Stumbling thru (Journal)

Hey guys,

I wanted to start a little journal here to mark down my workings through my path. It being in a forum like this kind of puts some accountability on me to keep consistent with it (I think). If not that, then to incite some motivation regardless.

Anyways, I’ll be keeping track of semi-daily routines that may or may not include:

  • Pathworking
  • Meditation
  • Divination (Tarot)
  • Art (mostly of the entities I work with, but maybe some art petitions/sigils)
  • Anything I thought relevant in my daily life

My divination+intuition combo is rather lacking, so have a good laugh watch me miss the mark on some messages I may be receiving. And, feel free to slap me upside the head if I’m really just looking the other way.

As of now, I work closely with Leviathan and Lucifer. I’m trying out new things all the time from the several different method books on my stack, so I couldn’t tell you a path I am keeping a linear pace on.

I’m not really sure if I aim to be a better person, per se, though I most definitely want to be a different person. Whatever that means.

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Feb 22, 2021
I started a new job today and it is the first time that I’ve worked without juggling class at the same time in my entire life (with exception to Summer and Winter breaks, of course). This change, expectedly, dragged my mood through the dirt. The joy I thought I would receive from finally feeling accomplished is shadowed by this nasty shoulder of responsibility and refusal of unfamiliarity.

I took a shower in some attempt to cleanse my mood before sitting down to do a simple meditation with Leviathan. Before I opened the meditation, I performed Qlippothic(sp?) breathing to ground myself into a light trance. Then, I chanted his enn and found myself sitting at the edge of the black sea, letting the waves wash over my feet on the shore. I’m struggling to focus a bit as I’ve had a few issues weigh on my mind for a while. The most prominent issue is seeking happiness, or at least to feel some sort of emotion that isn’t dull apathy.

I sit still for a little while allowing myself to the scenery. Sometimes, I see the spiraling beast that wades in the sea and take to the sight of it. Other times, Leviathan will appear in front of me in a humanoid form (appearance varying). Tonight, he actually stepped beside me and I found myself just blurting out “I want to be happy.”
LVTH: “Are you asking or are you telling me?”
I said that I am asking, but he turned towards the ocean to say something that I didn’t quite catch.

At this point, I thanked him for his time and pulled some cards to catch the tail-end of the conversation. I pulled a Judgement (reversed) and a Moon (reversed). So, that’s pain.

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Feb 24, 2021
Said my prayers in the morning (confidence from Lucifer and steady emotions with Leviathan) and had a long day afterwards. Went out to grab a few drinks with a close friend and ended up coming home late as a result.

That being so, I simply wanted to sketch a fast pic of Leviathan before I went to bed since it had been on my mind all day, but I ended up meditating with Lucifer for a bit since his candle was flickering up a storm. He certainly has been enthusiastic lately, probably since I’ve stopped neglecting my altar/library and cleaned it up properly of them.

I’ll post this fast drawing of LVTH. I’ll preface that I don’t have the godly hands of Michelangelo to replicate the beautiful commission of the sistine chapel. Also my eyes are kind of half closed with this one. I can’t really replicate what he looks like to me, so this is the best I can do.

With Lucifer, I sat with his candle in hand for a bit, chanting his enn and sitting on his energy. Compared to LVTH, he is warm like a hug around the chest. Seeing him energetic, I asked him if he had a message to leave me through tarot. Pulled a II of Cups, so I assume it has something to do with my new workplace as I don’t have a special someone in my life, lol.

Kind of a low energy night. That said, good night everyone.

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Feb 24, 2021
Today’s card was Knave of Swords (reversed), so that’s great. Looking back, I should have pulled a clarifier on it, but I have a growing suspicion is has to do more with my aimlessness about the future than anything else.

I decided to touch base on some shadow work. I’m growing pretty tired of this blah mood I’m in, so I invoked Dantalion to help me focus and tap into my emotions. At least enough to be honest with myself. I did a simple listing of all the things I’m malcontent with, elaborated on a few that couldn’t fit in a small bullet, then collected my thoughts to come to the concept of what I want to do moving forward.

