The Path of Dark Gnosis - My Journal

I decided to start a journal here for my own reasons. I will probably not be recording all of my magickal activities here as many of them are personal, however I will post here in the hopes that perhaps my experiences can help others along their own path.

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Tonight is the waxing of the new moon on the day of a full solar eclipse. I will be doing some magickal workings with Lilith using the following summoning ritual I have put together myself. I will be doing this either a bit before midnight or a bit before 3 in the morning.

My personal Lilith summoning ritual.
This can be done on any day but it is preferable that it is done around the time of the new moon. It is preferable that you wear all black during this ritual, preferably a black robe but black clothes will work as well. Doing this ritual naked will work equally as well. This should also be done at midnight or 3 AM. Start your chakra meditation and lighting of the sage a bit before you start the actual summoning.

  1. Start by lighting some sage in your sacred space to remove any energies you do not want around during the ritual. If you do not have sage than you may want to make a magick circle to stand in using salt.
  2. Do a chakra meditation to balance out your energies before starting the ritual.
  3. Draw Lilith’s sigil and place it upon the altar.
  4. Ring a tibetan singing bowl (or a bell) to signify the start of the ritual
  5. Light five black candles in the shape of an upside down pentagram
  6. Light a stick of Sandalwood or Dragons Blood incense
  7. Take a dagger and draw an inverted pentagram in the air, starting with earth, water, air, fire and ending with spirit.
  8. Pour the lady a glass of red wine mixed with a drop of your own blood
  9. Offer her some sort of sweet fruits, in my case I’m using dried dates
  10. Listen or chant Lilith’s enn 108 times
  11. If you prefer you can put in some ritual music or you can simply leave the sounds of enn chanting on after you have done this 108 times.
  12. Recite the song of Lilith from the grimoire “Liber Lilith”
    The song is recited as follows:
    O my love, you are lost. The Sun bows his face toward the Western mountains.
    You have forgotten the places of your beginning. You wander wander on the steeps and your feet are bathed in blood.
    You flee through the valleys and the gathering mist swallows you up, and the shadows claim you. The road is overgrown with thorns. The wild ass grazes in the thoroughfare. A thief in the night has stolen the marker stones. Twilight falls between you and the tribe of your father that went before your face. Their footsteps are swallowed up. Their voices have ceased to echo from the hills.
    Abide with me this night and I will comfort you. Beneath the open sky I will give you shelter. Lie at the crossroads with your head upon my lap.
    White my thigh as the wing of the swan newly fledged, soft as the down that lines the nest of the waterfowl. Relinquish your cares of the day and I will soothe your brow with kisses. My tongue drips with the sweetness of the honeycomb. The lushness of the pomegranate that splits in its ripeness, even so my lips lie ripe upon your lips. Drink the wine from my mouth. My mouth is a chalice brimmed with the wine of desire. Become drunk upon my kisses, O lonely traveller.
    Seek shelter beneath the archway of my thighs. My thighs are mighty pillars of alabaster that hold up the star-shot firmament. Refresh your tongue at the cooling fountains of my breasts. My breasts are distant snow-capped mountains from which tumble foaming torrents. Conceal your face amid the tangled thicket of my hair. My hair is a dense forest of fragrant spice trees. Hide yourself deep behind the strong gateway of my womb. My womb is the House of Holiness, yea, even the Holiest of Holies.
    I am white and comely. My countenance shines with the pale light of the Moon in her splendour. Enter into my Secret Garden and lie within my bower. Stay with me, O my love. Give no heed to the passing of days. The seasons turn and fall like petals from the flower. The years roll away like clouds after the rain. Even when your span of life has ended, stay in my embrace. I will draw the soft blanket of the earth over you and lie beside you until the uttermost ceasing of the world.
    Do not strive to rise up, my love. The long night has yet to end. I will not so soon be parted from the warmth of your breath. My arms cling around your chill neck even as the dew-wet strands of the spider hold the fluttering moth. My red lips stick with the sweetness of honey to your face. You are caught between the bow of my strong thighs. My matrix devours whole your swollen member like unto the serpent that swallows its prey still quick with life.
    I am black and terrible of aspect. My eyes are quickened coals that smoulder with emerald fire in the caverns of my skull. Sharp my teeth like those of the dragon that crushes its foe in a deadly embrace.
    Sharp my envenomed nails like the fangs of the viper that hisses. My lips are ruddy with clots of gore, my mouth drips with fresh blood, my forked tongue is as black as Death, the stench of carrion hangs on my breath, and the flies come and settle upon my cheeks.
    Jet my breasts like unto the hills of Gehenna. My thighs vast columns of ebony that extend down even to the very foundation stone of the Abyss. Leviathan coils his slimy length about them and makes his lair in my womb. It breeds serpents as does the putrid belly of a dead horse.
    Seek not to flee, O my love. My arms restrain you with terrible strength. I bind you to my breast with the rank strands of my hair. I am the Jealous God.
    No other god shall lie with you. I am the Heavenly Harlot, the Queen of All Pleasures. No other lover shall ever please you. Your seed is the payment I exact for my whoredom. You are source of my delight as the corpse delights the jackal in the desert. The screams that are born and die in your throat nourish my darkness. Your fear excites my lust. I will not cease to abuse you all the time that I love you. Nor can you ever be rid of me, for we are joined as one flesh under the dark face of the Moon. I cry out in the excess of my passions. My cries are like those of the bird that flies by night and screeches.
    Fearful traveller, you sleep a sleep from which there is no awaking. You wander lost in a darkness that has no dawn. Resign your soul to my caresses and become drunk with the intoxication of my kiss. Verily I love you as no daughter of Eve can love you. You grow stronger in my lust in the lust born of flesh. I teach you delightful sins unknown to humankind. The pleasures I give are keener pleasures. The ways I open are deeper ways. Put aside vain regrets and forget the rosy glow of dawn. Make deaf your ears to the cock that crows. Nestle forever beneath the velvet shadow of my wing. My child, my flesh, my very own, how can you think I would forsake you?
  13. Recite the following words:
    O’ Lilith, Dark Queen, accept my offerings of sweet fruits, red wine, and the blood of my own hand. I offer this as tribute to you my Queen of the night. I ask that you give me your gnosis, teach me secrets that you only teach to your most devoted adepts and initiates. Grant me the power of the vampyre, teach me your ways and the secrets of your gnosis. Let us partake of the blood and the wine and the fruits together as a symbol of our love and sexual unions to come.
  14. Take a bite of the fruit and take a sip of the wine mixed with blood.
  15. Sit in silence and feel the energy of the dark queen envelop the room. Converse with her further if you can hear her.
  16. Thank the Dark Queen for honoring your temple with her presence
  17. Ring the tibeten singing bowl once more to signify the end of the ritual.

