At least he should leave me to my meditations until he cools down, if that ever happens. He started to center himself to meditate again when a devilishly mad idea came to him.
Plan for developing a new system of magick that is covert, Sneaky, less obvious, unobtrusive. I have seen people ask about ways of using magick when they live in a house that doesn’t embrace the use of magick. I myself live in such a situation.
I have for a long time been resentful of the people I care about for being what I have previously thought to be a hindrance to my ability to practice magick. I have been recently enlightened to the actual problem, my lack of trying to work around the the situation. I was my problem. I was using my family as an excuse to not be what I wanted to be.
This created a very unhealthy desire to get rid of my family. Fortunately for me I had became so lazy that I was not able to make any headway in that situation. I had gotten desperate for any solution to what I perceived to be my problem.
I looked for answers anywhere I could. I finally decided to give mother Lilith a try. I contacted her in attempt to ask her to send me a new love. I saw this as a way to end my marriage and be rid of my family.
I had been seeing signs of her around me for a long time. I just hadn’t ever had the desire to contact her partially because I really don’t like spiders and she likes to send them to me.
I found a guided meditation for Lilith
Upon contacting her I was quite surprised by what she said. She was very angry with me about how I was trying to get rid of my wife. She told me that she was the one who brought my wife into my life. She told me that she was not going to help me because I was being ungrateful of her gift to me. She then reminds me of the desperate prayers of myself as a teenager to any spirit that would listen to bring love to me.
I respectfully apologized to her for my transgressions. I then asked her to teach me to change. To show me how I can bring magick into my life without losing my wife and kids. She has planted the seeds of a new way to preform magick.
I have begun to study what ritual is and how it works. I wanted to know if there really is a way other than mental, astral, or dream magick. I wanted physical ritual in my life.
As I get more of my new system fleshed out I plan to share it in a new thread. I am very excited about see the results as I forge forward in my new magickal system. I will outline the system and a journal of my progress.
I’ve learned a lot about myself recently. I was given the opportunity to have a leadership role. I became so overwhelmed so fast that it affected my relationship. I have been struggling lately with my differences spiritually with my wife. I was wondering how can I be in this occult world and be with my wife who wants no part of it. I want so deeply to be able to share this with her. I realized that I also don’t want to be a part of anything that causes problems with my marriage.
I need to figure out how to have both.
Obviously leadership is not an option. I wasn’t handling it well. I don’t like being that socially obligated to anyone but my wife. I have been trying to manifest things into my life that I recently learned that I never really wanted in the first place.
I would like to thank all the spirits I work with for showing me the lies I have been telling myself. I again find myself at the crossroads trying to figure out what direction is best for me and my family. At least I know one direction that is not for us. And that will definitely help me decide where to go from here.
For anyone who may have been affected by my almost nonexistent group leadership I am sorry that I had to leave so suddenly. I will not sacrifice my marriage to stroke my own ego. The only reason I took the job was to try to earn more respect from this community.
I know now that I wouldn’t have been able to handle the feeling of obligation to everyone who would look up to me if I became a pillar in this community. I now have a new found respect for those that are the foundation here. Not that I didn’t respect them before. I guess now I see at least a little of what it costs them to do what they do here.
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I fell so far from the current I was on that I don’t know where to go from here. I see the signs that are being thrust in my face. I know what I am being urged to do. The last time I followed the signs I went to a place I was not prepared to be.
Am I really ready for this? Can I go that direction and embrace what must happen to get what I want? I’ve been told over and over what will happen if I go that way. Every time I get close I turn away scared of what it costs. Yet I feel pulled in that direction so strong that I continue to look anyway.
Is that the direction for me or should I seek another path? What if I can’t pay what is asked of me?
I guess it boils down to just making a decision and going full force no matter what happens.
Time to do some cleaning and make a decision.
what’s your feeling about the latest chaos happooning?
it’s easy. you thinking too much. it’s like a hobby. you can have your hobby and wife can have her hobby. Your activities do not define you.
I don’t know what that is
there are so many ways you can disguise your practices, you can even have an altar without anyone noticing it, I will PM you
I want to pursue a spiritual career but my wife is a devout atheist. I want to get a college degree in metaphysics. She will not want me to spend money on something that she see as pointless. My heart is being torn in different directions. I don’t feel like she would support me in a spiritual career as she doesn’t believe in anything spiritual. How can my own spiritual desires be so different from my soulmates? I feel like I would not survive splitting up. I also feel like if I don’t pursue my spiritual path I am letting myself down. If I follow my path it feels like I am disrespecting her beliefs. If I don’t follow my path I’m definitely disrespecting my own beliefs. Why does every Choice feel wrong? Is there another option I can’t see?
Thankyou for reading the ramblings of the mad man .
I am a creature of chaos and chaos follows me. Anyone who may try to get involved may experience overflow of my chaos. I am a reckless person with my life. Please don’t let me affect anyone with my perceptions of problems. I am a mess of a person. Do not interact with me without using precautions to protect yourself.
Death calls to me. Tells me things I want to hear. Shows me things that make most cringe but makes me smile. Calls to my inner monster. That secret part of me that no one else knows. The part of me that feels no guilt or grief. It craves the disturbing and depraved. Death knows that if it gets out it will surround itself with the dead. The monster comforts me when I am angry. Makes me smile when I am sad. I love my monster. I will never let go. If I do the world would burn.
The mad man smiled at his new works of art written and drawn. He liked the thought of them disturbing people. He felt so different from others that he delited in making them cringe.
Sometimes the mad man felt like he was the darkness the evil that made it possible for light and goodness to exist.
That thought made him feel important. Made him feel needed. Made him feel like he belonged.
lloa a’ nnarr rliy roarlariy
Why is it that when someone asks you to do something for them and doesn’t give you specific instructions that they get so upset when it’s not exactly what they wanted?
Seriously if it is that important to you why the fuck did you not give better instructions.
You asked me for a favor and then bitch about it when I am done. Fuck you and your high horse.
I even offered multiple options to fix your problem with it and you through it at me and tell me to take my shit and get out.
This attitude problem of yours is giving me an attitude problem.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!
Pushing death at them doesn’t work. Telling them to leave doesn’t work.
Being mean doesn’t work.
Being nice doesn’t work.
Asking spirits to get rid of them doesn’t work.
Maybe they don’t exist and I truly am mad.