The Fate Of All Fools

REEEE indeed :laughing:

I’ll admit this journal is mostly mental masturbation on my part, but if strikes a chord with anyone at all, I’d gladly welcome discussion. Please people, join me on this journey! :wave: :wave:

And may I add, thank you for your posts, @Lady_Eva, which I continually seem to stumble across at just the right time to learn from :blush:

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I’m genuinely happy about the non-demon-dick-sucking content.

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What a great meeting! Thank you for sharing. I can confirm, He is very much at ease and has a very grounded, benevolent vibe to Him (for me, anyway).

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This is all just act one worldbuilding. Once the reader is invested enough, bam! Demon-dick-sucking, straight out of nowhere. Got 'em. :stuck_out_tongue:

I’m glad to hear you say so. A lot of what I read in preparation seems to describe him as very proud, stern, almost demanding. The pride side of him I felt, but it was the kind, calm pride of rulership and peaceful self-assurance, not the authoritarian pride that demands homage and submission. If that makes sense.

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Following my calling of Paimon the other night, I drew some cards to see if I could get a feel for the cast. My preferred method is simply to shuffle the deck roughly until a single card is left in my hand, and/or until a card falls out of the deck, which I then lay face-down, and repeat, until I have a sense of “enough”. Even then, I usually draw a final card, which I take to be the card which clarifies and ties together the reading.

In this case I drew four cards, and it seemed significant that upon turning them over, one had been laid down in reverse. I don’t use reverse cards in my readings.

The Hanged Man, Eight of Wands (Rx), Two of Cups, Seven of Cups.

A strong reminder to slow down, to suspend action, to not keep pushing against perceived obstacles, and that doing so will result in the intended outcome. And while the Seven of Cups would appear to be something of a negative card, given its association with “illusion” and “wishful thinking”, I instead take this to be a nod towards my work with LoA and Neville Goddard’s teachings. Overall it seems to be a positive sign regarding my work to inculcate positivity and continue living in the “end”.

Alash Tad Al-Ash Tal Ashtu.

Do I now take the time to talk about my impatience, my extremely limited time-horizon, my almost nonexistent ability to look ahead to the future? Something I keep reminding myself: the immediate is not the permanent. Perhaps it works in my favour? My brain does allow me to sink into daydream and fantasy easily. Do I discuss my experience with limerence and how, while the lows can be crippling, the highs are euphoric, rivalling even pharmaceutically-induced states? And how, looking back at past experiences, the pure effort I poured into living in my imagination resulted in exactly the outcome I was after?

Do I mention how drained and listless I was all of yesterday? Was it the result of a successful cast draining all the energy from me? The echoes of stress from my day job? Or simply being flattened by valium?

In my mind – everything is a sign, nothing is without meaning. To view the world otherwise defeats the whole purpose of the work.

Of signs and portents –

When I first called Belial, I thought offhandedly to offer him the blood from my next random nosebleed, but dismissed it, thinking how unlikely that was to happen anytime soon. I had a “random” nosebleed the very next day, and anointed his sigil with it, and a second nosebleed within the next 10 days that followed, strong enough to drip freely over his sigil. As it dried, each drop looked like a fingerprint.

I had enough left over to save in case I wish to offer it in future to any spirit for a closer bond or an offering. Fingernail trimmings as well, deliberately given in sacrifice, because I love to keep my nails long, and sharpened to points. Perhaps the most precious, I have one or two of my baby teeth, kept in my possession for around two decades. Those I am saving for something truly special, yet to be decided.

When I first petitioned Sallos, the very next day, I saw discarded items on my coffee table, random objects left by my roommate, arranged to look like an engagement ring.

When I first felt Lilith’s energy around me, spontaneous and uncalled, and I began to meditate on her enn – I had a surreal experience, where I was walking down the street, passed under a tree, and an apple with a single bite taken from it fell almost at my feet. A crow flew down after it and simply sat there staring at me. In mundane terms, of course, it was simply a scavenger bird who happened to drop its most recent snack as I was walking by. In magickal terms, it was a singularly ham-fisted biblical reference. Upon some research, I found Lilith has been historically associated with crows, or owls, or birds of prey.

