Preschool Teacher by Day, Practitioner of Magick by Night: A Journal

Hello! i just want to say thank you for inspiring me to start write a journal…maybe ill post it here once i get results. I read a lot here but yours is stood out. Its very funny relatable & descriptive. its like i was experiencing the entries too! its also encouraging new members like me not to rely on all magic & just dare do the hard work!! Cant wait for future entries​:heart_eyes::heart_eyes::clap::clap::+1::+1:

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“Stand out”? Looks like the clickbait title finally worked, huh. Kidding aside, aww. You’re welcome. But reading your Intro, you’re already learning on the path since last year, right? I’m just a small nudge to what you originally wanted to achieve and is inspired by in the first place. :slight_smile:

I’m glad you found it relatable though! You’re the third person to have said that and it makes me smile because that 's exactly what I was aiming for, whether the entries be a success, a failure or just… plain boring. The hilarious part, I’m not so sure of that but hopefully, you didn’t dislike “experiencing the entries” yourself much hahaha.

Thank you for reading. I look forward to you posting this journal of yours as well!

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> Entry #10: B… or not 2B

For someone who likes shaking up and fighting off stereotypes, I sure do let myself be defined by them at times. Blame it on my Libra moon’s need for balanced anything, put my Virgo-dominance on blast for automatically feeling useless whenever I let someone else help me out or just my line of work—I just knew it was high-time to finally give back to King Belial after everything he has helped me with. The inability to equally pay him for the successful workings has been gnawing at me, along with a sense of guilt due to being assisted constantly when I’ve always done things on my own. Hence when the last days of December began, so did my hunt for the perfect gift/offering.

For someone who is pretty much living a cliché existence with only a few spiritual experiences here and there, I sure did not understand the similarly cliché concept of there being no such thing as perfection.

I’ve had more than my fair share of rejections to the point that I don’t fear it that much now. Whether it be rejection from strangers, potential friends or career-related matters, as long as I’ve been honest and fair in my dealings, I still strive to take the risk, put myself out there and do my best even in my not-so-best days. However, I cannot help but mull over why exactly Belial kept on rejecting every attempt of an offering I tried to make.

Proof for such is as follows:

  • Case of The Golden Playing/Poker Cards
    I felt inspired after reading an old post around here saying that aside from liquor (which I definitely cannot buy due to my environment) he likes poker cards, anarchy symbols and guns (which should be preferably desecrated because he dislikes “The Man” and all that). Add to him liking yellow and golden colors, so what better gift than a shiny golden deck of playing cards? Or so I thought. Despite attempts to hasten it, the order I made online did not arrive for a longer while than usual. When it did, it was the day I finally left with my family for a Christmas vacation to Taiwan! I usually pay my online purchases via COD (Cash on Delivery) so without anyone to receive and pay for it, the delivery failed and the golden deck of cards was promptly returned to the seller, but not without me getting a ban for months because of failure to comply with the site’s COD policy.

   Heck, I just got un-banned from online shopping in that site yesterday. 
  • Case of The Blood-Giving
    No pictures for this one, just me directly asking him aloud if he wants my blood for an offering because he has come through so much for me. Just him directly rejecting me with a, “No, I do not want your blood” and “I do not want you to hurt yourself or do something you really dislike just to please me”.

      No pictures for this one, but a meme would do.
    

  • Case of The Self-Made Stickers
    Currently chuckling as I look back at this moment, but I could swear at the time I finally thought of the greatest thing since chicken nuggets. Why not choose a sigil online and make my own personal stickers out of it? That way, I will always be reminded to be grateful towards him for everything. I could put it on my diary, my magickal journal IRL, IELTS reviewers, favorite books, etc. Running to the local school supplies store, I bought one of the most expensive sticker papers there and began working on the sigil stickers, not heeding my meager budget for the day. However, when it was time for printing, all the stickers turned out like these:

  Dumbfounded, I tried printing them all again… only for each sheet to look worse than before.
  • Case of The Sigil Necklace
    “I think it’s in the sticker papers you used, Ma’am,” the owner of the nearby printing shop said. “Here, try ours.” At this point, I was starting to have my suspicions: when I looked at the price of the printing shop’s sticker papers, it was significantly more affordable than the sticker papers I originally bought. The suspicion increased when, despite the lower quality of the shop’s sticker papers, the stickers were printed properly. I took it all home relieved, thinking that finally, finally I can work on the other gift for Belial.

