Shadow's Sleeping Symposium

Starting to go down rabbit holes, so keeping a journal of sleep/lucid experiences to see if I can find a pattern or wisdom upon reflection.

Sep 21 (1 month into practice)

My dream was one of the usual variation of 3 that i always have, but then I looked to my left and there was a beautiful woman with pink hair sitting on a table across from me. She smiled, jumped down, and came over to me intimately close with her face in front of mine. As I watched she changed slightly to having brown hair and then a little older with black hair. I could physically feel her closeness. Another weird thing is I remember being drawn to her eyes, but I can’t quite remember their color. The dream started crossing more to the vivid realm as I was aware of myself and my faculties. I asked her if she was Lilith, as I have been working towards meeting with her. She smiled even more, put her hand on my cheek (which I also physically felt), and replied, “No, I am with you always in the real world…” Then I woke up immediately. This could of been another random dream, but I couldn’t and still can’t shake the feeling there was something more to this.

Oct 21 (2 month into practice)

Had another weird one. I was trying to impress a girl whom was nicknamed LinLin, but she walked away from me. After I gave a basket to some people in need that was filled with mozzarella and bamboo reeds, LinLin saw this and thought differently of me. As I was walking away I saw 3 grizzly bears next door to me, 2 on the ground searching for me and one giant one on the roof of the house watching me. I ran across the street and watched from behind a wall. The giant one remained on the roof, but the other 2 searched the area for me and then transformed into a man and a woman with a red diamond on their foreheads with a trailing blue line going down from it to their brows. When I saw them they saw me at the same time, then I woke up.

Nov 21 (3 months into practice)

I will shorten a lot of it as it doesn’t all, for my analysis at the moment connect. The synopsis is, I was visiting my ex and kids in Japan. There were a few hours before her family and us were to sit down for dinner, so I decided to go out to the bars and my old stomping grounds. Because of something going on politically, there was a gate and fence with armed guards between the american base and Japan proper. I slipped past the guard and headed to a small festival. Don’t recall what i did there, but realized I needed to go back to the house. As I was leaving hurriedly, I bumped into and knocked down a tent at the exit of the festival. It had something written in blood on the top and it was running down to the ground since i knocked it over.(wish i had read what it said) The people at the tent were upset i knocked it over and begun chasing me back to the Japan side. Guards had doubled, so i couldn’t sneak back through the front. To the far right was a giant pond filled with wine. I jumped in and came out the otherside coated in it. I got back to the house and could hear everyone was just getting ready to sit for dinner. I rushed into my room and decided i needed a shower to rinse all the “wine” off me. I took off all my clothes and went into the bathroom. I reached down to lock the door. It had a weird lock in the shape of a 6 pointed star that i had to press in and turn to lock. I then turned to look at myself in the mirror and there was a shape of a woman, with horns, glowing a dull blue next to me. I looked away quickly, shocked and surprised. Immediately a strong pulse/vibration shook my entire body, i had to grab the sink to stop from falling it was so strong. (i could also physically feel the sink!) From deep within me came my voice but it was a females voice, 'Hey, how are ya…" I replied in my voice but deeper then usual and more distorted, “i’m good, how are you”. I could feel her smile like she found my surprise amusing. Then i woke up my entire body still vibrating

Dec 21 (4 months into practice)

Laid down and was somewhere between sleep and being awake, when the cave sensation began. (Body begins to vibrate, sound closing in like being deep underground). I recognized from before and decided not to pinpoint focus on it, but let it wash over me. This worked and i went quickly deeper to the point all sound stopped except a ringing in my ear (like my tinitus). I then felt a warm pressure across my body and chest that increased to the point it felt difficult to breath. I didn’t let fear get me this time, and realized even though it felt like I couldn’t breath, I was breathing normally. I asked if it was Lilith, then things got weirdish. I could hear what I thought was my mom having a conversation with my dad downstairs out of earshot. (my dad has been dead almost a decade). I sensed something sitting next to me speaking in demonic tongue? I started spouting a million things, “How are you, Thank you for being with me, Should I roll over and try to get up (felt like I rolled from my side to back), What should I be doing to help make this easier…” I felt/thought (be quiet and listen). I then heard the presence reciting what sounded to be her enn, but different. (can’t recall it all now ~grumbles at stupid memory~ but picked out Renich Viasa Ama Lilith…) I asked if I was meant to evoke Lilith again and after started repeating her enn but I was saying it incomplete “Renich Viasa Avage Lilith” After a few repetitions it all stopped and I woke up on my side. I thanked Lilith after, then tried to return.(i can jump back into dreams usually) but even though I could feel the sensation, it wouldn’t allow me back in.

