Support me please (by answering questions)

General Discussion
1

Okay people, if you got a minute try to cope with my ramblings…

First of all i’m thinking about starting studying at monday ( i mean official school stuff, not self studying that i always do ) and i haven’t been in school for 6 years so i don’t believe it before i see it that’s why i said “i’m thinking” even if i am going to - but i still don’t believe before i see :smiley:

What this has to do with anything? well everything… Let me tell you about myself.

First of all i’m quite stressed about this because i can’t do maths at all, i mean i don’t know if i can do it even if its taught to me i have always sucked at it. Any ideas how to fix this problem without brain implants?

Secondly, i see myself constantly slowing myself on my spiritual and wordly ascent (by worldly i mean money and all that) by finding myself doing completely unnecessary shit with wrong kind of people that are worth nothing to me in any possible way. I’m starting to fear that there is a problem why i draw myself into this kind of situations, even if its not so common as it used to be - but why does it happen at all?

Thirdly i need to say that even if i have had some success, i still pretty much suck at divination and can’t do anything too detailed by myself… I only had some near astral projection experiences but not YET have succeeded on that, and i have heard voice of 1 entity but i still cannot prove myself 100% that they are real even if i believe it, how can i know before i know if i only have heard some people say that they are part of our psyche, and others that they are real external entities? How do you guys know this?

I was thinking about calling Baba Yaga today or tomorrow for the purpouse of teaching me her secrets of magic and other, and i also heard that she does soul fixing so i thought i might be in need of something like that too for i recognize that i still struggle with some silly problems.

(i wonder if the soul fixing or any entities can help me with fear of flying, as i need to visit another counties - so i can pick where to life when i have enough money )

But is there any sense calling for the spirits if i can’t see or hear them, if i’m not 100% sure that they hear and operate for my favour? but how can i learn if i don’t call? Even if i have got some proof already by some entities, the confusement in my life makes me struggle on these partially slippery steps to the tower of wisdom and glory.

Tell me where to place my foot.

  • Thank you in advance.
2

First my question is, what do you want to get from doing this course, I mean exactly and precisely what, and is there a decent chance it will deliver this?

Obviously you don’t have to answer me but it’s a useful question to ask yourself and answer honestly.

I tried and failed a few times to “compete my formal education” and then realised after a lot of expense that what I was looking for was permission to feel competent, so I decided to just give myself that (no really, I did this whole ritual thing) and now I do a couple of evening courses most years, just for fun and (genuine) education.

That’s what jumped foremost to my mind, but hopefully you’ll get other commentary and opinions as well which might be more useful. :slight_smile:

3

Course? you mean the school, well i would have actually written what school i mean but i can’t because the english translation of that still means different thing that what it is here :D…

Well you see, its 3 years of education so i will get knowledge - i hope that i that there is possibility of choosing to learn spanish there. Then i will get respect from the kind of people i need to get respect from, more doors will open to me after i have completed my studies as then i can choose from higher level of education that can lead me to positions of more power.

So my answer is: Knowledge,Respect,and Power - what i will gain from these? Money,Friends that are worth something, Positive experiences to choose from.

I also do realize that going the same road for 6 years now, which for the most people from outside might seem that “i do mostly nothing” isn’t going to help me, i must try different road for opening new opportunities in my life.

4

Three issues.

First of all i'm quite stressed about this because i can't do maths at all, i mean i don't know if i can do it even if its taught to me i have always sucked at it. Any ideas how to fix this problem without brain implants?

You have been indoctrinated (it doesn’t matter how or why) with a limiting belief. This is causing a cage around your own ability to learn, that you have accepted. This needs to be broken. You can succeed, and you can master numbers, and anything else you choose to.

Secondly, i see myself constantly slowing myself on my spiritual and wordly ascent (by worldly i mean money and all that) by finding myself doing completely unnecessary shit with wrong kind of people that are worth nothing to me in any possible way. I'm starting to fear that there is a problem why i draw myself into this kind of situations, even if its not so common as it used to be - but why does it happen at all?

You are at a crossroads of your life. You have just found the limitations of your current reality, and this is due to you successfully applying the process of ascent. Many of your problems (such as the first one above) are held in place partially by this environment and the people around you.