I came to the conclusion that I want to incorporate more mindfulness into my life. I spend too much time looking at the clock and not enough time enjoying the moment. Dantalion helped nudge me into prioritizing smaller issues I can control and trying to focus my energy on alleviating those blockages, so that eventually these small things will probably help ease out the bigger things. Spending too much time thinking and worrying, not enough time doing something productive.

Haha, I think I finally understand what that tarot pull was talking about, lol.

Not much else. Might crack open a few ritual books and read through them before bed. Keep some light studying on the side and see about utilizing some energy work for myself.

Anyways, good night everyone. Hope you have a good one.

Feb 25, 2021
I tried three different general tarot pulls and all of them was Knave of Swords (reversed) so definitely getting my ass kicked in by someone to do something. I tried a clarifier but it just kept spitting that card back out. I’ll just blame it on poor pulls and call it a night there, or maybe I should be thinking harder.

Tonight, I did some breath work to melt off the stress from today and chanted Lucifer’s enn. I felt the need to do automatic drawing, for some reason, so I channeled Lucifer for a bit, but the results are… Idk what to make of it. I feel like I just scribbled aimlessly on a page trying to pinpoint his energy.

The symbol on the lower right seems interesting, but I’m not confident that it means anything. Also, big bird, wow.

I’ll probably sit on that tarot pull for a bit and wonder wtf that means. Good night, everyone.

Uhh hi lol

Kinda funny there’s two Omori pfps on one forum like this

Omg… hello! That’s so funny. Nice to meet you tho.

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Good luck.

Thanks, you too! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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I will :slight_smile: :four_leaf_clover: :leaves:

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Mar 1, 2021
The last 3 days I promise I haven’t been slacking. There wasn’t much to note other than basic meditation. The full moon rolled around and I petitioned many things through basic spell work, as we are finally out of that horrible shift of energy.

I decided to take to the 72 Angel of Magick by Damon Brand and work on one of the 11 day rituals for personal power. I’m looking forward to see how this will work out. The first day (today), I felt an extreme coldness within my hands and chest when I performed it. Admittedly, I struggled to hold my attention as I would with a demonic ritual, but I think that is in part of how the author suggests the ritual layout in the book. I’m not keen on following written procedure when it comes to magick. However, I’m rather new to Enochian magick, so I figured it would be more appropriate to follow their word.

Also, I have drawn up a portrait of Lord Rosier as an offering, as promised.


He is aiding me with a few important things and I couldn’t be more grateful for his tutelage.

Anyways, the ritual ripped the energy out of me, so I’ll have to call it an early night. Good night, everyone!

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March 7, 2021
Yeah, okay, I may have dropped the ball there for a bit. I’ve worked plenty of overtime this week and haven’t had much energy to do much else other than stare at a wall.
Though, burning in the back of my mind is this painting I want to create for Lucifer and Leviathan. I have a clear image of what I want it to be, but I’m such a perfectionist when it comes to painting beings such as them that I’m trying to nail down the medium I want to pursue this piece on. It will most likely be a digital piece, though given the resources I’d like it to be on a proper canvas. One can hope, anyways.
Tonight, I got back into the motion of things. I’ve had a ritual I’ve been wanting to perform with Rosier, so I did. It went pretty well and it’s always pleasant to feel his energy when he’s around, even if it’s easy to miss.
Side note: I shuffled my tarot deck to “warm it up” a bit and it spat out a Justice and Devil (both reversed) at me and ngl that spooked me a bit. I pretend I did not see it.
That being said, it’s a perfect time to mention that I went straight into shadow work with Leviathan. I went to confront something that has been reoccurring in my dreams the last… 5-6ish years of my life? I won’t go into detail, but I felt now I was mature enough to confront these feelings with maturity and clear vision. The result of this work was melancholic, essentially feeling like I killed off a part of me that lived with these desires and dreams, but I felt like it was necessary to move on. While only the idea of this person lived in my heart, it felt like I was severing a tie I tried too hard to hold onto. Ahh, so is life.
I asked to pull some cards for LVTH and immediately ye ol’ Judgement card flew out at me again (straight up this time). I put it back into the deck and pretend it wasn’t there either, LOL. Which I should note, it should be an achievement for me since I’ve finally flipped this damn card out of reverse and learned my lesson. I still feel dread when I pull it no matter.
As much as I hoped against another major arcana, I pulled a Death (reversed) and I felt like I gave up. All of these messages about purge, confronting inner darkness, taking accountability, etc. Kind of exhausting, but I felt that these were a reflection of my decision to let go of situations (and people) that no longer served me.
I am dejected about it all right now, however I know it was the right thing to do.
Anyways, I am drained from those back-to-back sessions. Good night, everyone!

perfectionists are screwed. Life tends towards the imperfect, always. anything that is life cannot be both life and perfect truly.

