So…power is awesome.
Whether it’s influence over other people,circumstances in your own life,the superpower kind of stuff some of us can do(for example,mind control,which most people here master at some point or another),power always matters,power is beneficial to us,the will to power is the will that drives the black magician into the deepest parts of the abyss,and into the highest heavens.
Whether he commands infernal legions,or angelic choirs,if he’s a self-aggrandizing,LHP-minded magician,his goal will be the acquisation of power,and the attainment of godhood,a state of maximum power.
Power over something is understanding it,knowing it,using it,controlling it,and improving it.And power is what we seek after.
This is not a discussion on the morals of using power,because we aren’t concerned about those.This is not a ‘‘with great power comes great responsibility’’,or ‘‘power corrupts’’ kind of thread.
By sensibility,I am not referring to knowing and understanding how and when to do what.I am referring to the sensibility first defined by John Locke,studied by Dr George Cheyne,and emulated greatly in the artistic world by Samuel Richardson.
Richardson’s novels were some of the first romance novels out there,and his characters were sensibility incarnate,for at the time,sensibility was considered a disorder(though an in-born one you learn to live with,like lactose intolerance),which lets you be more involved in the world,see more,feel more,have better senses and such,but also leaves you open to greater melodrama,and whirlwinds of emotions and hopeless love.
The reason I bring up sensibility is because I have been struggling with incredible emotional turmoil,and an overall explosion of this sensibility since I started rising to serious power,even more so than I had in the past,and I was always very sensitive.
As an example,seeing my crush hugging another guy,even though I know she hugs more or less everyone(including me),would ordinarily not make me think much of it.On this occasion,though,I had to sprint out of the room as fast as I could,feeling something very evil brewing inside,just waiting to come out.
I was right because as I ran,hateful thoughts gathered,and knowing from what happened in the past,they were bad.What happened then,though,was that I had tendrils explode from me,and grab any passerby and start vamping them for no reason,draining everyone of energy,until people started looking at me with some sort of contempt.
And the energy that I was absorbing,was complementing the energy of my Godself,which was surfacing,and being discharged randomly.I kept it under serious control,but the fact that I released and radiated so much was insane.In fact,I saw at some point,the energy I was releasing and absorbing.I had to stop myself from soul traveling and shapeshifting into a draconic creature,I had to gather myself out fo a trance,and had to prevent myself from summoning who knows what.
But this isn’t the first time this kind of thing has happened.Getting a bad grade,like I did today,threw me into a fit of dysphoria,much greater than my usual sadness.I wouldn’t just have my shoulders slumped,or even something like that,I would immediately hear a very audible scream in my head,and after a time start seeing particles flowing around me.
I’d focus on them so intently,I’d practically zone out,and I could see nothing and no one,just the small water droplets around me,whizzing.And at that point,I’d have to meditate and ground myself.
My emotions manifested in less distasteful ways too.When I was extremely happy,it was showed,by this strange appreciation of everything,that I mentioned on another page here.For some reason,EVERYTHING seemed to have so much depth and glory to it that I could look at a leaf and be mesmerized by how pretty it is and people would think that I’m high.
Meeting with my friends make me cast blessings on them left and right.By the end of it,I’d be blessing anyone on the streets,wrapping my aura over them and releasing waves of light.
What’s interesting about these blessings,though,is that they work.That by blessing someone as only a god would bless,they seem to be getting absurdly lucky,and good stuff keeps happening to them.
Likewise,if extremely tired,I’d simply mutter,‘‘need more power’’ and more power would come.Instantly.
And when impassioned,I’ve been shown to completely turn into a beast.
My ascent is in a very interesting spot right now,but as you can see,this is weird.It probably has something to do with me awakening my Kundalini recently,and merging two aspects of my workings,but beyond that,I have been brimming with power,which has been influencing,and influenced by,my emotions.
In the Book of Azazel,Dante mentions most magicians rising to serious power begin to explore with drugs to take the edge off,perhaps because they’re experiencing emotional and magical overloads such as these?
Anyone else felt something like this,on more or less every time any emotion occurs?
IMO,this is a sign that I’m attaining godhood.The gods of Greek mythology are the best example.Their emotions are seriously over-the-top,yet they were highly respected and worshiped.
Once again,those were minor examples where I demonstrated self-restraint.More direct times,would include times when I was so anxious about something happening,that I did a spell and had it turn in the completely opposite direction and end up super successful.
What’s everyone else’s thoughts on this?Is this kind of stuff normal?Has it happened to you?