I do not take responsibility should anyone try this ritual and end up causing harm to themselves or others through the use of this ritual. I only post it here because I plan on trying this ritual tonight for the first time making it relevant to this journal. Do this at your own risk and I personally do not recommend it as I have not even tried it myself as of yet. I will post the results after tonight assuming the ritual is a success and I notice any changes. If it’s a failure and I notice changes I will post results as well.

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I just completed the ritual and the results were interesting to say the least. Through the course of the ritual I did feel light touches but nothing extraordinary, however, what I found fascinating is the manner in which the candles burned. The candle in the pentagram representing the element of fire seemed to burn the fastest and with the most ferocity. The candle represented spirit at the bottom of the pentagram at one point formed a double flame as the piece of wick turned in on itself in a very strange way. After the double flame ceased to be on that particular candle I noticed the same thing happen on the candle representing the element of air. Eventually the candle representing spirit burned out completely (it was the first to burn out) at this point I had done everything that needed to be done in the ritual so I decided to end it. As these candles were burning rather oddly, I noticed the wax pooling up near the bottom of these candles in an odd way. I decided to try to scry into the wax but I wasn’t able to determine anything. However, the patterns of wax are still there and I will analyze them more further.

Usually after doing this type of ritual with the dark mother my dreams are very interesting. I’ll see what happens after I sleep tonight.