In order to proceed you must now decide what is important, what you want in your life, so that you can grow towards it.

One of the reasons why you’re stuck is that it’s habitual. We grow and learn through habituation. It’s just that you’ve already learned almost as much as you can in your present situation and ‘you’ are starting to feel the limitations of that.

You are spot on about you drawing yourself into these situations. You could benefit from focusing your mind daily on a question like ‘Does this [person/people/place/activity] serve my ascent, or is it just wasting time and distracting me?’

In other words, we develop habits of behavior that distract us from the things we fear and that are uncomfortable, so that we don’t have to face them. It’s just that your skillful use of ascent has caused you to become more and more aware of these limits so that you can grow beyond them. By taking conscious control of who and what you let exist in your life.

Thirdly i need to say that even if i have had some success, i still pretty much suck at divination and can't do anything too detailed by myself... I only had some near astral projection experiences but not YET have succeeded on that, and i have heard voice of 1 entity but i still cannot prove myself 100% that they are real even if i believe it, how can i know before i know if i only have heard some people say that they are part of our psyche, and others that they are real external entities? How do you guys know this?

This used to concern me as well. It’s really a limiting blind. Does knowing whether an entity is ‘real’ or not really matter? (To some people it really does matter)

For example. The easter bunny used to bring me a basket of candy when I was six years old. I knew it was real because I got a basket of candy and someone said it was the easter bunny. Later, I learned it was my parents. This didn’t change the fact that I still got the basket of candy.

In the same way, you will see (some) magicians who focus on getting results. Whether the entity is real, or an egregore, thought form, nature spirit, god, demon, etc. Does it really matter?

To some people it does matter, in that case I would classify them more as a religious devotee than a magician. The difference being that the devotee is only willing to work with specific classes of spirits, that align with their (rigid) beliefs. A magician on the other hand will focus more on pragmatic results, and use whatever is necessary to achieve the result.

You are way ahead of most people, who cannot or won’t admit their own limitations or problems.

Imagine your life without those problems. What is different? How can you make that happen?

If the spirits are not helping you, help yourself. For me what worked was doing a daily visualization practice, that eventually allowed me to see mental forms with my eyes open.

Just as spirits are guided to respond to questions, so also your own mind is guided by the questions you put to it. So if you decide what you want to know, then ask yourself a question that would give you that answer.

Claim your power and create your life as you see fit.

1 Like
5

Thank you very much NariusV for your time and answers.

To be honest i’m sort of mixture between magician and a spiritual devotee, i see it as my main mission of life to reveal the secrets of existence. ( or at least one of my top goals ) and i do wish to be truly in alliance with entities when i truly know which ones are my allies forever.

I’d still say that you believed that the eastern bunny brought you the candies, because someone told you… just like someone might tell me that they have 500 dollars in their wallet, i could choose to belief that but i wouldn’t know it before seeing :smiley: ?

About visualisation, i sort of use it all the time - but also the negative visualisation plagues me, when i try to concentrate on something positive i start thinking about toxic people that are like a tumor in my mind… Its just a retarded habit of mine that something has developed into me, i think this is one of the reasons i’d need some sort of “soul retrieval” if that is the correct term at all, to cast out these distracting beliefs and toxic thoughts.

Thank you again Narius, that was a great answer.

6

Holy fuck, this is one of THE best statements anyone’s ever going to read about magick:

[quote=“NariusV, post:4, topic:6004”]Whether the entity is real, or an egregore, thought form, nature spirit, god, demon, etc. Does it really matter?

To some people it does matter, in that case I would classify them more as a religious devotee than a magician. The difference being that the devotee is only willing to work with specific classes of spirits, that align with their (rigid) beliefs. A magician on the other hand will focus more on pragmatic results, and use whatever is necessary to achieve the result.[/quote]

Some people don’t get how I can be a hard polytheist (believing, as I do, that all spirits are distinct and real personalities) when the most important person in my life is a chaos mage who thinks they’re all emanations of the mass subconscious.

Narius fucking nailed it there and I am seriously awed by his insight and precision. Thank you!

7

Welcome.

Yes the 500$ is a belief (unproven) until you see it.

