The Fate Of All Fools

Monday, June 14th

You are a living system believing yourself to be a single, individual being — existing solely as a small bubble of consciousness, of reactive intake sensors generated by bioelectricity, gathered into a narrow point within a 2kg slab of meat encased in your skull.

If your conscious mind was given control of all the functions of your body, how long do you think you could manage to keep the ship sailing smoothly?

Our bodies possess processing power beyond awareness. But we rarely think of it, because we consider the moving parts to be so small as to be beyond notice. And we think of ourselves as One, not a multitude of many.

We turn our minds instead to the larger, greater, mysteries — things that seem bigger than us, outside of us, beyond our ken.

Not recognising that the system which keeps us alive — breathes for us, digests our food, divides our cells — is powered by the selfsame mechanism that draws outer circumstances into our lives by unconscious thought.

Does a cell contemplate its reason for being — does it question whether or not, or if so how, it is governed by a greater purpose — of how it fits into a system?


I feel generally good, given the current circumstances. But I have to thank the Law, Raphael, Melahel, the Master Protection Ritual, and Rey and Norse for getting me here.

Also, I remember posting a while ago about a friend’s health issues, which, via the Law, I decided was false. Said friend was facing a hereditary disease which commonly causes its sufferers to drop dead of a heart attack between their late 20s to late 30s. Well, a few weeks ago the friend told me that the hospital technician could see nothing abnormal about the test results. And just a few days ago, the friend told me his cardiologist “discharged” him because they simply couldn’t find anything wrong, and my friend was cleared to return to his usual activities, which have been his passions for a few decades. :+1:

Maybe in a few weeks I’ll expand more on the other healing experiences/experiments I’ve gone through, since around last Thursday June 10th or so, but right now it’s too close to my heart.


Since beginning it, I’ve now had two experiences which make me think the Master Protection Ritual has been responsible for letting me off without a dent or a scape of trouble.

My thought-association experiment is progressing. I expect it to ramp up shortly.

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Wednesday, June 23rd

(A deleted post of June 19th, which I don't want to look at, but want it to be recorded here.)

To know, to will, to dare, and to remain silent.

The last part is practical when it comes to any workings, so people don’t think you’re completely insane, but I find it becoming something of a superstition as well. I am too aware of the hostile observer affect, and for things I don’t care too much about, it’s not that big of a deal to detail them here. But for things close to my heart, I clutch them close and tightly. Perhaps I even downplay it a bit, irl. A war between wanting to talk about it, to make an outward cry for comfort, but jealously and protectively not wanting anyone else’s eyes or thoughts on it.

Superstition. :woman_shrugging:

I’ve been slowly re-reading Joseph Murphy’s Power of Your Subconscious Mind. Lately it has been a little hard for me to grapple with the implications of God and God-self and Christ and Christ-as-man and man-as-Christ, like in Neville Goddard’s works (or maybe rather in the interpretation of his works by the unwashed masses), so I have found Murphy’s work to be helpful – in the same vein, but with less complications.

Even as someone raised secularly, living in a very secular country, it can be tough to really accept the idea of self-as-God… or rather, it’s not that it is hard to grasp or accept that concept, but that the notion seems to come with addendums and caveats and parameters and all this other shit I can’t be bothered to deal with. It’s a relief to just use Murphy’s robust but simple affirmations, in a concentrated and deliberate way.

My Master Protection Ritual continues.

I’m playing around with developing some more experimental rituals.

Tonight I went to shower and found a tangle of hair on the wall of my shower. Mine, and someone else’s. Mine, unmistakeable, long and platinum. The other kind looked like the hair of a special person I’ve been manifesting. :thinking: He’s never showered here, and even if he had, I’ve definitely cleaned my shower in the months since he was here last.


For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with deep compassion I will bring you back.

"…Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed."

"…No weapon formed against you shall prosper,
And every tongue which rises against you in judgment
You shall condemn.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,
And their righteousness is from Me."

