go through in contemplation and ritual and slowly starts to See that the Enemy God, the Ultimate Troll God, is none other than Himself.
He is the Bringer of Slavery.
He is the One Sole Parasite that has been draining Himself all this time.
He is the Enemy of God, who is himself.
At this realization, he plans against his own self by going into the depths of his Psyche and conjuring his Shadow but to no Avail.
This is something he has to face alone.
He must sacrifice his One Eye and look through the All-Seeing Iā¦just as Odin Sacrificed His I for the Knowledge of The Runes.
The Death of The Dark Messiah
Lighting a Black candle in his Temple, the Mage sits in Meditation and prays an Inverse Prayer similar to Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemanae.
Unlike Jesus however, he does not say,
If it be thy will, let this cup pass from meā¦
Instead he commands,
It IS my Will to drink of this cup which contains the Blood and Poison of Death and its Strength. Let not this cup, which contains the Blood Of The Gods of Destruction pass from meā¦
Having done this, and having become drunk with the Blood of The Dead Gods, he summons the Will to Destruction and channels that into the Flame.
This is the Agent of Destruction that will cleanse the Mage of all his Neurosis, Anxiety, and Ignorance that keeps him enslaved to his mundane self. As the Chains of The Solar Force are broken by Thors Mighty Hammer and the Judas of who he once was comes to betray him, he will have a moment of realisation and from this momentā¦this Eclipse of his former Selfā¦he will rise and say:
It is Finished.
And will walk away from his garden, Anew, but not yet Risen
The Ressurection of The Dark Lord
He wakes up and finds that Negativity the likes of which has never been known, now courses through him without eroding his mind and Body. He is clear headedā¦he is happyā¦he is Free and has ended the Reign of The Troll God within himself.
The I of Shiva has been unlocked within Him fully and he now Embodies the Divine Force of Destruction. Victory is hisā¦
But he simply sits and Laughs with Buddha at the nonsense of the Game, for he knows that it is going to start All. Over. Again.
This time, diving Further into Madness, Further into Power 
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
END
Just some insights on what ive learned as ive gone through my Own Personal Ascent and Descent
