I’m sorry for editing it, but I forgot to add some things XD
when don’t like what reality throws at me I just have faith in the knowledge that consciousness will collapse around my thoughts and feelings
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I had to deal once with quite similar situation with that distinction that after breakup it occured that i was lied with everything even to the point of the real name. I didn’t wanted to dive in those emotions and thoughts, for it was decastating, i decided to give the whole thing to Ma’at I asked her to judge and to punish. After a time I learned it worked, as the guy was cut out by his friends, another lies came out and he dissapeared.
Right now if there is an issue I cant let go, I leave it to Ma’at. And I say to her to pay me and the other properly. And I am accepting anything what is coming that way.
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It’s beautiful that You moved on. I almost cried reading how much You have been cheated on 
I have heard of Ma’at before she’s a beautiful Goddess but I’ve never worked with her myself 
I do not seek to punish this man, actually… I forgave him, but… The wound that he left in my heart almost killed me and though it’s allready seems to be healed, the scar is there to stay… I do not seek to destroy his life. He is not any serial killer, rapist or murderer for me to go that far on him so I believe it would only make me no better than he is. I just want him to acknowledge my feelings, as Idk if he was so indifferent if he knew that I was thinking of ending my own life… This really wastn’t a healthy breakup but I have more issues to deal with than just this guy. Really serious ones but I don’t feel like going into details now 
I have appologised him countless times and not even once I’ve heard any sign of him feeling sorry… This is what I cannot understand. 
It hurts, love…
Stay strong
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Constant apologising and urge to get response from other party can be significators of toxic behaviour and codependent role. As I come from home where lightworkers attitude was used to keep alcoholic abuser I got similar feelings as yours toward others. 2 years ago I ultimatelu cut off my family and still in my head I need to explain myself and I fantasize from time to time about them understanding why I had to do what I did and how I felt before. But I know that this is pointless.
I suppose that no matter how deep, your relation had a toxic pattern (disapearing without a word is not socialy approved and normal behaviour) and probably you both were involved in dramatic triangle or something like this. Ritual gesture (no matter if you really want revenge or not) will close the situation in your head and help you cut the cord. And the need to be heared and explained will be fading with time.
I strongly agree with you about karma and etc. bullshit. Shits in life happen and we need to deal with it, the price is your lifetime. The longer you are stucked in past, the more chances for something better you are loosing. Going back to my shitty romance even tough i let things go it cost me three next relationships to find and overcome my pattern behind all this that made me so vulnerable. I am not a counselor but i would advise you from my experience to switch your focus from the guy and the situation (and how you feel with it now) to what keeps you in those feeling (what you believe will happen when he listen to your story)? Our expectations are most often just a fanasies that will never happen. And then switch your focus to yourself, what you really need now, what your body needs? What your spirit needs? What you need from yourself? Feed not your past self but your present self and rest is a matter of time.
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Your words are trully wise and helpful. Thank You very much for Your advice. Yes, right now I do my best to not hold any expectations from life even though my family who I still live with rather wants to force me to do otherwise… But I am my own person and I do want to move on… Focus put on myself is what I’m doing right now. I’m doing all that is in my power to make myself everyday a better and stronger person than I was yesterday. And I think I’m succeeding 
thank You
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