So my friend M is currently my best and only friend. I measure a friend through more practical things. She’s cool, but I worry that because I’m not being able to find a gf, she and I might end up together. And yes that would be a bad thing. One we don’t have that much in common and look for different things in the relationship. Two because I’m having such a difficult time getting to know anyone else, I feel rather dependent on her. Three, I don’t actually like her in that manner and getting together with her will mean settling, which is bad. I worry that given these three things, we may end up hurting one another.
I’ve decided to believe that one of the measures of ones freedom are the options one has in life and their ability to take them. Another is ones authority over ones own body and mind. Settling means I have no other options, and that I’d regret the relationship in the future. In spite of that I’d be emotionally dependent on M, and the combination of these things may mean I might end up becoming somewhat abusive.
As her friend, I don’t believe M is responsible for my issues. But getting together with her may make me her version of K. So I want to know if there’s a spirit that can remove this whole possibility. And by the way she’s expressed that she doesn’t wanna date me either so it’s consensual. I know cause I tease her now and then about the idea to see how she reacts.