So when I started evocation and my devotion to magick few months back I knew little but I was so fuck*ng confident in what I was doing. I couldn’t see or feel entities but the results were amazing.
A couple of books and many many hours online later the filthy seed of doubt came into me. I realized how little I knew before, thou my intuition guided me amazingly which I see now that I have more knowledge about what I was doing.
I got more knowledge which doesn’t compensate for the confidence of a fool. The enthusiasm faded when I started feeling bad for skipping meditation and similar exercises - It became a chore when I started taking it seriously.
As I’m writing this it reminded me of one video of E.A. evoking Belial and speaking with him saying something like “your telling me to resist on one hand and not resist on the other”. It just popped in my mind, looks like Belial is trying to teach me something, that line got me thinking about it since I saw that part of the video. I’m yet to understand it fully.
The pushing to ascend and to grow got me in a bad mindset for magick. The tool which I regained freedom with trapped me. But only for a lesson to be learned.
Every part of my life and all of my thoughts are magick related since I started gaining more power, at the start basically.
I’m thinking about taking a one day break but it would be hard since nothing seems fun and distracting at the moment. I couldn’t even imagine a day with no magickal thoughts.
I turned to the spiritual when life lost all meaning and everything lost any value. It changed but the last week I feel the same absence of value and sense of achievement not hopelessness tho, that I will feel never again.
I will endure to the very end. This post is not a complaint or bitching of any sort.
I’m trying to find a way to get thru this.
What are your thoughts on the subject?
Does pushing too hard make progress slower as well?
I’m sleepy, its 02:28 am hope this ramble makes sense (I know it does but I don’t want to sound needy and desperate)
I had the same problem when I trained karate fanatically.
It is like physical exercise. If you do it too much too fast you damage yourself. Not enough and you don’t make any progress. Training the spirit and energy is no different than the body there needs to be time for it to recover and grow between workouts.
Absolutely. I purposely take breaks from projects, magical and mundane, to give myself a rest. You can get better at practicing but practicing is not the only thing you should be doing. Studying, reflecting, seeing how you do without it for some time… but everyone is also different and might find more progress in pushing themselves more than stepping back to look at aspects like your overall progress. I still think it’s a good idea to push yourself, and taking a break sometimes helps you a lot more, even if it only helps you realize how much it’s helped you.
It’s not like that, I don’t want people to misinterpret this. I don’t have a problem with that its just that I get sickened when people put on the victim role. It’s hard to help them when instead of looking for a problem within them they victimize themselves blaming one thing or another
Try to find back to that curious playfulness of the new initiate. That wonder before your feet. And like the other’s above have said, if you work a muscle too hard and strain it - it will take some time to recover. Cut yourself some slack, and find your way back to the enjoyment of practicing magic, and then start building your training regiment back up again, like daily meditations and whatsuch… It’s not unheard of professionals that has grown stick and tired of their craft just because it has become chore - and not a passion anymore. I’m pushing for ascension as well, but also know that I cannot run a marathon without proper rest and downtime.
Anyway, that’s just my penny. Hope you’ll find the spark again.
I have an obsessive personality, so its hard for me not to become obsessed with magick. Once you start down this path, theres no turning back and its hard to balance this with mundane life, especially when spirits start popping at random throughout the day. Ive had times where my obsession with this path felt like a prison and Ive had other times where the blissful ecstasy of being on the verge of madness could not compete with anything that the mundane world has to offer. How lovecraftian, I know.
In truth, its all about maintaining balance, because the physical and the spiritual are closely intertwined. Take breaks when you have to, work hard when you feel the need to. Although, even the breaks you take are not totally devoid of magick, because once you start on this path, you are fundamentally changed on the deepest level.
My advice is to pace yourself and with time, you will find your balance.
I agree, obsessive personality here as well haha
It awsome when its good for you but its that much worse when its something bad for you. The obsessions I mean