So last night I was writing in my journal and I was just writing about random stuff that was on my mind. What happened to be on my mind was the question if anything was real. Soon I convinced myself that what I was saying was completely true. So I ended up getting mad at my own existence and saying that thing on the floor right there is not real and not even my closest friend isn’t real. I went to sleep with some binaural beats on to “meet my higher self”. So as I went to sleep I pictured a energy field on a throne in a throne room but there was multiple thrones with different spirits on them. But I knew which one I had to speak too. I had a few words about my existence and I really didn’t watch my language. I asked but got no clear answer. Before I left the throne room I said “I want to know”! I woke up the next day at 5pm… with no emotion. I nothing changed until later, I was watching my friend play a game and I had a a full blown anxiety attack. It started with my heart, it was pounding like crazy. Next my breathing was fast and I opened my eyes and nothing was real! I felt like I was trapped in a reality that wasn’t real. It was like I woke up in a dream. A lucid dream. It was absolutely horrifying! I don’t have anxiety for the most part so this was something. It felt like I could die at any moment, the spot I stood was the spot of my death. All I said was “if I die here this is it man.” well I didn’t die because I’m here. But to wake up in real life is something I will always remember. I k ow a lot of people say they are going insane from this stuff but I actual had to focus on the real world to make sure I didn’t loose myself and everything I know. Overall in the end of this I think it actually helped me. I am starting to think that I’m not what I think i am. I’m not this built ego from birth but the being that is beyond myself. It’s hard to explain. I think of it as a golden light that hangs above me in space that is watching my experience.
Dont take my word for it but this is what I got out of this traumatic experience. Honestly I’m still a bit shooken up from it.