For about one and a half year ago, I started to connect very intensely to the moon through a invocation I did with Gullveig. I got into some kind of “dark night of the soul-ish” state where I still am, though much stronger now. I’ve got many good and beneficial things from this. Learning how to ground myself, better intuition, invoking different energy currents just by focusing on them, and sometimes being so connected with the fullmoon-phases that I can feel their individual energy through her cold fire that evokes spiritual nausea and makes the heart pound like a hammer of death. Over all, it’s a VERY interesting current and it’s sooo different from what I’m used to, being sometimes extremely tricky to work with.
However, it has a dark side too. Spiritual depression, lethargy, fucked-up sleeping cycles, low levels of energy, insomnia to mention a few.
I started having these dreams (especially when being really low on spiritual energy), in environments from my childhood. School, the house I grew up in, friends from that time etc. They can sometimes be very lucid in their nature, and in these dreams I meet these dark apparitions that attacks and chases me. It can be everything from dark hallways to bright daylight. At first, I thought that they were parasites. I tried to fight them by cursing them and such, but it just made it worse. One time I took a break from magic and grounded myself, and in that period something very interesting happened in a dream like that. I got attacked by a dark female shade-like entity, and she got me and started to violently pull me, trying to drag me somewhere. Being harassed by these for a long time, one gets used to it. So I got tired of that shit and I just stopped and looked at her and said “You are sooo small and pathetic. You don’t have any real power, do you?” and she just stopped and looked all over confused. Then I woke up. Funny.
I have dealt with REAL parasites and negs, more powerful and dangerous than this. They feel a bit different, and can look very different to. And I know for a fact, that they wont stop attacking you just because you stop resisting and saying something.
So I started to suspect that this may be aspects of past trauma. After all, the moon is a great way to access the subconscious. This is probably a current down in my own Jungian shadow.
Time passed, and a ritual took me out of that place. So I thought, maybe I’m done there and I can just move on. Wrong. Yesterday, I activated a bind rune to harness the energy of the coming full moon eclipse, and tonight I forcefully woke myself from a dream like that again. I’m now contemplating to try to stay down there next time, and just try to understand and meet what I will face with love and understanding instead of violence and fear. Because, it seems like I have some unfinished business down there, being dragged back into that place over and over.
Maybe someone out there have descended down into their own Jungian shadow and are willing to share some friendly advice?
Thanks in advance.