There is a fact that will save you time. (It took me about 20 years to learn).

The thinking mind will continue to work and have various random thoughts that are not related to your goals no matter what you do. (There are other states of mind like sleep, unconsciousness, trances, samadhi, etc. but generally for 99.9% of people those are temporary)

The main problem is that some of these like you say are toxic. These will repeat in your mind and keep distracting you until when?

Until they are not important to you.

Remember in your own life something that used to REALLY bother you, but that isn’t a big deal anymore. What happens when it comes into your mind now, compared to what used to happen?

The problem is a fixation of the mind, that gets stuck looping something that is not finished yet. It’s something that is important to you in a negative or positive way, that is incomplete.

When you change the emotional effect of those thoughts, they will become fleeting thoughts that slow down and eventually disappear.

A soul retrieval could be a good place to start. A successful one could give you more information about what needs to be finished to let these things go.

8

Yeah, its just that those things aren’t really even important to me… The toxic thoughts, its mainly looping the faces of some annoying people very randomly - it just might pick a random person that i dislike for some reason and make make it float around my mindscape especially if i “try to concentrate only on good stuff” but not caring too much usually helps.

9

Last point. ‘Some random person I dislike’ is not random. It’s linked specifically because you have a negative importance attached. You try to convince yourself they are not important. But the reason that thought loops does not have anything to do with the value or logic of it. Only the intensity of the feeling state (good or bad) that arises, causes it to loop.

10

Last point. ‘Some random person I dislike’ is not random. It’s linked specifically because you have a negative importance attached. You try to convince yourself they are not important. But the reason that thought loops does not have anything to do with the value or logic of it. Only the intensity of the feeling state (good or bad) that arises, causes it to loop.[/quote]

Tell me how are these people important? they truly are random.

I might not even know these people, or they might be someone who i met years ago and haven’t seen since - i had a bad experience at the moment and it bothered me then, my mind remembers that experience and thinks its necessary to remind me about that.

I don’t think that it makes them important, its only my mind’s illusion that they are - even if they don’t currently have anything to do with my life anymore and i will probably never see them again.

I’m pretty sure i might have some ocd type of thought pattern which causes this, not the actual person but the fact that my mind is addicted on being annoyed by someone - that’s why it makes up an excuse to be annoyed of someone who did something negative towards me like 5 years ago, usually of course picking more recent annoyances but when i’m past it it might randomly go “Oh but hey this reminds you about that experience, remember how you didn’t like it - now be bothered about those people for the next week”

And its not like it ruined my whole day or made me miserable, but its just annoying and hamstring mental effect. Sort of like dragging stones in my backpack when i’m supposed to compete on a running contest.

Really the people are not important, only in the illusion of my mind they are but my rational side says that it would be for the best of all to just forget - but my imagining mind is so fiercely wild.

BTW Anyone, any special tips for calling Baba Yaga to help me fix my “soul” if you will, and teach me secrets of arts? i’m very interested in this entity.

If by importance you did mean those feelings, those feelings are unnecessary and worhless - they have no sense of logic, and so forth i should get rid of them. I dunno why i’m addicted to those.

11

Yes. It is not based on logic, that’s why it isn’t possible to get rid of them by thinking another thought. It’s not really an addiction, it is simply how the mind works, by focusing on high intensity emotions.

The trick is that you think it’s you, your addiction. Then you believe you are responsible to change it, which hasn’t happened yet. Telling yourself it’s stupid and fighting against it creates a frustrated feeling. Thus an additional loop that attaches to the first one, distracting you from but not removing it. But it’s not really you, it’s an automatic function of the mind, the way it sorts things and makes sense of reality, by categorizing good vs bad, etc.

At least two ways out I know of.

  1. Create stronger mental commitments to whats important to you, so strong that the others fade due to relative un-importance. This is in general the path of ascent that I see most magicians take. Re-create yourself and your reality until it is a mirror of your own dreams.

  2. The other is to intensify your mental clarity to the extent that you become aware of, and can observe the process of how the mind creates emotional states. This is generally the path of meditation and self knowledge. They overlap.