    I have mentioned being a sucker for necklaces, but I hate gold necklaces. I missed out on too many a cute and fitting necklaces just because I really prefer silver necklaces over golden ones. I thought to myself, however, that this discomfort is a small price to pay and conform with if it means pleasing someone who has greatly helped me. Since there are no available online deliveries for such accessories to our country, I bought my own golden locket necklace and put Belial’s sigil inside. I even took a day off from my review session just to work on the necklace and ensure the sigil fits perfectly. And when it did and the sigil necklace was finally done, I was so ecstatic I immediately wore it after trying to charge it with Belial’s energy. While I still disliked the necklace (I don’t like long necklaces, not to mention it’s shiny gold, sighs), I kept it on until the next day when I noticed what happened.

The earlier suspicions made me snap. I was now feeling devastated and confused. I did everything I can, did I not? I chose his well-known correspondences and expensive stuff fit for his kingly status. I used some of my stashed-away savings, despite internally wincing at the price of it all. I was willing to ignore my own preferences and consistently wear that damn golden necklace to express my gratitude.

And therein, as the suspicions began to gradually piece themselves together, lies the problem.

During Early Childhood Education majoring classes, a beloved professor always told us, “Being a proper preschool/kindergarten teacher means being a professional actress. A well-rounded performer. As soon as you step into the classroom, you have to command the children’s short attention spans effectively. Gently but firmly assert yourself on ‘center stage’ = classroom. At the same time, you adapt and accommodate to your utmost abilities/skills the children’s different personalities, dispositions and learning styles. You must put on a very entertaining and educational show that is best and most suitable to the children, regardless of your personal feelings and opinions in that moment.”

In that moment of attempting to equally pay back Belial for everything though,
the divide between my real life and magickal path has never been clearer. The whole incident was a fuck-up: I forgot to maintain the healthy balance between being a teacher and practitioner, between stepping into a societal role and merely being my sometimes-magickal-but-mostly-mundane self. Personal feelings and opinions very much included and emphasized this time, might Belial add.

Mission failed. Lesson learned. Weeks later, I began a simple back-to-back drawing for him in my magickal journal, along with my usual song offerings for him. Belial was definitely pleased and immediately accepted the offerings.

And for someone who began this entry about astrological stereotypes she could blame, this Virgo-dominant unfortunately sucks at choosing and giving the right gift.

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Your meme made me laugh!! saw your old memes too can i save it?:slight_smile::joy::joy:

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Hahaha, no problem. Go ahead. XD

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> Entry #11: B-gone, B-gan

It was love at first sight, him and I. :sparkling_heart: His infernal energy consuming me, devilish desires I have suppressed for a long time blooming to the surface. Surrounded by all the blood and darkness, we revel in divine pleasure as he and I— :heartpulse: :fire: :crown: :underage:

Made you go back to the BALG feed real quick, didn’t it? Good. Being re-acquainted with old stories featuring such themes made me do that as well, with some even having me click back so far as to exit the site. As someone who was able to endure reading the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy for
the sake of curiosity despite the fierce need to bleach out my eyes after each chapter, I was only confirming if I haven’t gone off the deep end entirely with my reaction to spirit experiences narrated in similar fashion. Thank you for the commonality check, you reader you!

Ah, I may have begun a bit too unfair and judgmental. If you think about it, it’s actually correct, you know: you do feel something strongly at first sight when approached by these spirits. Whether it be love, attraction, affinity or a sense of serious duty, all remains remarkable and memorable for us in its own way. While mine is not on this list, I still believe it’s a story worth re-capping in this journal. But really, this is just the most convenient and ideal way to end the entries solely focusing on King Belial so huehuehue.

Throw in a surprise sleep paralysis here and there, mix it up with horrific nightmares of being interrogated by creepy-looking nuns then being burnt on a high stake as some entertaining public display. In came a scene change, with King Belial cornering me in what appears to be an old dungeon. He appeared as a widely grinning Mike Wazowski-like monster who, in real life, did not look the least bit Disney at all and had me screaming my lungs out. I woke up bolting from my bed, terrified and almost on the verge of an asthma attack. Clutching my badly hurting chest, maniacal laughter was heard. I ran out to the living room in order to regain a sense of calmness and normalcy. I could feel him perceiving me as weak, classic devious sneer in place. “Vivacious and naïve,” few of the first words I heard him tell me.

Nice to meet you too, I guess.

It was insult at first sight, him towards I. I would say mine is fear from my end but really, I was mostly annoyed and insulted more than anything because I just did not see the logical point of attacking someone who was simply reading about you before going to bed. And so began my very own version of the #RunningManChallenge for years, along with deletion of information-filled bookmarks and browser history.

