This is …weird. Reading this feels like the ramblings of a madman but I really want to know if anybody has ever had something similar, even if this doesn’t sound immediately familiar to you. Growing up I could live in two worlds. Maybe more. I remember I could go back and forth between them at different times. Until I couldn’t anymore. I had to choose.
(As I Write this my eyes are welling up which is a physical sign I’m onto something deep and spiritually significant for me. No associated emotion, just my body’s signal that I’m not making this up.)
I call it “The Otherworld” because I’ve blocked most of it out but I distinctly remember “phase shifting” to another reality entirely where my consciousness was the same age but most of my memoiries were connected to the body I went to. I locked into this existsnce when I was about 6 or 7 years old alone in my grandpas basement. I remember the last time I shifted here’re because it was a quick turnaround. I didn’t spend much time there, I just remember embracing a woman I loved enough to die for at a train station knowing it was the last time I’d ever be with her even though I knew she probably wouldn’t notice my personality change much if at all and likely, neither would the other “me.” Though “I” would be gone. (Hard to explain, there is always “I” observing “Me.”)
I have a few other memories of alternate lives I’d live in such as a grey feeling world where the only bit of color that stood out from the dull was a Napa auto parts sign that felt like the epitome of “dead end job”, “lifeless” and “boring.” This one ended in memories of a very long waiting period In the lobby, a shotgun, seeing the red shells, and being afraid for my mom’s life. A possible gun point robbery in what I feel like was Plano Texas. These other worlds always seemed to have a camera fillter effect on them though that may just be how I remember the emotional landscape of them. I lived completely different lives as different people with similar attributes I have now.
When I came here I remember “not existing” for a bit, realizing I had to choose to give up perfect love for this place knowing full well that I likely wouldn’t ever find romantic love that wouldn’t decay in this world. The impact was tremendous and I came to with clamy hands and tears soaking the fabric chair I had my face resting on. I remember I had to do something vitally important though. I seem to have hidden what from myself however.
I remember coming back from a time in another life and it was significant that a machine with "three white (forgot the noun, maybe curtains? That’s the imagery) has been turned on. I relayed it to my cousin because I felt it was imperative that someone here knows.
Does this sound anything like astral/soul travel? At all? It was around this age when my symptoms started.
I have a ratherr strange relationship with cause and effect. Part of my OCD is deeply tied to sensing “The Otherworld.” Every once in a while I’ll get a deja vu and it’s often dysphoric. Almost like I just avoided a catastrophe just on the other side of the veil. I had an old girlfriend who would love getting Deja Vu because to her it was a sign that she was in the right place in life. When I get them I sense a parallel/alternate universe of sorts where, something terrible happens like an explosion or something that causes suffering and I can feel the pain of whoever is there. It’a rarely physical (though I have had random phantom pains of my legs being sawed off with a hacksaw during an OCD brainlock.) Usually it’s emotional and most frequently I sense another brainwave state and feel a different energetic current than what I should be in. Hard to explain. Most of my compulsions are mini rituals to shake a bad image out of my head or ensuring the two streams of existence don’t cross. They have before, which is why I study the occult.
This trips me out to think about directly but it’s everywhere. My life is full of people with lots of paranormal activity in their lives. I played the game Bioshock Infinite and I was completely amazed because it was describing what my mind used to do between other bodies in other worlds. Going from a grown man with what felt like a dearly beloved fiancé to being a young kid in the same afternoon wasn’t at all strange. What’s weird is when I sense foreshadowing to an event, and then it happens because I didn’t protect wiith an OCD ritual. I experienced Magick manifest my ideal lover and then send her across the nation to where I lost my fiancé two years prior on the exact same calender date. Something interesting is going on here…