She first appeared to me on the astral as a hawk with the colouring of a barn owl (not a screech owl, as is regularly depicted); just days past, I found an old drawing of mine from years ago, of a bird of prey, which perfectly encapsulated how she had first appeared to me on the astral, down to the flecks and markings of her colouring.

When I first began to contact Vine – historically said to appear as a lion – to assist me on my journey of becoming adept at all magic, within a day or two I stumbled across the following image online, once again, in my pursuit of learning all there is to know about LoA:

I’ll take any signs and synchronities as I see them, and honestly, delight in them as marks of progress.

It should be mentioned too that about a week ago I found myself driving home behind someone whose numberplate was SHAKTI, which of course made me recall my dream of the PAIMON car, strangely referenced or reflected in the waking world. At this point I am not certain I have the capacity to incorporate more deities/research/work into current practices, although it has certainly been added to my list to investigate in future. I have no wish to splinter my attention across too many lines of study or praxis. I should be whole-assing the work already in motion instead of half-assing an assorted collection of disjointed outcomes and juggling relationships with more entities than I can handle.

My next steps – to continue working with Dantalion and Vine, to further honour my pact with Belial, to manifest reality through assumption in conjunction with the aforementioned spirits, and to work with Raphael for healing.

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My soul feels nourished. I hate not having physical copies of books for my eventual endgame vision of my Beauty-and-the-Beast-esque library, floor to ceiling shelves and sliding ladders and all, but I do like how easy it is to pick up an ebook.

Read through Archangels of Magick, a few rituals already done. Might as well read through everything that the Gallery of Magick has ever published. Rediscovering my dual loves of reading and esoterica is balm for the soul.

I had a little cry the other night calling on Haniel. The whole processing guiding you through picturing the vastness of the universe centred in your solar plexus – it just cements in me that feeling of intrinsic connectedness, being a fragment of the universe experiencing itself. Everything sprung forth from nothing; everything that was, is, and will be; was at one time all one and the same. The universe is infinitely vast, enough to make the micro/macro scale almost meaninglessly absurd in contemplating it. But flung out across the far reaches of every star and galaxy and planet, is a little part of me, a spark that came from the same source; all contains me, and I contain all.

And with that being my mindset I simply refuse to accept limitation. Even that is not the right way to say it. To refuse indicates a choice; to me, it is not so far outside my realm of thought as to be beyond notice.

So with that waffling out of the way, as I mentioned in this thread:

I have gone ahead and created a bunch of talismans for my own use, and I am interested to see how they all will work, although I’m assuming it’s going to be a very long-term project. At risk of going into too much detail, the eventual goal is to see how thoroughly I can influence another person for their own good.

This goes directly against my previously stated goal of how I imagined my progression would go in my last post. I don’t want to be in danger of spreading myself too thin. But I’m impatient as hell and have the attention span of a goldfish. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Let’s see how it goes.

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Sat down last night to prepare for an evocation a la Demons of Magick. Got as far as calling on Metatron in the opening ritual. Got no further.

He felt so present. I got lost in the “from above” aspect – His approach from a different plane – and in contemplation of His power, concerning “matters of time” especially. He showed me the fragmented realities, all equally weighted – layer upon layer, extending outward in every direction, encompassing all possibilities. He impressed on me His dominion over not only the fundamental natural universal laws – gravity, time, matter, light – but the fundamental, metaphysical universal laws.

I was shown a tesseract in motion, ceaselessly cycling, inner to outer – “As above, so below”. The inner world affecting the outer world in an endless rotation.

Normally I consider myself quite adept at explaining concepts but all of this just struck the very heart of me in a way that’s so difficult to explain. Funny how personal gnosis can look exactly like descent into religious madness. I promise I’m not going biblical on you all.