The first method is easier in application, but needs to be continually re-applied for each thing you want to change. (Cast a spell, evoke an entity, etc.) The second method can permanently solve all of the internal toxic thought issues, since you master the cause, but make take longer and can be more difficult, and doesn’t change reality around you in ways that are as noticeable at first. (Access enlightened mind states)

12

Last point. ‘Some random person I dislike’ is not random. It’s linked specifically because you have a negative importance attached. You try to convince yourself they are not important. But the reason that thought loops does not have anything to do with the value or logic of it. Only the intensity of the feeling state (good or bad) that arises, causes it to loop.[/quote]

Tell me how are these people important? they truly are random.

I might not even know these people, or they might be someone who i met years ago and haven’t seen since - i had a bad experience at the moment and it bothered me then, my mind remembers that experience and thinks its necessary to remind me about that.

I don’t think that it makes them important, its only my mind’s illusion that they are - even if they don’t currently have anything to do with my life anymore and i will probably never see them again.

I’m pretty sure i might have some ocd type of thought pattern which causes this, not the actual person but the fact that my mind is addicted on being annoyed by someone - that’s why it makes up an excuse to be annoyed of someone who did something negative towards me like 5 years ago, usually of course picking more recent annoyances but when i’m past it it might randomly go “Oh but hey this reminds you about that experience, remember how you didn’t like it - now be bothered about those people for the next week”

And its not like it ruined my whole day or made me miserable, but its just annoying and hamstring mental effect. Sort of like dragging stones in my backpack when i’m supposed to compete on a running contest.

Really the people are not important, only in the illusion of my mind they are but my rational side says that it would be for the best of all to just forget - but my imagining mind is so fiercely wild.

BTW Anyone, any special tips for calling Baba Yaga to help me fix my “soul” if you will, and teach me secrets of arts? i’m very interested in this entity.

If by importance you did mean those feelings, those feelings are unnecessary and worhless - they have no sense of logic, and so forth i should get rid of them. I dunno why i’m addicted to those.[/quote]

Try writing all your problems,desires,etc. Anything that you want Baba Yaga to handle.Write it if possible in cyrilic(yes even English in cyrilic) and bind it with a pentagram.Write,at the top,“for Baba Yaga,the Bony-Legged Witch”.

At night,past midnight,light a candle,and try to get some beans.Call out to Baba Yaga to come from her chicken house,and close your eyes.Meditate om the intent of the ritual. Read the letter to her outloid and burn it.

Gather the ash into an ashtray,and place the beans inside.Consecrate the beans and dedcate them to Her.

Wait for a half hou and write down any mental impression,vision,voice,or whatever else happens.At that point,tell the cwndle to carry your prayers to Baba Yagfa,blow out the candle,and pour tte wax that may hav melted into the offering ashtray.

Dispose of th offering in a cemetery,and try listening whether there are any voices,and keep a dream journal if possible. If nothing happens after nine days,PM me and I will channel her for you.

13

From NariusV;“Last point. ‘Some random person I dislike’ is not random. It’s linked specifically because you have a negative importance attached. You try to convince yourself they are not important. But the reason that thought loops does not have anything to do with the value or logic of it. Only the intensity of the feeling state (good or bad) that arises, causes it to loop.”
[/quote]

Adding onto what NariusV said, I’ve done a good amount of research on releasing past tension, stress, anxiety, and vengeful attitudes at least for the time being. The reason for this is because same as you, I noticed that during meditation these annoying frustrating thoughts always seemed to surface and then would either annoy me further, or distract me from my focused intent. From what I know, the reason this occurs is because they really DO have an esoteric tie to your subconscious. So a strategy that is very useful for dealing with those, is to imagine those thoughts being ‘cut’ away. Or in other words, being ‘pushed’ from your mind. This is how a lot of energy cleansers deal with that, another reference to them is “problem vibes” keep in mind it’s easier to rid yourself of unwanted ties when the issue is identified at the surface of your mind. I used to be a lot more high strung and quick to break things prior to meditation, and I got distracted soooo fucking much. Point is, after “ridding myself of problem vibes” and imagining cutting away unwanted thoughts and emotions whenever they surfaced, I’ve released a huge amount of tension and anxiety from the past. I feel much happier and at ease these days, and meditation is much easier. This is what worked for me.