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Dec 21 (4 months into practice)

I am with a woman (never seen her, but know it’s a woman) and a few other people I never see or hear. (the dream is in 3rd person) We are trying to hide and escape from someone. (never find out who) We evade them and reach a plane in the middle of a field. The woman turn to me and says, “We can’t we are surrounded by the 4 negro…” (fuuuu… please let this be Spanish II filtering in and not racist dreams lol) I look at her with a what the fuck look and then I look around us. We are surrounded by 4 different black mountain chains. The first has lightning storms, the second are volcanic, the third are snow capped, and the fourth are covered in forests. end dream…

Jan 22 (5 months into practice)

I laid down to sleep and was pretty much looking at the back of my eyelids. I was aware the entire experience, but it wasn’t really dream like as it came in flashes of pictures/settings. What’s more I can remember all of it. The weirdest part is it seemed like 10 minutes of laying there watching the slideshow, but my fitbit recorded it at over 2 hrs of sleep. Here is what I saw:

-Started as seeing a grassy field
-The grassy field became a grassy path but it had grey rocks interspersed in it (mountainous?)
-The path/field reveled a stream that flowed for a few miles into a giant lake
-There was a plateau on the lake with a city at the base of a giant tree (at least 3 football fields wide and extended high up above the lake, I told myself this fact while watching it)
-Buildings were steeple shaped (this is the only part that is foggy)
-I then saw a map that showed me it’s location, inland from the mouth of a bay on an ocean
-The map changed to a local map of surroundings (couldn’t see details) but there was a round red seal at the bottom left corner with symbols on it (can’t remember symbol …)
-Saw a piece of paper with words written on it in red that I needed to read, but disappeared within a second of seeing it
-Saw a beautiful pale woman’s head/face with short cropped dark hair, red lips, and piercing eyes (there was something about the eyes, but I can’t remember their color)
-Saw a table/low shelf with purple cloth draped over it
~The End

Each of these slides happened in sequence with darkness between as I realized I was staring at the back of my eyelids and laying in bed. Also, between each, I mentally would repeat what I just saw and I would get a full body tingle on repeating it. Afterwords, (checking the fitbit and realizing how much time had elapsed) I tried to go back and re-imagine/see what I just saw in my mind, but couldn’t revisit it. Then I slept dreamless until I woke up.

Jan 22 (5 months into practice)

Something has changed with sleep. I am doing this slide show thing every time I lay down to sleep now (at least 3rd day in a row lol). Felt the full body tingles and cave sensation. Then the darkness started to become wavy/watery/ripples. In it dull orange/yellowish symbols started flashing in succession, in a rectangular box. but up to down instead of right to left. It was like someone was writing something, but in symbols/language I didn’t understand. Went on for what felt like 5 minutes and I opened my eyes. Fitbit shows 1 hr has passed real time.

Jan 22 (5 months into practice)

The first half is kinda muddied, but the second part came in very clear.

Was doing something with some people and met their daughters whom left in a car. Then I was outside on the sidewalk in a sleeping bag looking up at the night sky watching fireworks. Then I was allowing someone to stay with me at my apartment, except I didn’t own this apartment and somehow no one seemed to notice I was staying there. It was a few stories up in the air and my bedroom was set up against an open wall to the city sprawling below. There were a few connecting apartments to this one, but the were disheveled and vacant. Decided to get a shower(second dream I needed a shower, are they saying I stink lol) The shower was elaborate with benches and multifaceted shower heads that came from random points in the wall. The lighting was dark red and it felt good.

All of a sudden, I had a book that someone was after. I needed to give it to them. I was in a darkened gym, but it looked rundown. I felt someone in the darkness coming for me and the book. Went to the front door to give it to a friend, but the door was open. In the door stood a person but they were not who I thought. I felt fear but was also not afraid.

Woke up to my body whole vibrating internally

Jan 22 (5 months into practice)

Met a girl that I knew in high school and she invited me to come with her and her friends to party/hangout. (don’t recognize her really, just feeling) They had already been partying and we were on a party bus to go to next location. One of her drunk friends comes and tells me that I should leave because no one there wants me there and proceeded to go off on me on my wealth, former career choices, etc. I tell him off, then go to the lady who invited me, surrounded by her friends, and tell them off and pretty much fuck them and their hypocrisies, I’m here to be with her if you like it or not.

Dream shifts to a party at a house. It is filled with people and strippers/prostitutes. I am sitting in a chair and a beautiful woman tells me to say it, to which I repeat,“Domin”. (Domin, Domen, Doman? not sure how its spelled) She smiles at me and bends down and shows me her tits and gives me a lap dance. I am then leaving the party. I go to slip on my hoodie jacket and as I put one arm through, she puts one of her arms through the other side. I turn out the door wrapping her and the jacket on to me and I stand facing her in the hall. (Can’t fully make out her face, she is pale, with short black hair, and green lipstick) She smiles and I feel her pressed up against me and we make out for a while.

