Lately I haven’t had the motivation or the alone time to practice my rituals. Work has gotten in the way of my advancement, but I know that it’s my fault for not managing my time well.
I’ve felt like I’m at a stand still right now, and I’m not sure what I’ve really accomplished in this last year.
I mean, everything in my life went from being absolutely horrible to overwhelmingly amazing. I’m not denying that magicka has made me do a complete 180.
But what else do I want? What more should I take from life? I spent my entire life ONLY wishing for happiness. I desperately wanted to be happy and not suicidal
Now that I have that, I’m not sure what to do.
I know I want to develop my astral senses and memorize the rituals I should already know.
I never really did the LBRP or things like that – I always thought they were about controlling demons and I didn’t like that. Lately I’ve been reading about how that isn’t the case, and I’m left confused and unsure.
I guess I just don’t know what I want anymore, or what I’m aiming for. I had a concrete goal, and now that I’ve accomplished that, what else is there?
I know that I can always improve. I’m not perfect. There are many ways I can fine tune myself to be closer to my higher self, and I’m trying to work on that.
I keep doubting how real this all is. It’s wearing me down.