Recreate myself

I read in one of Koetting’s books a story about a friend of his working with beelzebub (I think). Maybe it was Azazel. So it ended with his friend jumping into a lake of fire. The friend died but was reborn, basically recreated into a new version on himself. I liked this idea so much I used it in my fiction writing.

However, I want to be recreated myself. I deal lots of anxiety and depression. I live in a world where I expect people to be rigid and unwelcoming. Because I’m on the spectrum, I believe people will misinterpret my actions. So I take cautious steps prevent this from happening. This makes me look even peculiar. My therapist says I create this energy around me and others pick up on it. I feel like I can’t feel pleasure, or connection. Just anxiety, cynicism, and resentment. I feel pressured to do this or be that. Very little I do outside my writing is ever done for the basic pleasure or enjoyment. I live in a world that does not welcome me, but still keeps me prisoner.

I want to be recreated into a newer version of myself without anxiety or anger. I want to be someone advances himself out of interest first and ambition second. Someone who ATTRACTS positive and warm attention from others instead of cold isolation. Someone who is a bright flame that inspires others instead of a walking shell of gloom.


You are what you want to be, it is all upto you if you want carry negative energy doubting yourself just like right now with this post then yes you are walking with negative energies but if you imagine that you are magnet which attracts good energies, close your eyes thinkof you as a energy ball attracting positive energies. Shield yourself up and send the negative energies away
remember its all upto you

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The best part of this post for me is…drumroll…

Awesome job bearing your soul so to speak on this forum. Sounds like you pretty much know where you are and know where you want to go. About 99% of the battle i’d say and definately wiser than you think.

I can’t wait to hear what you have planned to create this new you and I do hope you share your efforts and results.


It sounds like you’ve already taken the first step - you have identified the things within you that you want to overcome and replace with something more pleasing to you.

You’ve also already broken the situation down into two different main parts - your internal state, and the state of the people around you.

What comes next is simple - first, do magick to change your internal state, then do magick to change the people around you. In my opinion, the first of these is by far the most important, and is worth spending a good deal of time on.

It’s also important to note that this is not an overnight process. Such a massive change to the self takes time to unfold, but with the power of magick available to you the process can be much smoother and much faster than without it. As those who have been here for some time likely know, I have undergone this sort of radical transformation myself, and though it certainly has not been easy, there are times when I find it difficult to grasp the sheer magnitude of the change that I have brought.

Best of luck Johnny_Samhain, we’ll be here rooting for you.

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I agree with what @Aprentiz and @shinri are saying, Johnny :slight_smile:

You’ve entered what is frequently called a “dark night of the soul”. Where you realise the imperfections of your inner and outer world. Realization is half the battle, the second half, is the destruction of the old you and the birth of the new you. You’re brave to share this here and I commend you for that :slight_smile:
A good exercise for this is to write all the aspects of your personality or even just habits of yourself. Cross out the negative ones, draw a Pentacles over it and then burn it.
At this point you could say something like “out with the old, in with the new. As I set these papers aflame, i cast the old me into the lake of fire never to return again.”
Then, write out the aspects you would like to see be fostered in the new you, along with aspects you fo yourself you’d like to keep and new habits you’d like to start. Draw a pentacle on that as well and carry it around like a sigil. Or burn it. It’s entirely up to you, should you do it.

I’m excited to see how this impacts you. Really, I’m excited for you, transformation is such a beautiful thing. Are you ready?

Or you could symbolically kill yourself and be reborn as a new you…either via a guided meditation where you envision every step happening or by a ritual where you act it out.