Preschool Teacher by Day, Practitioner of Magick by Night: A Journal

IKR. Makes me think twice about my journal’s title at times… but since I like the random funny comments, I’m keeping it lol! Thanks for the much-needed early morning (or at least here anyway) chuckle! :slight_smile:

This mini-interruption before a completely new entry will be all about my quirky witchy accessories. Actually, not so much witchy because there’s no shops here to purchase those, nor online sites/sellers that can deliver such where I live.
Still, I’m a sucker for cute but cool necklaces so:

Maybe next time: my fandom-based necklaces and asymmetrical + mismatched earrings. :slight_smile:

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Do you get any concerned Christian parents trying to set you on fire or take your land or anything similar?

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Meh, I wish. Sadly, no. My life’s not that interesting or exciting.

> Entry #8: The Mystery of The Missing Element From The Periodic Table

Lady Luck was definitely not on my side when I became a science high school student back in 2010. Everyone would swear up and down that they knew everything about anything and anyone. I was put on a pedestal but at what cost? Mercury in the 12th house did not help, as I was unaware of how to handle it back then. I let competitive people talk over me until I was reduced to no more than an unseen and misunderstood phantom a mismanaged 12th house is infamously known for.

But you know what really hurts? To live and breathe only thick textbooks and rejected research papers and still, after four years of making eye bags + Einstein hair a fashion statement, I did not discover that the periodic table is missing its most elusive and essential element yet. At least, not until I began typing and deleting random words back-and-forth for days here until my writer’s block finally pleaded for a time-out.

A surprise which later on developed into a pleasant one: Duke Aim’s tarot card always falling off from the deck whenever I would inquire about working with (Goetic) spirits in general. I did not know Aim, nor did I plan on working with him. He did not take offense—if anything, he looked as if he was used to receiving such reactions. When my curiosity wouldn’t let me sleep and led me to a post by another member here (All about Harborym Aim), as well as other accounts saying the same thing, a part of my heart (don’t cringe like that, it could be a whole lot cheesier) truly went out to him.

Overlooked for the popular ones? Check.

Others not taking the time to get to know the true self beneath all the written words and spoken impressions going around? Double check.

Starting fires whenever commanded to do so? Check, check, check! In fact, I even got Aim beat on this one: I set fire to our Girl Scout Camp back in fifth grade without any command whatsoever.

I must admit that in meeting Aim for the first time, I did let judgments take over me — the same judgments I complain of disliking. Having pondered about it, I decided to cut the bullshit, open myself up to receiving any form of communication and let him be seen, let him be heard. I let him surprise me. And surprise me he did with his unexpectedly welcoming and chill nature. He was simply there to both talk and listen. He simply observed my divination skills. It was no magickal or life-changing moment: the experience with Aim would be probably of my most memorable ones because it was just so… normal. It felt as if a distant friend came to visit you for a short while before attending again to matters of importance. I was honestly expecting to be intimidated and tested (both Belial and Focalor did this), but there was none: he presented himself in a straightforward manner, hung around for an hour as I continued reading tarot cards, then left with a respectful, “Goodbye, human”, taking the overly hot temperature of the room with him.

He dropped by twice or thrice more, each time the same normalcy. I really do not feel a pull to work with him until now but I began considering him as a great acquaintance. I sent him a few messages of genuine appreciation and even wrote a fictional short story in his name, which I do not feel like posting to preserve its privacy and meaning. Looking back, I surely learned how to welcome him in return and not allow the preconceived notions of other accounts/traditional descriptions completely rule how I interact with him. And this I began applying with other people as well, though of course allowing people the benefit of the doubt and to surprise me for the better was balanced with boundaries.

“For all your noise and bluster, you’re just a silly little girl with no one around to protect her.”Roman Sionis to Harley Quinn

Cue disapproving head shake here, annoyed click of a tongue there. I thought this was supposed to be a journal for your workings, kid? Instead you’ll be discussing overrated pop culture? What does this even have to do with the magickal experiences you claimed having? See, there goes the immaturity and ignorance you try so cleverly to deny in your previous posts.

Oh, patience now, you silly reader you. We can dispose of the pop culture references easily in a few. The “immaturity” and “ignorance”, however? It stays on. That overlooked one-dimensional mask stays on. Hopefully, I can lead you to conclude exactly why we need it to find out the missing element of the periodic table by the end of this entry. Revealing without a bit of storytelling: now, where’s the fun in that?

There was a little hint that I, along with my best friends, would enjoy the Birds of Prey movie, especially certain scenes in particular. When I happen upon a chance to fully speak with Belial next time, both my school work and reviewing for another huge examination finished, remind me to ask him to clarify again his definition of “enjoyment”.