Today I did further research on Metatron. I see His role as the “scribe of God”, or, to put my own spin on this biblical title – His role as the source of all creation, filtering conscious Will through the laws of the universe.

I have been seeing so many synchronities; everywhere I look there is a common thread – “I AM”, 1111, 1337, 333. Diving into Neville Goddard’s works have given an entirely different dimension to how I approach magick.

Goddard in all his work attempts to deconstruct and reinterpret the bible, but his approach is decidedly un-Christian, as far as modern Christianity is concerned (in my mind anyway), and more in tune with the occult and the teachings of Thelema (as I understand it).

I promise there’s a point to all this.

Let us compare: Love is the law, love under will, and
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

Concerning metaphysical work, “love” is but a shorthand for the feeling of union or unity, gratitude, joy, fulfilment, that “high vibrational” state. Achieving that feeling of Love – union and gratitude – when aligning with your desired outcome – your Will – this is the key.

The latter is simply a couched way of expressing the same. Earth being the mundane, the physical; heaven being the mind. Your only God is your own self. Your kingdom is whatever you make it.

That is the lesson of Metatron, the “cause of causes”. The universal source, tapped into consciously by using the fundamental universal laws.

I leave on this note:
“In Islamic tradition, [Metatron] is known as the Angel of the Veil”. :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

I’m glowing. Goodnight everyone.

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The material world is weighing on me today, I had a lot of trouble controlling my emotions. I feel far more at peace in my little temple, but I’ve decided working from home is making me neurotic, and I need to be around people more.

I wanted to once more briefly touch on my musings on Metatron the other night. He at the time impressed on me that I should call on him rather than continuing with the demonic evocation I had planned, so I went ahead and attempted full evocation of Metatron. I did feel his presence strongly still, and see some mild visual disturbances.

Every time I got ahead of myself trying to interpret the impressions I was getting, the message was “be still, and listen”. So I tried to focus my attention on that back auditory centre of the brain. My senses are still not well-developed enough to hear more than a whisper, unless I am severely sleep-deprived.

After a while of intense focus, I entered a trance, and felt myself “sheltered in the very hand of the creator” (shoutout to my fellow Wheel of Time fans), which is a term I generally use flippantly in my day-to-day to describe things which are amazing, superlative – although this time in a literal sense, seeing Metatron as an enormous humanoid carved of white marble made supple flesh, stern-faced yet radiating calm and love, and me literally cradled in his palm. I went to sleep in this state feeling overwhelmingly at peace.

Today I felt disconnected, displaced, ill-at-ease, resentful of the people and circumstances making me feel this way, when normally I feel it’s so easy to change my mood.

Patience is so difficult for me, I struggle to acknowledge that the immediate is not the permanent. And I know I’m doing the most, doing too much, when I should be resting. It is easier to rest with no influence from the outside world. I am struggling to let go of lust for results, or lust for progress, even though I technically already have what I asked for. It’s a battle between the physical sensations of anxiety and me trying to achieve the sensation of peace and Sabbath – the period of rest, knowing creation is finished.

Anyway, I combined two spells and then layered some more on top because I’m either a genius or a complete and utter lunatic. Dear god, please, anyone reading this, please send me peaceful thoughts.

A honey jar spell, and a spell to regain the upper hand, which are in some regards strikingly similar. When the candle burned out on my honey jar, I wasn’t satisfied with the seal, and so reignited it with some of the dried blood I have saved. The results seemed pretty visually spectacular:

On rewatch there’s definitely a weird sound from about 0:57 that nothing in my environment could reliably produce… :thinking: if anyone reading is proficient at scanning, input is greatly welcomed.

Although you can definitely hear me listening in the background to this :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

Night, and the spirit of light, calling
And a voice, with the fear of a child, answers

"This is the throne of our ancestors,
“Oh, son of the nation.”