– Isaiah 54


The Hermetists understand the art and methods of rising above the ordinary plane of Cause and Effect, to a certain degree, and by mentally rising to a higher plane they become Causers instead of Effects.

The masses of people are carried along, obedient to environment; the wills and desires of others stronger than themselves; heredity; suggestion; and other outward causes moving them about like pawns on the Chessboard of Life.

But the Masters, rising to the plane above, dominate their moods, characters, qualities, and powers, as well as the environment surrounding them, and become Movers instead of pawns.

They help to play the Game of Life, instead of being played and moved about by other wills and environment. They USE the Principle instead of being its tools. The Masters obey the Causation of the higher planes, but they help to RULE on their own plane.

– Hermes Trismegestus

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If it’s the same book I’m think of, it had a powerful effect on me 20+ years ago. I still use the concepts today.

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A short book from the 70s or 80s, which spoke about prayer and sometimes about God, but was mostly secular and dealt with commanding and/or persuading your subconscious/the “Divine Intelligence” to bring about your desires?

Yeah, it’s powerful stuff, and comforting, and I have found it quite helpful. Joseph Murphy was apparently also a student of Abdullah, the man who taught Neville Goddard.

Edit: yay journal post 222 (not counting my deleted posts here), that’s been a recurring number for me lately :joy:

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I would’ve read it in the late 80’s or early 90’s, so that makes perfect sense.

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Friday, July 2nd

I have mastered the art of manifesting potato gems (what you US people call tater tots). Ordered ubereats brunch today from a café. Really wanted potato gems but they were expensive so I settled for a hashbrown. As soon as I placed the order, the café called me and said they’d just run out of hashbrowns and would I mind if they sent me a box of potato gems as a replacement, no extra cost?

Nope, I don’t mind a bit. :sunglasses: Bow in awe of my Godlike powers!

What else? For the past two weeks or so I’d been affirming “I don’t even need to work to have a steady income”. It manifested as me having a mental breakdown and getting given medical clearance for nearly a month of time off. Not exactly what I was aiming for, but do appreciate the quick turnaround. Gonna have to be more specific and long-term :thinking:

So I’ve mostly been lying around, being a vegetable, and tearing through books like nobody’s business. I finished a book cover-to-cover before I even got out of bed today. It was only 300 or 400 pages, but still. Wake up around 9am, read for three hours, get up and play video games.

Ah man, I am learning lessons in specificity lately.

Still somewhat accurate, but I’m making my way out of the hole.

Master protection ritual continues. I’ll be honest, there were a few days where I got lost in the sword banishing and would end up completing it and then falling asleep immediately afterwards. So it’ll be continuing a few days longer than scheduled.

Petition to Raphael recently. I might put together a schedule. Maybe once a week for the next few months. It’s paying off already, as well as the work my friends have kindly offered to do on my behalf. :+1:

One goal I’ve been focusing on for a few months – I got notice of movement, and all of a sudden I had all these doubts. I dealt with them as best I could, using a bunch of methods I’ve mentioned prior in this journal. Yesterday I started a more regimented, structured process of using the Law to get this result and sustain it. It’s funny how your brain goes through these periods of highs and lows, certainty and uncertainty. But nothing is ever in stasis, everything is always moving. So just have to keep moving with it. I’ve never been good at keeping schedules, but the MPR is keeping me on track.

Funny, after I started having doubts, the whole movement somehow reversed itself. I don’t understand. It was like the manifestation equivalent of getting a text/email saying “hey, your package is being delivered today!” and then later getting a follow-up saying “oh actually sorry, your package is still at the postage depot in another country.”

Oh well. The outcome is certain, that I’m sure of.


Saturday, July 3rd

月下老人

One experiment I have tried of late: I performed a ritual based on the Asian folkloric myth of the “red string of fate”. It’s overseen by a Chinese moon god, Yué Lao, or Yuè Xià Lǎorén, “the old man under the moon”, who appears at night and binds together pre-destined couples with an invisible red string which will always draw the two people together, despite any circumstance.