Remove the “to protect her” part from Sionis’ statement and the man pretty much summed up some encounters of mine not only in the path but also in real life . I wanted to watch a movie in peace, not go, “Damn. I felt that,” but there I was contemplating the quote which hit close to home and the whole premise of Harley being regarded as no more than someone who cannot stand on her own or accomplish anything due to her seemingly superficial and ditsy personality, complete with child-like mannerisms and usage of not-so-powerful tools and movements when needed (Confetti and paint colors as gun bullets! Garbage throw! Half-gymnastics, half-running away! Apologies for the spoilers). Now the psycho bit I can neither confirm nor deny, but her mask of “immaturity” and “ignorance” was definitely put on display for everyone in the film to see and for other characters to even mock.

I should be cutting up the inferiority complex-flavored cake for Belial and hosting another pity party by now. However, I knew that when he vaguely referred to me possibly liking certain scenes, this is one of them. Not for the literal reasons and previous reactions I expressed though, more about how even with said mask on stereotyping her, the character in question used it to her advantage and turned a widely regarded weakness into one of her surprising strengths.

tenor

I was almost convinced my mind worked in mysterious ways when I was brought back to my few encounters with Aim while contemplating the movie. A thought surprisingly dawned on me after some time though, tying it all up together in the simple way I preferred. It was now the opposite of what he has taught me in the past when I overlooked him, no thanks to my own close-minded expectations and limiting beliefs.

It could come in forms of “A-ha!”, “Boo!” or actual exclamation of the word, with some even adding colorful expletives afterwards to further emphasize the impact of it. Most would say it all of a sudden, while there are a few who drag it out for reasons I do not care to think of. It is often shouted at others to either scare or amaze, but never towards oneself, a self deemed all too predictable due to knowing very well what one can and cannot be or do.

But do I, in all honesty?

Belial’s teachings of owning who I am using the very traits I considered my flaws and weaknesses, along with Aim providing enlightenment and defiance about masks made of preconceived notions, was no joke to digest and gradually implement in my path-working and real life.

I am grateful though, for being taught that the funniest joke of all lies in tendencies to store both ourselves and others in these amusing little boxes of our own making.

That, and not allowing ourselves to discover and utilize the missing element from the periodic table in doing so.

Surprise, surprise: for all my shit-posting and linking Filthy Frank videos, we really did watch BOP lol. Putting it here because it was a mini-reunion of sorts we all enjoyed and this journal needs a dose of that genuine optimism and cheer every now and then to keep me going (yes, I’m the one with almost non-existent eyes, sighs):

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> 8.1

Here’s some information that may help in case one decides to work with Duke Aim . Take these with a huge grain, if not truckloads , of salt though for after the Goetic sigil + descriptions, most of the details written are already UPG .

023-Seal-of-Aim-q100-500x500

The Twenty-third Spirit is Aim. He is a Great Strong Duke. He appeareth in the form of a very handsome Man in body, but with three Heads; the first, like a Serpent, the second like a Man having two Stars on his Forehead, the third like a Calf. He rideth on a Viper, carrying a Firebrand in his Hand, wherewith he setteth cities, castles, and great Places, on fire. He maketh thee witty in all manner of ways, and giveth true answers unto private matters. He governeth 26 Legions of Inferior Spirits.

Enn: Ayer Avage Secore Aim
Element: Fire
Tarot Card: 6 of Cups, though during the first time I met him and mistook it as 5 of Cups, he kept on using that card instead to let me know he’s around. He seemed to not mind the traditional tarot descriptions and focused more on the intuitive meaning of it for the reader.

Physical appearance: One of the few spirits I’ve encountered that appeared like the image in Crowley’s Illustrated Goetia book. There are times when he just appears with one head and a single star on his forehead though, but the over-all vibes still remain the same. He reminds me of God of War’s Kratos at times, especially the outfit and minus the beard.

Personality: Pretty chill and laid-back despite the warrior-like appearance. Casual and friendly. Respectful immediately of what he can and cannot do during interactions. Likes teaching and connecting with humans in general. Easy to call on. I really, really feel as if he would make both a terrific friend and ally. Fond of joking around too and may even trade some with you, but not sarcastic or dark humor, more… witty and playful. Smiles and chuckles easily, but not like Belial who laughs inappropriately lol. Gentlemanly. Comfortable presence. Trusty confidante material, swear.

  • I have not been with him long enough to state an actual list of his likes, dislikes and what one should work with him for aside from the Goetia descriptions, so I would not include them here. Maybe in the future, I will edit this post if I get enough information.

Reliable posts if one wants more info about him:

Additional nonsensical UPG:

  • His presence gives off extreme heat. Not in a sexual way at all, just very firey. I think I even sweated a lot the first time I met him.

