Personal Evolution Log

[Zabazu22]

Been seeing a lot of large feathers (black most recently) in odd places at work recently. Spiders too, i rescued a wayward tarantula (i think) last week so it wouldnt be crushed by our forklifts.

Sprained my wrist this week so I figure it is a good opportunity to get some experience in healing.

Ive been neglecting the third eye videos by Nithyananda for the past week, perhaps its for a reason. Might be better for me to go in steps and adjust along the way instead of blasting it open and trying to deal with the results. Will resume the daily videos this weekend though.

[Zabazu22]

This morning after i got home from work i used more cannabis than i have in more than a year. The result was a very fractured and frightening experience. I had such a surge of energy that at one point i could see my laptop shaking quite a bit. I was able to focus immense amounts of this energy into any of my chakras, when i focused it into my heart there was a visible green glow all around my torso. Another ability i had was to adjust the balance of vision between my eyes. Usually i am left eye dominant, seeing primarily out of that eye as my right eye is weak and blurry. I brought my right eye vision into equal focus and my field of view was enhanced. I wondered how to have gifts and power such as this in the sober world without the instability of the mind, and i got that i should put much more effort into regular meditation.

During this entire event I believe i was under some form of attack, a pair of eyes that appeared in my mind’s eye with a constantly shifting face tormented me whenever i would close mine.

I felt that i had heard my housemate’s voice during this time saying “you CAN hear me!” and the like since i have been trying to communicate telepathically with her in the past. I am unsure if it was part of the attack or actually telepathic communication as the voice then started to tell me that i had sold my soul and was going to hell. Coming from a Christian background and not exactly free of its influence, this filled me with a sense of dread that i cannot put into words. I will try to confirm some of this with her momentarily.

I called upon several angels to protect me which didnt work, then out of desperation called on Jesus to protect me. I know that i was sabotaging every attempt at protecting myself which may have been part of the attack, as calling on Jesus didnt do much except cause my body to feel very pleasant and warm. I need to put more emphasis on learning and using effective protections.

TL:DR
I need to stop using weed and meditate more

[Zabazu22]

As of a few days ago, I bought two courses (my first two) from the site. Robert Bruce’s Kundalini course and E.A.’s Soul Travel: Omnipresence.

I made my way through the first half of the Kundalini and realized I am lacking when it comes to meditation. I decided to give that course a break, improve, and then come back later on when I feel I am ready.

In the meantime I gave the Soul Travel a go. This one I immediately had substantial progress in. I made my way through the theory and prep videos yesterday, and today started work with the preliminary meditations and the first actual travel exercise (same-room object fixation).

The object I fixed on was a keyboard I have leaning against the wall of my room across from my bed. After dialing in the mental force required for a few minutes, I zipped over to the keyboard, which was now horizontal on a table (i think a future image, due to the object orientation and the fact I currently cant play as well) and saw my right arm playing it. This couple seconds of imagery was more present and vivid than my standard level of imagination is capable of. I was quickly thrown out of the experience due to my emotional reaction at having achieved this. After a few seconds of gathering myself and re-entering the relaxed state, I tried again. This time the image was more vivid, lasted a bit longer, and both hands were playing it.

I then imagined myself floating above the roof of my house, overlooking the street in front and willed my consciousness to mesh into that mental projection. It worked, then I zipped over to the mailbox. This wasnt as vivid and I dont think I actually soul traveled there but I was able to see the mailbox (the kind for an entire street) in very clear detail.

Now I got a little cocky. I wanted to go somewhere I had never been, so I decided to fuck with a coworker who has been causing me severe mental anguish for the past few months, the definition of toxic. I fixated on him, getting an image of him in his room gaming on a PC. Not too much of a stretch seeing as thats all he does. I tried anchoring to his monitor, mouse, and a few other things before anchoring to him himself so I could astrally slap the shit out of him. I used my astral body to back hand him a few times, gauge his eyes, and choke him for long enough that I felt better, but probably wouldnt kill him if he was actually being affected. Then I visualized a stream of energy flowing from him, into a screen, and then into my body. Feeling thoroughly satisfied I left back into my own body.

I was quite drained after all this, as several hours had passed between the videos and actual practice. I laid down and remembered that EA had said something about lucid dreaming. I decided I would attempt to be actively soul traveling as my body fell asleep to see the effects of this.

