Suicide Pacts

Ok so I was scrying trying to figure out why my guides arent letting me do as i please and are keeping me from Ascending. What they kept showing me was scenes of Childhood pain and Suicide.

They showed me a vision of me sitting by a well known lake in the lotus position in meditation.
I had a notebook i brought with me as well as a Rope, Apple, and Knife.

The mood of the meditation had no tone of depression whatsoever, but was purposeful.

I scryed into the writing in the notebook and It was written in Demonic Tounge. The first page of the notebook however said,

“Suicide Pact, June 19th, 2022”

I continued to scry and saw myself biting the apple, cutting my neck and Hanging myself. No tears, no regret, no nothin. A somber expression and a cynical smile and snicker.

Followed by me laughing and shaking my head.

So…one thing I got was that they dont want me doing crazy shit like Hanging myself to get into Contact with Odin, but as for the rest, what does it mean?

The thing that got me was that It was my Godself doing this. Not my human self.


And no I have NOT been suicidal lately
(Respect and shout out to those who have been through those feelings and are still standing :metal:)


So this may be odins way of telling you to seek wisdom through sacrifice if he was the first that came to mind though the issue is he wasn’t hung from his neck. Though what that sacrifice will be for you I’ve no clue.

As in the havamal the poem of how odin got the runes.

"I know that I hung on a windy tree
nine long nights,
wounded with a spear, dedicated to Odin,
myself to myself,
on that tree of which no man knows from where its roots run.

No bread did they give me nor a drink from a horn,
downwards I peered;
I took up the runes,
screaming I took them,
then I fell back from there."


In my personal paradigm and perspective, in order to move on, things must die, both physically and symbolically. it sounds like in order to move on to the next level, you need to be reborn again. die and come back even stronger.


Simply because it says so does not mean it has to be - it could be another form of self-abnegation such as a business failure, bankruptcy (aka financial suicide), divorce, or even if you are that way inclined a complete change of gender.

Death may be a metaphor rather than an actuality. You are not obliged.

You may be witnessing a coming of age on that date perhaps.


The Apple is the symbolism of the “ forbidden apple” in the Adam and Eve biblical account.Forbidden knowledge …what are they trying to tell you ?

Also what is forbidden in their opinion maybe essential in your opinion to your growth.

The fact that you smile in the end maybe that you conquered death , something many mages can’t do,

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i see possibly a Shadow that might still be obstructing you.

and possibly this is you gaining control of that Shadow. It’s something that could be hazardous to you but you are unafraid and smiling about it which to me says you have the ability to overcome it.

Another reason i get the feeling it’s a metaphor for something you can overcome.

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Maybe eating this apple represent the fact that you will get knowledge and ascent if you “die” metaphorically as it is the forbidden apple as @Lotuslouvena said ?

edit : just seen that my comment says what others have said so I’m basically thinking the same as everyone here.

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