Or/and nothing at all, which has its perks, too.
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True. Dropping ego helps to leave your own sense of self in order to get behind someone elses mind or an “alien” mechanism in general without using your own point of view. Its like you become a white canvas for a short period of time. In my personal workings I often depend on me being a white canvas because “I” (or what I think I am) is full of settings that would hinder me to REALLY understand something/someone on neutral grounds. My ego is a self entitled prick, tho.
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I thought dropping ego means dropping self. Dropping memories and everything that makes you you
Yep. It’s handy in all kinds of ways. When I drop ego, I become nothing. In becoming nothing, it seems that I become everything. This “nothing” is the observer behind my eyes. That is what I have come to see as my true self.
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I do believe this is possible. Bit of a TL;DR why…
It’s my experience that entities can be ‘killed’ - a process I think of as the dissolution of it’s pattern of energies into it’s constituent parts such that the exact pattern with those exact energies cannot be retrieved (like if they’re already being used elsewhere - a god could remake the pattern, but it would be a clone not the original).
Since a human is an incarnate entity, and assuming all entities can be dissolved, the entity incarnate as human can be dissolved. But now we have to ask, under what circumstances can this happen? And to answer that, we need to understand incarnation more.
In my personal knowings, there’s two main ways I’ve discovered of incarnating. One is that a ‘higher self’ entity directly incarnates as human, usually splitting it’s energy so that some remains outside of time and space. The other is that the self creates an egregoric spirit, possibly pulling energies form other beings and concepts to do so.
I’m a geek, so in my mind, the difference is akin to an instance of a program that exists only in RAM vs a copy of the program that is further edited before launching. 
Ok, so for the first case, the incarnate is a fragment of a larger being - which itself is an incarnation, or more like, a projection, of a conscious power outside of spacetime into your reality. The entire being must agree to dissolve itself to cease to exist, which requires the power behind it to agree to stop projecting it, and there are rules of the universe you can use to cause this agreement naturally.
Since the incarnate Aspect has limitations, it’s likely unaware of information and perspectives of the higher self outside of it’s current lifetime. It incarnated for reasons/contracts/pacts that not not all usually well understood, and these reasons are why the incarnation both continues and why the higher self doesn’t just agree to dissolve.
For the second case, the egregore, there are two paths depending on whether it has gained sovereignty, that is, the right to choose to become an independent entity through extensive self development. If it is not sovereign, it’s not quite it’s own creature and the Aspect case applies.
But an egregore that gains sovereignty during one or a series of incarnations, will have the choice to, same as the aspect, return to it’s direct source (the higher self) and be no more, or incarnate again still attached to the higher self. If it chooses sovereignty, it can continue as a named entity that is no longer attached directly to or under any control of the original higher self - it is now it’s own higher self, effectively, and can make the decision for dissolution.
One method for dissolution would be for the higher self to send itself through a black hole. That dissembles the pattern and spits out the deconstructed energy, I think some into this multiverse but some doesn’t escape the black hole, and may go into into other multiverses or may be stored until the multiverse itself dies.
My recommendation is to invoke your higher self and let it know you are not dealing well with your trauma, that you wish to leave, and ask it’s advice.
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Thank you for the reply. I will definitely try to do your suggestion.
Thank you Lady_Eva, illtry some more. I appreciate for you for reply, its quite helpful to keep it in mind. 
Why would you want to utterly end your existance? Have you no hope of a better place in the afterlife??? Weather it be heaven or hell, a better place is possible. Even in hell if you pacted with a demon that actually cares about you, it’s not so bad.
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There is an entire religion centered around that concept called “Buddhism”.
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I’ve used buddhistic methods of meditation before I got bored of them. Once you hit nirvana you still exist, but it’s pointless. Rest, Nullification Light, Bliss, who needs it? (no sarcasm) I’d much rather live and manifest in creation eternally rather than do psychic heroin and drop out.
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Suicide, ending your own life, is a tragic reaction to stressful life situations; in its context the act by which a person deliberately causes death.
In the foundations of necromancy / it is the magical practice of communicating with the dead / suicide is detestable:
- The condition of the one who executes it is tied or bound between this dimension and the next one, therefore under the magnifying glass of necromancy it becomes what is called a dark dead trapped in his memory that led him to that outcome and lives wandering, restless and tormented by his regret he believed would cease after expiring.