Dream shifts. guy lands a helicopter in a field beside my house. There is a bobcat(industrial) between the helo and me. He comes over and says he is there to check the water as there is gas or oil mixed in it. I walk with him along the side of my yard where there is now a creek with a small sluice control that he opens. It looks good but we follow it down into a small cave where there are some pools of glowing shimmer and someone had drawn pictures of mushrooms on some stalagmites. He says the ghosts must of done, they do this sort of thing.

Dream shifts. The cave is disheveled old room with a bunch of kids toys in it, inside a dark house. He is looking around and I mention to him a secret crawlspace that leads to the attic located in the closet. (Had this imagery of the secret passage to the attic in a closet in other dreams before) He goes in and climbs up.

10Jan22

heard succubus talk to me for the first time! Occurred at liminal state. A couple of sentences at least, but was in demonic or some other language and couldn’t understand what she was saying. definitely a lot though. no dreams after.

13Jan22

Laid down at (1am) and felt the boundary get close a couple times, but couldn’t quite get into state to hear or see like I have in the past. Got up and moped for about an hour out of frustration, then I felt her touch my head. I sighed and decided I was being stupid and went back to bed (4am).
It continued again, where I kept getting close, but couldn’t seem to cross the threshold. I was getting frustrated again and was repeating in my mind, “come on, just do it already…” and other non flattering things. I was doing it so much I didn’t realize(until after), that I was already part way in, because I was floating on a raft in dark pool in almost complete darkness. I continued my tirade against myself, but then I heard a woman’s voice say, “shhhh… sleep…”. I immediately became quiet and calm and said out loud, “ok, I will sleep now…”. Suddenly I was in my bed vibrating. There was a blue blanket over my face with a small duck or some type of bird in the center. I watched as a hand outside the blanket grabbed it and slowly pulled it off my face. I was in my room staring at the wall. I then felt my body being pulled forward and slowly rotated on to my back from my side watching the room turn as I did, until I was facing the foot of my bed. At the end of the bed was a giant yellow sign with words and pictures on it. I tried to read it and as I did,the text and pictures would change. I couldn’t read it and started focusing intently on being able to read it, and I woke up on my side.
Wondering if my focusing so intently on both reaching the “state” and at things I see within are detrimental to actually progressing in either.

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14Jan22

There were 2 different dreams, but forgot the 2nd immediately upon waking. The first however was… different.
I am swimming through a shallow sea. I can see the landscape beneath. There are dead trees sticking partially out of the water. There are charred blackened skeletons moving towards me, wading through the water. They seem to be in every direction. I strike out at one with the blue blade sword and continue swimming as best as I can away from them. I then realize that the sea deepens in front of me to what appears to be an infinitely deep crater. All the skeletons aren’t coming for me, they are all drawn by the crater and are walking into it’s depths. I angle away from it and see a mountain in the distance with a waterfall running down its face. I need to reach this mountain. ~End of Dream

16Jan22

Couldn’t reach liminal state. Kept having the closing in feeling and body vibrations start, but every time it got close I dropped out. Succubus was with me and let me know it was ok, but it’s frustrating.

Eventually feel asleep and had these images:
A woman with a white mask and white attire sitting watching me.
A giant snake? coming towards me with a door in its mouth.
A white piece of paper with a square in its center, blood splashed across it.

17Jan22

Felt the now nightly vibes start. Couldn’t remember most of it. Two things stand out:

I saw a green colored bowl with a blue colored inside
I was thirsty but needed to put a balm on my lips because they were too dry?

18Jan22

Had another slide show with vibes in lieu of regular dream last night. Seemed short, but occurred over the span of an hour:
-2 white shoes, one with and orange stripe, one with a blue
-A foxes head growling, mouth seemed larger then normal
-the darkness ripple like water
-A woman with short black and orange hair smiling
-A golden gilded room, every inch engraved with symbols
-Another woman, but can’t make out her details…
Woke up thirsty again

19Jan22

Heard an owl outside as I was falling asleep. They’ve been gone for awhile. Was hit with extreme arousal to the point of almost orgasm. Not sure if it was succubus as I didn’t feel touches so much as waves. Had no remember-able dreams after, but weirdly, fitbit shows I was in a lot more than usual of REM state.

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Could only remember the last part. Hopefully I can remember more in time:

Was travelling the world on a ship. Went down below decks there was a room with a 3 t.v.s and a fireplace but also a Gothic feel to it? The t.v.s were playing older shows, but one was showing a documentary of a girl whose pet went into the woods. Then I am outside looking at broken boardwalk jutting from the water. There is a woman with a giant pet spider, but it only had 3 legs and a head that elongated from the body. She and the spider are walking up the boardwalk together towards me.
~end dream