During the ritual and outside of it, by means of an offering, I’ve been hand-weaving nine-threaded braids, 9 apparently being an auspicious number for marriage in Chinese numerology.

PXL_20210628_074711159._exported_stabilized_1624874758159

I like to use my hands to make something during a ritual, to contribute to a ritual artefact. Same with poppets and spell jars and all. I like the ceremony of it, and the involvement as you pour your passive and active thoughts into the artefact, and if you’re lucky, the quiet slip into alpha state when you’re comfortable with your actions and moving mechanically.


Another white animal in a dream a few nights ago. A white stoat (or ermine), but a weird semi-aquatic version, swimming in a tank.


Thursday, July 8th

Finally had some more AP/OOBE experiences, not this morning but yesterday. I set an intent for it before I went to sleep. Woke up after a few hours, read for a bit, then dozed off again. Woke without moving and found myself in sleep paralysis. I’m back to the point where separation is easy (just sit up/climb out of my body), and while I did have some periods of nice clear vision, there were also moments where my vision was dim and muddy.

During one separation, I sat up and climbed out of my body, and my vision was a bit dim, so I tried to force my eyes open. I then had the very strange experience of one of my physical eyes opening, while the other remained fixed in its vantage point from my separated subtle body, so I was seeing two different environments at the same time, one from each eye.

Again, I set an intent to leave my body but I didn’t formulate a plan for what I’d do once I’d separated. :unamused: So none of the experiences lasted long. I had probably three or four rounds of separation.

The first one was the most visually clear. As soon as I sat up out of my body I immediately bolted out of my room and hurried outside. For the first time, it was light or light-ish outside, like daytime. I could sense other people nearby in the house, so as usual, I was thinking “man, I really hope I’m actually projecting right now so I don’t have to explain why I suddenly came sprinting out of my room and out onto the patio”. I ran for a little ways down the lawn and then launched up into the air. I love flying. Feels so natural. The takeoff always feels like diving into a swimming pool, but rather you’re diving upwards, and with a few little kicks of your feet, you’re up and anyway.

I went looking for someone, but he was not to be found. I tried a few other methods, like opening a door and willing a new environment to be beyond it, and on another separation, trying to project myself immediately into a location without going through the process of leaving my body – that worked, but was incredibly short-lived. The last separation I just sat up out of my body again, and this time it was dark. I wandered down the hallway and slapped a light-switch in passing, but as has always been the case, electricity doesn’t work when I’m projecting, or something.


Today, no projection, just a lot of strange and varied dreams. One of them I woke up crying from. I’d driven my car somewhere, to a store or something, and when I came outside from running an errand, a lady’s dog had bitten/chewed the tyre completely off one wheel of my car (dream logic weird as hell), so it was in no state to be driven. I was very upset because there was somewhere I had to go urgently, and I had a long and impassioned (and very one-sided) argument with the lady, who was being infuriatingly calm and reasonable. She apologised without accepting any blame (somehow), told me she’d left a note on my car with all her insurance details, and then offered me a lift and began to ask me why I was in such a state. And this is when I woke up with tears in my eyes. Very strange.

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Uh…well…yes, Lady Veil…

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…I bet it was you who left that dead toad on my windowsill months ago, too. :rofl:

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It wasn’t dead when I left it…

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:rofl: :rofl: you’re killing me here mate

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Good :slight_smile: That’s my job. But I didn’t kill the toad.

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Norse900 the hitman :smiley: :laughing:

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Well, if all I can manage to whack are innocent toads…

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Don’t worry, mate. With enough practice, you can upgrade to mammals. :smiley:

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Thanks, Lady Veil. I will carry your encouragement forth as I practice.