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It is a sad mindset to be stuck with, especially as an artist because no one stroke will make a piece finished enough.

March 8, 2021
No tarot pulls today. I feel like I need to settle in on the lesson from the previous one.

I went ahead and did some real basic meditation, something to calm my mind down. It was a bit of a fight to focus as Rosier’s and Lucifer’s candles were flickering very bright even through closed eyes. I powered through it enough to settle into a small trance.

Basic mental cleanse by being washed by the ocean. Ended up feeling a hard push in the center of my forehead. I sat on it for a while before I just couldn’t any longer since it started to… vibrate? Kind of obnoxiously. I didn’t want to stop short on my time, so I went back into a trance only for the vibration to be replaced by a heat. It was a hot flash that sat there then slowly a wall of heat was just in front of me.

Was it something or someone? I couldn’t tell you. Rosier is like a gentle brush against my hair; Lucifer a warmth within my chest; and Leviathan is a cold that I can feel in my bones (but in a way more oppressive since he is… heavy?). This though, this was new.

I’ll sit on it for a few days if it ever returns again.

Good night!

this vibration you feel is the source of everything we’re doing in a sense, vibrations make up everything.

Ahhh I see. Makes sense now.

March 11, 2021
Todays’ card: IX of Wands and Kind of Wands (both rev) yay.

Today, I wanted to sit down with Dantalion since meditating with his energy is pleasant and helps me focus extremely well. Like a mental break for the mind with him. I lit all the candles on my altar and brought Dantalion’s down with me on the floor so I can focus with it.

I pulled back for some basic breathing to melt the day away and I found my mind wandered back to the black ocean. Kind of spooked me because I’ve never unintentionally pathworked myself to Leviathan’s domain. Instead of the usual sights, this was standing there towering above me like an obelisk (see quick and fast doodle below).


The hands were golden as well as the head. Behind it was this circular ring of light. Not so much like a halo, more like an event horizon and a black hole. The black parts were the ocean running down like waterfalls off this tower into the ocean beneath it.

A large golden hand grabbed me off of the sand and closed me within its palm. I find myself sinking into the darkness of the water, feeling everything (the stress, all my energy, just everything) wash right off of me until there was nothing but white noise and black visual stillness.

Leviathan started to speak to me, reaffirming this internal struggle I’ve been fighting with and handing me off advice. I say “advice” loosely as it was more of a riddle. He loves encoding and wordplay, that’s for sure. As soon as he said his piece, I was washed out of this place onto the shores and my eyes opened to Dantalion’s candle flickering there at my legs.

I returned to sit with Dantalion for a good amount of time with a quiet symphony in the background. Not much pathworking done with him, I think I spend most of my time trying to declare an image of him, so that I may draw him some time.

After today’s wake-up call, I feel like there is some action I need to take in both my spiritual and emotional life. I know I’ve been wandering around book-to-book testing out practices, but I feel as if I need to sit down and started digging deeper into one. Find something that challenges me and I can put all my focus on.

Rosier’s wick burnt into the shape of a heart. It made me happy to see. Dantalion’s looks like a little flower.

Also, been seeing a lot of dead animal’s lately. Been kinda’ bumming me out because it’s not typical roadkill and it’s oddly so much more frequent? Seeing anything from deer to house pets to livestock on/next to the road. Ah well.

Good night!

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March 22, 2021
Checked the timestamp and was shocked to see it has been 10 days since I’ve last posted here. How time flies!

I’d say I was doing nothing, but that’s not entirely true. I’ve been caught up with work and I’ve thoroughly exhausted myself trying to cope with all worldly responsibilities. No matter how busy, I’ve been contemplating my practice and things I could do/want to do.

I’ve been looking into plants to grow for warding, for offerings, or herbs for spells. I haven’t come across much luck in the department since I live in essentially a vampire den with little light for plants in my room. However, it is warming up so I can plant something outside at least. Still need to do far more research in that.

