Shadows of Carcosa - Aurèlia's Journal

Glad to hear this :slight_smile:

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Last night’s dream was a combination of awesome, scary and ‘what the heck is going on here’? :thinking:

There were three distinct aspects of the dream which stood out, but everything became mingled in together as it progressed.

I was on an island that was quite large - large enough that it would take you all day to walk from shore to shore. It was in a cold and windy place, like off the coast of England. There were other people with me, some I knew and some who were strangers. We were all very anxious and afraid for our lives.

We all split up and ran off in different directions, except for one man who came with me. We started to discuss how we were going to hunt everyone else down in a very ‘Battle Royale’ kind of way, because we knew there could only be one survivor. Not sure how we intended to deal with each other after everyone else was dead…

Anyway, we set off together and ended up down by a cliff-face where the sea was pounding up against the rocks. There was a small cave and I crawled inside. Inside there was a cavern that was like a huge maze and seemed to lead inland. I left my companion, who was too large to crawl into the cave, and went to explore.

I found some emeralds the size of my fist and gathered them into my bag, thinking, “If I ever escape this place I will be very rich!” That’s when this living doll which had previously gone unnoticed, turned it’s head and started speaking to me in a squeaky helium voice and laughing like a lunatic!

I staggered away in shock and ran to the upper levels of the cavern which led out to the surface at the top of the cliffs. There was a large waterfall with a walkway made of clear glass at the bottom. In order to circumvent the waterfall, you had to walk on the glass - but panels of it were cracked and missing and it was hard to see given that it was twilight and the waterfall was clouding the air with mists of water.

I decided (foolishly) to take the walkway at a run so as not to give any time for my courage to fail, but one of the panels fell away beneath my feet and I was left clutching on to the rock face beside the waterfall, trying desperately to reach the next glass panel with my foot.

Then my inner nerd showed because I remember thinking I needed to ‘fast travel’ elsewhere on the island. I seemingly just hovered there against the rock face whilst i consulted my island map and marked a spot off the west coast with a drop of my blood.

It was at this point, sadly, I awakened as my phone rang.

It was yet another dream with a theme of running away from something, being pursued or being in danger, and violence.


In other news, last night I began creating a new servitor; this one with the role of being both a personal protector for me, and for my property. I created a sigil that represented the servitor’s purpose and spent a while meditating and visualising the creature and charging the sigil with both my thoughts and my blood.

Astral Weirdness IV - feel free to skip

I attempted to envoke Shub-Niggurath, the Black Goat of the Woods, and asked that she give her aid in charging and strengthening the servitor (as she is associated with fertility and the creation of life, amongst other things). I presented a sigil offering to her, as well as a blood offering, some wood moss and a small amount of strong red wine.

I meditated for about an hour, with both hands placed at the edges of Shub-Niggurath’s sigil, and just allowed feelings to wash over me and through me. At first there was just a deep calm that almost made me sleepy, and then there was the feeling of spider webs brushing across my face and strong pulsing in my fingertips.

For some reason I found myself overcome with euphoria at one point and remember breaking my trance like state to think, “Aurèlia…why are you grinning like a crazy person?”

Once I closed the evocation, I sealed a container with the charged sigil of the new servitor inside. I will evoke Shub-Niggurath twice more to ask for aid in creating and charging the servitor, and will ‘feed’ the new servitor daily with blood for 30 days. I will also visualise the being taking form over this time period. At which point it should be ready to assume it’s new role as my protector.

By the way, for anyone interested I decided to give the servitor the form of a shoggoth. A large gelatinous mound of a creature that can form an re-form itself at will. Because it’s me. And therefore couldn’t possibly be anything ‘normal’.

Anyway, that’s about it. I hope you weren’t bored and that you have a nice day.

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I love everything about this.

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That’s a wild ride lol

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Here’s my temporary altar (I say altar in the loosest of terms) for tonight. I’m really looking forward to it because I’ve felt so calm and at peace today after last night’s ‘Astral Weirdness IV’. Hopefully it will be the same tonight.

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I love it!

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That looks like a yacaré! Pretty damn awesome.

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Is that an powder incense burner in the middle?

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Yes, it’s a brass incense burner. I usually just drop a very small charcoal disc in the middle, surrounded by sand, and put some resin on to melt. I love the scent of myrrh.

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I’ve been thinking about going that route instead of incense cones and sticks.

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Astral Weirdness V

Last night was the second evocation of Shub-Niggurath and honestly I think I’ve hit a breakthrough. And I’m an eternal pessimist and I never say things so positive!

The euphoria feeling happened again during the third stage (I do things in seven stages - initial meditation, evocation, meditation, statement of request or petition, further meditation, closing, and…you guessed it…more meditation.) Suddenly I went from feeling inwardly panicky about things (everything) to feeling completely euphoric and energised.

I felt like throwing my hands up in the air and dancing. Instead I let my head sway from side to side just enjoyed the feeling of total freedom. I’ve carried it with me into today - the euphoric feeling.

I asked once more for aid in energizing the shoggoth servitor, and just generally made offerings again.

There was some warmth and tingling in my throat at times which was quite pleasant.

My breakthrough is that maybe I should work more with Shub-Niggurath? It’s rare that I come away from a ritual energised instead of pretty drained or tired, so I think I’ll endeavour to do this more.

Its also kind of nice to refer to someone as ‘mother’ and myself as ‘daughter’ given that my relationship with my real parents is…well. Yeah.

Anyway, I have to do it once more anyway to ‘create’ the servitor and then I will spend 30 days feeding it before it is ready to assume it’s new role as protector of my property and I.

There were no dreams at all last night, and I was awake for a fair portion of the night and into the morning - falling back asleep at 06:30 and waking at 09:00 which is reasonably late for me.

