Following my calling of Paimon the other night, I drew some cards to see if I could get a feel for the cast. My preferred method is simply to shuffle the deck roughly until a single card is left in my hand, and/or until a card falls out of the deck, which I then lay face-down, and repeat, until I have a sense of “enough”. Even then, I usually draw a final card, which I take to be the card which clarifies and ties together the reading.
In this case I drew four cards, and it seemed significant that upon turning them over, one had been laid down in reverse. I don’t use reverse cards in my readings.
The Hanged Man, Eight of Wands (Rx), Two of Cups, Seven of Cups.
A strong reminder to slow down, to suspend action, to not keep pushing against perceived obstacles, and that doing so will result in the intended outcome. And while the Seven of Cups would appear to be something of a negative card, given its association with “illusion” and “wishful thinking”, I instead take this to be a nod towards my work with LoA and Neville Goddard’s teachings. Overall it seems to be a positive sign regarding my work to inculcate positivity and continue living in the “end”.
Alash Tad Al-Ash Tal Ashtu.
Do I now take the time to talk about my impatience, my extremely limited time-horizon, my almost nonexistent ability to look ahead to the future? Something I keep reminding myself: the immediate is not the permanent. Perhaps it works in my favour? My brain does allow me to sink into daydream and fantasy easily. Do I discuss my experience with limerence and how, while the lows can be crippling, the highs are euphoric, rivalling even pharmaceutically-induced states? And how, looking back at past experiences, the pure effort I poured into living in my imagination resulted in exactly the outcome I was after?
Do I mention how drained and listless I was all of yesterday? Was it the result of a successful cast draining all the energy from me? The echoes of stress from my day job? Or simply being flattened by valium?
In my mind – everything is a sign, nothing is without meaning. To view the world otherwise defeats the whole purpose of the work.
Of signs and portents –
When I first called Belial, I thought offhandedly to offer him the blood from my next random nosebleed, but dismissed it, thinking how unlikely that was to happen anytime soon. I had a “random” nosebleed the very next day, and anointed his sigil with it, and a second nosebleed within the next 10 days that followed, strong enough to drip freely over his sigil. As it dried, each drop looked like a fingerprint.
I had enough left over to save in case I wish to offer it in future to any spirit for a closer bond or an offering. Fingernail trimmings as well, deliberately given in sacrifice, because I love to keep my nails long, and sharpened to points. Perhaps the most precious, I have one or two of my baby teeth, kept in my possession for around two decades. Those I am saving for something truly special, yet to be decided.
When I first petitioned Sallos, the very next day, I saw discarded items on my coffee table, random objects left by my roommate, arranged to look like an engagement ring.
When I first felt Lilith’s energy around me, spontaneous and uncalled, and I began to meditate on her enn – I had a surreal experience, where I was walking down the street, passed under a tree, and an apple with a single bite taken from it fell almost at my feet. A crow flew down after it and simply sat there staring at me. In mundane terms, of course, it was simply a scavenger bird who happened to drop its most recent snack as I was walking by. In magickal terms, it was a singularly ham-fisted biblical reference. Upon some research, I found Lilith has been historically associated with crows, or owls, or birds of prey.
She first appeared to me on the astral as a hawk with the colouring of a barn owl (not a screech owl, as is regularly depicted); just days past, I found an old drawing of mine from years ago, of a bird of prey, which perfectly encapsulated how she had first appeared to me on the astral, down to the flecks and markings of her colouring.
When I first began to contact Vine – historically said to appear as a lion – to assist me on my journey of becoming adept at all magic, within a day or two I stumbled across the following image online, once again, in my pursuit of learning all there is to know about LoA:
I’ll take any signs and synchronities as I see them, and honestly, delight in them as marks of progress.
It should be mentioned too that about a week ago I found myself driving home behind someone whose numberplate was SHAKTI, which of course made me recall my dream of the PAIMON car, strangely referenced or reflected in the waking world. At this point I am not certain I have the capacity to incorporate more deities/research/work into current practices, although it has certainly been added to my list to investigate in future. I have no wish to splinter my attention across too many lines of study or praxis. I should be whole-assing the work already in motion instead of half-assing an assorted collection of disjointed outcomes and juggling relationships with more entities than I can handle.
My next steps – to continue working with Dantalion and Vine, to further honour my pact with Belial, to manifest reality through assumption in conjunction with the aforementioned spirits, and to work with Raphael for healing.