14

Black flame you’re tied to your thoughts as every human being.This is the egoic mind taking control over you.Just be aware of the fact that every thought good or bad has roots in the past or the future and it drags your mind back and forth,leaving you outside of the only thing that is real,which is the now.
It would be nice to read ‘‘The power of now’’ from eckhart tolle or any of his books.It sounds like a new age bullshit but it’s not.

I found a paragraph from one of his books that fits perfectly with this

::THE DUCK WITH A HUMAN MIND::

In The Power of Now, I mentioned my observation that after two ducks
get into a fight, which never lasts long, they will separate and float off in
opposite directions. Then each duck will flap its wings vigorously a few
times; thus releasing the surplus energy that built up during the fight. After
they flap their wings, they float on peacefully, as if nothing had ever
happened.
If the duck had a human mind, it would keep the fight alive by
thinking, by storymaking.
This would probably be the duck’s story: “I don’t
believe what he just did. He came to within five inches of me. He thinks he
owns this pond. He has no consideration for my private space. I’ll never trust
him again. Next time he’ll try something else just to annoy me. I’m sure he’s
plotting something already. But I’m not going to stand for this. I’ll teach him
a lesson he won’t forget.” And on and on the mind spins its tales, still
thinking and talking about it days, months, or years later. As far as the body
is concerned, the fight is still continuing, and the energy it generates in
response to all those thoughts is emotion, which in turn generates more
thinking. This becomes the emotional thinking of the ego. you can see how
problematic the duck’s life would become if it had a human mind. But this is
how most humans live all the time.
No situation or event is ever really finished. The mind and the mindmade
“me and my story” keep it going.
We are a species that ahas lost its way. everything natural, every
flower or tree, and every animal have important lessons to teach us if we
would only stop, look and listen. Our duck’s lesson is this: Flap your wings –
which translates as “let go of the story” and
return to the only place of
power: the present moment.

15

^ YES!!!

One question when you have a troubling thought is, “What story am I telling myself right now?”

You’ll be amazed at the phony crap your mind accumulates and tries to tell you is reality. Well, at least, I was! :smiley:

16

[quote=“Black Flame, post:1, topic:6004”]Okay people, if you got a minute try to cope with my ramblings…

First of all i’m thinking about starting studying at monday ( i mean official school stuff, not self studying that i always do ) and i haven’t been in school for 6 years so i don’t believe it before i see it that’s why i said “i’m thinking” even if i am going to - but i still don’t believe before i see :smiley:

What this has to do with anything? well everything… Let me tell you about myself.

First of all i’m quite stressed about this because i can’t do maths at all, i mean i don’t know if i can do it even if its taught to me i have always sucked at it. Any ideas how to fix this problem without brain implants?

Secondly, i see myself constantly slowing myself on my spiritual and wordly ascent (by worldly i mean money and all that) by finding myself doing completely unnecessary shit with wrong kind of people that are worth nothing to me in any possible way. I’m starting to fear that there is a problem why i draw myself into this kind of situations, even if its not so common as it used to be - but why does it happen at all?

Thirdly i need to say that even if i have had some success, i still pretty much suck at divination and can’t do anything too detailed by myself… I only had some near astral projection experiences but not YET have succeeded on that, and i have heard voice of 1 entity but i still cannot prove myself 100% that they are real even if i believe it, how can i know before i know if i only have heard some people say that they are part of our psyche, and others that they are real external entities? How do you guys know this?

I was thinking about calling Baba Yaga today or tomorrow for the purpouse of teaching me her secrets of magic and other, and i also heard that she does soul fixing so i thought i might be in need of something like that too for i recognize that i still struggle with some silly problems.

(i wonder if the soul fixing or any entities can help me with fear of flying, as i need to visit another counties - so i can pick where to life when i have enough money )

But is there any sense calling for the spirits if i can’t see or hear them, if i’m not 100% sure that they hear and operate for my favour? but how can i learn if i don’t call? Even if i have got some proof already by some entities, the confusement in my life makes me struggle on these partially slippery steps to the tower of wisdom and glory.

Tell me where to place my foot.