  • He seems to like firey-type of music or songs too. For starters, he has shown a preference for Fall Out Boy (Music that reminds you of an entity/entities - #126 by ParadoxicalPAT). During the days I was making that previous journal entry about him, I was suddenly listening to nothing but motivational and badass fighting songs.

  • The fondness for movies checks out in my UPG too: he used the movie I watched with my friends as a way for me to remember him, write about my few experiences with him and incorporate who he really was for people to know. At first, the opposing ideas he was motivating me to write were difficult to pull off: how can one connect a DC chick flick to a Goetic Duke? The entry that took the longest time to write, indeed.

  • Reading the previous journal entry, I can’t help but think, “Duke Aim really had a hand on this one, huh” because it was filled with more witty humor and even a mysterious joke (Found out what’s the missing element I was talking about yet?). I would never have thought of such lol. Definitely a very creative and entertaining spirit.

  • I have felt that he felt he was not getting enough attention or recognition too. So why are you still reading this? What are you waiting for?

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Mini-interruption before Entry #9 would be another poem, but this time it’s about the movie I used in my previous entry: Birds of Prey! I remember immediately sitting down in front of the laptop as soon as I got home from the cinema, thinking, “I HAVE to type out these ideas. All of them!”

2. 19. 2020

I should be feared and fawned over in the same breath.
I live to sing the song of life and dance dalliances with death.
In explosion of colors and glittering powder, no mercy to find.
In destruction of carnivals and chemicals, iron fists fall behind.

No violence to be found, only mundane masses to amuse.
Penance by filthy blood on my roller skates is the true truce.
Reigning dynasties crumbling to utter devastation feels even better.
Screams by treacherous tongues make me laugh much harder.

Crossbow or baseball bat? You have all the time to choose.
Friendly advice for you: one can punish more efficiently in twos.
Two fierce hyenas^ on my side, trusty hammer and guns at a ready,
I walk in with a flourish as one shall always savor crashing a party.
(Unless, of course, they already began gory giveaways without me!)

Like birds on the hunt for prey, we fearlessly take flight.
Soar and rise above the city to seek justice for yesteryear’s’ plight.
It never was the norm but here I stand now, no one’s anyone.
From my name and by my name, I am and shall be the only one.

^ - preferred to use the original version of Harley having two hyenas, instead of the movie wherein she only has one

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> Entry #9: B

To this day, my father still envisions me as a lawyer and would ponder aloud every now and then about sending me to law school.

“Your intelligence is wasted on being a preschool teacher,” he would say, though it’s in a joking manner which I take no offense to because my father is usually not the strict and serious type. “I can’t help but think all that potential is going to waste as you wash kids’ butts and calm down irrational parents.” I often laugh in response before pointing out that I too, can’t help but think that this ‘intelligence’ he constantly refers to me having won’t stand half a thick law textbook before my Mercurial mind decides to either (a) throw itself out the window—me included—due to death by boredom or; (b) throw the textbooks out the window—Silver Linings’ Pat Solitano style—due to impending death by boredom.

But regardless of not being the most emotional daughter in expressing it, I am very appreciative of the fact that my parents are constantly proud of me. This is not synonymous, however, to instantly feeling elated or thrilled when approached with the task of having to write a formal letter about a real estate buyer’s rights and how I “should emphasize the country’s law about such”.

“You have to be kidding me,” I said as my anxiety began rising with every law and real estate terminology I do not understand. “You might have read so much about it since real estate is your line of work—and I thank you for the guide, I really do—but that does not mean this will be accepted by that huge company we’re filing this complaint letter against. We’re not even legitimate lawyers!”

“My clients have faith in me because they’ve seen all the approved letters I made you pen to important banks and companies,” Dad answered with confidence. “With that intelligence and writing skills of yours, we can definitely sway this real estate company so my clients will finally get what’s theirs.”

“But didn’t Uncle M and other co-workers attempt to help out these clients by sending the same types of letter months ago?” I could feel Belial watching at this point, but I was too skeptical and worried to even heed anything else but the possibility of the letter having, at best no effect and at its worst, backfiring completely on my Dad’s clients. “Didn’t all of it get rejected and that company carried on with not giving them the refund they were due for so long? What makes you think this won’t get tossed aside too?”

“Believe me,” Dad replied with a smile that, for the first time in a long time, I did not return. “Your words have the necessary power and impact.”

Ah, parental biases. How I dislike them so. Power? The power to make even yours truly cringe while checking her own sentence construction, yes. Impact? Maybe the impact to both amuse and annoy a few readers here and there before an actually interesting and well-constructed piece comes along. One does not need to be clairvoyant or psychic in general to foresee where this formal letter of ours will be ending up: right in those stereotypical office’s trash cans. And bless our lucky stars if it’s still not shredded to pieces.

