Strange and horrible experience

So last night I was writing in my journal and I was just writing about random stuff that was on my mind. What happened to be on my mind was the question if anything was real. Soon I convinced myself that what I was saying was completely true. So I ended up getting mad at my own existence and saying that thing on the floor right there is not real and not even my closest friend isn’t real. I went to sleep with some binaural beats on to “meet my higher self”. So as I went to sleep I pictured a energy field on a throne in a throne room but there was multiple thrones with different spirits on them. But I knew which one I had to speak too. I had a few words about my existence and I really didn’t watch my language. I asked but got no clear answer. Before I left the throne room I said “I want to know”! I woke up the next day at 5pm… with no emotion. I nothing changed until later, I was watching my friend play a game and I had a a full blown anxiety attack. It started with my heart, it was pounding like crazy. Next my breathing was fast and I opened my eyes and nothing was real! I felt like I was trapped in a reality that wasn’t real. It was like I woke up in a dream. A lucid dream. It was absolutely horrifying! I don’t have anxiety for the most part so this was something. It felt like I could die at any moment, the spot I stood was the spot of my death. All I said was “if I die here this is it man.” well I didn’t die because I’m here. But to wake up in real life is something I will always remember. I k ow a lot of people say they are going insane from this stuff but I actual had to focus on the real world to make sure I didn’t loose myself and everything I know. Overall in the end of this I think it actually helped me. I am starting to think that I’m not what I think i am. I’m not this built ego from birth but the being that is beyond myself. It’s hard to explain. I think of it as a golden light that hangs above me in space that is watching my experience.

Dont take my word for it but this is what I got out of this traumatic experience. Honestly I’m still a bit shooken up from it.


When it comes to the higher self (atleast for those who have one) is basically a person is a fragment of a higher self, but many people can share one higher self.

Those who have a higher self can break away from their higher self and become their own being, but often times those still connected to their higher self either return to the bulk or stay separated for a purpose given to them by said higher self.

So currently the ego that is your personality is an aspect of you still, but a small aspect of you, but in my opinion if none of the beings responded it could very well be that none of them are your higher self (if you have one)

I personally do not have one as I’m not a fragment of something else but I’ve come to understand it.

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I’ve worked with Higher Selves for over 10 years and while it’s true there are some forms of the soul which have several simultaneous incarnate lives going on, I’ve never met a person without an HS, in fact even animals have them, and they are individual, not that mildly anthropocentric notion all (non-human) animals share one single species-wide oversoul. They don’t, though there are other types of spirits that show up if someone’s seeking that, but they’re not any more intrinsically alike than humans.

Not looking to get into “battle of the UPG” here, :slight_smile: just sharing my own rather different experience.


I honestly don’t know much about higher self stuff. Looking back at it I was pretty pissed off about my own existence. To put it in other words I was complaining to the manager about something that was already done. I’m not saying I hate my life but the rambling in my journal says other wise… I reread it not long ago and I called myself the God of a fake world. My mind is always foggy after writing in that journal of questions and conflicts.

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My usual advice to people is handle HS’s with extreme caution and respect to begin with.

They’re you so the idea of conflict with them is a bit silly, but they may kick your ass, just as the You of now would kick the ass of a younger You, before some act you now regret or realise was a mistake. :thinking:

If you’ve ever even once bitterly regretted something or realised you did something dumb, it’s the same kind of conflict, and trying to silence the You who knows better seems counter-productive.

Really it’s best to court your HS, and try to attune with them as far as possible.


I guess I just dont get how the higher self works. The idea in my head is that it’s just the better version of me in every way.


Where did you get these from? Just asking because it’s possible some of the stuff on YouTube is sabotaged.

That may have accounted for the anxiety attack, more so than the HS. :thinking:

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Yeah YouTube. I just scrolled through and picked one.

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Well that’s awesome you were able to meet you higherself sucks how it turned out, but myself I’m more concerned about the thought process that led to the disrespectful approach of the HS meeting like convincing yourself your best friend wasn’t real believing what you wrote

, so I can’t tell you not to think a certain way just wanted to show concern and ask that you try to programm yourself that if you ever give into that kind of though that youll automatically have a re-evaluation after a set time it’s a decision to allow ourself to believe that type of way can be the subconscious trigger to start a clock,

I trust you’d be able to figure out how to set one like that better then I. And yea panic attack suck I had a few when I was on the street pretty sure I had one while crying about a girl I met a total of 1 time seen her friends she was with when I met her cried for like two hours in pain pain I was crying so hard.