  • Thank you in advance.[/quote]
    There are several Goetic demons who teach all arts and sciences.
    At the mundane level, I suck at math as well, but find what you do know …
    Example: Geometric series are commonplace in some areas of magic, and even with Tarot meditations … even though I equally sucked at computer science, the best way I learned what series are and how they work, is in computer programming, the for loop – a floor/base number/value, the ceiling/max value, and the number of iterations, and then it does stuff in the loop … exactly the same as how the geometric series works, the funny sigma symbol with i=0 at the top, i=whatever at the bottom, the equal sign and it does stuff.
    That may not make sense, or you may not care, that’s cool.
    There is a book called "Math for nonmathematition by Kline. Great book, really simple explanation, I sort of understand some stuff, and a lot of good geometry material in it, which is commonplace in the old occult materials.
    I would browse through the explanations of the purpose/benefits/appearances of the Goetic entities, particularly those that deal with the sciences.
17

[quote=“Lady Eva, post:15, topic:6004”]^ YES!!!

One question when you have a troubling thought is, “What story am I telling myself right now?”

You’ll be amazed at the phony crap your mind accumulates and tries to tell you is reality. Well, at least, I was! :D[/quote]
Exactly.

18

Last point. ‘Some random person I dislike’ is not random. It’s linked specifically because you have a negative importance attached. You try to convince yourself they are not important. But the reason that thought loops does not have anything to do with the value or logic of it. Only the intensity of the feeling state (good or bad) that arises, causes it to loop.[/quote]

Tell me how are these people important? they truly are random.

I might not even know these people, or they might be someone who i met years ago and haven’t seen since - i had a bad experience at the moment and it bothered me then, my mind remembers that experience and thinks its necessary to remind me about that.

I don’t think that it makes them important, its only my mind’s illusion that they are - even if they don’t currently have anything to do with my life anymore and i will probably never see them again.

I’m pretty sure i might have some ocd type of thought pattern which causes this, not the actual person but the fact that my mind is addicted on being annoyed by someone - that’s why it makes up an excuse to be annoyed of someone who did something negative towards me like 5 years ago, usually of course picking more recent annoyances but when i’m past it it might randomly go “Oh but hey this reminds you about that experience, remember how you didn’t like it - now be bothered about those people for the next week”

And its not like it ruined my whole day or made me miserable, but its just annoying and hamstring mental effect. Sort of like dragging stones in my backpack when i’m supposed to compete on a running contest.

Really the people are not important, only in the illusion of my mind they are but my rational side says that it would be for the best of all to just forget - but my imagining mind is so fiercely wild.

BTW Anyone, any special tips for calling Baba Yaga to help me fix my “soul” if you will, and teach me secrets of arts? i’m very interested in this entity.

If by importance you did mean those feelings, those feelings are unnecessary and worhless - they have no sense of logic, and so forth i should get rid of them. I dunno why i’m addicted to those.[/quote]

Try writing all your problems,desires,etc. Anything that you want Baba Yaga to handle.Write it if possible in cyrilic(yes even English in cyrilic) and bind it with a pentagram.Write,at the top,“for Baba Yaga,the Bony-Legged Witch”.

At night,past midnight,light a candle,and try to get some beans.Call out to Baba Yaga to come from her chicken house,and close your eyes.Meditate om the intent of the ritual. Read the letter to her outloid and burn it.

Gather the ash into an ashtray,and place the beans inside.Consecrate the beans and dedcate them to Her.

Wait for a half hou and write down any mental impression,vision,voice,or whatever else happens.At that point,tell the cwndle to carry your prayers to Baba Yagfa,blow out the candle,and pour tte wax that may hav melted into the offering ashtray.

Dispose of th offering in a cemetery,and try listening whether there are any voices,and keep a dream journal if possible. If nothing happens after nine days,PM me and I will channel her for you.[/quote]

Hey thanks for the tips, i have following things that i thought of offering to her: A shot of jägermeister, some sweets, and a cigarillo.

I’m not sure can i get the offering tossed to a graveyard but i can see what i can do, i have never been in the graveyard in this town and i’m afraid it might be guarded (at least by video cameras) and i don’t know what people will think about me pouring stuff over there as blasphemy is still a crime in this country, even if people arent commonly too religious.