While laying in bed last night I felt spirits lightly cuddling with me while I was laying down. This is fairly typical as in the past I had asked Lilith for a succubus. As I was laying down, I had an incense stick lit on the other side of the room, this is fairly typical as well. At this point I was in a half awake-half asleep trance and I began scrying into the ember of the incense stick from across the room which was fairly bright in the completely black room.

It wasn’t my intention to scry into this incense stick but it just sort of happened while I stared into this ember in a semi-trance. While looking into the ember I saw the image of a Pegasus, I watched it shift for a moment, sometimes standing still, other times, bucking. After I moment it disappeared and I saw what looked like the sun tarot card. I felt I saw it very clearly.

I continued to lay in bed, contemplating on what I had seen, thinking I should write it down but I didn’t particularly feel like getting up to put it in one of my personal journals I have saved on my computer. I ended up turning over for a while, feeling the embrace of Lilith and my Succubi. It really wasn’t that sexual, more or less just cuddling, which I actually enjoyed.

After doing that ritual last night I was certain I would have brought out Lilith’s darker aspect but she came to me in a sweet and gentle manner, I’m thinking it is because I showed her great respect during the ritual and we’ve built a bit of a bond over the time I’ve worked with her. Even in her darkest aspect, I still have complete trust in her.

After I turned over I laid in bed for a while, than I decided to turn back over. Once again, I see the burning ember of the incense flame and feel oddly compelled to stare into it. I watch as the flame morphs into a red eye, almost like the eye of a dragon or a serpent. At this point I realize I’ll forget everything I’ve seen if I don’t record it, so I got up to record this in one of my personal journals.

As for the symbolism of the Pegasus, I felt it represented myself flying towards the sun in search of knowledge, the symbol of the sun itself representing rebirth and transformation, and the eye of the serpent representing the attainment of knowledge of good and evil through the serpent much like the serpent that offered Adam and Eve the apple of knowledge. I feel these are things yet to come for I feel I still have a long way to go on my journey.

I haven’t worked with Lucifer for about a month, well, randomly he decided he wanted to talk to me last night. I wasn’t even sure if I was capable of telepathy anymore, at least to the extent that I used to have it, that is until Lucifer stopped by last night. He illuminated my mind with his wisdom and intelligence. He pointed out areas where my mind is still being held back by self made chains and boundaries.

The telepathy was much clearer than I have experienced it in a long time. I had almost forgotten what his energy felt like until he randomly decided to show up last night. I had almost forgotten how intelligent and wise he is because I hadn’t conversed with him in such a long time.
He truly does represent the current of gnosis/enlightenment.

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I believe I’ve been going through the process of Kundalini awakening for some months now going all the way back to august when it was triggered through the use of certain entheogens. I’ve had muscle twitches, rushes of energy up the spine, my body being compelled to move in odd ways as I lay down, the constant feeling of “bugs” crawling on my skin even though nothing is there, and an opening of psychic energies. It seemed a bit more dormant for a while but recently it hasn’t felt quite as dormant. As related to the sexual nature of the kundalini I’ve no longer felt the urge to masturbate, not to mention, I’m trying to keep that vital energy.

I decided to try a kundalini meditation last night out of curiosity, I never really tried to do anything kundalini related before, when it first happened it was just kind of an accident because I decided to do a disassociative one night back in august which caused the awakening in the first place but last night I figured I’d give a kundalini meditation a try because why not.

During this process I felt the pressure through my chakras, it always seems to happen in my lower chakras, however when I listened to this meditation I felt it in some of my higher chakras, starting with the solar plexus and eventually moving up to the crown. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt it move all the way up to the crown before, if it had, I had forgotten.

As this energy made it’s way through to my crown I felt like the top of my head would at times become soft, almost like the skull of a new born baby. Other times I felt like the top of my head was gone all together and sometimes it felt like my skull had become like the membrane you find within an egg which sits between the shell and the egg itself. I saw visions in my mind, I only remember one and it’s a bit personal but I felt as if secrets were being given to me throughout the night.

