thank you for saying this, ill try write it here.
some time ago last year i started working with magick, i was quite eager to work with Goddess Diana and had set things up, but i was quite messy mostly due to being insecure on what material to work with or how to even approach or what to even expect i know what i wanted to do, but i could never find enough practical or magick related material/experiences on her . so i did the best i could simple prayer and worship, but growing up i was always very by the book so i decided to work with the 72 angels at the same time since there was material on it, but im no way a believer in the abrahamics faith that much though i feel i still carry the “programming”, but all the time i was annoyed i couldnt find enough on the spirits i really wanted to work with first. so many times my decicions kept going back and forth so much were chaotic i felt obcessed and angry i couldnt reach out the way i hoped for. i had some dreams for a while about the goddess and certain events around me seem to speak.
after a while due to feeling inept and even thinking i pissed her off, i just got distracted with other things and i felt like i lost the connection.
this sounds a little drama, but heck it, i have trouble expressing myself because of trauma i think, i hate bottling shit up, but i do it like second nature to a degree i’ve gotten abused the **** of
what i’m sitting with now though some minor hallucinations. I also asked for something then someone came into my life and completely destroyed my self esteem and i just dont quite
can see how i allowed it to happen im angry as all fuck with myself and people i know, i struggle with daily anxiety, over active imaginations of what if scenarios, i just cant get even normal things around the house done during the day, its horrible.
i just feel horrible for whatever i might have done wrong, thank you for listing. im grateful for those who are here, if this seems poor i understand, but im in rock bottom at the moment, i dont think it was so much my practice, but im confuzed about it, because of proof and doubt.
i want to outline it was 72 angels of the name through damon brands books btw. Goddess Diana is through the interpretation of the gospel of the witches.
thank you all i just feel judged all the time, hard to ignore it.