I warn you, I write a lot, I think it’s due to the fact that I write several books, so don’t blame me
All right, let’s get started. I come here to talk about my situation and because it might perhaps help other people in the same situation as me. So, the spirit/human group I speak of in the title concerns only one or two human beings, me (and perhaps my little brother, he is young and I sometimes hear him talking alone and this especially at night) for a maximum of fifteen spirits. I allowed my spirits to walk around and talk freely in the family home as long as none of them broke, damaged anything and did anything but defend someone, mainly my little brothers for whom I give great attention and love. I can feel that my spirits get along well with each other because I don’t feel any tension in the “ambients” energies but I’m not yet able to go directly to ask them. I had written in the house rules that if they didn’t get along, they should just ignore each other and talk to me about it to fix the problem, so maybe that’s why.
I built with my will what could be called a kind of “fortress” so that my spirits could stay together and with me, but I don’t know if this process really worked, because it was at a time when I had to work a lot and the few moments of free time I spent them more talking, playing video games or writing my book than trying to meditate or talk with my spirits, I preferred to cling to my own comfort out of laziness and selfishness. And I think that’s when everything started to change.
Among the first spirits I had, I received a (queen) succubus as a birthday gift from my best friend (with my permission of course). I had accepted on the assumption that this could only bring me more stability while providing me with moral support and a female presence not very present in my entourage. At first, everything went well, I meditated 3 or 4 times a week, but with time as explained, I ended up doing nothing more. In the beginning of the relationship everything was fine, she was very active, but since then, apart from some erotic dreams from time to time which I can hardly remember, I feel nothing. Same thing for other spirits. She’s ans they’re probably tired of waiting. I have the impression that today it no longer really brings me any importance, even if she’s still there
I had managed to talk to a good tarot reader for free who told me that many of my behaviors had hurt her, which I admit, is true. I can be disrespectful in my language without even realizing it, the ships that have been linked to it have suffered some damage over this year… I think that my biggest mistake was to say that I thank her mother, Lilith, and that I’ve never done it because of fear.
My friend did not invoke my succubus, he paid a person for it, she’s quite known, but despite the help I asked her, this practitioner never answered me once except when I paid for a second spirit (being a beginner, I didn’t want to make a mistake).
And this is not only the case for my succubus, my other spirits seem completely detached. I’m still trying to follow the tarot reader advice, that I had to try to reconnect with a maternal figure in my spirit group, and as a descendant of Lilith, I think my succubus is the perfect contender, but that makes me put my other spirits even more aside, putting me even more in a vicious cycle.
All this makes me feel like I’m in a spiritual lethargy and it doesn’t motivate me to meditate at all. What saddens me about this is that I have the impression that all the progress I have made has been destroyed, and that today, despite all the efforts I would make, there would always remain that part of resentment I feel towards me when I meditate.
In fact, I don’t really know what to do to move things forward positively, and it’s not the research tools that helped me a lot for that. I usually read the same two answers: “You must meditate”; “You must be patient.” It’s cool but it does not get things done, especially since it’s easier said than done… well, personally, it’s not like I’m not meditating and I did not been patient, it’s going to be over a year now
So, I would like to have ideas on how I could harmonize all this mess, because in addition to making me bland and amorphous, a lot of my spirits have turned to my little brother (not badly) and talk to him, except that some are not especially reassuring and he is only 7 years old ; and my other little brother can’t sleep well for several months making him excited and susceptible, I even saw one night a black form on my brother during the night, while he was complaining in his sleep
I tried to tell them not to talk to them anymore because they scared my little brother; I changed the rules of the house, but since I don’t know which of them is responsible, I can’t really yell at someone and it drives me crazy.
Sometimes my cats don’t dare to enter certain rooms either, and they refuse to approach their bowl, so they have had to change the locations of their foods several times
I made banishing circles in my brothers’ room, but that doesn’t seem to change much, I also deposit salt and tried spells, but since my spirits are directly linked to me, I think it will not work for very long.
The more I go, the more I’m tired of chasing ghosts. Not to mention that my mother guessed what was going on, and that she knew what I was doing.
I literally feel like I’m in a washing machine. I take the weight of my actions in the head and it starts to exhaust me, I had to go to the hospital for a while (even if it was not only for that). I felt that most of my spirits don’t want that, but there’s one or two, I don’t really know, who would I call a bad energetic signature (the kind of feeling that gives me want to run when I’m in the dark). When to say if they really are spirits of my group or parasytes, I don’t know, but it’s starting to piss me off. I know very well that everything is my fault, I don’t really need all that to understand it.
What are your thoughts on all this? I should focus on what first? Because the further I go, the less I know where I’m going.