Wednesday, July 21
A celebration of sorts tonight; a vindication. Around March last year I asked Belial to remove a troublesome client from my work-life so they would stop causing me stress. After a few weeks of increased stress, suddenly they backed down a great deal to a far more manageable level. Over the past year they’ve receded into the background, becoming less and less important and demanding far less of my time and attention. First, delays to their project, then a few months later they scaled their project back significantly; today I got the word that they were severing ties with my company completely, but would still honour their contract and pay us for the work we’ve done for them.
It is DONE. My greatest thanks to Belial, who makes good on his promises. A ritual I cast on 9 June 2020, now complete, just over a year later, with absolute finality. I’m certain you’ve enjoyed my offerings, but I offer them again to you now. I know I asked you for many things. I offer these things freely, asking the patience of you that you’ve asked of me. You’ve been good to me and your powers are fucking astounding. May we continue to work together.
After some rumination, again, I can’t help but to look back (again) with some regret on all the work I did to bind myself to the King of Pentacles. The cord-cutting I did a few months ago worked a charm, but these connections grow back. So in the real world I ignore him, for the most part; make myself a limited resource. Someone I’m still drawn to, despite my best efforts, and who I know is drawn to me. But I’ve learned better, and I don’t want my time to be wasted.
And I first see, and then I live through, all fluctuations in my perception of his character. I don’t want to waste my time on him any longer, but I can’t seem to bring myself to cut him off entirely, although through my own choice I haven’t seen him for about two months now.
Fucking annoying really, when I consider myself the ultimate authority, but some part of me holds onto him, and I know there’s part of him holding on to me. I know at the core of it all is simply belief – my own belief – but I can’t seem to make the decision either way: to cut him off entirely, or reign him all the way in. I can’t be bothered either way.
In other news, I continue to see the near-impossible continue to unfold, when it comes to health and healing. Maybe I will speak of specifics more when it is decidedly over. But with Melahel and Raphael, and Silence, and Metatron, and the help of my good friends devoting their time and their energy to this end, I have witnessed healing nothing short of absolutely fucking miraculous, literally death-defying odds, in a matter of weeks. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Friday, July 23
Last night I had an odd, brief, clairaudient incident while I was simply relaxing in bed, meditating and drifting in thought. A male voice, originating seemingly from the centre of my brain: “Stay alert.” And when I honed on it, but in a relaxed and open manner, just listening – “That’s right. Good.” Then, “Listen”. Then, something like “A rent in your shirt” (?).
Another, deeper male voice, which I only caught snatches of: “It’s been…”, then something else which I forgot before writing down, and then “…Until next time”.
After that, alongside a dull roar in my left ear, a voice (the first voice?) which said something like “Holly will be your charter”, or “holly gave them charter”.
Holly, in Ogham divination (which I have very little experience of, admittedly):
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[…] Holly brings balance and empathy and it restores emotional energy after a period of upheaval. It is at its greatest potential power in the winter months […] I see Holly energy as more stabilising; creating balance and the means to regain purpose.
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Symbolism: The Sword of Truth, Unconditional love, sacrifice, reincarnation
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“The word ‘holly’ means ‘holy’, it symbolises the tenacity of life. As male energy, it is symbolic of the vigour to fight with balance and unity. Strong and protective, clear wisdom and courage. Unifying strength and restoring balance.”
[…] Animal: war horse, starling.
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Holly tree. This evergreen plant is connected to immortality, unity, courage, and the stability of hearth and home. […] The poky spikes on the leaves represent the crown of thorns worn by Jesus on the cross, and the bright red berries symbolize his blood.
And its ruling over the period of early July to early August, et cetera.
And to define “charter”:
- a grant or guarantee of rights, franchises, or privileges[…]
- a special privilege, immunity, or exemption[…]
Or as a verb:
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To establish, enable, or convey by charter.
I n t e r e s t i n g.
I then idly thought to myself something like, “It is the Law which sends me to work again.” The first man’s voice replied — “It is truth.” His voice throughout the experience sounded tinny, as though hearing it through an old speaker or poorly tuned radio.
After that a third, androgynous voice whispered, “They are in our future.”
Today a coworker, who I think is very fascinated with me, told me about his future plans for an endeavour in a certain kind of software to do with a very niche (but widespread, in our country) hobby. Yesterday he spoke a bit about it to me and all but offered me a position in this side-hustle and eventual business he wishes to put together. Today he told me he needed a name for the endeavour. I immediately offered up the name of a video game character named for a God/ess of the industry, and also, offered up the name Orobas.
A few nights ago I had a touching and symbolic dream, where a very archetypal character from a show that I love taught me a lesson, and then later, led a horse toward me, as the dream faded. The dream also featured a body of water, and an unmistakeable characterisation of what we like to call shadow-work, a direct reference to some of my worst habits/failings as a human, and yet still the seeming unconditional love of the deepest reaches of my own subconscious.
To add to that, forces have contrived so that my Mon-Fri, 9-5 job has also opened the doorway for me to potentially work four-day weeks. I am keen to take this on, but of course, I need to ensure my finances are in order.
I also continue to give my thanks to Bael, who apparently gives me the glamour of a fkn rocket scientist who never stops working, when in reality I do as little as I can reasonably get away with. Maybe that’ll change one day when I’m properly medicated for ADHD. I hope so, but maybe not, since I don’t care about career, and I’d be perfectly happy doing something that is either very niche or very tolerable, and being paid a reasonable but middling amount for it. I am not a career-minded person and I don’t care or worry much about money or material things; if something is required, it’ll make its way to me regardless.
Saturday, July 24
I’ve really not much else to report, other than having just made the connection between hearing “a rent in your shirt” the other night, and yesterday at work (the night after said event), a coworker showed up with a shirt torn rent at the sleeve so he could give it to his sister to fix. Irrelevant or nah?
Things seem to be a bit in stasis since I have dropped my single-minded and all-encompassing vision of a few weeks or months ago, but I don’t feel much of anything. I am just taking it easy, not doing any strenuous or involved rituals, and my desire to reach and grab for the things I desire has died down. So, it’s nice to reach that place of dual “it is already done, it is on its way to me now” and/or “whether or not this happens, I will be fulfilled regardless”.
I see the need to work on myself, in a purely mundane sense, to throw off some shackles. But it seems like every time I make progress I backslide. So that belief needs to change; or perhaps it’s my 30-years-in-the-making ingrained lack of impulse control, or any sense of delayed gratification. Discipline, that is something I’m slowly learning. Patience, that is something forced upon me, that becomes easier to bear the more I learn.
Anyway. It’s weird to see the gears moving so quickly and seeming to point me in one direction when I focus on it, and I think I have been spooked a bit by the destructive nature of everything coming into alignment to set me up for my manifestation, when I really direct my energy at it. A “test” or the “bridge of incidents”, whatever you want to call it. It’s just reminded me to sit back and count my blessings.
Oh, and I forgot to add, I’d been thinking about calling on Asmodeus to help me develop my skill in something purely mundane (a video game). First game I played tonight, I played and won against someone with the gamertag “Asmodeus”. Lol ok I hear you.