So last night I decided to do some entheogens. Specifically I decided to do some DXM because it’s a very good astral projection drug, I also smoked a little bit of marijuana on top of it.
I drank about half of the bottle of DXM, it made my stomach upset and I had to take a shit a couple of times because of it.

About 2 hours after drinking it I was definitely feeling some effects. So I decided to lay down for a bit. I figured I’d try to AP, something I’ve only achieved once (this was another time I was also using DXM).
I laid down, and relaxed, I made sure to remember that I am not my body, my body is merely a vessel. The spirits have been helping me with my astral senses in preparation for projection over the past few weeks.
Anyway, as I was laying down, I felt my body become lighter and begin to vibrate, my heart started pounding out of my chest, I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. I don’t remember much due to my drug induced state but I feel like the spirits were asking “is this what you really want” and I said “yes”. It felt like I was being blasted off in a rocket ship, I don’t remember much after that. I feel like I saw a peek of the astral realm but decided to puss out and go straight back into my body.

Since I was on DXM at the time this was a traumatic experience, I’ve always known our reality is something akin to a “simulation” but the full gravity of this fact doesn’t really hit you until you’ve experienced another reality. Last night while using this drug I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that none of this is real, I was on the verge of a drug induced psychotic break, at one point during my trip I felt my brain “break”, it almost felt like a bone snapping in two, like one of the neurons just had it’s connection cut. The full realization that this reality is in fact a prison put me into a deep depression, I felt like I was dead. I felt like a ghost trapped in a human shell, almost like I didn’t exist at all. I suppose this is what they call “ego death”, it was very traumatic.

At a certain point I knew I couldn’t handle this trip, this was probably the most terrifying trip I’ve ever had. I called a close family member of mine and asked them if they would come over and give me a couple of their benzodiazapines to use as a “trip killer” since benzo’s are known to end a bad trip and if you go to the hospital due to a bad trip usually what they do is pump you full of benzo’s anyway.

This family member came over, calmed me down a bit, I took 2 klonopin and I felt relatively normal.

Overall, the experience was horrible but necessary. I have such a hard time astral projecting because I am afraid that if I AP I won’t be able to get back into my body and I’ll essentially be “dead”, perhaps, since feeling what it’s like to actually be dead I can get over that fear regarding AP and since this experience happened I kind of want to AP some more, I only saw a glimpse of reality, now I want to experience it in it’s fullest, especially since I have the knowledge that I have now.

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My trip to hell was really hellish, and I manged it without using any “hallucinogenic drugs” just extreme emotional turmoil, some caffeine and a lack of proper sleep. The worst part was of course, that my husband was supposed to be there on the other end, but he wasn’t because he was too caught up in his monster energy drink addiction that caused a good deal of the emotional turmoil in the first place.

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Could you elaborate further on all of this?

I have just woken up again after my second nightmare. I rearranged and cleaned my bedroom room earlier today which also happens to be my temple.

For some reason before I went to bed tonight I decided to call upon 3 separate succubi which I am familiar with. I normally don’t call upon this many succubi at once but I got a lot done today and wanted to celebrate through what was essentially a spiritual orgy. This may have been a bad idea.

The first is a succubi that I normally go to bed with every night who is very gentle, I’ll call her “I”.

The second succubi I called upon is an entity I hadn’t called upon in a long time because her energy is a bit too dark, even for my standards, however, I wanted to give her another chance after I had cut myself off from her for a long time, l’ll call her “C”.

The third succubi is one that everyone knows as the most famous succubus of all, who is of course Lilith.

Well, I asked Lilith for help in dream work before going to sleep after I had felt these 3 entities caressing me for a few hours.

I had a nightmare involving succubi which I woke up from. Upon waking I suspected either Lilith or “C” caused this dream. I politely asked Lilith to respect me and knock it off, I said the same to “C” in case it was her. I went back to sleep and once again I had another nightmare involving succubi and Lilith making herself known pretty explicitly in this second dream.

I should also note that I took Lilith’s sigil out today for the first time in a long time and left it out as I slept. There’s a chance the entity known as “C” is behind this, is actually a parasite or rogue succubus and is simply imitating Lilith but I’m about 80-90% sure it’s Lilith because the dreams kept including false awakenings and in the past when Lilith has given me a nightmare she’s always given me false awakenings.