Even if Belial continuously dropped by throughout the years during divination sessions, beginning my magickal journal in real life, working on my psychic senses, even leading me to start a BALG account, I acted as if he did not exist. Amused at my “self-denial” mode, Belial once quipped, “Well, that’s the most flattering reaction I’ve ever had [gotten] from a woman”, which I did not respond to either. I was not interested in working with him, and the nightmarish experience coupled with others I’ve read made me think that any association would not do at all. Also, if there’s anything I can claim a title for, it would be the queen of completely ignoring and detaching from people, things and situations I want no part in. This one was definitely no exception and many years passed before I even seriously paid attention to him.

There would be no elaboration once again because Belial approves of my inclination to keep personal relationships private anyway, with important details solely between me and the other party involved. But I can tell you that when I finally accepted working with him (refer to the first journal entries here), we already came a long way from our past interactions. There was a variety of tests, both subtle and in-your-face ones that he had me go through. It took a long time before the devious sneer changed and remained into one of serious understanding and intense focus. When it turned to love, up to this day I’m still not sure which moment it exactly began because it was him who expressed it first.

Don’t get ahead of me now: readers will find no mush fest here. While I gradually caught up with him and returned the feelings, I cannot remove my tendency to remain unswayed even if it’s someone I truly love. Boringly traditional as it may sound, I am a strictly monogamous and deeply committed person who is not interested in any relationship which will require me to compromise my standards, never matter if it’s with a human or spirit. I knew I was a far cry from the people Belial usually pursues, as I am no badass witch or hopeless romantic: I’m simply someone who prefers to think with unclouded judgment and love with unbiased honesty as much as possible.

I did not experience his rage or being double-crossed unlike other accounts I’ve read, though I can see that side of him being more than possible depending on the person and situation. There was one story wherein “he liked destroying pretty and fragile things because he perceived them as weak” (My Gatekeeper Journal - King Belial (TW:dark shit, non-con)) and honestly, I won’t even defend him on that one lol. As much as I have my own weaknesses and dislikable traits, so did he. It’s applicable in general, really: if unchecked, things can easily go astray with a spirit and he/she may vampirize you or turn parasitic faster than you can say the overrated three words. It was far from the fan fiction starry-eyed idealists would like to believe in or the “New York Times Best Seller!” novels I found guilty pleasure in. And though I have understood and accepted these, the differences were glaringly obvious. You see, the truth is we were not compatible in that way unless I was willing to be changed entirely. In doing so, I would be sacrificing my integrity—a sacrifice that, for all my easygoing and lighthearted nature, I am strongly unwilling to make.

Painful but necessary decisions are also no stranger to spirits. There was a lingering sadness, but Belial accepted and surprisingly expressed even more respect towards me. Dare I say he seemed proud as well when I finally chose to reject his marriage proposals once and for all? Aside from the incompatibilities, I confessed that I also do not want to be spoken of as, “Oh, another one of Belial’s wives again!” or “Of course you’d get all those things without much effort, Belial likes you that way!” (I shit you not, some irksome local occultists told me that). Belial is infamous for treating women a bit more differently than men and while we did have our moments to prove it, I wanted to establish myself for simply being myself. I wanted to achieve goals I have set for myself because I set out to achieve them myself. I wanted manifest for myself because I chose to manifest myself. And if ever I had either successful or failed workings with spirits, it’s due to me practicing magick the way I trust it should be and not solely because of the loving connections I made.

Like all great educators and teachers, Belial has taught me to harness and hone my inner qualities. I think one of the most common mistakes newbies make is believing that the spirit has given us or will give us this and that. After years of being with Belial, I finally understood that he did not do anything of the sort: he simply tapped into it, along with all the other thoughts, emotions and skills I unconsciously buried beneath the daily hustle and bustle. He did not grant me power: instead, he made a way for me to fully acknowledge and utilize it from within.

Now before this turns into a TED Talk imitation about believing in yourself, I would just like to warn you readers that this rediscovered power, unfortunately, still cannot stop me from tripping over thin air and hitting pieces of furniture that aren’t even in the way. Nor does it completely stop some of your ever-friendly local occultists who disbelieve “the smiley kid” and are still continuing to do so with practitioners who also do not look or act the part. It allows me, however, to have a quieter yet steadier confidence in my own way of practicing + applying magick in real life… as well as freely march to the beat of my own drum which suspiciously sounds like Taylor Swift’s “The Man” (an occult version/remake for it, anyone?) .