The formal letter of complaint was finished and sent to the real estate company during the second or third week of December. The first few nights afterwards had me tossing and turning, the guilt of being unable to help both my Dad and his clients clawing away at the usual Christmas cheer that should have been occupying my mind. Sometimes, I beat myself up for not asking Belial’s assistance on the matter, but I usually dislike asking help from someone all the time, especially when the spirit in question has just recently done outstanding work with my over-all licensure examinations. Most matters in life you deal with on your own and with this one, my mindset is no different. I told myself that I wrote the letter to the best of my abilities and whatever the outcome may be, I resolved to accept it and learn from it.

It could be agreed on that January felt like the longest month in history due to the tragedies happening around the globe at the time, but having both half-day work in a preschool center and review sessions for my upcoming IELTS examination almost every day numbed me to the dragging weeks. It was not until Dad brought up the whole matter during dinner that I even remembered writing such a stressful letter.

“Not only did my clients already receive the refund that they deserved, they have now decided to purchase units from US instead,” Dad shared mirthfully. “I told you, didn’t I? Your writing worked wonders. They approved and responded in agreement with your letter after immediately consulting with the company’s lawyer. Told you I knew my real estate laws too!”

In all honesty, while recalling these, I am still in disbelief about the whole experience. While I was not above using quite intimidating language than I usually do, I knew that it was not influential enough for a legitimate lawyer to not dissect and eventually call bluff. I did not seek any more external help as we worked on the letter either: I only listened as my Dad discussed The Maceda Law (https://filipinohomes.com/blog/maceda-law-need-know/) in our native language.

Later that January evening, I took one look at Belial and shook my head, indicating that I was very much aware of what he had just done for my father and his clients. While having acknowledged this, instead of asking for payment or some form of gratitude for yet another successful working done, Belial simply said, “You give yourself too little credit.”

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Hello! i just want to say thank you for inspiring me to start write a journal…maybe ill post it here once i get results. I read a lot here but yours is stood out. Its very funny relatable & descriptive. its like i was experiencing the entries too! its also encouraging new members like me not to rely on all magic & just dare do the hard work!! Cant wait for future entries​:heart_eyes::heart_eyes::clap::clap::+1::+1:

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“Stand out”? Looks like the clickbait title finally worked, huh. Kidding aside, aww. You’re welcome. But reading your Intro, you’re already learning on the path since last year, right? I’m just a small nudge to what you originally wanted to achieve and is inspired by in the first place. :slight_smile:

I’m glad you found it relatable though! You’re the third person to have said that and it makes me smile because that 's exactly what I was aiming for, whether the entries be a success, a failure or just… plain boring. The hilarious part, I’m not so sure of that but hopefully, you didn’t dislike “experiencing the entries” yourself much hahaha.

Thank you for reading. I look forward to you posting this journal of yours as well!

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> Entry #10: B… or not 2B

For someone who likes shaking up and fighting off stereotypes, I sure do let myself be defined by them at times. Blame it on my Libra moon’s need for balanced anything, put my Virgo-dominance on blast for automatically feeling useless whenever I let someone else help me out or just my line of work—I just knew it was high-time to finally give back to King Belial after everything he has helped me with. The inability to equally pay him for the successful workings has been gnawing at me, along with a sense of guilt due to being assisted constantly when I’ve always done things on my own. Hence when the last days of December began, so did my hunt for the perfect gift/offering.

For someone who is pretty much living a cliché existence with only a few spiritual experiences here and there, I sure did not understand the similarly cliché concept of there being no such thing as perfection.

I’ve had more than my fair share of rejections to the point that I don’t fear it that much now. Whether it be rejection from strangers, potential friends or career-related matters, as long as I’ve been honest and fair in my dealings, I still strive to take the risk, put myself out there and do my best even in my not-so-best days. However, I cannot help but mull over why exactly Belial kept on rejecting every attempt of an offering I tried to make.

Proof for such is as follows:

  • Case of The Golden Playing/Poker Cards
    I felt inspired after reading an old post around here saying that aside from liquor (which I definitely cannot buy due to my environment) he likes poker cards, anarchy symbols and guns (which should be preferably desecrated because he dislikes “The Man” and all that). Add to him liking yellow and golden colors, so what better gift than a shiny golden deck of playing cards? Or so I thought. Despite attempts to hasten it, the order I made online did not arrive for a longer while than usual. When it did, it was the day I finally left with my family for a Christmas vacation to Taiwan! I usually pay my online purchases via COD (Cash on Delivery) so without anyone to receive and pay for it, the delivery failed and the golden deck of cards was promptly returned to the seller, but not without me getting a ban for months because of failure to comply with the site’s COD policy.

