I don’t think this is sleep paralysis, because I was much more startled than I was scared. I’ve had sleep paralysis before, and this wasn’t it. For context I’m a woman.
I hope it doesn’t bother anybody to read about pleasuring oneself. Otherwise known as masturbation. Otherwise known a-sin-a-sin-sin.
So I’d gotten into bed for a nap, and was “relaxing” but I stopped in the middle and just lay there letting a particular fantasy play out. Then I was just thinking about whatever, random shit. All with my eyes closed. This was around 6 p.m. I may have been drifting off a little bit. My right hand was below my waist, but my left arm was resting to my left side with my elbow on the mattress and my forearm up on my ribs.
Then it felt like an arm or a hand pressed down on my arm and stroked upward toward my elbow. It was reminiscent of how I’d been imagining this particular fantasy guy touching me. It wasn’t a light, gentle touch. It was firm, and in the same style of this fantasy guy, dominant, because that’s how I like my shit done for me. This was not my imagination I don’t think, because it seriously felt like an actual man touching me.
This other time a few years ago this happened. I was just laying in bed getting ready to go to sleep and not moving. Then it felt like my breasts were being stroked by hands that had gentle laid themselves on them like a man had reached around me from behind. As if he were laying underneath me. Right when i decided I would take advantage of that situation and put my hands in my pajamas, it stopped. I was like, dammit, he’s gone.
So I don’t know where that came from. I haven’t petitioned for a incubus. I have considered that some spirit just decided out of the blue earlier today (perhaps the same one from a few years ago as I detailed in the above paragraph) decided to give me what I was getting from the fantasy guy for some reason. Like maybe to say, “You know, I think you deserve to be actually touched the way you’re thinking he would touch you.”
So when I felt that pressure on my arm earlier, I was startled and my eyes flew open and I made a noise. It was done in a firm manner, but didn’t hurt and I don’t think it was meant to hurt. I was also a little scared because there’s nothing but empty air, and I don’t like to feel like my own bedroom is out of my control. Before I could stop myself, I said, “Hey! Hey, motherfucker! You scared me!” And then I thought, oh shit. What if he was saying (because my hand was still in my pajamas), “I’m here, get back to it.”
So if it wasn’t a bad spirit and maybe a natural manifestation of my fantasy guy (or maybe my fantasy guy is an actual guy somewhere, some sweet stoner in Colorado jerking off on a sofa, who knows, anything could happen, maybe I should shoot Robert Bruce a message), then how do I handle this? If it wasn’t sleep paralysis, was it about to become sleep paralysis?
And if this was okay, I wonder if I scared him off? Shit, if he’s into me or just doing me a favor, or even rewarding me for a recent project I’ve been working on, I certainly don’t want him to go away.
What do you all think? The last time I petitioned for anything at all, it was many months ago, and it wasn’t remotely related; also I’ve seen the fruits of that labor already. I’m willing to entertain everyone’s thoughts here. Thank you so much for reading.