Receiving blackness from Lucifer after he took something away from me

I really didn´t know where to post this so feel free to move it to a more appropriate section.

To give some context first of what happened:
I am an extremely empathetic individual, so much so that I sometimes reach a point where it becomes hard to just be myself, where emotions overwhelm me, where I can´t think straight etc.
Recently I was watching a podcast which losely revolved around accepting oneself. At some point the girl being interviewed about her life said something to the extent of “maybe I don´t like people that much”. I think she was also empathetic but she was also describing how she likes being alone at times which I enjoy too. When she said that sentence something in me clicked and from one moment to the next I almost became the opposite of myself (maybe I fully became my shadow?). I felt nothing. Not evil, not necessarily malevolent but rather nothing really. And it also wasn´t a depressive nothingness, which Im also very intimate with, but it wasn´t that. It was just nothingness, abscence of emotion and my thinking became incredibly cold, logical and straightforward. Like I could see things in a way I can´t normally.
I REALLY enjoyed this state, I actually loved it, which I know is weird saying I loved it but not feeling emotions but it was incredibly pleasant to be this way. I was in this state for approximately 10-15 minutes and it came to an abrupt end.

I felt Lucifer coming to me and absorbing/taking away this state from me, like literally transfering it from me to him. I got really really mad because I enjoyed it so much and I didnt understand why he would take it away from me. I told him that I really didn´t appreciate what he was doing and he gave me some sort of blackness, some black mass/energy in return. He put it right inside my belly.

Im making this post in hopes that someone might know what this black mass could be or why he put it there. Even ideas on what it could potentially be are most welcome.
Im not at the point where I have my senses opened so much that I can just ask him and Im somehow under the impression that he wants me to discover what it is.
The fact that he put it in my belly made me think of the spiritual pregnancies Ive read about on here but Id be really suprised if it is a pregnancy. For one, when I read these stories, I thought that I a) wasn´t ready for something likes this right now and b) don´t want something like this right now.
I thought about it further and came up with the idea that it could be something I have to nourish, maybe a way to awaken something in me, but Im not sure.

So basically this is a post asking for help/ideas on what this might be, did something like this happen to any of you? Does any of you have any idea on what this might be? How to ‘work’ with it?
Im also happy for any leads that I could pursue, anything really.

Thanks for taking the time and reading this.

I just remembered some more details, one of which is probably really important.
When the ‘blackness’ entered me it was in form of smoke and it went through my open mouth, down my throat until it settled in my stomach area.
Another thing is that when I was in the ‘state’ I dsecribed above, Vampyrism was a big thing I was thinking about. I am very slowly but steadily exploring the subject of Vampyrism but Im still battling with ehtical issues before I want to really dive into it. However when I was in this state it just seemed clear to me: “This is the way I am. By not doing it Im only hurting myself. I will do it and it will be fine and I will be closer to being my real self.”
I was really detached from my usual anxious, careful state. It was really weird.
However IF this whole thing is linked to Vampyrism Im quite confused that Lucifer showed up instead of Lilith, because I am also working with Lilith and I know that she is linked heavily to Vampyrism, however I never read about a connection between Lucifer and the subject. I mean maybe he is linked or maybe he just got the ball rolling…idk.

I honestly don´t exactly know what kind of replys Im expecting, if anyone feels like replying just let me know what is on your mind when reading this. I think it may be one of those chaotic things where a slight mention of something along the way leads to something bigger.

How I see this is that Lucifer gave you an insight into the dark and light aspects of energy. I think he is trying to teach you and get you to recognise the balance of these energies. If you look at the yin and yang symbol, especially the yin, you will notice that it is nearly all black with a little bit of white and for the yang, nearly all white with a little black contained within it. This is just an educated guess and I think is what Lucifer could be trying to show you, imo.

I believe that your initial thought was correct. Lucifer wants you to do the work to find out what the blackness is. That being said I think @ Ja50nHack1975 may be onto something. I to am an empath so I know how it feels to get overwhelmed by others emotions. It would seem a balance between both states would be beneficial.


@Ja50nHack1975 That seems very applicable. What I dont understand about this though is: why did he take the non-emotion state away from me? If anything thats the state I should be more in to aquire a balance. But maybe that is for me to untangle in the future.

@NamelessOne Yes most likely. However I was so absolutely unsure where to go I needed a little something at least. The funny thing is that since I made this post, and while thinking about your guys responses, new thoughts open up inside my head. So even if it´s for me to figure out I think creating this post was still beneficial.
I absolutely agree with your statement on balance, balance is a subject Ive been pondering since my occult journey started roughly 6 years ago.
I don´t know how to exactly achieve balance because the non-emotion state seemed to come out of the blue but thats also not entirely true. The hatred, or at least disregard, for other humans probably triggered it. I will explore this further.

I still have no idea about what the black mass could be but maybe its some sort of reservoir which serves as something that continually and gradually changes me. This might be wrong but its the best I can come up with right now.

I think you being an empath was showing Lucifer that you had inbalance of emotions, always absorbing and feeling other people’s woes so to speak. He showed you the non-emotion to show you what balance looks like so the next thing he might do is show how to attain that through ritual. Showing you the outcome first and the way to acheive it.

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I had a similar experience long ago before I ever started working with magick or spirits. I had no idea what an empath was. All I knew was that I felt all these feelings I couldn’t explain and most of it was sadness for some reason. Then one day it just hit me to turn it off, to feel nothing. It worked but you can grow used to it and that can become a problem. I to have a great disdain for most of humanity but there are a few I care for so I can’t shut it off all the time. That being said being able to not care when appropriate can be a powerful thing.

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“he has to work on what hes trying to achieve.”

lucifer just told me

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Maybe that is what we have spoken about. Balance of emotions ergo balance of mind

I learned how to switch off my emotions while practicing kung fu. Being permenantly non-emotional can lead to being coldhearted. And being a slave to one’s emotions is also not a good thing. Being able to balance your emotions is far more powerful as you can switch your intension on to max in an instant.


I have dreamt of “lilith” kissing me and sucking my energy like fuck

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I bet that was an amazing dream to experience

Nope I was scared as Shit and was calling on astaroth to help lol… Then she just yanked me into the dark with her… Then I woke up

@NamelessOne @Ja50nHack1975 Interesting thought.
Also I agree with having permanenty having no emotions being detrimental. I used to do that when I was around 16 but I became depressed. Now Im somewhat on the other extreme with too much emotions about so yea, maybe its time to learn the balance.

@MagickVigilante Thank you very much for posting this! What he told you can be said about a lot of aspects of my life to be honest. Was it said specifically in regard to what I was talking about in this thread or was it more of a general message?

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I think Lilith has taken an interest in you somehow. Have you seen or heard her name multiple times? If so she could be calling you as she wants to work with you.

When you are able to control your emotions you will find that your magick will be more potent and your rituals really energised. I am still trying to master my emotions but when I have been calm I have noticed better results and when you dispell fears and blockages then you make room for other skills that spirits can teach you.

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I think the dispelling fears/overcoming blockages is something I do almost automatically because Im such an analytical person.
However, may I ask how you go about trying to control your emotions? Is it “just” shutting them down and then letting them come through again? Or is it more elaborate than that?

I think it was in regards to this thread

Thank you.
I appreciate it a lot!

I have, dreamt, of her and, just, have been having this, low-key admiration for her… But I have a, patron/teacher already…

I don´t want to speak for your patron specifically but sometimes patrons stand back for a time because there is another teacher that has something valuable to share.
Have you tried asking about this?