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Maybe best not to listen to it again, sometimes the creators just don’t know what they’re doing, other times they sabotage them intentionally. I’m not saying ALL, but it’s also possible YouTube, or someone AT YouTube, could inject a layer into the audio.

This is a real thing that happened and not a “conspiracy theory” and they knew about it for years before being pressured to remove some, not all, of the videos:

Quote from the above:

Someone or something or some combination of people and things is using YouTube to systematically frighten, traumatise, and abuse children, automatically and at scale, and it forces me to question my own beliefs about the internet, at every level.

That 2nd link’s author also makes clear his criticism of capitalism, something I emphasise since this whole mind-control issue is decidedly NOT a partisan-based “conspiracy theory” and is an actual thing found online, for which there can be no explanation except it’s intended to mess with young minds.

So taking random stuff from YouTube in general is probably a bad idea now. See if you can get actual original CDs from Monroe Institute, they have some interesting origins but I’ve never had any problems with their products.


Side note if your able to make yourself believe what you journel try taking advantage of this for our benefit. I’m sure you’ve allready getting an idea of sonthing your thinking you know you’d be able o get away with believing into power.

Idk either honostly. I’m another person when I’m tired and I pick up a pen. I go into theories and shit like that. That’s how I convinced myself that nothing was real. I got a stop staying up for 24 hours +

I tried to keep it as a respectful complaint. I also looked at it as if this is me than he should understand.

Darn not able to really take over of thought process, I’ve been the type to stay up over night since 4th grade playing video games so I never really experienced that like you talk about but I have had silly talk before but never believed it I personally like staying up mas amounts of hours it one of the few times I actually get to hear when I’m just completely blank laying there awake and I start to hear music I love when I hear music but it’s always so hard to remember the lyrics .

Well if you ever decide to do a psychedelic and Don wanna do much if you stay up over night first they hit you alot harder and tend to keep you up. Sorry to suggest a drug not knowing your preference was just saying.

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Actually I was planing to try a psychedelic soon but not for spiritual use. So I’ll keep that in mind.


Sweat I know ibyiu do like exctasy is makes it hit harder but I’m sure your gonna do somthing dinner out thinking shrooms LSD salvia? Dmt,?
I wan to do DMT, I Hurd my friend talking o someone telepathically once and they asked why doesn’t he just take some DMT and my friend David said he’s not allowed to. Always made me wonder by who? But I did think if I did it I’d see the face of God just my beliefe back then no longer that adamant about it. I want DMT for Evo of a spirit to see exc them fully and want shrooms for casting the power in emotion is so strong I’m thinking I’ma write a list of emotional triggers for myself to max out the emotion. Once one shrooms I seen a fly then was like fucking B I hate the fly but respect you make I leave me alone then sat down thinking of him then thought about blood and seen about 8 Inches of blood I’ve the entire floor like life like totally believable if you just took a screenshot and used for a horror movie.

So is the trip or just fun or gonna do work pleasure of the spirit while tripping.

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Hopefully we don’t stray to far from the topic but I wouldn’t use dmt for an Evo. If you see something you don’t like than your going to have a hell of a trip. But I’ve also heard bad trips are a good thing. You can learn a lot from them. Long as you’re able to think straight while doing a Evo than I’d give it a thumbs up. Ea koeting is teaching about spiritual drugs and teachers currently. If you’re interested I’d check it out. I’m not too into relying on drugs for my practice but I wouldn’t mind trying something with them.

I’m interested in the new book but litterally it would be every penny I had to buy that book.
I wonder how easy it would be to be able to use DMT and the mirror to get a view of your higherself? Sorry for delay didn’t see it didn’t send

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i do have an update on the next day. i feel off. its almost like depression but not. its more of realization and accepting it. life seems to be more and more unreal. if it wasnt for my breathing practices ive developed from practicing magic id loose it. the best thing to keep my focus is tea. i love tea. so ill just have a glass and listen to some music.

and you would probably only get a short experience before you fall over and give in to the drug. unless your doing small dosings. id wonder what you would see. ive never done it but im guessing it would be hard to keep focus on what your doing.

this is going to sound odd but, Is what im currently seeing real? is this computer in from of me as real as i believe it is? i can feel it and see it, but through my eyes its more like another perspective. as if its a game. maybe im just hyper aware. is there any seekable answer to my question? im starting to believe my life is a job. that all ill say for now. id rather not make a fool of myself.