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Tuesday, July 13th

Had an interloper drop in as I was going to sleep early this morning. I’d started the sword banishing ritual, and as soon as I called the first name I felt a small presence behind me, which quickly expanded into a large presence. An unknown one, and not the one I was expecting. Then incongruously I heard a malicious little voice behind me say a full sentence in some unknown language, and then laugh jeeringly. Sounded like a little goblin or imp thing or some minor spirit. It was weird as hell. I was very sleepy and definitely could have been in alpha or some other altered brainwave state, right on the edge of sleep, but I wasn’t in sleep paralysis, I could move freely.

And the voice distinctly sounded like it originated outside of me, which isn’t a new experience but it’s uncommon – usually in the hypnagogic state I will hear voices which are clearly not my own voice/my internal monologue; they have a “location” but they seem to originate inside my head, while still triggering my external sense of hearing. If that makes sense. A minor but noticeable difference.

Anyway it pissed me right the fuck off, as does any unwanted, unwelcome, and uncalled-for presence in my room or temple space. So I told it to fuck off, did a full banishing + Metatron + Sandalphon, and had Metatron blast the whole place in a holy flare before soundly dropping off to sleep.


Thursday, July 15th

It occurred to me that I haven’t done a ritual with the Goetia in a while, so I called on an entity last night. I actually did one around 5 or 6 July but I’m a sausage and didn’t record it in my journal or write any notes afterwards.

The opening ritual (DOM) flows so easily and I can raise a great deal of energy in it. Like the last Goetic ritual I did; as soon as I open the demonic sigil I can feel the eagerness of the spirit waiting to be called, building up to a frenzied almost-lust, filling the room, pressing close against the veil. But as soon as I move on into the ritual godnames and the calling of emissaries, the presence fades to a shadow. It comes back with the evocation keys, but diminished. Not sure if it’s me, or if I need to tinker with the ritual a bit to make it work better for me. I can still make contact but it’s patchy and less… vibrant.

I have another experimental ritual I am formulating. More of a chaos magick, pop-culture-driven one. But it should be interesting to see what the results are.

Edit: Oh, and just to round this out a bit more and speak a bit more of Law of Consciousness. I’ve abandoned my structured, regimented routine and I’ve gone back to just indulging in my imagination freely. I was getting too tied up in “I’m not doing it the right way”. Once again – one day I’ll tell the full story of how this worked for me in the past, before I knew anything about conscious manifesting. For now, I don’t care about results, I’m not doing X to get Z. I’m just indulging.

Mark 10:14-15

“…Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”

The childish innocence of daydream and imagination and make-believe is the ultimate goal, in and of itself.

Romans 8:18-19

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God.

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Wednesday, July 21

A celebration of sorts tonight; a vindication. Around March last year I asked Belial to remove a troublesome client from my work-life so they would stop causing me stress. After a few weeks of increased stress, suddenly they backed down a great deal to a far more manageable level. Over the past year they’ve receded into the background, becoming less and less important and demanding far less of my time and attention. First, delays to their project, then a few months later they scaled their project back significantly; today I got the word that they were severing ties with my company completely, but would still honour their contract and pay us for the work we’ve done for them.

It is DONE. My greatest thanks to Belial, who makes good on his promises. A ritual I cast on 9 June 2020, now complete, just over a year later, with absolute finality. I’m certain you’ve enjoyed my offerings, but I offer them again to you now. I know I asked you for many things. I offer these things freely, asking the patience of you that you’ve asked of me. You’ve been good to me and your powers are fucking astounding. May we continue to work together.


After some rumination, again, I can’t help but to look back (again) with some regret on all the work I did to bind myself to the King of Pentacles. The cord-cutting I did a few months ago worked a charm, but these connections grow back. So in the real world I ignore him, for the most part; make myself a limited resource. Someone I’m still drawn to, despite my best efforts, and who I know is drawn to me. But I’ve learned better, and I don’t want my time to be wasted.

And I first see, and then I live through, all fluctuations in my perception of his character. I don’t want to waste my time on him any longer, but I can’t seem to bring myself to cut him off entirely, although through my own choice I haven’t seen him for about two months now.