- Suicides under the necromantic doctrine do not go into reincarnation because as explained their resulting or transformed energy essence after living is tied between two dimensions and therefore does not migrate to the process of incarnation.
- In the necromantic doctrine:
reincarnation does not exist because reincarnation is to return to life after certifying death, what travels in your conscience / tanatonauts return to their same body never enter a different body in other words they return to their same flesh and in doing so they are not reincarnated they are returning to his own flesh or his same framework so to speak!
In the incarnation the higher being / the soul / conscience of the one who was already in that dimension takes flesh and it is from there where memories of past lives and other random themes are born in the development of his equlibrio in his new habitat or body. A pleasure
Buddhism may be boring, I consider myself to be for Buddhists what satanists are to Christians.
See, what OP wants is really ambitious, but I can bet few, if anyone, on this forum can achieve it.
The vast majority of occultists today are lazy and highly incompetent, lacking the discipline to actually achieve anything such as self-obliteration.
If OP really wants to spiritually blow himself up, then go ahead, study Buddhisms, but I bet you will lose interest after a week or two.
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LHP tantra and sorcery is so much more fun, I also consider myself an antibuddha
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I’ll drink to that. 
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I definitely agree with @Lady_Eva that you may find peace. I’ve worked through (am working through, I suppose) my own issues and traumas with magick. It’s certainly not easy, but it can be done.
I will say, though, that I did perform a sort of “self-destruction” working myself some time ago while working with the Angels. I was immersed in their energy for a while, and following it I have been mainly working with demons (my personal preference).
Upon even quick reflection, it is absolutely astounding to me how much I have changed in a relatively short time, and for the better. My normal day-to-day life now would have been impossible for my old self to live, and I have dreams and ambitions far larger than I had ever dared to aspire to. Perhaps more importantly, much of the weight that had lain over my mind has gone.
What you are looking to “destroy,” then, is not your higher self, but your ego. With magick, you have the power to create a new one that is more suitable and pleasing to you. I generally do not recommend that you erode it all at once, as that was an experience so intense it is difficult to describe at length, let alone briefly.
That being said, you can certainly begin to gradually undertake this work, letting go of the parts of your ego that do not serve you, and working through the difficult emotions that you are experiencing so that you may process and release them. The space that is left behind may be filled with a personality that is more in-line with your True Will, which, I believe, is a synthesis of your higher self and the desired parts of your ego.
To quickly comment on your definitions, I’d say that you’re on the right track to understanding. You’ll know you’ve attained a deeper level of insight when you feel the need to elaborate on and qualify much of what you say around these topics, or when your choice of words becomes very particular.
I’m always here (well, not always, but often) if you ever want to send me a PM. I trust that whatever you are dealing with, no matter how tough it may be, you will be able to get through it. Just keep moving forward. It is natural and expected to fall, but the strong are the ones who rise, again and again.
I wish you peace and prosperity friend 
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The spirit will always remain free but tethered to the universe. However, souls do and can be trapped. But not destroyed. Spirit and soul are distinctive terms. Higher self can’t be destroyed. If it’s not within reach, you can try another couple of lifetimes.
People puzzle themselves by how much they think must be done here. Await your time, do the best you can in the meantime.
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Ill check it out. Gladly appreciate your reply.
Do you recommend any books or texts, I can you to enlighten myself on the topic of Buddhism?
Or should a quick few google searches be enough?
Thank you for your kindness fellow human. I can see that in life you will be helpful too many. Much love to you.
I heard about certain deities that can be worked with to heal trauma and emotional discomfort, however i never really got to look into it as much, since i like to shy away from emotional type topics.
Also no joke ive notice that i dont feel so down during the day time, however, when it gets to later on in the day, and I get a bit tired, I notice a subtle change in me emotions and feelings. I start feeling down and start thinking about my past. I dont know why, but I swear its odd.
Thats kinda a reason why i made the post at a pretty late time.
I hope i didnt worry you fellow beings. I also appreciate for your reply’s😊.
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Thanks for the insight my good sir.
Blessings upon your name.
To be fair, someone on this forum did apparently cut someone else off from their higher self. If you’re still looking to destroy your higher self, OP, that might be a good place to start.
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