I’ve just started communicating with Lucifer and there have been some ups and downs I thought I’d get some feedback about.
I guess the ups and downs started a couple of months ago, with the Wealth Magick working of Elubatel - I had a few incidents at work (that’s been relatively peaceful the last couple of years) - I had a couple of clients make official complaints, and another co-worker raising a grievance. Which is out of the ordinary for me, as I’ve never had any co-worker raise a grievance, and my last complaint was years ago. And the strange thing about the complaints was they came 6 months, and almost a year after my interaction with the clients.
And post Lucifer working, I had another complaint (again a year after I saw the client) come up. My boss is saying she wants to move me to a different department while I get a couple more qualifications. They actually gave me a break by giving me my current position without those qualifications, and I’m now being asked, or at least it’s a thought now, to step down.
I also had a tribunal at work where i was asked to give evidence, and the judge wasn’t happy with my evidence, and plan and adjourned the hearing and this has never happened before in my career. THe judge said she would specifically ask to sit on the next hearing, and again, this is something that never happens. I think she wants me to say exactly what she wants, or she might make trouble.
This has all brought up issues with self worth and deservedness and that maybe I’m not good enough for my position, but there aren’t any issues with quality of work, and I’m known as a hard worker who gets along with people and gets results, so the work is of a high standard, but like my boss said, the complaints have to stop.
I’ve been looking over my shoulder thinking something is going to happen, and having some negative thoughts that maybe there’s something wrong with me, and I can’t really get along with people, and can piss them off. This probably is just stories in my head, as I have good people skills, but all of this coming along at once, when things have been peaceful in recent years, has been a bit of a shock.
I also work in a highly regarded professional job where I’m not probably not allowed to be honest or share how I truly feel, and I have been fighting against it by being genuine, authentic, and showing my human side instead of the automatons my co-workers present themselves as, and maybe this hasn’t been very helpful.
Stepping back, I feel in the larger scheme of things, it’s been helpful. It’s pushing me to get the additional qualifications, and reviewing how I’m getting across with people. I work in a job that has abusive clients as a part of it, and whilst I might not get upset, or show my annoyance, I might show disapproval at times with clients. For e.g. if they want the system to solve their issues, and aren’t willing to do anything to sort it out, or take any personal responsibility.
The first two complaints made me re-evaulate how I was with everybody else in my life, and found that I could be disapproving of people in my life who weren’t taking responsibility and sorting their stuff out.
I’ve had iboga (another plant medicine like ayahuasca) and I might speak to people just like the iboga spirit speaks - in a direct, no nonsense, this is what you’re doing, here are how the dots connect to your outcomes, and this is where your current behaviours will take you and here’s an alternative that will get you to a different outcome.
It’s also shown the mirror where I can be disapproving of myself with things in my own life that I might not be taking full responsibility with.
So yes, I guess it’s been super helpful - reevaluating how I interact with everybody, and pulling back on disapproval and being super gentle with feedback, and getting a fire under my butt to get my additional qualifications.
And maybe it’s bringing up my biggest issues up to be sorted.
It’s also helping me connect to the Beautiful Mind - the God consciousness inside me, and realise that me and my stories are lies, and it’s the superconsciousness inside me that I have to connect to to get to a more durable and constant peace. And also connect with people in my life, relationships and clients, with love, compassion (and shown me that I might have been acting with resentment, disapproval in the past to attacks or people not taking responsibility and assigning blame to the system, and to change those poisonous attitudes).
(I’m not doing any drugs, alcohol, no substance misuse issues and eating clean (non dairy, gluten and grain free, non processed food, and exercising everyday - so the rest of my life doesn’t seem to have any of the usual chaos inducing variables - unless we count working with spirits :)).
Any advice would be appreciated - I guess once I’ve started, there’s no looking back and I’ll have to keep working with Lucifer (doubt ending my association is an option), and maybe even gratefully accept the lessons and the improvements that come with it.