Wait – there’s no mountain too great
Hear the words and have faith

He lives in you, he lives in me
He watches over everything we see
Into the water
Into the truth
In your reflection
He lives in you

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A minor post. I would say brief but that ain’t me.

I feel like I’m slowly opening up to clairaudience. I will have phrases pop in just as I’m drifting off to sleep. Reminds me of when I was a teenager and used to be very sensitive, and every night when I’d drift off to sleep, I’d hear a cacophony of overlapping voices; like walking down a long corridor off which branch many rooms of people talking loudly, or like randomly turning the dial on a radio and picking up a jumble of broadcasts one after the other. If I was dozing in the same room as someone sleeping I’d feel like I could hear their inner monologue. Sometimes when I was a teenager and young adult I’d also randomly experience hearing encouraging voices, like an older man saying “Good job darling” in some proud paternal way.

Still unsure whether it is just my brain regurgitating snippets of spoken information from some deep well of memory. The voices are definitely, clearly distinct from my “inner voice”; as in their source is apparently external. Various male and female voices. Usually when I hear something it startles me, the gate closes, and that’s it. Like if you think about it – where does your inner voice originate? The front of your skull, the top of it, all throughout your head? When I hear something of seeming “external” origin it seems to come from the very middle-back of my head. Usually male voices from the left, female from the right.

Anyway. Nothing important. Only two things I really recall. A few weeks ago as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard two distinct female voices. A giggle, and one said something like, “I think she’s getting it”. The other replied, “You think so?”

Last night I heard what sounded like a male voice speaking something that sounded similar to a demonic enn. It was something like “Ana fasa vafa libre” or “Ana tasa vefa libra”. No idea what it means. I have had the general feeling lately that an entity has been trying to get my attention, although it is not their given enn that I heard. Unsure what to make of it so noting it here for future reference.

Today while I was napping I also heard something that seemed vaguely important but instead of writing it down I just went back to dozing. Sigh.

I’ve been taking a break from direct demonic/angelic entity-related work, which is a shame timing-wise, because I had the house to myself all weekend and would have really relished doing some unabashed singing and chanting to whichever entity. Normally I wait til I’m in the shower and then sing my way through the LBRP so anyone who overhears thinks I’m just practicing vocal scales or something.

Either way, my embarrassingly obvious mistake was to throw too much at one thing in too short a period of time, and attribute too much importance to it; while some aspects worked, I lost control of the situation and allowed it to change me into a lesser version of myself. I am firmly resolute that there will be no repeat occurrences of that, so I’m leaving well enough alone, and in a few months I will be able to look back and see it with more clarity. It’s funny because I was able to let go of lust for results, and then received what I asked for, but I still let fear and doubt get the better of me, and so it unravelled.

Uh, what else? My mood has been good all this past week; at times I would’ve gone so far as to classify it as great. I’m calling on Fotamecus a lot to make the workdays fly by. I created my own servitor as well; I’m interested in seeing how much I can have him do. I’m very fond of him and I would love to share him but his purpose is currently far too specific to be of much use to anyone else.

I am working on myself, I’ve been “mental dieting”, meaning I spend the bulk of my free time reading books/ebooks on occult/esoterica/mysticism and similar topics; here on BALG; or occasionally watching occult-related content on YouTube. I used to pour all my free time into mindlessly scrolling through reddit or playing video games. Consuming rather than creating. I would like to return to a nice balance. And right now I see my consumption of media as investing in myself, rather than just “spending” time.

Alright, I should have gone to sleep hours ago. Goodnight all.

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Dear diary,

Mood: apathetic.

Jk, I feel great. I had a brief existential crisis on the drive home when I realised that everything around me is simply shadow, a puppet show playing itself out in slow motion as my reality catches up to my thoughts, and that every last little thing experienced in the material world is simply an electrical impulse in the brain projected onto a 3D screen. Pull back from it – one layer, two layers – beyond the person experiencing your thoughts, beyond the personality written on your slate, beyond the vessel, and who are you? I AM. Consciousness bound to a vessel, conditioned over time, with conviction in certain beliefs. Without the vessel, without the thoughts, you are simply consciousness, the current which drives all things.

