Source, I just don’t want to feel as though I’m being pushed around by outside spiritual influences or currents. Recently the infernal spirits and you have been trying to say that times are changing and that I have to change or else I’ll suffer due to my own paranoia and the fact that my life will stagnate.
But because of that and the choices I’ve made, I feel as though I cannot trust what I’ve been saying to myself, because this whole time I thought I was receiving divine guidance consoling me for being on the right path and to trust in my own ideas.
This also makes me feel as though I’m not in control and that I’m being pushed around by the currents themselves and that things will end horribly if I try to change according my own will.
I don’t want to live up to other people’s expectations or feel as though I’m not good enough and I have to change to fit in and earn the right to just be happy with myself.
Mainly though, I feel compelled to do the things others want me to do in order to ascend. As though I’m being sheparded from task to task or from challenge to challenge.
At the end of the day, it makes me feel enchained to the process and I don’t feel like I would enjoy it.
I’ve been trying to be passionate magick in a aay that doesn’t involve the results, and I’ve been trying to think about how I can view it as beautiful.
My main problem now is that I’m not sure I can direct myself well and be the master if I don’t know if my internal guidance is leading me in the right direction. I’ve done this entire situation based off that.