Im unsure of when I fell asleep but I did lucid dream, im also unsure of the state of my consciousness during this time. I was at a mall, high out of my mind. I felt the effects of the cannabis through the dream, which was surreal to say the least. I was attempting to get some coffee from a kind of self serve kiosk in the main walkway and an older lady was talking to and assisting me as I think she could tell I was a little messed up. After some time and finally getting my coffee I realized a presence in the dream. I retreated to my home to feel safer but the presence was still there. I went out to the railing of the second floor and tried to yell “leave me alone!” to whatever it was but choked on something and was pushed off over the railing headfirst to the ground. Before I landed I tried to pull myself out of the dream and opened my eyes to see me laying in bed. Still, the presence was there. I tried to see what was there but ended up falling out of bed onto the ground and again tried to call out. This time choking on vomit.
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I realized I was still dreaming and tried to pull out again. This time awaking in the exact same position but I was struggling to become aware and conscious. In this phase over and over I would “wake” become aware I was still dreaming and try to actually wake up. Finally, I forced out a powerful yell “BE GONE, LEAVE THIS PLACE” and felt the thing leave. Then I was able to wake up, in the exact position as before, but this time it was real. I hope.

I should note that every time I tried to look at this thing, either my head wouldnt move all the way, my hair would obscure my vision, etc. Also I heard a high pitched giggling throughout the experience. Still not sure what exactly is doing this. Probably TMI but when I woke up my anus felt strange as well. In the past I had come across a thread where Robert Bruce was talking about imps and parasites I think, and I saw a comment that they love anal sex, thats why the first thing I did was check to see any sensations that felt abnormal. I found the thread and checked this time because a similar thing had happened to me before. I woke up in sleep paralysis on my stomach and physically felt something walking on my bed that began raping me.

I really want this thing(s) gone and nothing I do works. Ive tried different protections, cleansing my room, and banishing but it keeps returning and it severely diminishes my mental health, magick, and will to do anything other than loaf around.

[Zabazu22]

I have now purchased all of the “Big 3” video courses that E.A. has released. Watched most of the videos as I had made it almost completely through the Soul Travel and have made it through the Divination course. Made some progress into the evocation course but I really want a firm grip on divination prior to working with that.

As far as divination goes, my tarot readings for similarly minded coworkers have mostly come true, for better or worse. Im beginning to trust my intuition and have been seeing some decent results working in my life and with those around me.

As an amateur collector of gemstones and other geologically significant items, I am currently devising a system by which I can divine using these stones. I don’t want to rely on “randomly” picking stones from a bag as that may introduce bias. My ideas so far are to charge each stone with a meaning, with a stone representing me and certain other positive and negative forces. Then the way these stones land will be interpreted by me for the meaning.

With the in/evocation side. I have been invoking the powers of certain archangels to aid me in a current leadership position i have been thrust into at work. The results of which have been exceptional. The people under me have been more than compliant and I feel an air of confidence that I surely lacked before. I chose the specific entities because I did not want to let the power go to my head either, I wanted to remain grounded and objective about my job performance, this has also come true as far as I can tell.

As far as basic skills go, my ability to enter TGS has improved, taking probably around 30 seconds- 1 minute whereas it used to take 5 minutes or longer. My meditative skills have also increased dramatically. I feel like I am actually making significant progress and my depression has somewhat lifted.

[Zabazu22]

This weekend I took some mushrooms for the first time since my spiritual awakening. Some very notable things happened during this journey that I hope I can communicate effectively.

1. When looking at trees I was able to see many faces intertwining in the trunk and branches, more so than while sober where I can only identify maybe 2 or 3.

2. I was visited by Beelzebub, who manifested mentally with an overwhelming buzzing of flies and many pulsating insect eyes. This was my first time interacting with this entity like this and I will admit it was a bit frightening for me. He came while I was wrestling with the concept of JC (a common theme of my trips) and was laughing at me. I believe he said something else but I cannot remember at this time.

3. I put my hands on the grass and was feeling how the grass felt to me when my consciousness flew deep within the earth and I began to feel the music of the earth humming deeply and the cicadas around me turned into a mantric chant. This sensation is one I really wish to revisit as it felt like grounding but to a profound extreme that left me peaceful and fully in the moment.

4. There was this whisper that felt differently than any presence I have felt before. Like the voice of existence, or at least my existence, was reaching out to me though I could barely hear it.

From these experiences the reality of my spiritual pursuits have been further cemented into my being. However, I feel as though work with demons may not be for me at this time, my spiritual perspective hinders me from experiencing them in a way that doesn’t horrify me. I do feel drawn to nature spirits perhaps, though I can’t say for certain that interacting with them would be any different