Taking control of own reality

I was browsing other posts and I came across something I have a question on, so newbie question warning.
How does one go about taking control of their own reality? What does it actually mean to? Most of my life I feel like I have just been a side character, and I would like to change that. It honestly has me feeling stuck. Any input or links are greatly appreciated.

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What makes you feel like a side character? You don’t need to explain it, if it’s too personal, but think about it. What exactly makes you feel like that? What kind of feeling is that? And what would make you feel like a main character, someone who is in control of their own destiny?
Before something can change, you need to figure out what exactly is your goal.


To me, the concept of “taking control of reality” seems a bit nebulous. I’d prefer to break it down into manageable portions. No need to deal with everything at once, unless that’s just your personal approach.

Life is multi-faceted. People end up juggling careers, family life, love, sex, spirituality, self-improvement, interpersonal relationships, health, education, the whole package. Given that, perhaps it’s best to focus on one area in which you no longer wish to be a bit player. Isolate and attack. Find that one thing, a starting point, and analyze whether the problem is mundane, spiritual or a bit of both.

There’s a search function on this site that’s great for finding magickal approaches to all kinds of situations. Once you’ve identified a starting point, perhaps the next step would be to search the site to see how others have approached it.

I would agree that goals are important, or at least the ability to find specific areas in which improvement can be made. Life is like a movie. You’re the star. There’s no need to be written out of your own story, unless you just want to hand over the reins to someone else.

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I’ve always kinda done what others wanted me to, used to be a people pleaser to a large degree. As far as how it feels, it left me with a deep feeling that my own wants and needs weren’t important and my worth was completely based upon what I could do for others.
My closest goal I would have to say is find a better job and get out of the financial ditch I’m in, but long term I would like to feel like I have importance, not above anyone but, eh I don’t really know how to put it into words. I’d like a sense of belonging. I don’t have any friends atm, just people who call on me when they need help, but when I call they’re no where to be found.

I’d say this is what magick, especially dark magick, is all about.

When you perform a magick ritual to cause change, you have taken control.

In your life, do you make intentions and actively pursue what you want? That is taking control. Do you wallow in despair over what you don’t want, or do you do rituals to get what you do want?

People who are powerful with magick tend to be very willful and strong of intention. This is part of it. The other part is connecting to magick. By being connected to magick, you are empowered to have this control.

I can’t always cause people to say exactly what I want them to say or for the wind to blow as I want it to, but my intentions, as they are empowered and refined by magick, tend to come to pass. I have control over my life in the sense that I manifest the changes that I want to have occur while accepting the reality of living in the material world. Over my years of practicing magick, my long-term manifestation goals have been rapidly approaching me while the various smaller results and changes have tended to happen quickly and easily when I allowed them to do so.

This is control with magick. You push the button, do the ritual, things happen.


Control is really something that I have started to take back recently. Admittedly I’m very new to magic so I’m still learning. The intention part, I am very driven, but I feel like I lack direction. I will do more research, thank you.

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You’ve said that money is a pressing concern for you. Perhaps consider one of these books - Wealth Magick and 7 Occult Money Rituals.

One of the powers of magick is to provide wisdom, guidance, and direction, and if money is your concern, there are very effective methods of financial magick. These books will change your life if you practice their magick, not just band-aid your problems but radically change your life. This can be difficult to believe if you have never experienced that for yourself, or if you have attempted band-aid money magick before and left disappointed.

Neither of those books require much in the way of decision making so much as just showing up to the rituals. Show up and things will happen.

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I will look into them, thank you

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I’m glad to see you’re moving towards discovering yourself. That’s a a sign of a great leader. I think what you may be experiencing is the side-effects of living what I call a “Persona-heavy” experience. To summarize my personal theory, Self-Actualized humans live from a place where their Anima is married to their Animus (The Female Principle in all things is married to the Male principle in all things). Out of that marriage is born the Persona.

For reasons we won’t go into here, most people are Persona-heavy, meaning that either the Anima or Animus is shut down. It sounds to me as if your Animus is shut-down. Shut-down is harsh, lets say “subdued” or lost in a thick fog. This is beneficial for your environment because, you end up playing a role in other people’s lives for free. I’ve seen this with a few men I’ve studied. You can PM me if you need deets.

Anyway, maybe you could start with some simple Parent Work. Look in the mirror and talk to your family. You do know that every single ancestor you’ve ever had is inside your DNA right? Inside your skin, your eyes, you mouth, your blood…so when you look in the mirror and talk to them, they will talk back to you. Ask them about this situation and they will tell you. You can quote me on that.

What we are trying to do with this exercises is have you develop your Animus. That means, no-more asking other people for advice, but developing your own strategy for. Getting inspired from others is great, but leaning on someone else’s identity as security that information is legit, is extremely dangerous in my humble opinion. When I was doing my research I would just “know” things and then I’d go and check, and it would be real. When you can trust yourself, you will be the main character in your movie. I should know, I’m a goddamn movie star!

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Forgive my delayed response, been an interesting few days. I will look into it, the Parent Work makes sense, here’s hoping that my ancestors are more helpful than my parents were lol