A post of multiple problems, hoping either for advice from the experienced members, or have this be a lesson in how not* to be for newer individuals.
TL;DR- I cannot stop fighting. In the astral, I consistently fight and kill things for the slightest provocation. This has become a problem, a majority of the time I don’t even recall. Checked with multiple reputable spirits and divination methods, I do* consistently travel whilst unconscious and react harshly to a most things seeking interaction.
-How do I ‘let go’ of the constant hostility and severe reaction to any perceived challenge from spirits?
-How do I ensure i do not unconsciously project into the astral realms?
-How could I practice or learn how to retain memory of unconscious projection?
-How does one humble themself or come to peace?
-Is there any way to negotiate peace with spirits that don’t want to negotiate?
-What entities specifically are reputed to teach peace and compassion?
-Which entities are reputable for training one in dreamwork and astral competency?
-How can one heal wounds and scars on their soul without having to call an entity for aid?
I’ve been away from this forum a long while, training and working hard to ensure the safety and longevity of myself and my spiritual family. In my early days, there were consistent problems with smaller and random parasites, and my decision to assist other people resolve their ‘problem hauntings’ certainly increased the amount of enemies I’ve had to confront. Hell, my first proper evocation was specifically to learn how to fight the things that kept scaring me. Having to constsntly fight for personal independence and sovereignty changed the way in which I viewed the spiritual realms. Due to irreconcilable disputes with a few entities, I’ve been basically on “high alert” for the past three years. I’ve had multiple attacks on my home, my spirits, myself, as well as getting caught off guard in the astral sometimes. They have been sophisticated, deceptive, relentless and cruel in all of our fights. I have lost many companion spirits, some I considered like immediate family, some were teachers of mine, some were very young spirits and students of ours.
I still live my life as normal, though with a little more paranoia than most. I consider the dangers ‘part of the job’, and something I knowingly and willingly accepted in deciding to continue my spiritual journey instead of ‘retiring’ from the practice as I was given opportunity to do. I have spiritual objectives and endeavors I strive toward in the brief times of peace, and would like to pursue more peaceful objectives. I do not know how to broker a peace between myself and those who have declared me and mine as enemy. I sincerely wish to bring a halt to the conflict, but thus far, the enemies have not desired peace. Moving forward, I wish to embrace and exhibit the virtues of patience, compassion and mercy, but I fear the constant warfare has left a very strong mark.
When I sleep, I go travel and interact with ‘my’ spirits. I do not do this intentionally, as I remain conscious though in a trance when purposefully projecting and communicating. While unconscious, it has been reported (consistently) that I am exceedingly violent, aggressive and ornery towards unfamiliar spirits. “Always looking for a fight, and if there isn’t one near you’ll keep going til you get one”. This along with my conscious battles has definitely taken a toll, some spiritual wounds even manifesting physically until I fix it or get help in fixing it. I do not remember my travels while sleeping, usually just vague memories of ‘I had a dream that was all combat’. Only the particularly rough ones ever stick out enough to be remembered fully, and a very small handful of exceedingly difficult duels where I became lucid mid-fight.
I’d known of this problem for a while, but didn’t realize how bad it had gotten until my friendly deities started chastising me, some refusing to answer summons. I’ve been in the practice for a while, I know those I’m familiar with and this is not deception or farce. All have told me I am arrogant, prideful and wrathful to extreme fault, belligerent, and ungrateful. I have become overconfident and rude due to my successes. My actions are breeding nothing but contempt and hostility, and continuing onwards in the same manner will make them cut ties. I have become a big enough problem that others (deities) have taken note. To me, it seems as though my conscious training, problem-solving and self defence is acceptable, but my unconscious blanket aggression towards anything unfamiliar is not at all.
I can understand that. My only objective so far has been to keep myself and my spirits alive, i never intentionally set out to just sow blood and pain on those who I don’t even know. I believe in striving for a better, higher, moral imperative that I’ve chosen, and then operating in accordance with that. I WANT to fix these problems. Some of the entities threatening to cut ties have been good teachers and friends for years now, their words aren’t falling on deaf ears, as I have certainty they wouldn’t ALL say relatively similar things without reason. I’ve been mulling the matter over, doing my damnedest to get to the psychological roots of the problems and solve them, but I’m hitting wall after wall.
So, I humble myself and ask for advice and direction from the seasoned individuals in how to solve this problem. I will consider every solution, practice, reference that will aid me in controlling the subconscious and bring me closer to embodying the peace, compassion and mercy that I desire to exhibit. I am chained by my wounds and wrath, and I must break those chains lest I lose everything I have strived to attain. I can feel remorse for the harm I’ve done, I’m not too far gone or feral, this problem can still be fixed.
All I can offer in return is thanks, and to leave this post as public in case anybody in the future has similar issues. I’m sorry I do not have more to give.