It was more miraculous I entered and worshipped at a few churches on my own decision. I had been a huge ANTI-CHURCH and Christianity for decades. I’d say full hate. I boldly went into the church with the intent to get brainwashed. It did crush my hate and i had a few obes and several “dreams” that were just too weird. It was probably the first time i saw a lady in a lake of fire scream/cry at me joining the church. I joined choir, study groups and was honest with my past including about demons and a few satanic cults i knew my dad was in.
That made people steer away from me. I experienced spiritual baptism, met some saints in the spiritual Mid east world and more. I had that rapture feeling for a month or more.
noun1. 1. a feeling of intense pleasure or joy
I left due to moving and seeing the church for what it was. I was/am poor and these people were predominantly midclass to rich. They also weren’t fond of my personal offerings. Tbh, it was kind of a thrill and fun.
I went bonkers and forced hate back into my life and then went into magic the best i could. As time went on it seemed like i was just deflecting my issues to another aspect. Its constant work and after so much lust and pleasure work i found i was just floundering in hedonism and self indulgence. I really failed to use sex magic correctly.
Covid x2 changed me a bit more. I’ve refocussed on self via more mundane methods but I still think on the spirits. Yeah, I’d love to battle god but how do you do that and why? I suppose the exhileration of going against the suppose ALL BEING that is supposedly the most of all is not just an honor, and challenge but a needed purpose. I don’t believe I’m entitled to even exist much less go to heaven or a hell.
I don’t hate any religion or spiritual practice now. I believe they should all be remembered, archived, and experienced just enough to see their truth if possible. Experiencing a culture and its nooks and crannies is a type of breathe of life sorely needed.
I don’t like deceptions and power grabs over the masses. I hate hypocrisy as well.