Fucking annoying really, when I consider myself the ultimate authority, but some part of me holds onto him, and I know there’s part of him holding on to me. I know at the core of it all is simply belief – my own belief – but I can’t seem to make the decision either way: to cut him off entirely, or reign him all the way in. I can’t be bothered either way.


In other news, I continue to see the near-impossible continue to unfold, when it comes to health and healing. Maybe I will speak of specifics more when it is decidedly over. But with Melahel and Raphael, and Silence, and Metatron, and the help of my good friends devoting their time and their energy to this end, I have witnessed healing nothing short of absolutely fucking miraculous, literally death-defying odds, in a matter of weeks. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.


Friday, July 23

Last night I had an odd, brief, clairaudient incident while I was simply relaxing in bed, meditating and drifting in thought. A male voice, originating seemingly from the centre of my brain: “Stay alert.” And when I honed on it, but in a relaxed and open manner, just listening – “That’s right. Good.” Then, “Listen”. Then, something like “A rent in your shirt” (?).

Another, deeper male voice, which I only caught snatches of: “It’s been…”, then something else which I forgot before writing down, and then “…Until next time”.

After that, alongside a dull roar in my left ear, a voice (the first voice?) which said something like “Holly will be your charter”, or “holly gave them charter”.

Holly, in Ogham divination (which I have very little experience of, admittedly):

And its ruling over the period of early July to early August, et cetera.

And to define “charter”:

  • a grant or guarantee of rights, franchises, or privileges[…]
  • a special privilege, immunity, or exemption[…]

Or as a verb:

  • To establish, enable, or convey by charter.

I n t e r e s t i n g.

I then idly thought to myself something like, “It is the Law which sends me to work again.” The first man’s voice replied — “It is truth.” His voice throughout the experience sounded tinny, as though hearing it through an old speaker or poorly tuned radio.

After that a third, androgynous voice whispered, “They are in our future.”

:woman_shrugging:

Today a coworker, who I think is very fascinated with me, told me about his future plans for an endeavour in a certain kind of software to do with a very niche (but widespread, in our country) hobby. Yesterday he spoke a bit about it to me and all but offered me a position in this side-hustle and eventual business he wishes to put together. Today he told me he needed a name for the endeavour. I immediately offered up the name of a video game character named for a God/ess of the industry, and also, offered up the name Orobas.

A few nights ago I had a touching and symbolic dream, where a very archetypal character from a show that I love taught me a lesson, and then later, led a horse toward me, as the dream faded. The dream also featured a body of water, and an unmistakeable characterisation of what we like to call shadow-work, a direct reference to some of my worst habits/failings as a human, and yet still the seeming unconditional love of the deepest reaches of my own subconscious.

To add to that, forces have contrived so that my Mon-Fri, 9-5 job has also opened the doorway for me to potentially work four-day weeks. I am keen to take this on, but of course, I need to ensure my finances are in order. :thinking:

I also continue to give my thanks to Bael, who apparently gives me the glamour of a fkn rocket scientist who never stops working, when in reality I do as little as I can reasonably get away with. Maybe that’ll change one day when I’m properly medicated for ADHD. I hope so, but maybe not, since I don’t care about career, and I’d be perfectly happy doing something that is either very niche or very tolerable, and being paid a reasonable but middling amount for it. I am not a career-minded person and I don’t care or worry much about money or material things; if something is required, it’ll make its way to me regardless.


Saturday, July 24

I’ve really not much else to report, other than having just made the connection between hearing “a rent in your shirt” the other night, and yesterday at work (the night after said event), a coworker showed up with a shirt torn rent at the sleeve so he could give it to his sister to fix. :thinking: Irrelevant or nah?

Things seem to be a bit in stasis since I have dropped my single-minded and all-encompassing vision of a few weeks or months ago, but I don’t feel much of anything. I am just taking it easy, not doing any strenuous or involved rituals, and my desire to reach and grab for the things I desire has died down. So, it’s nice to reach that place of dual “it is already done, it is on its way to me now” and/or “whether or not this happens, I will be fulfilled regardless”.