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:+1::+1::+1:

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Hahaha, yes! :heavy_heart_exclamation:

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Mini-interruption before Entry #12: spotlight on some of my tarot and oracle decks. Been feeling pulled to do a dedication post to these great helpers of mine for a while now, so here we have the usual tarot and oracle deck combinations I use depending on the different querent(s) and situation(s):

1. Cardcaptor Sakura Clow Cards + The Mystical Manga Tarot Deck

Best used… for anime geeks like yours truly, people who get freaked out by anything occult or magick-related, lighthearted readings (with friends, parties and celebrations, when you aren’t after/in the mood for deep details or dead-serious matters)

Besides liking to imagine myself silly with a bit of wand-waving here and ever-changing costumes there, this combo has been very helpful when reading for people who have never experienced any form of divination in their life aside from horror films’ or the religious’ cringe-worthy depictions of it. Not only does it gradually ease and remove misconceptions of tarot, it also encourages them to participate in the reading and read the cards by themselves unconsciously. Maybe it’s the teacher in me, but I really like it when it is not so stiff and formal a reading, and querents try to exchange ideas with me. For example, they often point out that a certain card looks like a familiar anime character or reminds them of a manga they just read. When I help them dig deeper into the card’s symbolism, turns out their guesses were actually accurate. It makes me happy how these decks subtly urge normal people’s intuition and sense of learning while at the same time, allowing them to have fun with admiring and decoding the images.

IME, the two decks are also fairly easy to read even when one is lacking more focus than usual or with external stimuli present (say, loud music or inevitable chatter of family members and friends around).

2. The Fountain Tarot, Chinese Chibi Anime Tarot Deck

Best used… in combination with the first tarot deck combo or either of the two mentioned there, as these decks share similarities to the first ones with how easy they can be understood and used. Also, I’m simply a sucker for anything adorable, hence the trusty chibi deck. Srsly tho, aren’t they cute? :3

3. Archangel Raphael Healing Oracle Cards + Messages from Your Angels Oracle Cards + Archangel Michael Oracle Cards

Best used… for that dose of hope, optimism and gentle reminders to oneself and others, short and direct messages, helpful clarifiers before ending the reading, speaking to the aforementioned archangels, asking for a simple message from a spirit in general (especially for those who have not yet fully honed their intuitive skills yet), giving advice to querents

While the woman behind all these oracle cards was undeniably controversial, I honestly couldn’t care less and still find her decks to be useful to this day. Most spirits couldn’t care less either about the New Age-y themes and have communicated clearly with me using these. Furthermore, it enables one to establish contact with AA Michael or AA Raphael should you seek them out for help or just a general message. I recall sleeping with certain cards from the AA decks underneath my pillow a few times to manifest the corresponding energy of those cards.

I’ve always been of the belief that one can be very honest with others and still retain a sense of class and tact. One does not need to be an incarnated god/goddess, a frustrated writer or a preschool teacher to know that words do have power, therefore we must utilize it properly and speak accordingly as much as possible. These oracle decks give advice to querents in a clear-cut but still respectful and understanding manner, which in turn causes them to become open and equally understanding in applying the messages to their lives. The simple messages here calm people down as well when it’s a highly stressful or drama-filled situation at hand.

4. Rider-Waite Tarot Deck

Best used… for the opposite of everything I’ve written in #2 lol, brutal honesty and unexpected (at times even triggering) call-outs for oneself or others, detailed readings, newbie readers who are just getting started with tarot, formal readings, divination for the 72 spirits (because correspondences), divination for rituals and magickal workings

Nothing to say here besides this tarot deck being THE deck. During my noob days, I once did a reading for myself and the cards called me out so hard (with an attitude too, might I add) I ended up crying. Worry not, I completely deserved it at the time.

Despite the various tarot and oracle decks I’ve purchased ever since, this deck is always with me when doing readings.

5. The Tarot of Vampyres + Barbieri Tarot

**Best used… for communicating with dark or “demonic” spirits, occult-related questions, experienced readers (definitely not so much for newbie readers), brutally honest readings, long-term querents/clients of tarot

Second to the RWS when it comes to calling out both oneself and clients, these two decks work very well together you want a no bullshit, no-holds-barred type of reading. Certain spirits have taken a liking to using cards from these decks whenever I seriously need to pay attention and listen to whatever it is they want to say. IME I’ve communicated with spirits like Focalor, Azazel and Belial (until he got a much darker deck of his own) more efficiently with these in comparison to other decks.

It also works well when reading for fellow practitioners or people who, while normal, are not easily freaked out by such and knows good art when they see one (because the art in these cards really is beautiful IMO). Can also be used to either piss off or show off to hardcore religious folks, but I wouldn’t recommend that unless necessary.

6. The Romance Angels Oracle Deck + Burnt Chinese Postcards of Poems

Best used… for love! Duh.

You read that right: postcards indeed. Probably not the most genius or newest idea out there, but one day I might make an entry solely about how I use stickers, postcards and other stationery stuff for divination and get surprisingly accurate results. At times, it makes me think that almost anything can be a divination tool when one allows adaptability to be balanced out with creativity and intuition.