   Heck, I just got un-banned from online shopping in that site yesterday. 
  • Case of The Blood-Giving
    No pictures for this one, just me directly asking him aloud if he wants my blood for an offering because he has come through so much for me. Just him directly rejecting me with a, “No, I do not want your blood” and “I do not want you to hurt yourself or do something you really dislike just to please me”.

      No pictures for this one, but a meme would do.
    

  • Case of The Self-Made Stickers
    Currently chuckling as I look back at this moment, but I could swear at the time I finally thought of the greatest thing since chicken nuggets. Why not choose a sigil online and make my own personal stickers out of it? That way, I will always be reminded to be grateful towards him for everything. I could put it on my diary, my magickal journal IRL, IELTS reviewers, favorite books, etc. Running to the local school supplies store, I bought one of the most expensive sticker papers there and began working on the sigil stickers, not heeding my meager budget for the day. However, when it was time for printing, all the stickers turned out like these:

  Dumbfounded, I tried printing them all again… only for each sheet to look worse than before.
  • Case of The Sigil Necklace
    “I think it’s in the sticker papers you used, Ma’am,” the owner of the nearby printing shop said. “Here, try ours.” At this point, I was starting to have my suspicions: when I looked at the price of the printing shop’s sticker papers, it was significantly more affordable than the sticker papers I originally bought. The suspicion increased when, despite the lower quality of the shop’s sticker papers, the stickers were printed properly. I took it all home relieved, thinking that finally, finally I can work on the other gift for Belial.

    I have mentioned being a sucker for necklaces, but I hate gold necklaces. I missed out on too many a cute and fitting necklaces just because I really prefer silver necklaces over golden ones. I thought to myself, however, that this discomfort is a small price to pay and conform with if it means pleasing someone who has greatly helped me. Since there are no available online deliveries for such accessories to our country, I bought my own golden locket necklace and put Belial’s sigil inside. I even took a day off from my review session just to work on the necklace and ensure the sigil fits perfectly. And when it did and the sigil necklace was finally done, I was so ecstatic I immediately wore it after trying to charge it with Belial’s energy. While I still disliked the necklace (I don’t like long necklaces, not to mention it’s shiny gold, sighs), I kept it on until the next day when I noticed what happened.

The earlier suspicions made me snap. I was now feeling devastated and confused. I did everything I can, did I not? I chose his well-known correspondences and expensive stuff fit for his kingly status. I used some of my stashed-away savings, despite internally wincing at the price of it all. I was willing to ignore my own preferences and consistently wear that damn golden necklace to express my gratitude.

And therein, as the suspicions began to gradually piece themselves together, lies the problem.

During Early Childhood Education majoring classes, a beloved professor always told us, “Being a proper preschool/kindergarten teacher means being a professional actress. A well-rounded performer. As soon as you step into the classroom, you have to command the children’s short attention spans effectively. Gently but firmly assert yourself on ‘center stage’ = classroom. At the same time, you adapt and accommodate to your utmost abilities/skills the children’s different personalities, dispositions and learning styles. You must put on a very entertaining and educational show that is best and most suitable to the children, regardless of your personal feelings and opinions in that moment.”

In that moment of attempting to equally pay back Belial for everything though,
the divide between my real life and magickal path has never been clearer. The whole incident was a fuck-up: I forgot to maintain the healthy balance between being a teacher and practitioner, between stepping into a societal role and merely being my sometimes-magickal-but-mostly-mundane self. Personal feelings and opinions very much included and emphasized this time, might Belial add.

Mission failed. Lesson learned. Weeks later, I began a simple back-to-back drawing for him in my magickal journal, along with my usual song offerings for him. Belial was definitely pleased and immediately accepted the offerings.

And for someone who began this entry about astrological stereotypes she could blame, this Virgo-dominant unfortunately sucks at choosing and giving the right gift.

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Your meme made me laugh!! saw your old memes too can i save it?:slight_smile::joy::joy:

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Hahaha, no problem. Go ahead. XD

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> Entry #11: B-gone, B-gan

It was love at first sight, him and I. :sparkling_heart: His infernal energy consuming me, devilish desires I have suppressed for a long time blooming to the surface. Surrounded by all the blood and darkness, we revel in divine pleasure as he and I— :heartpulse: :fire: :crown: :underage:

Made you go back to the BALG feed real quick, didn’t it? Good. Being re-acquainted with old stories featuring such themes made me do that as well, with some even having me click back so far as to exit the site. As someone who was able to endure reading the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy for
the sake of curiosity despite the fierce need to bleach out my eyes after each chapter, I was only confirming if I haven’t gone off the deep end entirely with my reaction to spirit experiences narrated in similar fashion. Thank you for the commonality check, you reader you!