I have usually given my offers this way: i usually offer vodka so i put it on a shot glass when i have lit the candle or afterwards, and tell out loud to who it is for - sometimes i put a piece of paper with my intentions written on it and or the sigil of the entity and i let the candle burn for long as i possibly can (sometimes even sleep or leave it alone for couple hours) and i let the offering be there for at least 24 hours… But if you insist on your method, i can see what i can do.

I can’t write in cyrilic tbh, i could use translator but it will probably be not completely accurate - maybe i could write her name in цырилиц alphabet.

I appreciate your answer Arcane, cheers!

19

[quote=“DouglasJamesCameronFuego, post:16, topic:6004”][quote=“Black Flame, post:1, topic:6004”]Okay people, if you got a minute try to cope with my ramblings…

First of all i’m thinking about starting studying at monday ( i mean official school stuff, not self studying that i always do ) and i haven’t been in school for 6 years so i don’t believe it before i see it that’s why i said “i’m thinking” even if i am going to - but i still don’t believe before i see :smiley:

What this has to do with anything? well everything… Let me tell you about myself.

First of all i’m quite stressed about this because i can’t do maths at all, i mean i don’t know if i can do it even if its taught to me i have always sucked at it. Any ideas how to fix this problem without brain implants?

Secondly, i see myself constantly slowing myself on my spiritual and wordly ascent (by worldly i mean money and all that) by finding myself doing completely unnecessary shit with wrong kind of people that are worth nothing to me in any possible way. I’m starting to fear that there is a problem why i draw myself into this kind of situations, even if its not so common as it used to be - but why does it happen at all?

Thirdly i need to say that even if i have had some success, i still pretty much suck at divination and can’t do anything too detailed by myself… I only had some near astral projection experiences but not YET have succeeded on that, and i have heard voice of 1 entity but i still cannot prove myself 100% that they are real even if i believe it, how can i know before i know if i only have heard some people say that they are part of our psyche, and others that they are real external entities? How do you guys know this?

I was thinking about calling Baba Yaga today or tomorrow for the purpouse of teaching me her secrets of magic and other, and i also heard that she does soul fixing so i thought i might be in need of something like that too for i recognize that i still struggle with some silly problems.

(i wonder if the soul fixing or any entities can help me with fear of flying, as i need to visit another counties - so i can pick where to life when i have enough money )

But is there any sense calling for the spirits if i can’t see or hear them, if i’m not 100% sure that they hear and operate for my favour? but how can i learn if i don’t call? Even if i have got some proof already by some entities, the confusement in my life makes me struggle on these partially slippery steps to the tower of wisdom and glory.

Tell me where to place my foot.

  • Thank you in advance.[/quote]
    There are several Goetic demons who teach all arts and sciences.
    At the mundane level, I suck at math as well, but find what you do know …
    Example: Geometric series are commonplace in some areas of magic, and even with Tarot meditations … even though I equally sucked at computer science, the best way I learned what series are and how they work, is in computer programming, the for loop – a floor/base number/value, the ceiling/max value, and the number of iterations, and then it does stuff in the loop … exactly the same as how the geometric series works, the funny sigma symbol with i=0 at the top, i=whatever at the bottom, the equal sign and it does stuff.
    That may not make sense, or you may not care, that’s cool.
    There is a book called "Math for nonmathematition by Kline. Great book, really simple explanation, I sort of understand some stuff, and a lot of good geometry material in it, which is commonplace in the old occult materials.
    I would browse through the explanations of the purpose/benefits/appearances of the Goetic entities, particularly those that deal with the sciences.[/quote]

Thank you Douglas, i will consider purchasing that book after i find out more about it.

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I actually went to see if i can find the graveyard so i can tell you guys that i couldn’t find it… But then i actually did find it :DD

It was really big and well kept there was even few ground keepers around when i was there, it also had at least one sign that said that there is recording cameras… although i didn’t see any and it was like a large park kind of graveyard, but it had very strict rules set right in the beginning of it… So if i do bring any stuff in our out of there i’m going to feel pretty uneasy.

Even now i kept imagining white light revolving around me when i was walking around it, and thinking about algiz rune just for sure :smiley: ( spiritual purposes )