I see the need to work on myself, in a purely mundane sense, to throw off some shackles. But it seems like every time I make progress I backslide. So that belief needs to change; or perhaps it’s my 30-years-in-the-making ingrained lack of impulse control, or any sense of delayed gratification. Discipline, that is something I’m slowly learning. Patience, that is something forced upon me, that becomes easier to bear the more I learn.

Anyway. It’s weird to see the gears moving so quickly and seeming to point me in one direction when I focus on it, and I think I have been spooked a bit by the destructive nature of everything coming into alignment to set me up for my manifestation, when I really direct my energy at it. A “test” or the “bridge of incidents”, whatever you want to call it. It’s just reminded me to sit back and count my blessings.

Oh, and I forgot to add, I’d been thinking about calling on Asmodeus to help me develop my skill in something purely mundane (a video game). First game I played tonight, I played and won against someone with the gamertag “Asmodeus”. Lol ok I hear you.

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Monday, July 26
A Deathless Song – Parkway Drive

After I posted this on Saturday, I had a dream that night where SP appeared to me, and asked if I was serious about the whole thing that I wanted, because I seemed to be running hot and cold with commitment. I assured him that it is what I wanted, and he was satisfied with that, and became happier and more relaxed. I woke up feeling more committed, and more relaxed, and confident. I felt his presence lingering.

The following night (last night) I dreamt of him again, and this time we spent time together, and afterwards he texted me saying how much he liked me and asked when he could see me again. I remember my dreamself thinking “how can this be so easy?”, and also thinking I had to tell one of my online friends, who is on this whole Goddard/Murphy manifestation journey with me.

as an aside, It’s nice to be able to, true to my Air-like nature, sway so capriciously with the winds. when something seems to go my way (by message from my subconscious) it is a sign from god, and i gladly welcome it. conversely, when some element of a dream troubles me, i can dismiss it readily and easily; perhaps even more so denying the unwanted than accepting and blessing the wanted.

Let me beat in your heart
Be your drum of war and love
Let me hide in your arms
Be my cage, my key, my lock

Be my deathless song
Fill my aching lungs

Breathe your life into me
Because I drown in your shadow
Like salt in the rain
If my fear is tomorrow
Your memory’s the fight in my veins


Oh, and I have these notes from another unstructured, meditative clairaudient thing, that I’ve noted down as 24 July.

“there doesn’t seem to be as much [room] for yourself”
– male, high-pitched voice

“well, you’d have to be honest [with yourself]”
– basically my own voice, but sounding like it was spoken by somebody else, not originating from the place from where i normally “hear” my own inner monologue

I thought for a little bit on things I needed to change about myself, and a feminine voice interjected “What!?” incredulously.


A minor Veil ramble. Good night to you all :two_hearts:

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Tuesday, August 3rd

A special kind of torture: retiring to bed at 9pm last night, and finding myself still wide awake at 3am. Read an entire book in that time. I’m slowly going through my entire library, every book I own. All I want is the escape of sleep.

It’s still winter here by the books, but the humidity today was overwhelming, and so it felt about 5 degrees hotter than it actually was. May not sound like much but it’s the difference between 73 F and 82 F; 23 to 28 Celsius. Those are the temperatures you expect in mid-spring to mid-summer, not just past the midpoint of winter. And the humidity was intense. I remember reading about how there’s supposedly some limit of humidity the human body can take, and if the environmental humidity rises beyond it, you’ll simply suffocate. Today felt like that.

Moody and restless, heartsick and bored, questioning, unmotivated. Sulking. And then I check the moon cycle and see we’re in the final stages of the waning moon, so it at least makes sense: the tides of my body draw away from the shores, exposing all the collective detritus washed up in the emotional tide, as we approach the period of death and rebirth.

