This was supposed to be an “artistic” Journal, full of elegant things, mundane things & magick united, but 4-5 years is a long time and I need this right now.
Today I had another vivid vision.
I’m happy because I know that my senses are developing well, (because #stasisisbad) I’m terrified as well, but nothing that hasn’t been contemplated before.
I saw a huge planet rotating above me, rotating above the whole earth, somewhat parallel and dark. There were cities, buildings… small building lights. Lol.
But my old problems come back.
Since I was a child I’ve had a kind of irrational fear and panic for extremely lived experiences. As a little girl small episodes of “unreality” appeared in my daily life where time basically collapsed because close people gave me medications “not appropriate for minors” in my childhood.
My grandmother was doing something and she was so slow, my aunts also had their own temporary structuring, no, wait… everybody around me had their own “time” and i used to perceived them in this state of "Omg, I’m losing my sanity, i shouldn’t say to anyone, but i cant even take a step”, because that kind of episodes feels like a huge expansion to everywhere without restricctions. And this is where the fear began to take shape.
That fear also come back when I dream that I fall. There is never a limit or a ground where I hit myself, I keep falling (←childhood dreams that still torment me)
Things for the research book:
•More meditations, I really believe that I am facing a fear that has clung to me for the past 10 years. It will be difficult, painfull, i just know.
•Influences caused by the people around me.
•Breathe, sis, breathe, Sus. Never forget to keep the rhythm in your diaphragm.
•Banishing… try to banishing.
My neighbors are not crazy… nah, none all of us are. But while, here in my town, we forget the absurd imaginary that keeps us evaded and inmerged in the colective dream, yes, we all are. And today is that night of the month. Within two and a half hours when the music stops a thunderous scream will be heard in the middle of the silence of the mind. Sometimes them lets the yelling become a refined melody for the ears of the practitioners involved in the trance of the blood, and sometimes, when they are tired just shut up the individual. It’s the ritual.
I prefer respect the customs of others, keeping myself hidden of the satire, but it is annoying at dawn and at the same time terrifyingly inspiring for a horror story.
Sometimes I wonder what would become of me if I do some divinations exercise to spy onto them this night, scrying for the alien Deities, but I consider myself a woman of respectful customs and the neighbor’s personal does not concern me.
Working the mirrow effect for almost 3 months and finally yesterday:
—You are not worth of my interest
—You are not worth of my interest
And that was how a free woman was born.
More weird videos for the journal
Woah, I just had a trippy experience of a nightclub with a Dj goat puting the music, and when the drop began a bottle of alcohol explote seting the place on fire and all them kept dancing
Why everything always have a message? Why the fck we just cannot enjoy the moment without over-analyzing the poetic message behind?
(Perfect and realixing music for meditate btw)
Yesterday I saw a kind of cosmic black hole of stars and galaxies spinning and right in the center was an eye, and the pupil of the eye, the eye right in the center, it divided like a cell, so it was an eye in a cosmic swirl with two pupils watching me, and the iris of the pupils it fused as well forming a infinity symbol
so, I can say for sure, that it was a two pupils whit a fused iris in a swi… Too descrptive?
Today’s victory: Baneful magick towards a certain individual. He had to go to emergencies today because of a psychological crisis.
It’s little because the individual was easy to persuade and is opened when talks about his weakness, but I’m proud of myself and this is a excellent test for my study about human mind
This is truly amazing
I have annihilated myself tonight. My daylight is over by an someone young as me who asks for non-longevity.
It appeared in the heavenly clarity of the sky and took my breath when the grass longed for me.
The beginning and the end have introduced into my eyes and have taken root inside the conexions of my head.
Sometimes the intensity makes you think that nothing happened, but tomorrow the clouds will cover my roof asimilating that I’ll flee from the glow.
I’m faded away.
You have a crush. Is that, right? Because I will really hate if something happened to you. Se let it be a crush.
No, Cuervo, this is more serious than I thought.
I’m always here, whatever you need.
Oh dear and blackened diary, today I had the motivations to make this sketch.
My illusions of offering / dedicating things that can enter the artistic category seem to manifest now, I’ll do it more often.
P.S. I need to become the time of my social circle, something so vital, powerful and discreet. Only it’s difficult to reverse preferences and I am about to do so.
Last night Belial and I had a tense conversation.
I finally had the courage to talk with him, he told me to not waste his time, I was like: ok, ok.
Actually I didn’t want to have any contact with him because my intentions don’t point to his direction, but everything was more productive than I tought.
He helped me to discover some disturbing and dangerous things that are here, in this world, not in the fairyland, here in this plane, so it’s ok. At least I’m fine now.
“Automatic drawing” ↓
I also did this thing, I can’t deny that it looks more badass with that filter, so I left that way ↓
(I gotta admit that has some symbolisms that I don’t even understand).
The track that inspired the works ↓