The moon, bad memories and dark apparitions

For about one and a half year ago, I started to connect very intensely to the moon through a invocation I did with Gullveig. I got into some kind of “dark night of the soul-ish” state where I still am, though much stronger now. I’ve got many good and beneficial things from this. Learning how to ground myself, better intuition, invoking different energy currents just by focusing on them, and sometimes being so connected with the fullmoon-phases that I can feel their individual energy through her cold fire that evokes spiritual nausea and makes the heart pound like a hammer of death. Over all, it’s a VERY interesting current and it’s sooo different from what I’m used to, being sometimes extremely tricky to work with.

However, it has a dark side too. Spiritual depression, lethargy, fucked-up sleeping cycles, low levels of energy, insomnia to mention a few.

I started having these dreams (especially when being really low on spiritual energy), in environments from my childhood. School, the house I grew up in, friends from that time etc. They can sometimes be very lucid in their nature, and in these dreams I meet these dark apparitions that attacks and chases me. It can be everything from dark hallways to bright daylight. At first, I thought that they were parasites. I tried to fight them by cursing them and such, but it just made it worse. One time I took a break from magic and grounded myself, and in that period something very interesting happened in a dream like that. I got attacked by a dark female shade-like entity, and she got me and started to violently pull me, trying to drag me somewhere. Being harassed by these for a long time, one gets used to it. So I got tired of that shit and I just stopped and looked at her and said “You are sooo small and pathetic. You don’t have any real power, do you?” and she just stopped and looked all over confused. Then I woke up. Funny.

I have dealt with REAL parasites and negs, more powerful and dangerous than this. They feel a bit different, and can look very different to. And I know for a fact, that they wont stop attacking you just because you stop resisting and saying something.

So I started to suspect that this may be aspects of past trauma. After all, the moon is a great way to access the subconscious. This is probably a current down in my own Jungian shadow.

Time passed, and a ritual took me out of that place. So I thought, maybe I’m done there and I can just move on. Wrong. Yesterday, I activated a bind rune to harness the energy of the coming full moon eclipse, and tonight I forcefully woke myself from a dream like that again. I’m now contemplating to try to stay down there next time, and just try to understand and meet what I will face with love and understanding instead of violence and fear. Because, it seems like I have some unfinished business down there, being dragged back into that place over and over.

Maybe someone out there have descended down into their own Jungian shadow and are willing to share some friendly advice?

Thanks in advance.

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Check out her experience. Sometimes we are led by the entities and spirits around us to relive the past in a therapeutic way. Since we are going about this in a dark aspect way, it is much more traumatic because it has to be. The point is full on immersion and breaking through. It is more powerful than any psychological analysis or guided conversation.

By working with the moon with such intensity, she has obliged your calling. Ask for protection and guidance from Luna herself and the entity you invoked, Gullveig. And go through the process knowing you will break through and Become stronger for it.

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Wow this was very interesting. I see alot of similarities to my own situation. I can’t fully control my lucid dreams either, which have been scary in this process. I have also forcefully wakened myself from these dreams, with extreme willpower, because these worlds just Don’t want me to leave. She even uses the same tarot cards that I use. I will try to gather confidence to venture down there the next time and see where it leads. That’s about the only thing I haven’t tried yet. Have you done something like this before?

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Many times. It is why I noticed the common thread.

I’ll give a funny (in retrospect) experience of mine: I was partially lucid in a dream. I was happily and whimsically testing out flying in the dream partially aware I was dreaming. Enter this crowd of people with a certain male entity at the lead. Long story short, they scared the sh*t out of me to the point I couldn’t even fly anymore. They male walked off whistling and walking as if it were all a joke. One of the females walks up to me and says, “Sorry!”. :upside_down_face:

What was happening was I was being trained to understand how fear can affect me, and to once again help me overcome fear itself. They were all in on it. The female entity actually felt so sorry for my fearful state, she broke character after the fact and apologized. It was actually sweet that she did that for many reasons. First it confirmed it was all indeed a test. They weren’t zombies (that was the theme, I remember now) as they portrayed it. They were just helping me through an intense method. Second, it calmed me down even in that state so that I woke up confused rather than terrified. That helped me process what happened.

When you challenged that female entity and she looked at you confused, I realized the similar sign. She broke character. She was supposed to stay “evil”. But you becoming somewhat aware and challenging her changed the script and caught her by surprise. As you said… “Funny”. And also pretty freaking cool, right? I mean, these beings take the time to train and guide us in this way even as we aren’t even completely lucid. It is humbling and motivating at the same time.

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Yes! Maybe it’s just a manifestation of inner fears. I got tired of that shit and stopped being afraid, and things quickly calmed down. Like scenarios on the material plane, when you are forced to do something you hate, worry about it, but when you do it everything works out just fine and you are like ”lol that wasn’t so bad.” The strange thing though is that these dreams almost always occur when I’m on really low vitality levels. I aslo have more problems getting enough sleep and such. Weird, should be the other way. When you are exhausted in some way, you automatically should sleep more. Well, there is much left here to understand and having a ”lighter” version of aspergers syndrome, this is alien to me as I use to be very logical about stuff and not particularly empathic. I understand how and Why people feel a certain way by logical analysis, and the lunar current is showing me quiet the opposite. I need this to get balance in both mind and spirit.