No focus for LOB techniques, just sulking. But I do have my little superstitions and my associations that I’ve put together strongly and they pay off. And as always, the “small” manifestations and changes come easily. Today I was sulking to myself wondering if manifestation even works for me and within 30 seconds my phone was ringing to confirm a manifestation. Or rather not a manifestation, but an assumption. Because assumptions, about yourself, other people, how other people see you, how you see yourself, and how the world works; are generally always reflected back to you. So, funny timing, cheered me up a bit.

At least last night I had a nice moment of comfort doing a sort-of-but-not-really LBRP + Metatron + Sandalphon (naturally) and just lying around feeling comforted by their presence. I requested Metatron and Sandalphon to stay awhile, and didn’t really speak with them, but contemplated their nature. Twins, brothers, coworkers? Sandalphon, who takes the wreath of prayers to God, and Metatron, the “lesser Yahweh”, perhaps the closest (or, in my experience, maybe the second-closest[?]) personified essence of God and of the clockwork force, the structure and order of matter, the framework. Equally important each brother, but one rules “from above”, from the cosmos and spacetime, and the other “from below”, concerned only with the current state, the inner space, the unspoken prayer, which he brings to his brother (coworker?) to make manifest in the name of God (NB: UPG).

When I finally did sleep, I woke groggy and disoriented from a disturbing dream, a combined grotesquery of real people crossed with imagined futures, symbols and symbolic acts, still keenly painful. The kind of dream that stays with you all day and makes you want to reach out for reassurance.

Mostly I just think I have a lot of work to do on myself.

On the other hand, my front lawn has sprung up in a lovely field of clover and dandelions, so I will be fashioning some clover wreaths for luck and prosperity.

There are one or two, perhaps three spirits who I think are trying to attract my attention. I’ve yet to do anything about it.

So, not much to say.

But I felt like writing.

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Wednesday, August 4

What’s funny is that after I wrote this, that example I gave actually happened. I literally received a text saying an overseas parcel had been shipped, and then the next day another text saying there had been some sort of fuck-up and my shipment was delayed and hadn’t left the country yet. :laughing: Granted, it was about a week or a fortnight after I wrote that post, but I was reading back through my earlier posts just now and connected the dots. :woman_facepalming:


John 5:22 - 23
Moreover, the Father judges no one, but has entrusted all judgment to the Son, that all may honour the Son just as they honour the Father. Whoever does not honour the Son does not honour the Father, who sent him.

The Father (the subconscious mind, or the gateway to the greater All-Consciousness) does not judge your thoughts as good or bad, but “entrusts all judgement to the Son” (the conscious mind, or the local consciousness). Whatever thought you entertain in your conscious mind are accepted without judgement by the All-Consciousness. Whether it be a good thought or bad thought, if it is repeated enough, it is accepted by the subconscious, and made manifest. And in this eternal feedback loop, your subconscious thoughts are fed back into your consciousness in moments of mental idleness.

John 5:30
By myself I can do nothing; I judge only as I hear, and my judgment is just, for I seek not to please myself but him who sent me.

And this is why we pay attention to where our conscious thoughts go, and where they linger and stay. Because your conscious mind tells your subconscious via repetition what to believe as true, and then your subconscious schemes to make this manifest in your world. Notice your conscious thoughts. Examine them. Especially in times of idleness. You will notice a pattern. What is your pattern? “Everything always works out for me”, or “nothing ever goes my way”? “It feels so good to know my result is coming to me now”, or “I haven’t seen any results, why isn’t this working”?

Neither your conscious nor your subconscious modes of thought are static. They are always subject to change, and each informs the other. What this means is that if you doggedly persist in a certain conscious thought, it is accepted by your subconscious, and in times of idleness, or even in times of doubt or acceptance or failure or success, your subconscious will offer back to you the thoughts you have fed it.

Often our upbringing shapes our subconscious, before we are too young to think critically or reject notions, when we are just little feedback systems relying on outside input to shape our reactions and our view of reality. “Money is hard to come by”. “I am ugly”. “Nothing ever works out for me”. “You have to work hard for everything you have”.

