Forgive the possible rambling nature of this post but I’m needing some guidance or advice or just… I don’t even know.
And that’s the point.
I don’t even know.
Bit of backstory, in July 2019, I began working on a book. Nothing special, fantasy, alternate timeline, whatever. More to help me through a painful experience I was going through. But then the novel began to change into something else entirely. I fell in love with it more and more and soon, two more stories were ‘pushing through’ my head.
Now, normally I’m a creative type anyways, so this is normal but lately, it’s getting extreme.
I haven’t slept properly for four days. I keep seeing things from my stories dart into and out of my field of vision. Nightmares I had as a child are coming to life (creatures, people, sensations). I am also putting all of this into my novels, because it’s (weirdly) what is happening to my characters, too.
Furthermore, I am a mother to a toddler (Tiny Terror). And this experience is leaving me… Feeling like the worst parent in the world because outside of the mechanic parts of the daily routine (get up, feed him, read him a story), I feel absent. And it’s HORRIBLE.
Basically I bought Mason’s book and picked it up finally on Saturday. Only to nearly vomit from shock.
There are SO many correlations and connections between the Qliphoth and my novels that just… Yeah.
FYI: I knew a little about the Kabballah Tree of Life. And by a little I mean… Ten discs and connecting branches lol. So, this is why for my novel, I chose there to be ten worlds. That’s literally the extent of it.
So… Back to Mason’s book.
Sphere 10 is where the firs novel/journey begins. My Main Character (MC) discovers something that shatters his world and reality and goes through a very painful process of rebuilding himself which leads him to Sphere 1.
Referring to Mason’s work I see this is true of the Tree of Death. Start in 10 and work your way down to 1 where the journey ends/begins again.
Then, just randomly, I picked Sphere 3 for the origins of another character, only to read that 3 (Satariel) is almost exactly as I imagined it and described it in the novel (bear in mind, I’ve written Novel 1 and 80% of Novel 2 before I’ve even picked up Mason’s work).
I’ve also got a character called Moira and another called Matron ---------. Low and behold, Mason then talked about the ‘weavers’ in Sphere 3 (called the Moirai and Matrons).
And don’t even get me started on Sphere 6 and the woman with the ruby-red hair (I believe another user posted about seeing a lady with ruby-red hair… Yeah… I hear you, dude!)
At this point, I felt astounded, almost violated (?) that my work what I thought I had created and plotted, was in fact laced with the Qliphoth and many of its details.
I’m therefore setting time aside to properly study Mason’s book in more detail and find out more about the Tree of Death before I do any more writing.
Not to get ideas, heck no, but because if I don’t,… I’m fairly certain I’m going to go insane.
As I said, I’ve not slept properly since all this came to light. I don’t want to eat, I just feel drained and… Emptied? Hollowed? But enriched at the same time? Like… Privvy to a lot of information. And powerful, too.
It’s just chaos right now and I need to bring it under control.
Ironically, this all happens just as Set has ‘left’ me. He’s not around anymore and I considered my work with the Left-Hand Path all but concluded (for this part of my life, at least. I’ve got a LOT of other stuff going on in the background which I wanted to focus on instead… HAH. Funny).
If anyone has gone through something like this before, please reach out. I don’t know what to do, how to feel, or how to get some rest.
Music, writing, drawing, sleeping… Nothing is working and I’m getting worried.
And please, don’t tell me to see a doctor. Just. Don’t.