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Welcome to the occult world! You learn by experience. I don’t believe in the standard paradigm for mental health stuff. Don’t worry about labels and focus on your Path and what is healthy for you.

It sounds like, given more info, you are not just being forced to overcome things. You are being forced to “feel” things. So that you realize there’s nothing wrong with your capacity for emotions. It’s just a mental block. And it may be related to the past trauma you mentioned. Especially considering all the battles you seem to have to face in your Work.

Honestly, no matter how you may feel, you are doing great. You are in tune with what’s going and why you are going through it. You have committed yourself to the Work no matter how hard it is. And you also understand the necessity for balance. Keep it up. And add “void” meditation to your daily routine if you don’t already have it. It will help with everything. Basically, just try to stop all thoughts and emotions and experience consciousness as purely and deeply as you can.

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Thanks for the kind words. The last months have been something of a little breakthrough for me, and the process is still going on. Perception is so important. I’ve become much stronger, and the biggest thing that changed was the way I look at my magical praxis. Seems like years of suffering born out of self-doubt are coming to an end. At least I hope it does. I have done a lot of Void meditation over the years and it’s really a wonderful praxis. I have noticed that doing these meditations after a period of intense praxis, things tend to ”fall into their place”.
Are you deep into the lunar current? I could really use some advice about how to deal with the lethargy that seems to go hand in hand with it.

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You’re welcome!

I am not that deep into it. Though when I did work with Luna, I didn’t experience lethargy.
Are you sure the lethargy isn’t just coming from the spiritual and emotional work you are going through?
I have noticed that intense inner work can sometimes be exhausting.

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It could be that. I just read that the shadow can cause lethargy and healing aspects of it can raise vitality instead. The Moon illuminates the subconscious, and that is where the shadow resides. I also read about fatigue during ”spiritual awakening”. The Moon card in the tarot can also represent the dark night of the soul. But the interesting thing is that the lethargy has an energetic undercurrent which is very characteristic. Being greatly inspired through art, music and stuff like that can fill me with energy and make me feel alive temporarily during these periods. The Moon also seems to be a vampiric force since many goddessess related to the Moon seems to possess these qualities. By ”vampiric” I don’t necessarily mean feeding on other peoples energies, but being linked to The High Priestess card and passive receptivity, it may just be that one become an ”empty vessel” to be filled with energy and inspiration to embody higher knowledge and understanding. It doesn’t shine by itself, it just reflects the light of the sun. This feminine energy is so hard to deal with sometimes because it’s so easy. It’s all about letting go really, and for us humans, that can be really hard sometimes. This lethargy may also rise from imbalance. As most people on this forum probably already knows we have one energychannel on each side of the spine/main channel. The left is water, the Moon and feminine energy and the right is the sun, fire and masculine energy. Fire is vitality, ambition and will to action and a weak flow of energy there may also cause lethargy and depression. Well, these are just speculations really. I just probably have to deal with shadow-related problems to get rid of blockages.

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Yes, the feminine is that reflection and vessel. However I would say the reflected light is not that of the Sun anymore. It is the seed of the light of the sun, made into a new light that belongs to Luna herself. The feminine doesn’t simply reflect but creates anew, provides rebirth.

I’ve never thought of that aspect of Luna before, as absorbing energies, and that relationship to vampirism. Definitely something to think about. However, I would say that in working with her, she wouldn’t absorb those energies without giving something back or using them for your benefit.

Yes, the lethargy may be due to imbalance or just spiritual fatigue. Let us know if you find the cause. I’d be interested to see if it was related to the shadow. I just view the concept of the shadow differently. Though I don’t think I could put it into words as I haven’t thought about the shadow as a separate thing.

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Yes I agree on that. I have experienced much death energy working with the feminine. But it is also nourishing somehow, in a strange way. I’m deeply fascinated by this current. Yesterday I slept like shit, but I saw the roof of my apartment through closed eyelids 3 times and a new technique that strenghtens void meditation was revealed to me. I slept like shit tonight also, and had a recurring dream about a fight with a family member I have a very crappy relationship with. Much to deal with… I’m thinking about using the moon as the hermits lantern, the black moon to surface things that lies hidden in the subconscious, and the black sun to integrate it to my conscious self and turn it to power for self-actualization. Also maybe engage in some work with the Nahemoth-qlipha to help clear emotional garbage. Feels like if I don’t deal with this shit, I’ll never be able to move on. You have been of much help. I’m very thankful for that.

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You’re very welcome. I try. Definitely report back with your results of this work. I’ve not seen too many people that work with the planets themselves.