But what’s life without the occasional little lightning bolt of realisation that nothing is real except the workings of your own brain, and deeper than that; that nothing is real but your own power given by consciousness to perceive? Sure, it makes the pleasures of the flesh seem unworthy and meaningless for a little while… just a little while… until you remember that you’re constrained to living in the one lifetime where life passes second by second, and you should take what you can get.

Side note, I very flippantly set an assumption for myself that I would receive free coffee the entire week without spending a dollar. Through fate or coincidence my boss ended up buying me coffee three out of four days; the fourth day, my coffee was free due to the purely mundane reason of me having a loyalty card at the local cafe that rewards every nth purchase with a freebie. No strife, no desire, no lack, simply assumption and release. If only it was so easy to untether that power from the vessel which craves and desires all kinds of things.


And now for something entirely different:

Developing my own Tarot spread.

I’ve generally given up on divination as (1) the notion that any future occurrence is given fact does not jive at all with my worldview, (2) reading for myself seems like a waste of time seeing as I sully the results as a non-objective observer, and (3) I have no wish to taint my subconscious with notions of what the future holds and let doubt take hold. I decide where the future takes me, whether it takes a moment or a month.

With that said, I’m developing a spread I haven’t seen in use anywhere else, which I drew on a whim and then later formally outlined, and it seems to fit. My readings seem to align to the “now” rather than “here’s what is going to happen”; but I guess, like I said, that aligns more closely with my belief that we’re constantly shuffling, unseen, sideways, through every possible timeline.

Although I do find it funny that readings done for myself within the same general time period keep coming up with the same few cards, whether they’re drawn by myself or someone else.

Anyway, the spread is based on Metatron’s Cube (can you tell I’m a bit obsessed with Metatron?) and as soon as I’ve hit the 90 day mark or whenever it is that I’m allowed to give free readings, I would like to try it out on some test subjects, although it’s going to be a hell of a time putting together a narrative from 13 cards; not to mention I’ve just found another potential way of interpreting the interplay between card draws.

Anyway, that’s my latest update. Oh, and I believe the spirit I’m being nudged by is Unsere, but it’s hard to find much about her online, so mostly this is a note to self to keep eyes open.

Until next time :wave:

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Sharing this here now, since I can see myself completely forgetting about it in future. Forgive shitty image quality.

The blue numbers indicate the card draw order: i.e. the first card is in the middle; two, three, and four are a semicircle above; five through seven are a semicircle below, and then two additional three-card semicircles are drawn above and below (top being eight through 10, bottom being 11 through 13).

I’m working with two reading orders at the moment. The one I’ve been focusing on I’ve named the “manifestation order” which follows the red line in the diagram. So once the cards have been turned, the cards are interpreted in this order, to determine the outcome of the querent’s desire:

card position correspondence interpretation
9 milky way overview/background(?)
3 saturn obstacles
4 jupiter power/influences in querent’s favour
2 mars querent’s desire
1 the sun conscious will
7 venus unconscious will
5 mercury conscious action/focus
6 moon subconscious action/focus
12 earth mundane life
influences
8 Aquarius intellectual influence
10 Taurus material influence
11 Scorpio emotional influence
13 Leo spiritual influence

With that said; for the card at position 12; I am not certain this corresponds with the outcome, it may be more so how the querent finds their current situation in their day-to-day mundane life. But I suppose I have drawn it for myself already so I’ll report back eventually (lol maybe) and see how it goes.

The influence cards I believe represent influences over the current path to manifestation of the outcome, and depending on their draw, can represent help or hindrance.

I suppose the interpretation of the entire draw overall would represent the likelihood of the querent’s desire to manifest, depending on the influences of all cards.