Unlike the popular quote, I am not in love with the idea of love—more so with examining and reading possibilities of love (or its absence) for another. This deck combo has never failed me so far when it comes to various people inquiring about a crush, spouse, overrated ex-partners, etc. Could also be used for families and friends. The oracle cards are a mix of straightforward messages and images which can be interpreted intuitively, which comes VERY handy for situations centered around those complex little things we call feelings.

The random English poems are one of my favorite “decks” to use, because it can be interpreted in so many different (and creative!) ways. When interpreted accordingly, it provides much more depth and details to a love reading. Also, it just pleases the frustrated writer in me and helps hone some of those English comprehension skills, as Eng is not my first language.

And please tell me I’m not the only one who immediately swooned over the burnt and uneven design of the cards.

See you on Entry # 12! That is, if I can get my mind out of the quarantine haze and think of more than two paragraphs which actually make sense.

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The teacher is showing​:joy::joy: agree my succubus taught me the same. i use hurt others when i didnt think what i was gonna say first…even wit h spellwork its very important and should be careful done & think of. My succubus said its not just what we say its also how we say it​:smiling_face: btw where did you get the postcards?? & how do you use stickers stationary for divination?? Thats a great affordable idea too since i only have rws

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Your succubus sounds lovely! All the best to you and your relationship with her. :hearts: Maybe it really is a teacher thing, since I can recall college professors of mine drilling into us how one could get his/her point honestly and clearly without cussing someone out (though you’re reaaally tempted to hahaha) and causing a scene. Manners + patience = a must.

Not sure if I can post the link to a product here, so I’d just PM you the link if that’s okay with you? I agree using stationery materials for divination is indeed more affordable than purchasing actual decks yet it’s equally useful when used correctly. Well, for stickers divination (can we even call it that lol, eugh), I shuffle the stickers and interpret the images intuitively. For example, a friend gifted me with a sticker set showing the different moon phases. I interpret the moon phase sticker intuitively and associate meanings with it as I use it more and more in actual readings (say, full moon = perfect time for manifestation, emotions on an all time-high, etc). There are also stickers with different facial expressions on them, so it goes without saying how easy those are to interpret haha. Maybe I can also send the links of sticker packs and boxes I find useful in divination if you don’t mind?

And it’s not just stickers. Art/colored papers can be used too, and you can interpret them according to the colors. It’s something I’m actually studying and working on right now, how to do colormancy. Random trinkets, charms and scrapbook decors you own/have can also be collected, assigned personal meanings to and used similarly to bone casting/throwing. :slight_smile:

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I dont mind at all i already ordered from some links i liked!:blush:i might try the trinkets coz i have many at home i just store them away & never used…thank you so much pat!!:blush::blush::raised_hands::+1:

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> Entry #12: The Hanged Man

Manipulation is not necessarily a bad thing. Sue me for exaggeration, but I believe almost every second of the day one makes use of manipulation whether he be a common folk aiming to secure that job promotion or a magickal practitioner fully dedicating himself to the occult path. In fact, without two minutes of typing these given examples I’m already deeming them unnecessary: why stray for examples when manipulation is both engaged in and can be observed all around us?

Want to get more Likes and Shares in social media platforms? Tweet nothing but jokes and #hashtags about the current pandemic. Find a fitting angle here, fix the lighting there, add filters and click: your selfie with the most Heart reacts yet!

Want to be revered as a legitimate fearsome deity in the flesh? Speak in huge absolutes about, I don’t know, domination of either the world, this forum or anyone who dares oppose you, because god forbid any mere mortal who respectfully believes the opposite. Miserable dumb fucks and haters who never worked themselves to the bone on this path, no doubt.

Want to be perceived as intelligent and well-read when you’re truly a clueless child at heart? Write long paragraphs with poetic words, neat paragraph breaks and random fact spiels even if strangers already told you to stop doing it. Okay, but why am I suddenly feeling called ou—

The Maria Montessori educational method usually consists of The 5 Montessori Principles. While our majoring professor and I never really finished that discussion about other sources saying there are 7-8 principles, I can perfectly recall the Montessori principle of providing a prepared environment remaining in all the varying lists. In the prepared learning environment, there are 5 Learning Areas which are all filled with exercises and activities aiming to hone the child holistically. One of these learning areas is what we call The Sensorial Area, wherein we guide the children in developing their senses through using, playing with and—you guessed it—manipulating sensorial materials present in the Montessori classroom. We let them work on the manipulatives independently too unless they’re forcing a Montessori material to work so incorrectly, they’re already destroying it or destroying their classmate’s adorable hairstyle with it.