Ah, I may have begun a bit too unfair and judgmental. If you think about it, it’s actually correct, you know: you do feel something strongly at first sight when approached by these spirits. Whether it be love, attraction, affinity or a sense of serious duty, all remains remarkable and memorable for us in its own way. While mine is not on this list, I still believe it’s a story worth re-capping in this journal. But really, this is just the most convenient and ideal way to end the entries solely focusing on King Belial so huehuehue.

Throw in a surprise sleep paralysis here and there, mix it up with horrific nightmares of being interrogated by creepy-looking nuns then being burnt on a high stake as some entertaining public display. In came a scene change, with King Belial cornering me in what appears to be an old dungeon. He appeared as a widely grinning Mike Wazowski-like monster who, in real life, did not look the least bit Disney at all and had me screaming my lungs out. I woke up bolting from my bed, terrified and almost on the verge of an asthma attack. Clutching my badly hurting chest, maniacal laughter was heard. I ran out to the living room in order to regain a sense of calmness and normalcy. I could feel him perceiving me as weak, classic devious sneer in place. “Vivacious and naïve,” few of the first words I heard him tell me.

Nice to meet you too, I guess.

It was insult at first sight, him towards I. I would say mine is fear from my end but really, I was mostly annoyed and insulted more than anything because I just did not see the logical point of attacking someone who was simply reading about you before going to bed. And so began my very own version of the #RunningManChallenge for years, along with deletion of information-filled bookmarks and browser history.

Even if Belial continuously dropped by throughout the years during divination sessions, beginning my magickal journal in real life, working on my psychic senses, even leading me to start a BALG account, I acted as if he did not exist. Amused at my “self-denial” mode, Belial once quipped, “Well, that’s the most flattering reaction I’ve ever had [gotten] from a woman”, which I did not respond to either. I was not interested in working with him, and the nightmarish experience coupled with others I’ve read made me think that any association would not do at all. Also, if there’s anything I can claim a title for, it would be the queen of completely ignoring and detaching from people, things and situations I want no part in. This one was definitely no exception and many years passed before I even seriously paid attention to him.

There would be no elaboration once again because Belial approves of my inclination to keep personal relationships private anyway, with important details solely between me and the other party involved. But I can tell you that when I finally accepted working with him (refer to the first journal entries here), we already came a long way from our past interactions. There was a variety of tests, both subtle and in-your-face ones that he had me go through. It took a long time before the devious sneer changed and remained into one of serious understanding and intense focus. When it turned to love, up to this day I’m still not sure which moment it exactly began because it was him who expressed it first.

Don’t get ahead of me now: readers will find no mush fest here. While I gradually caught up with him and returned the feelings, I cannot remove my tendency to remain unswayed even if it’s someone I truly love. Boringly traditional as it may sound, I am a strictly monogamous and deeply committed person who is not interested in any relationship which will require me to compromise my standards, never matter if it’s with a human or spirit. I knew I was a far cry from the people Belial usually pursues, as I am no badass witch or hopeless romantic: I’m simply someone who prefers to think with unclouded judgment and love with unbiased honesty as much as possible.

I did not experience his rage or being double-crossed unlike other accounts I’ve read, though I can see that side of him being more than possible depending on the person and situation. There was one story wherein “he liked destroying pretty and fragile things because he perceived them as weak” (My Gatekeeper Journal - King Belial (TW:dark shit, non-con)) and honestly, I won’t even defend him on that one lol. As much as I have my own weaknesses and dislikable traits, so did he. It’s applicable in general, really: if unchecked, things can easily go astray with a spirit and he/she may vampirize you or turn parasitic faster than you can say the overrated three words. It was far from the fan fiction starry-eyed idealists would like to believe in or the “New York Times Best Seller!” novels I found guilty pleasure in. And though I have understood and accepted these, the differences were glaringly obvious. You see, the truth is we were not compatible in that way unless I was willing to be changed entirely. In doing so, I would be sacrificing my integrity—a sacrifice that, for all my easygoing and lighthearted nature, I am strongly unwilling to make.

