figured i’d start one of these journal things on here. why not? guess i’ll start with when I first found Mr Koetting this past wendsday and decided to once again dip my toes into this world.
23 jan 2019
Googled “real necromancy” on a whim, stumbled upon the blood sorcery bible and Koetting’s work. Eventually placed an order for the Bible, and Koetting’s complete works in paperback on amazon after a bit of searching, got 2 day shipping, set to arrive on Sat. Cant say im too fond of the marketing, but people say it works anyway. it’ll be nice to try getting back into the occult again.
26 jan 2019
Shipping delays. what fun. package isnt to arrive until Monday now. at least amazon gave me back the shipping costs.
Started cleaning up around the area again, and doing some basic energy work since wendsday. From the old Joy Of Satan information. they have quite the reputation, and half their stuff might be plagiarized, but it works. and if it works, use it till it doesn’t.
27 jan 2019
Been devouring Koettings information published on youtube and have been looking through the forums here, made an account. Set up a basic alter space again, cleaned up some of the area, and lit a bit of a candle to try the LBRP again. cant say im fond of working with the Abrihamic, but meh. will have to try and find/devise something more suitable to my own likes if possible.
of note, long after I blew out a candle I lit for it, glancing over there seemed to be a faint wisp of smoke emanating from the candle still. checking the wick, its cold. an interesting phenomenon.
Also tried Psi balls again as noted on these forums. fun little things. Did one for money.
28 jan 2019
lit some vanilla incense during the early morning hours to clear out the room a bit. didnt really do any magic, but glancing over at it later, i see the smoke from the stick splitting in two then starting to curl. Forming a rams head or baphomet within it. quite an interesting event to be sure, and worth noting down.
tried a psi ball again for money working while at work (i work nights, nice and lonely) basic “Help me pay off my bills, strengthen my paycheck, nice fat tax return ect” send it off. co worker in my area for the morning shift comes in a bit early, tells me he’s moving off to another area. I would not realize it till today (the 29th) that this opens a great opportunity for me to stay late and help out the morning shift which only has one person now. can get an extra 1-2 hours per day from that. nice. the Venerable little psi ball works, lol. also listened to the Azazel audio book on youtube and more of Koettings work. i’d like to work with Azazel someday, I think he could help me.
package finally came in, flip through it a bit, glad i have it now. decide against my better judgment and wallet, to get the half off Black magic video course from Koetting. decide to start it at work the next night.
29 jan 2019 (today)
I forgot to change the default password for the video course.
I spent most of the last 10 hours trying to reset the password, however something is wrong with the system and it still, has not sent me any password reset e-mail. even after completely disabling spam blockers in my e-mail.
with a mix of that, the amazon shipping delay, and a strange feeling i got while typing up my introduction thread, (stomach ache in the upper gut, tightness in chest, shortness of breath. left completely the moment I finished typing up the thread) i cant help but wonder if there is some force working against me in my efforts to study the occult, or if its something telling me im not quite ready? 
ive seen some minor events that are proof enough to me its real, yet ive always had trouble with motivation and sticking with it. I always fall away from occult practice, but I always return eventually. in the past ive also wondered if something is trying to prevent me from doing it. either way, this lethargy and lazyness i have within me is one of two major obstacles keeping me from truly advancing past that of a mere dabbler and theory crafter.
ah well, ever onward.
Ha! CS got back to me while i was typing this up. I have access to the course once more. Thank you Lisa.