And what of a bigger manipulation than softly but firmly stopping the ensuing commotion and effectively but still politely preventing a parent (or two, sighs) storming in the classroom come dismissal time? Educators and teachers, should we plan on staying sane and employed for a long time, must definitely have those persuasion + manipulation skills, along with a clear understanding of a proper why, when and how we should use it. Not sure if that high school teacher of yours who came up with grades so random it would put the Wheel of Fortune to shame but still remains accepted by the school to this day counts in what I’m talking about here but hey, it’s manipulation all the same: only that example lives up to the mainstream’s misconception of the terminology.

In all these examples, it is evident how manipulation is dealt with intent, a desired outcome or goal in mind, never matter if the reason is life-changing or plain-as-day petty. However, since I had a tendency for jumping into the rabbit hole too quickly during my beginner days and disregarding the necessary know-hows and to-dos, surprise no surprise: nothing but futility followed the first time.

The year was 2010. The entirety of it was spent only on spiritual awakening and opening up my non-existent psychic skills. While I was already stumbling upon occult sites and lists of various spirits, it was not until 2012 did I attempt to put everything I’ve been trying to learn so far into action. My cousin, a spunky Aries woman who was always on board with everything I suggested—from Barbie doll decapitations to sneaking out for stargazing sessions—requested to assist me in my first-ever working. My reason at the time is to simply experience magick in real-life and satiate the nagging curiosity. My cousin, however, “wanted to be attractive and popular to both genders”. “And this spirit right here you’re feeling pulled to,” she said, “I’ve researched some on my own and he’s the perfect spirit for the task. We’re doing this, Pat.”

The spirit was surprisingly responsive but we were not able to perform a proper evocation and confirmation of his presence until two weeks of consistently calling him, meditating on his sigil and lighting up white and red candles. We received 3-4 black feathers throughout our workings with him, along with multiple sightings and random adorable strays in the form of leopard-spotted cats. Whether he agreed to help my cousin or not proved another matter entirely, as the spirit definitely came on with a strong and sly presence, with playful smirks and leers as his default expression even when the discussion was dead serious. My cousin got tired of everything after a while, decided not to proceed with the working and dropped the subject altogether. The spirit, however, took a liking to me afterwards and would then on often show up unannounced. In response to this, my newbie head was overwhelmed and couldn’t be any happier at the time.

I mean, my first time summoning a “demon” and he’s already very friendly and communicative with me, at times even flirtatiously so? Sorry not sorry, fellow noobs: badass beginner here coming through! Crank up that :crown: Chosen One :crown: playlist I dreamily handpicked for this special day!

That was how I perceived everything at the time. And he too must have perceived this laughable arrogance and ungrounded mentality unfit for any legitimate magickal working. Quite hard not to, really, when the relationship turned into a terribly toxic clusterfuck due to emotional and sexual energies not being channeled to anything productive. I blindly allowed the spirit’s presence and power to overtake who I was completely, similar to a drug addict craving for her next fix. Think BALG horror stories of spirit relationships gone wrong, only with less common sense in solving the dilemma and more naiveté in insisting that things will get better as long as I continue to do what I usually do. Let the spirit take like he usually does. Idealize and justify everything about the spirit and the situation like I usually do. Manipulate one another because we crave the lows and highs, feed off of the superficiality and momentary like we usually do. Do pray tell, what’s the definition of insanity again?

You know, this journal entry was not originally to be written this way. It’s to revolve around the concept of manipulation, yes, but more along the lines of being at the receiving victimized end of it. There were old drafts of this recollection already, filled with hate and determination to express that hate. I wanted to portray the spirit as a monster who did nothing but take until I went through a series of “dark night of the soul” and endless existential crises. I thought of doing a vindictive Taylor Swift: her infamous years of constantly writing grievances about ex-partners/friends, never letting anyone hear and read the end of it. Words and thoughts used to flow so easily from said ideas yet this time, I kept hitting the Backspace key for days as I tried typing out. It all came so easy during the earlier days, how I planned on narrating these memories, yet lately it did not just feel right.

Because it was easy to focus on misdeeds and highlight failings as long as they are not your own. It was easy to shed a light on something, anything as long as it was not on your own skeletons and shadows. It was all too easy not taking accountability and letting the other’s trickster reputation shoulder the blame. It was all too easy being “honest” as long as that honesty overlooked my faults and emphasized the spirit’s more obvious ones, when in reality I have been toxic and manipulative as well. I was quite the boastful partner too, whose special snowflake syndrome just wouldn’t crumble until the spirit turned my life into shambles and taught me humility once and for all. Unfortunately, it has taken me years later to realize this, and only this year to wholeheartedly accept that I did deserve that ass-kicking he served me with.