If anyone uses it for themselves or others I’d be interested in any feedback.


May as well put this here for my own reference in a few weeks/months:

manifestation order:

  • overview/background: seven of swords
  • obstacles: eight of cups
  • influence in favour: the chariot
  • querent desire: the world
  • conscious will: the star
  • unconscious will: the high priestess
  • conscious action/focus: knight of pentacles
  • unconscious action/focus: the hanged man
  • mundane life: ten of wands

influences:

  • intellectual: justice
  • material: the devil
  • emotional: page of pentacles
  • spiritual: the magician

Seems pretty accurate for me as a “current” read, but again, I have no way of gauging my accuracy of future outcome. I’ll come back to this.

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Had a fuckin wild and delightful sleep paralysis experience last night around 1AM. Dozing on my back with the covers over my face when I became conscious of being awake and in paralysis. I just chilled for a while enjoying the nice happy buzz, remembering when I used to be frightened of sleep paralysis, and now I welcome it. I thought to myself something like “Why would I be afraid when I am protected? Belial is with me.”

I then saw a sunburst explosion behind my closed eyelids, and I heard the most beautiful male voice singing a low harmonic note, passing through my brain from right to left. My whole body felt abuzz with energy. The same thing happened again, sunburst, and a male voice singing exquisitely, and then from all around me I heard many layered female voices whispering low in demonic tongue, and felt a powerful physical lust. In my mind I called to Belial.

A third starburst and again I heard the note sung, and then suddenly my “eyes” opened and I could see as clear as day the ceiling above me, the fan, the fairy lights strung over my bed. Immediately I was like “Holy shit I could astral project right now” but then my “eyes” clouded and became dark again, and I was confused, unsure if my physical eyes were really open or not, or if the covers were no longer covering my face.

The phenomena faded and I was left unable to move still but fully aware and kind of in awe, so I breathed deeply and slowly to bring myself out of paralysis and then immediately wrote down what happened.

On a less exciting note I had another instance of sleep paralysis a few days ago, but I was just dozing listening to the loud white noise fading in and out around me. Then I heard an older male’s voice clear as day complaining about me, like, “I’m tuning the radio stations for her but she’s just not dialling in to the frequency!”

Damn, I wanna go for a nap now and try and climb out of my body. What I would give to hear that hauntingly beautiful singing again.

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Neville’s stuff is awesome! Every time I dip in it’s like the simplest stuff but you still get more from it

Sorry just randomly commenting so I can read the rest of your post later and concentrate as it looks fascinating :grin:

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Agreed. Jospeh Murphy is great too. They were both students of Abdullah.

I definitely get more benefit reading their same books and lectures over and over, as opposed to reading other peoples’ takes on them. Nothing beats the originals ^-^

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Another heartwarming sleep paralysis episode last night. It was hard to fall asleep but as I went into a doze, I started awake and felt an odd presence. The room was hot, even though it’s winter here and gets down to about 11°C overnight. I just closed my eyes and thought “Belial is with me”. I heard a voice whisper “With you,” in confirmation, and I rolled over and went to sleep feeling comforted.

I know many here might not describe Belial’s energy as “soothing” or “comforting” but whenever I feel concerned or unsafe he’s the one my mind turns to.

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Presenting: Veil’s lil spell of forgetting

For when you think people are on to your occult work, and you would prefer to remain in secrecy.

