Finally told a friend today, after years of listening to her complain about her situation, that either she does something about it or she shuts up. The moans and complaints? The old man doesn’t share the fridge. She can’t use the tub because of this or that. People parked their cars in such a way she can’t charge her hybrid… at the same time expecting her to carry the financial weight of just about everything. Cash cow, she is. Enabling it, she definitely does.
So tell her, look. Stop complaining. You could do something about your problems but you’ve been doing nothing but complain for 4 years running. Enough is enough. I understand the need to vent - we all need to vent! It’s healthy! - but this is just flat caustic going nowhere.
She’s got all this psychic training, and she only wants to complain. She could light a candle, she could put out energies to get the people she’s with to accommodate her better. She could put out energy for a better job so she could move out.
Needless to say when I said that, suddenly she had to go. She really hates hearing the truth. But garsh.
Do something about your situation! Even if it’s small!!
I have a friend just like this complaining for 4 years straight about his problems that he can fix but he rather just sit and complain! Even with advice he just says maybe then complains even more. We’ve both been doing this sort of thing I’ve used to cause change in my life but he doesn’t want to.
I will tell you my story, and it’s not even venting sometimes. It’s just 'this happened let me tell you!" But when you get in a complaint rut, it just feeds your environment with more and more negativity. And that just makes things worse: your outlook worsens AND the things around you get poisoned.
I used to be like this until I was told to “either shit or get off the pot.” It seemed harsh at the time, but it was a wake-up call I needed. I still vent & bitch some (I think we all have to to some degree or we’d go mad keeping it all in), but I’m much more focused on changing the things I’m bitching about, rather than just being like, “Alas, woe is me!” & feeling powerless/helpless.
Well, my father has been complaining about his job and other stuff for more than 20 years (yes, you read that right, complaining about the same shit, along with being jealous of others, for more than 20 years), and guess what? He doesn’t do shit about it. It’s really tiring and it’s one of the reasons I’m a really stressful and nervous person. What’s even worse? I’m about to become an adult. So yeah, I’ve been listening to him whining my whole childhood and teen years, not good for my development at all. And yes, me, my mother and other family members already told him that he’s annoying and that he can change his situation, but he acts like we never told him that.
My friend died a couple of years ago. She got the gastric surgery she’d always wanted, and I found out after she was gone that this surgery will sometimes awaken things inside of you that would not otherwise not be awakened like special cancers or in her case the body eating up its own collagen. She literally worked to death I guess. I don’t know if getting through to her would have helped. But I wish it could have.
Thank you for not only updating this thread but also for your honesty about the overall course of things for your friend.
Even then its on the other person to apply the advices that have been given to them.
You did what you could.
In my experience people DO know better (and they often know that someone else is objectively right) but they often can’t/won’t break out of their patterns. Because they’re afraid or because its comfortable to stay like this. Been there, done that, wearing the t-shirt. Doing nothing and complaining and continuing nonetheless with all the things that are leading to these situations does feel better and more safe. Sadly, as your friend has proven, it IS not always safe.