Psychosis

I feel like I am closer and closer to really breaking through and losing my mind to the inner demon I seek to become. It’s not possession doing it to me. It’s the knowledge. The more I learn, the more I feel like I want to lay waste to the world around me. Like a rage that is more intense with every feel of it. My question is, can coming unhinged, or going crazy hinder my working with demons? Will they refuse to work with me if I am stark raving mad? Or would this bloodlust suite me well? Is there a point where I can be so unstable that even demons are telling me to chill the fuck out?

Demons are spirits of obsession, in a way. Their presences will only amplify such feelings. The trouble is in keeping an open mind, and not letting your wackiness taint the spirits and your contact with them. There’s of course other warnings, suffice to say, have you investigated these impulses?

Look into your sub-Muladhara chakras, and see what’s going on down there, ask your allies, see if you are meant to go into a more predatory path, see where this passion, this flame is coming from…and then use it.

Maddening Rage can be a double-edged blade in demonic work, and it is definitely not a yes/no type of deal. I think there is opportunity for both, even at the same time, or just benefits, or just falling into the wrong pits.

Yes, that’s happened to me, I get kind of - well what I call focused though the slacker world we live in calls it “obsessive” :o) - ANY kind of loss of control over your mental state is not desirable, long-term - and if you suspect you’re reaching a point where returning to a centred state isn’t possible, that’s loss of control.

I’ve been there with alcohol, I’ve been there with eating-disordered behaviour, I’ve been there with depression, hatred, love, and a ton of other emotional storms in the past, and you CANNOT centre yourself as god of your own creation when any one drive or urge is dominating you, making you run round under it like a beast of burden.

It seems to me like you have a lot of pent-up anger, and your spirits, if they’re going to help you, need to give you ways to handle that and get it under control - which does NOT equate to choking it back and trying to pretend it’s not there because it’s not “nice” or any bullshit like that.

Anger, and all other destructive emotions, are a reaction TO the manifest dead world, and they can become just as crippling as sentimental attachments TO certain things in it, and they’re not the creative state from which you can step into godhood and manifest the world you want.

Here endeth granny’s lecture (but I’m serious) - all Arcane’s advice is good, you don’t have to give up who you are but we all have the potential to become unstable pursuing what we love most, and that IS a danger to your future success.

Yes, that’s happened to me, I get kind of - well what I call focused though the slacker world we live in calls it “obsessive” :o) - ANY kind of loss of control over your mental state is not desirable, long-term - and if you suspect you’re reaching a point where returning to a centred state isn’t possible, that’s loss of control.

I’ve been there with alcohol, I’ve been there with eating-disordered behaviour, I’ve been there with depression, hatred, love, and a ton of other emotional storms in the past, and you CANNOT centre yourself as god of your own creation when any one drive or urge is dominating you, making you run round under it like a beast of burden.

It seems to me like you have a lot of pent-up anger, and your spirits, if they’re going to help you, need to give you ways to handle that and get it under control - which does NOT equate to choking it back and trying to pretend it’s not there because it’s not “nice” or any bullshit like that.

Anger, and all other destructive emotions, are a reaction TO the manifest dead world, and they can become just as crippling as sentimental attachments TO certain things in it, and they’re not the creative state from which you can step into godhood and manifest the world you want.

Here endeth granny’s lecture (but I’m serious) - all Arcane’s advice is good, you don’t have to give up who you are but we all have the potential to become unstable pursuing what we love most, and that IS a danger to your future success.[/quote]

Well it’s no secret here that Lucifer is my guide. I just get the impression that while he admires the fire I have, he is hinting that it’s not productive. That somehow he needs me to take control before I end up just another out of control demon. Which would mean that I might have power, it would never be lived up to fully in the hands of a savage animal.

Figures - imagine getting that same fire under control, harnessing it… it can be done.

My extreme ability to focus (obsess) AND the necessary coping skills that I learned to switch that off, and the ability I acquired to strip the world away (heritage of depression) - then drag myself back to cheery normality after a staring contest with the abyss - have genuine magickal uses. Whatever screws are loose inside your head can do the same!

[quote=“Lady Eva, post:5, topic:7810”]Figures - imagine getting that same fire under control, harnessing it… it can be done.

My extreme ability to focus (obsess) AND the necessary coping skills that I learned to switch that off, and the ability I acquired to strip the world away (heritage of depression) - then drag myself back to cheery normality after a staring contest with the abyss - have genuine magickal uses. Whatever screws are loose inside your head can do the same![/quote]

I guess I just hit the gas pedal and just kept going. I have been reading baneful magick lately and yesterday I read something EA Koetting said about how he will never cast a curse on someone else’s behalf. He will teach them how, but he said that most people don’t want blood on their hands and I scoffed at this and I said to myself regarding specifically (name redacted), that I would have absolutely no problem having his blood all over me. Casting my first baneful curse was so easy. I am just starting to wonder if blood thirsty isn’t the best way to dive into this. Although I do have a poppet made and ready for Mr. (name redacted). I have not yet used it.

Rygill, this may or may not help you, but it would help me store the emotion I need to power the curse while also getting it out of me so it didn’t consume me.

Take a stone, whichever one feels right to you.

Hold it in your right hand.

Feel that rage building within you. Feel it gather in your chest.

As you breath out, push the rage down your arm and into the stone.

Do this over and over until you’ve stored every bit you can in that stone.

Store it somewhere safe, somewhere it won’t get bumped. I’d wrap it in black cloth or put it in a black bag.

Do this over and over until you’ve completely exhausted your rage. It’s not in you anymore. You should feel more centered.

Now you can decide with a clear mind what you want to do with that energy.

If you still want to curse them, take a big hammer and slam that stone during the ritual to release the energy stored within. Or you could slam the stone down against something hard. Your choice.

[quote=“Rygill-85, post:6, topic:7810”][quote=“Lady Eva, post:5, topic:7810”]Figures - imagine getting that same fire under control, harnessing it… it can be done.

My extreme ability to focus (obsess) AND the necessary coping skills that I learned to switch that off, and the ability I acquired to strip the world away (heritage of depression) - then drag myself back to cheery normality after a staring contest with the abyss - have genuine magickal uses. Whatever screws are loose inside your head can do the same![/quote]

I guess I just hit the gas pedal and just kept going. I have been reading baneful magick lately and yesterday I read something EA Koetting said about how he will never cast a curse on someone else’s behalf. He will teach them how, but he said that most people don’t want blood on their hands and I scoffed at this and I said to myself regarding specifically (name redacted), that I would have absolutely no problem having his blood all over me. Casting my first baneful curse was so easy. I am just starting to wonder if blood thirsty isn’t the best way to dive into this. Although I do have a poppet made and ready for Mr. (name redacted). I have not yet used it.[/quote]

All our Ancestors have blood on their hands and karma more or less is passed down anyway. So those blabbering about peace will never know what its like to make any true ripples in the waters concerning magick or anything else, all because they are unwilling to get a little dirty.

From the sounds of it it would appear that the individual you are casting a curse upon either does not fight back or has yet to fight back. It is not having blood on your hands you should be worried about, but rather it is someone with more blood on their hands than you that you should be worried about.

As for demons telling you to chill out, its more for your own health rather than any danger you could pose =)