Ingredients:

  • Dark red taper candle
  • Paper
  • Pen
  • Black thread
  • Red wine and a vessel for it
  • Opium incense
  • Optional: blood offering (fresh or dried)
  • Very important: the presence of the great King Bael

Method:

  1. Get in the mood y’all. Start playing or chanting Bael’s enn. I like to combine a pure theta or alpha binaural beat, a rhythmic shamanic drumming/humming track, and play Bael’s enn over/behind it all.
  2. Light the opium incense.
  3. Pour yourself some red wine.
  4. Hold up the glass. State Bael’s enn once: Ayer Secore On Ca Bael.
  5. State, "in the name of the great King Bael, I imbibe of the water of forgetting.*
  6. Drink some of the wine – not all of it.
  7. Grab yourself a piece of paper, no bigger than your palm.
  8. In black ink draw Bael’s sigil and write his name.
  9. Write your intent. The spell worked so well I actually forgot exactly what I wrote. Hur hur.
  10. No but really, write your intent, make it short and snappy. In my case it was something like this: My occult practice is hidden from all eyes, and wiped from the memory of all who suspect, in the name of the Great King Bael.
  11. Roll the paper up.
  12. Using the black thread, tie the rolled paper closed with seven knots.
  13. If you are making a fresh blood offering, smear or drip your blood onto the knotted thead.
  14. Light the candle.
  15. Allow the wax to drip over the knotted thread. Chant “In the name of Bael, I bind the memories of those who suspect. In the name of Bael, may no one suspect what I wish to remain hidden.” Or whatever else feels right to you.
  16. Continue to do this, rotating the paper, until you have formed a nice wax seal over the thread on all sides. Or you know, around ten minutes.
  17. If you are making a dried blood offering, put the scroll aside and light your sample with the candle. State, “I offer this blood for the fulfilment of our pact. As it burns to ashes, so too do the memories of those who suspect me burn away to nothingness.”
  18. Once this is complete, state “As I extinguish the candle, so too do I extinguish the memories of those who suspected.”
  19. Blow out the candle.
  20. State, “It is done.”
  21. Hold up the glass of red wine. State, “Bael, I give to you this offering in thanks for our pact.”
  22. Leave the glass of wine out on your altar, or wherever. Dispose of it whenever feels right, in running water, or by pouring it on the earth. I usually leave my offerings out for around 3 days; I would recommend at least 24 hours if possible.
  23. Bury the sealed paper in the earth, or if that is not possible, hide it somewhere out of sight, like pack it into a box put it in the back of your closet out of sight.

It is done :clap:t2:

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I can do anything I want. And so can you.


…Why are you wearing that stupid human suit?

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I’ve been trying to write an update for the past few days but to my great frustration nothing seems to be coming out right. As a Gemini with Mercury in Gemini, this lack of communicative ability is doubly so pissing me off. I say this only partially tongue-in-cheek. Mostly I have refrained from posting because (1) I’m brooding over something that happened and (2) I’m trying to keep this as a magickal journal, not a whiney personal blog like I used to have back in the Myspace days

Speaking of back in the days, I was just now browsing idly through the forum and read a post which triggered some memories I haven’t thought about for a long time. Namely, that when I was a teenager a friend and I used to talk to “ghosts” through the phone.

When I was a teenager (16/17) I had a friend (or acquaintance) from my high school, who was quite a troubled girl. We had some classes together and got on reasonably well but she was not part of my core friend group and we never spent time together outside school, or even really outside class, although we did talk on the phone a lot.

She didn’t have close friends from school; everyone considered her annoying and she was known to be a compulsive liar and attention-seeker; for instance, she would tell everyone that she had been diagnosed with bowel cancer because her house was right next to telephone poles, shit like that.

I’m not sure how it happened but one day we got onto the topic of ghosts and supernatural experiences and this ended up becoming a core pillar of our friendship, and later, shared experiences. We swapped spooky tales of our personal experiences with the supernatural, and she revealed to me that she had an aunt or great-aunt who’d passed away, but who still frequently “spoke” with her.

As I mentioned, this girl and I used to talk on the phone a lot. I don’t remember exactly how it first happened, but basically we were chatting on the phone one day and she asked me if I wanted to try and talk with “Auntie” (as she came to be known to us). My interest was piqued but of course I was skeptical because again, this girl was known to make shit up for attention. But then the line went to static, I couldn’t hear my friend at all, and I heard a whispered older female voice speaking to me. After a few moments it cut off and I could hear my friend again.