I regret not utilizing all that exchanged energy for four years in order to create or achieve something purposeful. I let it go to waste, get to my head and fuel my flights of fancies. It was a shameful feeling too, how I overestimated myself and dived headfirst into summoning a spirit so his well-known presence can cater to my bruised ego, that of a typical bullied youth looking for the ever elusive acceptance and validation. Regardless, I cannot turn back time, only learn from it and learn well so there I shall always have it: my first-ever summoning of a spirit an utter failure, my life uprooted from the ground up afterwards.

When my life fell back into a noticeably better place come 2015, the harsh lesson was anything but a failure though, as it gradually set the steps needed to find this path and accept doing shadow work. In the end, amidst the past mess I still find myself facepalming about at times, Prince Sitri did deliver—just not according to the false perceptions, toxic tendencies and familiar baggage I badly wanted to cling onto.

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This update is my favorite!! i needed to read this & be inspired the long time & failure are part of this…the quarantines got me down like what i said in the scan :persevere::expressionless: Thank you for bravely & honestly sharing your struggle & success always​:clap::clap::clap::100:

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It’s always the hardest entries for me to write that gets a comment/PM like this lol. Thank you very much and you’re welcome though! Glad one of the entries I almost didn’t want to upload (it’s way too vulnerable and foolish an experience, ugh) resonated with you.

You’re not alone, you know. I’ve been reading and hearing from some practitioners both in other social media platforms and IRL, and they have been feeling quite down too: unable to manifest, practice magick, etc. because of the pandemic. I guess I just wanted to write that those long times when nothing seems to be working out or progressing, the fuck-ups and even the negative emotions/thoughts we tend to experience about it is a normal part of this path. It’s not always bright and positive like how I usually am lol. Also, successful or not, all of these make up the practitioner I am today. High time to accept it and own it.

Hope you feel better soon! :slight_smile:

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> 12.1

Here’s some information that may help in case one decides to work with Prince Sitri. Take these with a huge grain, if not truckloads, of salt though for after the Goetic sigil + descriptions, most of the details written are already UPG.

Sitri-copy

“The Twelfth Spirit is Sitri. He is a Great Prince and appeareth at first with a Leopard’s head and the Wings of a Gryphon, but after the command of the Master of the Exorcism he putteth on Human shape, and that very beautiful. He enflameth men with Women’s love, and Women with Men’s love; and causeth them also to show themselves naked if it be desired. He governeth 60 Legions of Spirits."

Enn: Lirach alora vefa Sitri
Element: Most sources say Earth, but honestly I’ve experienced him as more Watery and/or Firey
Color: Most sources say Blue, but I experienced it as Red and Black, with a bit of darker yellow or gold at times
Tarot Card: 4 of Cups (and he does embody the personality of that card sometimes, pfft)

Physical appearance:

Now imagine these varying appearances of him popping up with a constant facial expression of this:

sitri 1

And this:

sitri 2

Personality: Seductive (duh). Cunning and manipulative (again, not a bad thing as long as you don’t irk or bore him). A smooth and natural flirt. Very witty and humorous. Gives off that classy womanizer/playboy vibes. One of the most extroverted spirits I’ve ever met. Has an “I’d wait for you to fuck it up so I can smirk and say I told you so” tendency. Intensity masked by playfulness. Can beat around the bush and not make sense until later on. Has a flair for the dramatic. Surprisingly blunt and offensive. Can be insensitive as long as the matter is entertaining him. Prone to holding grudges. Can be inconsistent and prone to ghosting people lol. However, if he truly likes you, you may notice him coming back to check on you or hang around smirking as if he was never gone in the first place (come to think of it, just like a cat!). Adventurous and experimental. Freedom-loving. Can be surprisingly philosophical and contemplative if you are close to him. In occult sites and books it is stated he embodies the astrological sign of Cancer but honestly, I’m getting more Sagittarius- like vibes from him with only a bit of Cancer or Scorpio in the mix.

Here are other reliable, accurate and non-LARP personality descriptions of him:

https://thefoolspeaks.com/showthread.php?t=83&page=3

https://thefoolspeaks.com/showpost.php?p=11869&postcount=7

Likes: fun games and entertainment (whether it be mental, sexual or actual games), porn (especially the, uh, LGBT category there), taking risks, unpredictability, chocolate flavor in general, sweets and desserts like ice cream and cakes, sarcastic one-liners, leaving people speechless and unable to make come-backs in response to his teasing/statements, smirking (a hell lot of smirking to the point I was smirking a lot too during the time I was with him), sexual innuendos and humor, tidy beds or at least presentable areas to summon/invite him in, nakedness (both literal and metaphorical), songs with themes of “I love myself, I’m the best” “I’m so badass and hot, people want to be me” and “You know you want me, don’t deny it”, parties and celebrations, sexual orgies, cats and felines in general (duh), random alone time, people with strong sense of independence and the ability to match his banter, mischief and pranks, pop culture references (and he’s up to date about it too!), FWB type of relationships, flings, sexual offerings, sunny weather