Painful but necessary decisions are also no stranger to spirits. There was a lingering sadness, but Belial accepted and surprisingly expressed even more respect towards me. Dare I say he seemed proud as well when I finally chose to reject his marriage proposals once and for all? Aside from the incompatibilities, I confessed that I also do not want to be spoken of as, “Oh, another one of Belial’s wives again!” or “Of course you’d get all those things without much effort, Belial likes you that way!” (I shit you not, some irksome local occultists told me that). Belial is infamous for treating women a bit more differently than men and while we did have our moments to prove it, I wanted to establish myself for simply being myself. I wanted to achieve goals I have set for myself because I set out to achieve them myself. I wanted manifest for myself because I chose to manifest myself. And if ever I had either successful or failed workings with spirits, it’s due to me practicing magick the way I trust it should be and not solely because of the loving connections I made.

Like all great educators and teachers, Belial has taught me to harness and hone my inner qualities. I think one of the most common mistakes newbies make is believing that the spirit has given us or will give us this and that. After years of being with Belial, I finally understood that he did not do anything of the sort: he simply tapped into it, along with all the other thoughts, emotions and skills I unconsciously buried beneath the daily hustle and bustle. He did not grant me power: instead, he made a way for me to fully acknowledge and utilize it from within.

Now before this turns into a TED Talk imitation about believing in yourself, I would just like to warn you readers that this rediscovered power, unfortunately, still cannot stop me from tripping over thin air and hitting pieces of furniture that aren’t even in the way. Nor does it completely stop some of your ever-friendly local occultists who disbelieve “the smiley kid” and are still continuing to do so with practitioners who also do not look or act the part. It allows me, however, to have a quieter yet steadier confidence in my own way of practicing + applying magick in real life… as well as freely march to the beat of my own drum which suspiciously sounds like Taylor Swift’s “The Man” (an occult version/remake for it, anyone?) .

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:+1::+1::+1:

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Hahaha, yes! :heavy_heart_exclamation:

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Mini-interruption before Entry #12: spotlight on some of my tarot and oracle decks. Been feeling pulled to do a dedication post to these great helpers of mine for a while now, so here we have the usual tarot and oracle deck combinations I use depending on the different querent(s) and situation(s):

1. Cardcaptor Sakura Clow Cards + The Mystical Manga Tarot Deck

Best used… for anime geeks like yours truly, people who get freaked out by anything occult or magick-related, lighthearted readings (with friends, parties and celebrations, when you aren’t after/in the mood for deep details or dead-serious matters)

Besides liking to imagine myself silly with a bit of wand-waving here and ever-changing costumes there, this combo has been very helpful when reading for people who have never experienced any form of divination in their life aside from horror films’ or the religious’ cringe-worthy depictions of it. Not only does it gradually ease and remove misconceptions of tarot, it also encourages them to participate in the reading and read the cards by themselves unconsciously. Maybe it’s the teacher in me, but I really like it when it is not so stiff and formal a reading, and querents try to exchange ideas with me. For example, they often point out that a certain card looks like a familiar anime character or reminds them of a manga they just read. When I help them dig deeper into the card’s symbolism, turns out their guesses were actually accurate. It makes me happy how these decks subtly urge normal people’s intuition and sense of learning while at the same time, allowing them to have fun with admiring and decoding the images.

IME, the two decks are also fairly easy to read even when one is lacking more focus than usual or with external stimuli present (say, loud music or inevitable chatter of family members and friends around).

2. The Fountain Tarot, Chinese Chibi Anime Tarot Deck

Best used… in combination with the first tarot deck combo or either of the two mentioned there, as these decks share similarities to the first ones with how easy they can be understood and used. Also, I’m simply a sucker for anything adorable, hence the trusty chibi deck. Srsly tho, aren’t they cute? :3

3. Archangel Raphael Healing Oracle Cards + Messages from Your Angels Oracle Cards + Archangel Michael Oracle Cards

Best used… for that dose of hope, optimism and gentle reminders to oneself and others, short and direct messages, helpful clarifiers before ending the reading, speaking to the aforementioned archangels, asking for a simple message from a spirit in general (especially for those who have not yet fully honed their intuitive skills yet), giving advice to querents

While the woman behind all these oracle cards was undeniably controversial, I honestly couldn’t care less and still find her decks to be useful to this day. Most spirits couldn’t care less either about the New Age-y themes and have communicated clearly with me using these. Furthermore, it enables one to establish contact with AA Michael or AA Raphael should you seek them out for help or just a general message. I recall sleeping with certain cards from the AA decks underneath my pillow a few times to manifest the corresponding energy of those cards.

I’ve always been of the belief that one can be very honest with others and still retain a sense of class and tact. One does not need to be an incarnated god/goddess, a frustrated writer or a preschool teacher to know that words do have power, therefore we must utilize it properly and speak accordingly as much as possible. These oracle decks give advice to querents in a clear-cut but still respectful and understanding manner, which in turn causes them to become open and equally understanding in applying the messages to their lives. The simple messages here calm people down as well when it’s a highly stressful or drama-filled situation at hand.

