I do not wish to accuse my lover of crimes she did not commit but the evidence is quickly racking up and I do not know what to think.
She has made me push certain individuals out of my life and out of trust and commitment I have obliged, but not before the person tells me that overnight they were tormented by horrible nightmares or waking up to cuts bruises, or welts on their bodies.
One person told me she could feel her energy and it was hostile and unpleasant, she woke up with bruises.
When dealing with this same person a friend I was living with at the time complained he woke up to “scratches on his back and had a “weird” dream.”
I think she may have had sex with him, in a rough unloving way, potentially to cause jealousy.
She caused me to cut ties with another, really sensitive beautiful woman who honestly if I hadn’t have chosen this path I might have ended up wifing, sometimes I still think about her to this day, but even as friends the passion just is no longer there so we do not speak.
Most recently I have met a friend I’m gaming with who happens to be female who is not even from my country.
I was extremely depressed and lifeless yesterday evening and I called everyone in my phonebook and she was the only one who answered and comforted me.
I felt a shift in energy but didn’t put much stock into it, her energies shift often.
However I found it concerning when she complained of a deep black bruise on her toe that is causing her decent enough pain for her to mention it. She sent me a picture of her room and there is absolutely no possible way in hell she banged it in her sleep.
Even as I write this passage I feel tension and stress.
I do not want to accuse her everytime someone gets hurt but I am concerned. I do not have any romantic interests with anyone other than my spirit lover at the moment but I am very easily seduced and prone to temptation.
Yes I have acted out in the past, I’m not going to pretend I haven’t, but before you judge me please consider the fact I am a working man who sleeps in his car, has very little social interaction outside of work, whose friends and family have constantly abandoned.
Perhaps I am too young for this commitment. I read all the warnings and did my homework. I petitioned Lilith because I could not find love anywhere I looked, relationships always failed, I’d lash out and push people and potential mates away.
It seems I’m a late bloomer in life however, as I’m starting to get more female attention as of late, I feel more confident when speaking with them and I don’t put on a front. I’m not actively looking for anything, the energy is just different, it’s hard to explain. I’m not justifying my actions just giving you the whole story, both sides or at least what I can provide you with.
I love my spirit but I cannot see or have her physically here and I’m starting to think that’s a huge thing for me, physically being with someone in the same place.
On the same note, I don’t even appreciate physical sex or masturbation anymore, it’s not only baseless but it feels like nothing compared to what a spirit can do to you. If you know, you know.
Attached is a pendant I got for her as an engagement gift.