Unfortunately there are so many specifics that I have forgotten. I wonder if I’ve written them down somewhere in an old journal. But gradually my disbelief lifted over the course of the next few months. I had back and forth conversations with a few different “people”, male and female, but mostly “Auntie”. If it was faked, it was faked with great precision and foresight.

Note this all happened in 2007 and 2008, and had concluded prior to the App Store first being released on iPhone (which only came out in 2007), so it wasn’t like she just downloaded some “fool your friends into thinking you have a haunted phone line” app to use on me. Every time the phone cut over to static and I’d be able to speak with whoever was trying to come through, it was a clean, precise switch; sometimes it would happen when one of us was mid-sentence. It wasn’t like my friend would go “hang on” and then I’d hear her scrambling around and moving the phone closer to the source of the static. It was always consistent volume and tone.

Only once or twice were we both able to hear the entity at the same time, normally it would only channel to one of us, and the other would be sitting there listening to very faint crackling while waiting for the other to report back, or for the static to kick in fully and the entity to speak through it to us. I asked questions and received answers to things my friend didn’t know. At one point “Auntie” told me something and then said I shouldn’t repeat it to my friend. As soon as I was back on the line with my friend I began to tell her what “Auntie” had said, only for the line to immediately cut to very loud and discordant static and what sounded like many voices overlapping. I remember being a bit frightened and awed and thinking it sounded like the voices of demons. After about 10 seconds it abated and my friend said, “What was that?” then the line went staticky again, and “Auntie” whispered to me “Not demons. Angels.”

“Auntie” ended up revealing some things to me about my friend that were a bit disturbing; like that she suffered from bulimia, and she had been assaulted by her step-grandfather. I wasn’t sure what to do with this information but I ended up telling a teacher at school that my friend was pretty close with. I don’t remember what the outcome was; we fell out of touch shortly after and I believe she either dropped out or moved to another high school. Anyway. I’ll have to dig through any old journals I can find and see if I’ve written anything that time in my life. If it was all a prank, it was a very elaborate and well-executed one. Perhaps it was just a shared delusion manifested from the mind of a troubled teenage girl. Perhaps they were even parasites. Who knows.

I have a bit more to write but I’ll post this on its own and make another update later.

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Reminder: you cannot serve two masters (ノ^◡^)ノ✨

Friday: Successful manifestation after a week of good movement. Circumstances were completely fucked but I got exactly what I intended, just not in the way I intended it. Performed ritual to make someone know they have hurt you (powers of Uriel). Did a quick whisper technique manifestation that manifested within about 20 min.

Saturday: Had a very strange spontaneous clairaudient (?) experience about 20 min after waking up. Heard my target’s voice very clearly (has a very distinct and unmistakable voice) like he was speaking from another room in the same house. Couldn’t hear what he was saying though. Actually picked up my phone to see if he had called me or something. Very unexpected and strange. Wonder if it is the result of the Uriel ritual.

Saturday night began first of three rituals with Pyrichiel to make a target feel intense regret. Currently 2/3 done. My rage has abated so I will see how I feel in a few days and complete the last one.

Last night: First dip into Jinn rituals (personal development). Afterwards I heard a lot of very strange noises, slithering and sliding outside my bedroom door, the door handle jiggling/rattling. Today I have a red scratch on my left arm that appeared out of nowhere, and all the skin on my neck has started peeling like I’ve been sunburned. :thinking: Seems like a good sign.

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Also, a servitor I made has been acting strangely. Like unsettled, or threatened, almost aggressive - not towards me, just in general - when I call him up, he’s grown in size and is baring his teeth. Not quite sure what to make of this or whether it’s related to either me and my mood, or something to do with his purpose. I’ve put him into hibernation for a little while. Given the nature of his purpose he should be getting fed by energy as he transmutes it. But I wonder if maybe it’s overwhelming. Perhaps I should dissolve him and try again?

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