Where do I begin?
I figured I would share my experiences with the forum since digging deeper within myself.
So I’ll begin with how it all started first :
How about my awakening?
One night I was at a friends house and had never taken psychedelics in my life, I decided I would try mushrooms and for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to eat 19 grams of mushrooms containing 11mg of psilocybin per cap. The night was fine for the first 4 hours of the high / trip and then things started to get weird. I was swept up into a wave of my own consciousness and literally fell flat to the floor. My friends said I was talking to myself and my eyes were rolling into the back of my head. My memory of this experience was witnessing my mind being ripped from my own body, I could see myself, my mind, my conscious mind, my sub conscious mind, and an observer. It was something that I’ve been curious about since it happened and have found ways to experience it through meditation however it is still new to me as a practitioner even after the years that have passed.
Now the occurrence usually happens during meditation and has lead me to realize that we cannot experience what some may call “ego death” but instead we experience a shift in our consciousness that is so profound and mind blowing it may look like your ego died. The realization got deeper when I realized that without an ego I was nothing but a sentient being subjectively observing the universe and without an objective personality I could never fully grasp my own opinion on the thoughts or experiences in day to day life.
Since becoming sober from drugs, I have recently learned that the ego is an amazing thing if you can integrate it into your day to day life and not just see it as your enemy.
Working with Belial and Lucifer has shown me a lot when it comes to the mind and controlling my own thoughts versus recognizing messages from elsewhere. Working with Michael and Jesus showed me how to use my own ego to control my path or choice of paths. It’s all just step after step and since this a constant occurrence in my rituals and meditation is the manifestation of Belial.
There have been times where I have seen full blown manifestations of him in my visions or shadows of him lurking throughout my ritual room during rituals, I’ve never felt harm or worry from him as I feel that he was part of me being ripped out of my constant state of depression and confusion to a state of learning and interest.
Asking for help is way different than realizing that the help is already being given and you just need to listen.
This journal will most likely just be an explanation of ramblings and me losing my mind in the sub-conscious since I have found more profound insight digging deeper in myself than with reaching outward to the universe. I may also share some of my rituals with others but it will be hard to explain as the majority of my rituals are done in a unconscious state or trance state without pedestals and idols of worship.