4. Rider-Waite Tarot Deck

Best used… for the opposite of everything I’ve written in #2 lol, brutal honesty and unexpected (at times even triggering) call-outs for oneself or others, detailed readings, newbie readers who are just getting started with tarot, formal readings, divination for the 72 spirits (because correspondences), divination for rituals and magickal workings

Nothing to say here besides this tarot deck being THE deck. During my noob days, I once did a reading for myself and the cards called me out so hard (with an attitude too, might I add) I ended up crying. Worry not, I completely deserved it at the time.

Despite the various tarot and oracle decks I’ve purchased ever since, this deck is always with me when doing readings.

5. The Tarot of Vampyres + Barbieri Tarot

**Best used… for communicating with dark or “demonic” spirits, occult-related questions, experienced readers (definitely not so much for newbie readers), brutally honest readings, long-term querents/clients of tarot

Second to the RWS when it comes to calling out both oneself and clients, these two decks work very well together you want a no bullshit, no-holds-barred type of reading. Certain spirits have taken a liking to using cards from these decks whenever I seriously need to pay attention and listen to whatever it is they want to say. IME I’ve communicated with spirits like Focalor, Azazel and Belial (until he got a much darker deck of his own) more efficiently with these in comparison to other decks.

It also works well when reading for fellow practitioners or people who, while normal, are not easily freaked out by such and knows good art when they see one (because the art in these cards really is beautiful IMO). Can also be used to either piss off or show off to hardcore religious folks, but I wouldn’t recommend that unless necessary.

6. The Romance Angels Oracle Deck + Burnt Chinese Postcards of Poems

Best used… for love! Duh.

You read that right: postcards indeed. Probably not the most genius or newest idea out there, but one day I might make an entry solely about how I use stickers, postcards and other stationery stuff for divination and get surprisingly accurate results. At times, it makes me think that almost anything can be a divination tool when one allows adaptability to be balanced out with creativity and intuition.

Unlike the popular quote, I am not in love with the idea of love—more so with examining and reading possibilities of love (or its absence) for another. This deck combo has never failed me so far when it comes to various people inquiring about a crush, spouse, overrated ex-partners, etc. Could also be used for families and friends. The oracle cards are a mix of straightforward messages and images which can be interpreted intuitively, which comes VERY handy for situations centered around those complex little things we call feelings.

The random English poems are one of my favorite “decks” to use, because it can be interpreted in so many different (and creative!) ways. When interpreted accordingly, it provides much more depth and details to a love reading. Also, it just pleases the frustrated writer in me and helps hone some of those English comprehension skills, as Eng is not my first language.

And please tell me I’m not the only one who immediately swooned over the burnt and uneven design of the cards.

See you on Entry # 12! That is, if I can get my mind out of the quarantine haze and think of more than two paragraphs which actually make sense.

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The teacher is showing​:joy::joy: agree my succubus taught me the same. i use hurt others when i didnt think what i was gonna say first…even wit h spellwork its very important and should be careful done & think of. My succubus said its not just what we say its also how we say it​:smiling_face: btw where did you get the postcards?? & how do you use stickers stationary for divination?? Thats a great affordable idea too since i only have rws

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Your succubus sounds lovely! All the best to you and your relationship with her. :hearts: Maybe it really is a teacher thing, since I can recall college professors of mine drilling into us how one could get his/her point honestly and clearly without cussing someone out (though you’re reaaally tempted to hahaha) and causing a scene. Manners + patience = a must.

Not sure if I can post the link to a product here, so I’d just PM you the link if that’s okay with you? I agree using stationery materials for divination is indeed more affordable than purchasing actual decks yet it’s equally useful when used correctly. Well, for stickers divination (can we even call it that lol, eugh), I shuffle the stickers and interpret the images intuitively. For example, a friend gifted me with a sticker set showing the different moon phases. I interpret the moon phase sticker intuitively and associate meanings with it as I use it more and more in actual readings (say, full moon = perfect time for manifestation, emotions on an all time-high, etc). There are also stickers with different facial expressions on them, so it goes without saying how easy those are to interpret haha. Maybe I can also send the links of sticker packs and boxes I find useful in divination if you don’t mind?

And it’s not just stickers. Art/colored papers can be used too, and you can interpret them according to the colors. It’s something I’m actually studying and working on right now, how to do colormancy. Random trinkets, charms and scrapbook decors you own/have can also be collected, assigned personal meanings to and used similarly to bone casting/throwing. :slight_smile:

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I dont mind at all i already ordered from some links i liked!:blush:i might try the trinkets coz i have many at home i just store them away & never used…thank you so much pat!!:blush::blush::raised_hands::+1:

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