Dislikes: denial of one’s sexual/raw nature, romanticizing and idealizing harsh truths, traditional commitment, interrupting or calling him out on his ghosting/sudden disappearances, cowardice, clinginess, unkempt surroundings, people who can’t take a joke and get easily offended or defensive, gender roles and inequality (or at least where I live), boring things or people, throwing away actual items he has given you as synchronicities (even if it’s accidental or something seemingly insignificant—keep every single one!), laziness, being summoned or spending time indoors for too long (prefers either nature or just outside the house), stagnancy

Aside from those listed in the Goetia, work with him for: shadow work, endeavors/activities which require planning and thinking strategically, developing self-confidence, healing emotional and sexual blockages, improving one’s wit and sense of humor, an honest assessment + solution of your (or your partner’s!) blind spots/tendencies/underlying patterns when it comes to love, refinement of details and decorations (for example, how to style your new bedroom, how to add an extra “oomph” to make a party unforgettable, etc), speech problems (say, stutters, fillers like ‘um, uh’ and tendency to repeat words)

Additional nonsensical UPG:

  • His personality, long story short, can be likened to Damon Salvatore. Watch the sarcastic one-liners and sassy body language here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QWm-mwt7fI , for even despite the different appearance, it is almost EXACTLY how he conducted himself around us. Interestingly, the actor who portrayed this character is a mix of Sagittarius + Scorpio IRL, which is the same vibes I’ve been getting from Prince Sitri.

  • He likes to hang around and be summoned in rooftops or high places. Whenever we would summon him in our grandmother’s balcony/terrace, he used to appear much faster in comparison to summoning him within the house or a room. Another forum experience I read heard him say the same thing.

  • When I asked him to describe his own energy, he used these songs: Music that reminds you of an entity/entities - #85 by ParadoxicalPAT . Dead or Alive’s “You Spin Me Round” also comes to mind.

  • For all his sexual references and smug smiles, he can actually take you by surprise with brief chivalrous moments and serious silence. If you are close to him, you may start to notice his moodiness and tendency to sulk and/or brood (coughs 4 of Cups coughs). I once joked that he was more sensitive than me, only closeted heh.

  • Sitri actually really values it when people stand up to him and not just give in to his sexual energy. In fact, despite knowing him for years now he only began respecting me after I completely cut off our previous partnership, sharply asserted myself and showed him I can function with or without his presence. He’s the type of spirit who likes associating himself with others and befriending many, but only respects and trusts a few.

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You write quite well Pat…consider writing as a future endeavour…I mean as an author. I am working on my books as well…but its based on personal gnosis so its going to take quite some time…may be a lot… Let’s see. All the best for your journal​:+1:t2::+1:t2: :kissing_heart:

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The youtube video thats him alright​:joy::joy:meditated before.,search his sigil & trance…saw a leopard smirking before dissappearing he did give damon vibes lmao​:joy::joy::+1:like how you describe spirits as usual​:+1:any chance you share upg on belial??& i never knew sitri can be for speech & creative designing

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Thank you. Am actually a frustrated writer ever since I was a child. Written tons of online pieces that are usually sarcastic and comedic (or so they say lol), but for some reason I just love being anonymous about it.

Anyway, goodluck on your books and all the best to your writing too! Maybe one day you’ll also start a BALG journal…? Your first Liker’s already here. XD

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IKR. That video still makes me chuckle to this day. When we first met him, I often found myself spacing out to think because his mannerisms seemed so familiar and really reminded me of someone hahaha.

As for his lesser-known skills, I would say Sitri is usually more for talking and flirting romance/attraction-wise, but then again, I’ve experienced him making me smoother and more confident in even casual conversations/interactions hence me putting it here. I noticed I would repeat words or backtrack for the correct English word (Eng is not my native language) less throughout my time with him. Less awkward silence in speaking to another person too.

The design part I’ve experienced as him advising me to fix the bed this way, fix a furniture that way, etc. He can be very picky and even has lots of opinions on my fashion sense lol. Forgot to mention he encouraged me to switch up my “boring fashion sense” at the time too, but still nothing trashy, just more fitting. I learned how to pay attention on what I should wear to accentuate my curves, skin tone, etc. thanks to him so… there you go.

As for King Belial, I didn’t write down my UPG about him because there are already hundreds of such here in the forum. I don’t want to bore you guys any more than I already have hahaha. Also, I want to shine the spotlight on other spirits and experiences aside from him. :slight_smile:

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