Please, help a newbie with a problem


#1

Hello, everybody!
I’ve been reading this forum for a while and couldn’t get an answer for a specific problem I have.
I am new to this magickal workings and I think I made a major mistake, a rookie mistake, that in my opinion caused the illnes I got.
As I was very new to this, but eager and had no patience, so no good foundations at all (like no meditating, centering, barely banishing, etc), but had just a stupid desire for a revenge that consumed me and I wanted to do something about it.
So when I was full of anger, rage, thinking about this person that messed with my life and thinking about the candle ritual explained in the Baneful Magick, planning to do this for this person, all of a sudden I saw a shadow coming through the window and entering my body. It did not feel good, but, as inexperienced as I am, I thought, oh this doesn’t have to mean anything.
Well, a few weeks later I got a mysterious disease, there is no cure, and doctor’s say that it can either go away on it’s own or just stay and things can get complicated.
How should I go about this? I have a feeling that this " shadow" is causing this.
What rituals/techniques, etc. should I do. Do you have any advice?
I would greatly appreciate your thoughts.
(Please, go easy on me. I know I was stupid and naive.)
Thank you!


#2

Sounds like you attracted, or created an egrigore. If you can, do a divination. If you can’t, find someone who can.

If you are not experienced saying a prayer to an Archangel will help. Be sincere and pour you heart out to Raphael. He likes long orations, so talk to him and bear your soul to him. Ask him to give you a thorough look over, to heal what needs healing and to bring any spirits into your life that can take this thing out.

You may even want to light a yellow candle and some sandalwood incense when talking to Raphael. He also likes lemons (cut them open for the scent).

Then learn from your mistake and build your basic foundation first. We ALL have been there, it is no fun but it is a good lesson to learn.

Good luck
Orismen


#3

Also, you may still have time to be added to the “Friends with Benefits” project. Look for the thread with that name under the money making section of this forum.


#4

Good advice. Listen to this guy.


#5
Lilith-   hello, my response comes from my sense of what the "Funda-mental-s" are, which actually aren't the rites/actions/stories, but what those can allow us to trigger... being it is more a matter of SenseOfSelf (contact with the stuff-of what you are, recog that); which is always revealing itself a bit more.
 That relevance being, my thought upon reading of your top-telling, was a sense of like experiencing what could be "called" <named> projection (in magickal, but more so psychological, sense.. sensed).   thus the before that (shifted via this "motivation" to act, that rising-E, triggering/expressing), the during into what could 'seem' now '2 parts'...   to the 'after'  -that after may make a shift to your experienced-blockages, but requires a seeing from a new-perspective (not even a "growing/expanding" but re-vel-ation ~AHA)

So thus, when you wrote… <> I’m not sure if you were expecting something in particular (like do 'regular banishing" ritual-movements that establish a story- and sense of boundaries and that would have fixed xyz, or perhaps “one shouldn’t have angry-thoughts at all” etc. -either could have been, but not my thought), unless you had another “advice to your-self” in mind…


just as 2 chemicals brought into contact can just mix, can react a bit, or thirdly can both release Energetic expression (absorb-cold or emit-heat, or both…) as well as result in new chemicals…
if that Third, like mixing HydrogenPeroxide & BakingSoda… fixy and then, can’t un-mix again… now there is a new
[created through “love, under will” an expression of the 2 separated before, on chance of later union… resolution, and yet the surprising Myst-ery" (ok briefly Crowley referencing)]

So in brief, perhaps -as a working-model that may or may not reveal ‘to-you’ a more useful approach, a more useful-(temp)“truth”- a third was released/produced from what happened before (that “event” may have just been the experience of it, and not the actual Event itself)… but still being stuck-partway… (as, using this Working-Model, one would be viewing this Third, of which you are a part, from the viewpt of an aspect of the process (part of fizzy recalling baking-soda-nature and looking at this ‘mess’-mix and think-see “I am ___”) [ok the first part might be easier to help at idea-surface, I shifted during-to this end to a more experiential, that may be read at surface as confusing. <this may seem similiar, augmenting, or different from advice above.> ]

Either way- good luck {reference that ole’saying, “If I only knew then what I know now…” -beyond cliche-interp, your now-exper, if you had this knowledge-being before all this then you might _____ <?>}


#6

I have to agree with Orismen the Archangels are great, I’ve yet to have them not help me when I needed it from protecting me and others to healing or binding pain (especially Raphael with the pain). You can just pray sincerely, vibrate their names if you know how or invoke them which is my favorite method. My body literally vibrates with energy when I do this and as it fades its replaced with a comforting feeling I can’t describe other than its like being held by a loving parent. If your so inclined you can always call upon their boss as well, don’t believe everything you read or the bible thumpers have to say about him, they know less about the God they worship than those they condemn as heathens which is both funny and sad.


#7

The FWB deadline is over, but I’ll make an exception if you want to join


#8

It’s interesting in how you describe the essence of the Archangels’ energy, because the times I’ve worked with Raphael in particular, I would describe the sensation exactly as you did – a comforting, fatherly embrace. The other interesting aspect that I’ve had with Raphael in particular is that he always manifests from behind, encompassing me in warmth and energy.


#9

I felt the EXACT same way when working with Michael!!!


#10

It’s interesting in how you describe the essence of the Archangels’ energy, because the times I’ve worked with Raphael in particular, I would describe the sensation exactly as you did – a comforting, fatherly embrace. The other interesting aspect that I’ve had with Raphael in particular is that he always manifests from behind, encompassing me in warmth and energy.[/quote]

He was my first evocation and surprisingly what I would call my most successful, funny you mentioned manifestation from behind I felt warm comforting hands on my shoulders and then the construction of him in the dragons blood smoke accompanied by the sound of trumpets weirdly not sound like outside being sensed by my ears but sound originating inside my head very strange which I’ve never experienced before, I’m quite drawn to him, moreso than any other entity angelic or demonic.


#11

[quote=“Lilith, post:1, topic:2273”]Hello, everybody!
I’ve been reading this forum for a while and couldn’t get an answer for a specific problem I have.
I am new to this magickal workings and I think I made a major mistake, a rookie mistake, that in my opinion caused the illnes I got.
As I was very new to this, but eager and had no patience, so no good foundations at all (like no meditating, centering, barely banishing, etc), but had just a stupid desire for a revenge that consumed me and I wanted to do something about it.
So when I was full of anger, rage, thinking about this person that messed with my life and thinking about the candle ritual explained in the Baneful Magick, planning to do this for this person, all of a sudden I saw a shadow coming through the window and entering my body. It did not feel good, but, as inexperienced as I am, I thought, oh this doesn’t have to mean anything.
Well, a few weeks later I got a mysterious disease, there is no cure, and doctor’s say that it can either go away on it’s own or just stay and things can get complicated.
How should I go about this? I have a feeling that this " shadow" is causing this.
What rituals/techniques, etc. should I do. Do you have any advice?
I would greatly appreciate your thoughts.
(Please, go easy on me. I know I was stupid and naive.)
Thank you![/quote]

I think it depends on which egregore you came into contact with, and how different your goals are individually. For example, if it was about keeping things civil and you come head on wanting to do damage, yeah, there is a potential issue there.