Do you identify with any of those?
Have you ever considered that you could replace them with better views?


It also occurred to me tonight that I have seen the outcome of a ritual I have yet to cast come to fruition. So, nice to know this experimental ritual works. I will perform it soon, so its effects can be felt in the past, leading to the outcome in current present-time.

Protip: If ever you receive something you wanted, without ever having lifted a finger to make it happen, perform a ritual for it.

Destroy and discard your notion of linear time. Everything is happening simultaneously.


Sunday, August 8
White Flag – Delta Heavy

My superstitious walls are still soundly in place, so suffice it to say that a loved one of mine has beaten incredible, death-defying odds, going from ICU to being fully discharged from hospital in a matter of precisely eight weeks and one day. This is the second time said loved one has beat the odds for this same ailment and come out of it with no side-effects, although the last time was about 15 years ago. This is a medical condition which has a high fatality rate and usually causes people to drop dead on the spot, and survivors to suffer pronounced mental and physical ongoing side-effects. Nope. My loved one is completely back to normal – possibly a little bit weaker physically, but that would be the combined effects of having been bed-bound for the better part of two months, and a small handful of other things. My loved one did tell me that they had a final CT scan before being discharged, and some robotic non-bedside-manner-having neurosurgeon pointed out all the possible doom-and-gloom potentialities, but I mentally dismissed this, and my loved one then later told me another doctor had looked at the exact same scan result and said there was absolutely nothing to worry about and everything was perfectly normal.

I take this moment to rain down praise on the angels Raphael and Melahel; my beloved Metatron; the unknown and divine Silence; my own personal angels in the flesh, @anon39079500 and @ReyCuervo; and my own somehow unfailing refusal to believe in anything but the best possible outcome.


Now I am seeing this come into my life in the form of a nascent extracurricular project with a coworker, which excites and scares me – probably excites more so than scares – my shining dreams pushing the looming phantom of imposter syndrome way to the back of my mind. This is the side-hustle thing I spoke of a few posts ago.

Really it’s just given me something to look forward to and to be excited about, something with potential. The thing about me is that I am at least a little bit good and a little bit knowledgeable about almost everything, and what I don’t know I can find out easily, because I have an innate hurricane force of curiosity which drives me down every various rabbit-hole.

But the other thing about me is I have few formal qualifications; I actually never finished high school (though I can fudge this on my resume since I left high school in my final year), and I have a tertiary diploma in journalism, but for some reason employers seem to want me to slave away for four years and spend tens of thousands of dollars to buy a piece of paper which tells them that I can do the thing I was born knowing how to to do.

The truth is I am a jack-of-all-trades, and there’s no degree for that; I am a writer, an artist, I sing passably well, I act convincingly, I know a little enough about everything that you would want me on your team at trivia night down the pub, and I have a huge range of experience dabbling here and there in various disciplines in the software industry.

Aside from (or maybe in addition to) that, job-wise, I’ve effectively been given carte blanche to do whatever the fuck I please with a particular project at work, and since it’s something that not only interests me but delights me, I am looking forward to it.

I think the lockdown laws in my area are lifted now but I am 100% working from home tomorrow, and will plead guilty to not watching/reading the news if questioned (which is true, I don’t). Plus I get a great deal more done from home than I do from the office, where I always seem to tire easily, get bored or distracted, take five minute breaks every half hour, and prefer to laugh myself sick talking and joking with my coworkers instead of getting work done.

Outside that, I keep returning to the question of what I want, what I REALLY want, and it troubles me a bit, because I am a strange mix of incredibly loyal and supportive as far as relationships go, but also incredibly curious and easily bored. I suppose what I mean to say is I need to find a balance between putting my life on hold until my manifestation comes about, and actually living my life knowing that it’s going to lead me where I want regardless.

One night
One more chance to say I’m sorry
And I can’t believe a lie
Say you need me

P.S. If you like very involving or trippy or animated music videos, go and watch the video linked under this date’s post.

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