I’m still working on my dreamwalking scheme, but there is some preparation I have to do first before Stage II. I’m also mainly writing the ritual myself, with only a few parts taken from the Black Book of Azathoth so, I want to make sure it makes sense and flows well before I actually attempt the ritual.

I hope everyone has a nice day.

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Last night’s dream was very unpleasant. I was trapped under rubble, like in the aftermath of a large earthquake, and I was screaming for my brother. I’m not sure if I was screaming for him to come and help me, or if he was buried under the rubble somewhere and I was just screaming out of anguish.

I had huge pieces of concrete and masonry across my back and the area from my hips downwards was buried completely. I was lying on my stomach and trying to crawl out, but there was intense tingling and pain which I could feel even in my dream.

In front of me and to the left was this ornamental box, that looked like ivory, with lots of sharp gemstones set into it. I was trying to open the box in order to find something that might help to free me, but every time I touched it the gemstones would come alive, move and cut me and I would pull back my hand in fright.

In the end I ended up grabbing handfuls of sand to build a ‘pillow’ to rest my chin on because my neck was getting tired holding up my head.


Last night was the last of three Shub-Niggurath evocations to create my new servitor. Now I just have to feed it for the next 30 days. I painted a nice little box as a ‘home’ for it during the ‘feeding period’, as I needed something to keep the sigil I created in during this time…and I wanted it to be something weird and personalised. :slight_smile:

I tried to do some past life work last night and was highly frustrated to find that I was unable to achieve…well…anything. It was particularly annoying because it was regarding a matter which is very important to me at present.

I believe it could be one of three things holding me back:

A) A subconscious fear of what I may find.

B) Just mental fatigue from three nights of heavy evocations in succession.

C) I had a minor panic attack before I began, so that shook me from what had previously been an awesome and relaxed state.

I will try again later.

Wishing everyone a nice day.

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I had the most vivid dream last night (more like a memory flashback to be honest). It was very short, and then the rest of the night was spent dreamless.

I was a child, about 6 years, and I was in a large indoor play area with those plastic kaleidoscopic tubes we used to crawl through as children. I was holding a cup of milk and a box in my hands and I was wearing this hideous orange dress with matching ribbons in my hair (I actually had these as a child…unfortunately.)

It was somebody’s birthday party and I had brought them a gift.

I approached the other children who were all screaming and laughing and generally having a good time, but I was too scared to say hello. So I just stood there. Like an awkward, orange thing.

I eventually approached a large woman who was preparing food and gave her the box telling her it was for the boy who’s birthday it was. She smiled and gave me some sweet kataifi pastry.

I was too scared to play with the children even though I really wanted to, so I sat on this plastic chair at the side of the room and just watched.


This is actually a virtually 100% accurate memory flashback from my past because this actually happened. I went to a party for a boy I knew from church ( :nauseated_face:) and I took a box of drawing pencils as a gift. When I got there I was too scared to join in any of the games, because I was late arriving and everything had already started. I do remember standing there in this hideous dress and wishing to go home.

The only difference is that I gave the present to another child’s mother and, I’m assuming, she passed it on to the birthday boy’s parents. The kind woman preparing food did not exist and there was no kataifi pastry at the party.

I had completely forgotten about this memory until today.

I think this dream is highlighting the feelings of awkwardness and isolation I felt as a child. The wish to join in and play with others and be ‘normal’ but the constant gnawing anxiety and discomfort in my own skin, even at a very young age. This has all endured until the present day. I often want to join in with things but I’m held back by invisible wires called ‘anxiety’ and ‘shyness’.

The woman? I have no idea. But I know that kataifi is one of my favourite things in the world, and if some kind woman had given me some of that at the party it would’ve bolstered my spirit, made me very happy…and might’ve even given me the courage to go and say ‘hello’ and join in.

I’ll take this as a sign - I’ve been given my spiritual kataifi and now I can join in, mix with others and have fun.

Here. Have some kataifi.

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I don’t know how to do that, but I’m going to learn if needed! And if it isn’t needed… I’m learning anyway!

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That looks really tasty, I picture that as some kind of sweet honey/syrup?

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Sometimes my mind makes deviations into the utterly bizarre. Last night was one of those times. It was a generally sleepless night where I tossed and turned and feel like a train wreck this morning; however this little gem stood out as a dream.

A friend and I were in a city (it reminded me of London) and we were just walking around the streets talking. Suddenly we decided it would be excellent fun to put costumes on and walk around dressed strangely.

So my friend disappears off to the train in order to go home and change clothes, and I…well my costume just seemed to morph itself over my body like a living thing.

I ended up wearing a sleeveless, high necked jacket made entirely from sky blue sequins and matching trousers. With, you guessed it, matching hideous sparkling eyeshadow and platform shoes.

I basically looked like a mixture of a terrible Eurovision song contest singer and a member of a glam-rock band.

There was then a lot of waiting for my friend’s return, and panicking about ‘what if this was a joke and she is not coming back?’. I found an archway and kind of hid there until my friend arrived back wearing a short black miniskirt, a thick long sleeved shirt and no shoes.

She said something awful had happened at her house and we needed to go there immediately. So we walked back towards the train station, only to find it had been shut down due to a fire. At which point we tried to hail a taxi but nobody wanted to pick us up because we looked ridiculous and embarrassing.

I really wish I’d found out what the terrible thing was that happened, but I woke up unfortunately.

Whatever it was…it couldn’t have been worse than my blue sequin suit look. :shushing_face: :flushed:

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Please paint this and share :joy:

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I’ll give it a shot :white_check_mark: I looked a bit like an ABBA member.

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Yeah this

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I AGREE!!!

(software says it is not okay to just say “I AGREE!!!”)

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