I’m stuck in my life. In a self hating, self destructive cycle. I swear I’m so and I’m so fucking jealous of people. Those who don’t have any mental illnesses, their life just seems so easy to me. Out of everyone why am I one of the few to have this disease. I’m never in a attention seeking mood, but I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to commit suicide, but I didn’t ask to be born, so why do I have to struggle. I’m literally struggling for nothing. I’ll die twice if I kill myself one physically and the other spiritually, I’ve already thought about how it will effect my whole family. They would break down. They would blame themselves and I wouldn’t want them to. They’re very good people have always been good to me. TOO good to me. I can never give back what they have done to me, and it pains me. Even if they don’t think it. I’m a failure. Whatever I was I meant to do or to learn in this life I just couldn’t rise to it. My depression, anxiety and just overall self hatred has led me to missing so much work days, made me miss so much time I could’ve spent with my loved ones, and just things that are not good in my own eyes. I just turned 20 and I’m sick of this. I’ve tried being an atheist, Christian, Buddhist and have tried on this path has well. All of these ways of living have failed me and just given me false hope. I’m too mentally fucked, there really isn’t a point of even posting this. I keep thinking Ive hit rock bottom and then shit gets worse. I’ve tried meditating and it works but it’s not enough. I’m just ranting and venting, and crying as I type all this. My life seemed like a great experiment that turned into shit and just blew up in my face. I don’t know what to do. I’m starting to think I’m cursed or something. I’m slowly going crazy and losing my mind. I don’t know what to do. I’m so so so fucking sorry.
Even if you fail multiple times, you can’t afford to let yourself lose your self-confidence, neither can you afford to let that color your entire perception of life.
You have to be willing to choose to be more optimistic about life, and that doesn’t mean lying to yourself, it means that you have to choose to see yourself as being fully able to help yourself.
Try counseling, sounds cliche but it seems to be something you haven’t tried yet from what I read. Talking/venting can be cathartic. Also, memes. I have a ton of depression memes.
I have thought about going to counseling for a while now. I also have lots of depressing memes, but I don’t like to look at them as they hit too close to home haha
Talk to someone who cares about you, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a counselor.
I only say that because oftentimes the human connection to people who want you to succeed can give you something to feel grateful about, and gratitude reminds you of what you still have.
Don’t be afraid of being closer to people, because that will make you push them away when you need them.
@Epsilon_The_Imperial brings up some good points, especially since counselors cost loot. It’s really hit or miss too on whether you connect with that counselor or not, and how they conduct treatment. The only benefits really to a counselor, if you get with a good one, is one, some people have an easier time talking to people they don’t know and won’t normally interact with, so its kinda like fuck it who cares what this random person thinks of me.
Second, if you get a good one you connect with, they should have more skills to help you along the way to healing
I’m sorry to hear that. I know how you feel. The most important step in winning a war, is to know your enemy. You know it… you live with it. All you need to do is not to allow it to win. Have a strategy, think and keep it under your will. Don’t let it take over you.
@Epsilon_The_Imperial Stay around people who care and help you to stay in a good mood. People who are willing to stand beside you when you feel weak and tired and ready to give up. They will give you power, inspiration and love. Stay away from any negativity wherever you may find it. And move on…
Start with simple steps, @Justin counseling sounds like a good idea. Start with that. And also fight it from within. Keep your meditation if it works as you said. And take more steps… learn magick and cast healing spells. As long as you keep fighting, you will win.
It takes courage, time and hard work… but it’s worth it. Keep your goal in your mind, always. And you will get there. Nothing is impossible, absolutely nothing. Search the forum here and read success stories from other members… you can do even better!
Hi @Ajc1 gonna pm you if that’s okay?
Hey.sry to hear about that.Why don’t you talk to your parents about.They will understand you better and might help u with your situation.Try spending time with your parents and siblings.That might change the world for you.Do a cleansing bath to get rid of such feelings.
@Kuruni do you have any advice on cleansing regarding this situation
Call upon above demons for healing.
Don’t be alone.Surround yourself with people who care.Its your life make most of it and listen to motivated videos.Focus on your goals and work towards achieving it, then you will not think of any negative things.Work out every day.It not only keeps you fit but also changes the way you see life.My personal experience.
You may also call upon my lord “Lucifer” - He healed me and made love my life again.Hail lord Lucifer.
You are just 20 and there will be much more amazing things to come.Be hopeful and stay positive.
Trust yourself and “BELIEVE”
Dude, start working with Raphael. You need some serious healing (specially psychological ). And also know that almost everybody goes through some phrases like this and it is not permanent. Slowly it will also fade away.
Raphael is the angel !!!
You don’t have to be sorry and you’re not and never be a failure. People love you and your important. If you have mood swings till depression and you seem to be good in nothing (trying everything out) than people have been there. You will find the right things for you and maybe you go back to this Christianity, this path or something else . Maybe it’s not the time for it to work now and then it will work later.
If seeing a person you love helps, do that. If you think you really need help then please talk to a social worker or doctor. So many people have depression and it’s better to do something about it than make wrong choices.
Please take care of yourself @Ajc1
That was very clearly articulated and genuine. I’m.all too familiar with self-hate. There is a source of all this where it began. You have to find it and critique and challenge your core beliefs.
In this case the core belief is: “I am a failure.”
Why? When did you first feel that belief take hold? And where did that belief come from?
“I am a piece of shit/I am not enough” is the other belief.
Ask yourself , why? When did you first think this? And what prompted you to think this?
Finally, there is anger towards yourself. A definite feeling of being very hard on yourself. The root of anger is pain, or a sense of wrong doing?
What did you do wrong to make yourself feel this way towards yourself? Is it even accurate to feel that you did something wrong?
Do not feel obligated to answer these questions because they are rhetorical, but if you do answer we’ll be here to support and help you challenge these feelings.
As far as suicide, never made a permanent decision over a temporary feelings. Life ebbs and flows in unexepected ways, even though you’ve felt this way for some time, it is still temporary.
Best wishes <3
I second evoking Raphael
You’re also not alone. The statistic is actually 1 in 5 have a form of mental illness.
I do but I consider myself successful.
What I’m getting at is don’t see it as a hindrance, make it part of you, own it. It’s hard as hell but you can do it.
Counceling and even medication (for a period of time not permanently) can help you gain confidence again.
Also how can your family be too good to you if you feel stuck and jealous of others?
You’re only 20, it took me well into my 30’s to even make any headway. Mental Health is no joke but our system isn’t very supporting.
I would recommend calling to Orias. He specifically specializes in one’s mental state.
This is something I had to learn to deal with, it doesn’t go away, we never become “normal”, but we can build from what we have and use what makes us unique to our advantage instead of letting it run wild.
It’s possible, don’t loose hope.
These three ladies have very good videos that deal with mental health and Magick.
They were very helpful for me.
(Joey Morris) https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCYMY52hIjtV3czoSkijMAvQ