I haven’t cleanse my house in over a week either and I can start to feel the shift of energy in here. I lit all the candles presently on my altar (save for a few) then went to smoke/sound cleansing the room and all the crystals in my possession. I fell into a soft trance watching the smoke dance around my bracelets, which was welcomed because I was able to experience the demonic energy settling into the room that has been absence for a little bit. In doing so, I managed to scare myself because I locked in on the sound of someone breathing and I wasn’t sure who, but it did make me clam up in momentary fear. My clairaudience is still developing, so it spooks me sometimes when I manage to catch something crystal clear.

I sat with Rosier and Leviathan first on the floor with their candles. Just me and them and my thoughts. I was sorting through my emotions in a much needed mental cleanse with a mix of energy work. I attempted to focus on my heart, throat, and mind chakra, though I fell into the reflex of starting at root and going upwards. My energy sat at my sacral? (The one right above root) and it warmed quite noticeably, even now I still feel it. A little disappointed I didn’t have the same outcome for any other one, but that’s alright.

Afterwards, I felt a pull to sit with Lucifer, as it has been a while since it was me and him. Refreshing it was though. Sitting with him warmed my entire body and fixed this vacancy that has been weighing in my chest lately. Probably from lack of practicing. No pathworking this time; a simple invocation to bring my energy up to his and realign myself.

Admittedly, sometimes I do take for granted the divine presences in my area and life. You never really notice the weight of someone’s existence until they leave the house. My brain has shut out most energies entirely and I haven’t been lighting my candles due to fatigue, so feeling anyone again has been such a blessing in itself. I’m training myself to keep myself open to any experience at all times.

Other than that, today’s tarot pulls is the 8 of Wands and the Chariot (rev). I haven’t really sat on that one, so I’m not sure how it’s applicable to me right now. I had a passing thought of a formal ritual honoring Hekate (with a friend who is coming back into witchcraft) while driving to work and I got hit with a pressure right across my head for it. I’m still wondering if that meant anything or if it were just a passing feeling. Uhhhh, not much else in the mundane.

Anyways, way past my bedtime for this one, so- Goodnight everyone!

March 28th, 2021
Today’s cards: Queen and Knave of Swords (both rev)
We just don’t stop thinking, huh.

I’ve had quite the emotionally draining week leading up to an ugly, overly embarrassing sobbing breakdown on Friday night. I’m not really sure what’s gotten into me. The stress maybe? I’m not usually this tore up about mentally exhausting matters, but maybe I am becoming more aware and in-tune with my emotions. Leading to things such as… well that.

And with emotions, comes the natural inclination to sit with Leviathan. I haven’t had much time to cleanse myself and set my energy straight, so I spent time performing some Qlipphotic breathing and then into basic chakra meditation. I also had a full house tonight. All the candles on my altar lit to bring some life into this house.

The last few months, I’ve had Lucifuge passing by in my pathworkings and quite possibly my room (altar space). I’m not entirely sure. My first encounter was in a pathworking for Lucifer. He stared at me with intense green eyes and utter something I didn’t quite catch. I’ve seen his name come up often since then, but I didn’t think too much about it. Tonight, however, he showed up again. More assertive this time. Visually, he was a haze, but it felt like he was extending a hand to me with the passing words of “I can show you, if you will let me”. I think. I was a little hesitant to take it because I am unsure if it was really him, though I feel like I’m driving myself on denial. Why? I don’t know. Maybe I feel like I can’t pinpoint why he would want to work with me/what he would want from me.

After that, I move on to reciting Leviathan’s enn and falling into a trance with his candle. He appeared more draconic than usual tonight. Scales, horns, draconic features and all. I stood before him in what looked like a library/study and I took a seat in one of the chairs. I don’t remember much from the interaction other than him clearly saying:
You are an insect writhing within your cocoon. You’re growing out of it. The shell will break and you will live your life anew.
He had taken my hand and I fell weak. Weak in a “all the stress I had is gone and now my body is tired” kind of weak and I opened my eyes to this extreme drowsiness.

My body is heavy and I can barely keep myself upright, so I’ll end this post here. Please take care and have a good night!

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