I have a few questions regarding Mephistopheles as there’s not really much information I can find on him. If anyone has any experience with this spirit I would like to hear your thoughts. In my limited experience with communicating and working with spirits, Mephistopheles has made quite an impression.
It was maybe a month or two ago when he first appeared to me. I’ve had his sigil for quite a while before that encounter and I originally ordained it with blood. I felt allured by his sigil (The Draconian version) and felt the need to draw it at the time.
I didn’t and still don’t fully understand what exactly this spirit does, or what his role is. I just knew that this is what I needed to make contact with, and so I proceeded.
He came to me throughout the day, planting seeds of doubt in my mind. He would occasionally help me with certain things like guitar or grasping certain concepts. He was cynical in nature and I felt drawn to his tone so to speak. He spoke to me almost like a companion, his presence was bittersweet for lack of better terming.
At the time I was just getting into recovery and so I was very prone to relapse (still am) and this is where things took a turn. I eventually relapsed on one of my old drugs of choice, Benzedrex, which is a shitty meth analogue with detrimental effects. I was doing “well” at first, I would take 1 then manage to go a few days without it. It gave me the illusion that “hey, maybe I can use successfully after all.” After going about 3 days sober with a relatively large supply I began fighting with myself whether I should use that night or not. If I did use it would be totally out of boredom and dependency as I would be doing it for the sole purpose of gaining motivation to play guitar. I remember talking with Mephistopheles about whether I should use or not. I can’t remember exactly what was said but it eventually led to me using. I want to be clear that it was completely my decision to use, I’m not saying I was coerced by a spirit or some shit. I ended up going really hard that night, much more than my body could stomach.
After years of fucking around with that shit I guess my body grew to associate it with poison. The experience was extremely uncomfortable, not during the high but the way it played out. It completely jacked up my nervous system, and he was there for the majority of it. I took a walk across my town, I walked what felt like a marathon and came back still clenched up heart pounding. Took me a couple days of misery for my heart rate to get back to normal. After that I entered a period of profound hopelessness that lasted a few weeks. It was like all the seeds of doubt he planted weeks prior began to sprout.
The whole ordeal seemed to have triggered a shift where my practice actually started to translate into the real world. Minor things are starting to fall in place. I can stay sober for longer periods of time with significantly decreased cravings. I can go through the day with a bit of structure now instead of feeling so lost.
Recently I’ve been calling on Lilith because despite me seemingly getting better, I still lacked that spark of passion that is crucial on the path I am trying to walk. It wasn’t until today that the idea of turning to Mephistopheles as a guide came back to mind. I often see visions of myself working with Mephistopheles, with me and him having a close relationship. I don’t know exactly why but I feel so drawn to this spirit.
Despite his nature of invoking uncertainty, I have this feeling that he would work as a catalyst for my growth. That’s essentially what I am looking for but I just don’t have enough solid information on the nature of Mephistopheles. If anyone knows more about this spirit I would like to hear your thoughts.
It’s a back-handed way of doing it but it works.