The dreams also just seemed to have her energy signature written all over them. It’s hard to explain but I’m pretty familiar with her energy at this point. She seems to have 2 aspects, one is motherly, the other is vampiric. The energy I was feeling felt like her latter aspect.

I’m feeling I did something to disrespect her. Maybe because I essentially called her for a booty call which was dumb but I didn’t think she would mind since I rarely call her for this sole purpose.

It could also be that she doesn’t like the fact that I rearranged things in the temple, I know spirits can be weird like that.

Or it could be that she’s simply answering my prayers in her own way since I asked for Lucid dreams and the last time I asked her for this she kept giving me nightmares with false awakenings until I was forced to realize I was dreaming.

Either way, I felt this was worth documenting here as a paranormal experience.

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DXM is known for being dysphoric (as well as a dissociative), and the marijuana probably facilitated more of its negative qualities in this instance.

So, right off the bat I’d be looking at that factor in regards to your negative experience.

You have to be aware of the effects of certain chemicals and take that into consideration with your experiences when you use them. Ask yourself whether or not this may have colored your perceptions?

Just my thoughts.

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I’d never heard that but I’m not surprised since it usually doesn’t put me in a positive mood. In the past I’ve mostly only used it as a tool for spiritual development and astral projection. The marijuana added to the psychedelic experience but also added to the paranoia.

Yeah, I could see it causing a negative experience. Although I have had legitimate AP experiences on the drug due to it’s dissociative effects. The disassociation seems to do a really good job of making you “forget” your body all together. Although I probably won’t do DXM again for a long time since I no longer feel the potential AP effects are worth the overall negatives. Lately I’ve been using more mild and less dangerous substances for mental exploration, those substances being simple herbs like mugwort to enhance and encourage lucid dreaming.

My experience is that Valerian root is very good for facilitating better dreaming.

You wanna take it anywhere between 2-3 hrs before you go to bed. It can be pretty strong at times (might depend on brand), so it needs time to get good and going before you sleep otherwise it can leave you pretty groggy for a few hours the next day. (Think Benadryl)

Used to be Walmart carried it (maybe they still do?) Their brand was strong enough that I got good effects off two capsules (recommend dose was 3 but I found that to be too strong…), Without having too much next day grogginess (again, taking it two hours before going to sleep).

In my early twenties I was really into Carl Jung and stuff, and this naturally led me to wanting to remember and interpret my dreams to see if I could decipher my unconscious mind and whatever’s going on with it.

Mugwort was a pretty mixed bag for me, never really locked it in. I found it rather sleep disruptive, and it can make me dizzy (mugwort hangovers?).

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I haven’t used valerian in about 10 years but I might pick some up to combine with my mugwort to see what the dream effects are. When I first started using mugwort I didn’t notice much in terms of effects on the first night but I’ve noticed as I’ve started taking it every night the effects have become stronger resulting in very vivid dreams and the occasional lucid dream.

I decided to invoke Lucifer using the following method:


I’ve used this method before with great success. As for this time, I feel it was successful but the energy still feels a bit subtle. Will update as time goes on.
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Had a couple of more dreams about Lilith, not exactly nightmares but still dark. Found it interesting either way.

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I had a dream about Lilith to last night I don’t remember much but I remember it was odd and it was a wet dream her voice was so seductive to me even though I could not see her face

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I’ve had seductive dreams with lower level succubi and incubi but very few seductive dreams regarding the dark queen herself. In most of my dreams related to Lilith I’ll usually see her sigil somewhere or something else related to her. I believe in one of my dreams last night I was doing some kind of ritual to her.
I always know when she’s influencing my dreams because I’ve gotten pretty good at identifying her “energy signature” in relation to my dreams.

I work with her darker and vampiric aspects quite often so my dreams related to her can often be rather dark.

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Interesting I’ve just started working with her on a more regular basis recently so I’m not even sure if it was really her

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It probably was. If you’re just starting to work with her she might be more gentle and patient. I’ve been working with her for about half a year now so I’ve seen all sides of her.

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