Been here for quite a while, and not progressing magickally or spiritually. In fact, I feel like I’m regressing and have lost sight of my original plans and goals, and have lost connection with spirit.
I have had a Metaphysical shop in north nj, and it’s been a headache. I have no time to learn or study magick the way I want to, exhausted from work hours and never have enough energy to devote to evocation or Magickal endeavors, and no time to create original art and products as I wanted. I didnt want this for my life.
I wanted to be a black magician and do ritual for hire, and have basically made it impossible to accomplish this wish for myself. I no longer hear Azazel or demons voices communicating with me and feel I’ve let them down. Not sure what to do except let the business go, sell off inventory, take a loss on lease which was paid a year in advance, and add this whole last two years as one more attempt at something in life I’ve failed at. Sorry for the downer topic. Just venting.