Pathfinder's log

A couple of days ago I found myself thinking of Gamigin

A necromantic spirit.

Looking at his sigil it’s not hard to see it as a grave mound topped with a cross, not unlike the veve of Baron Samedhi perhaps…

One of his particular offices is regarding “those who have died in sin”…

If you are not of the persuasion of believing in “sin” and all the nonsense that comes with, this needs a certain reinterpretation.

I would take this to mean something to do with those who died with a lot of regret or under other negative circumstance of some sort.

Suicide, murderers that have been exucuted, people that died with a lot of guilt in some fashion, etc, etc.

I imagine if you have troubled family history, Gamigin may be very helpful in understanding the circumstances of dead relatives who had a lot of issues or something…

His appearance is said to be that of an ass/donkey.

I don’t have much exposure or experience with these animals to try to clean what’s being communicated by this appearance.

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Nov 2 wed '22:

Had a horrible nightmare last night.

It was something right out of the qlippoth…

nightmare

I don’t remember much of the rest but I somehow ended up strangling and drowning some girl/woman simultaneously…

I was apologizing as she was apparently the wrong person but I was in too deep to just stop.

“This wasn’t what I wanted for you…”

She seemed to reach some understanding or acceptance, stopped fighting, and calmly accepted her fate as I finalized her demise…holding her underwater…

I woke up disturbed…feeling a bit violated and tainted by this dream.

Ultimately, it’s just a dream. I don’t and won’t shame myself over it for having it, as I don’t revel or take glee in it.

Last night I lit a candle for Samigina or Gamigin…

I’d also found an alternate enn (courtesy of “Working Dragon Mystic”)

I wonder if it was related to the whole “died in sin” thing…though, in the case of this dream, the killer is the one “in sin”

I found Kurtis Joseph’s video on this spirit pretty good.

Last night I had seen a very dark masculine presence around me that was clearly a vampiric presence.

This being however didn’t seem to be up to no good.

Kind of wondered if it was Euronymous or the like, but I dunno.

What l could make out of this presence very much reminded me of Alucard without his limiters or whatever…

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That shit was trippy. Kind of put me on my toes.

Whatever it (he) was, he seemed to have manners and didn’t give me grief, though maybe seemed to be moving around me like something simultaneously of interest and appetite…

I felt this might be related to the current run of vampire stuff on Balg.

It…he…felt far removed from anything you would call, “Human”…

He seemed to be trying to remove something from my energy body I had been heretofore rather unaware of…

Parasite? Archon? …

Watching out for me?

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Nov 3 Thurs '22:

Sort of a wired occurrence today…

I was kind of lost in thought or rumination and lapsed into a bit of a visualization…

I’ve been doing a bit of work on the download on behalf of some folks I kinda sorta know, trying to help them out.

Anyway, I was visualizing myself doing a bit of a banishing for a woman I’m wanting to help.

With a bell being rung out and commanding any spirits around her to go and leave if they are not a part of her journey or path in life at this time.

In the midst of my revelry and daydream, I felt and sort of saw a female presence come forth.

I could tell right away this presence was gentle and had a bit of a demure demeanor.

She appeared to be wearing a full length dress, with shoulder length hair…penny loafers? Some sort of shoes like that.

She had stepped forward and held her hands clasped together in front of her.

It was like someone coming in front of [reporting to] somebody important or of some authority (myself apparently in this instance).

It was pretty clear to me she was related to this woman in some manner or at the very least involved in looking out for her wellbeing to some extent.

This was so out of the blue and random that it knocked out of my visual but the connection remained for a little while.

I think I’ll be able to work with this presence at a distance.

Right now, that strangely seems to be the theme.

I’m feeling very compelled that I need to be doing something for different individuals.

Sort of being “of service” as it were.

This might even be a bit of a calling…

The important footnote of this post is that sometimes you’re doing way more magic than you might think you are even if you’re unaware of it.

I’ve had various instances of this including getting zapped back into my body because I unconsciously astral projected to attack some one that caused me a lot of anguish because I went to bed both very perturbed and stressed out (this has happened maybe three times I can think of)…

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Nov 5 Sat '22:

Dreamt some wierd shit last night…

not quite sfw

I was feeling some kind of way and more than a bit stressed out.

I went to sleep visualizing a woman and having intimate time with her.

I kind of thought I might try to make this a type of sex magic or use it to connect with an entity…

(With permission or rather, encouragement I guess, I will name said entity. I personally try to not add to what some have dubbed “Horny BALG™” but whatever :joy:)

Bune, or Bime.

While I initially dismissed it as my own bullshit, She does come with a certain sexual energy to her.

This includes her wanting sexual energy from me from time to time. Including asking for release and a lot of sexual fantasy and visualizing as a payment (which was very well recieved).

Interestingly enough, I’ve seen what to me is confirmation of Bunes sexuality in another place as well as her seeming to nudge people towards gambling…I’m not a gambling man really, but there was a period where it felt like I was being pulled toward going to the casino…

Anyway, I was fantasizing about a dark skinned woman with lots of emerald fabric and clothing, and I guess contact was made as I started getting more elaborate flashes of imagery.

Striking emerald eye shadow and lashes with glitter, emerald lipsticks on plump lips…

Then it got a little wierd and the woman would alternately have scaly skin and reptilian things going on.

Her face would wildly distort to bizarre images I can’t describe but were at the least creepy, or vaguely disturbing to some extent.

I expressed that this wasn’t going to work and let go of the visualizing and went to sleep

It must’ve had a carryover effect into my sleep though, because I found myself in an odd situation with an older woman in top of me naked. She seemed to be some kind of vampiric being and was doing her best not to go nuts and try to feed on me.

It was a really wild scene watching her just about salivate and moving around erratically above me sniffing, looking, lusting over me like something delicious she wanted to sink her teeth into. [Low-key crackhead energy about it]. but holding back and restraining herself so she could get her freak on with me.

She had some odd protrusions in parts of her face that seemed to be some kind of bone structures. Sharp teeth?

I was kissing on her neck, etc

In some odd way it seemed like our energy’s weren’t compatible…like it was almost harming her to be so near me.

Looking confused and desperate as she made herself stay she coughed up what I could only describe as orange ectoplasm or something …

Yours truly was undeterred and tried to keep going but either woke up or the dream faded or ended…

After the above I dreamt other odds and ends.

One about a couple I was staying with.

The woman had come home after being gone awhile with their “new baby”.

Said “baby” was clearly 6-7 yo it looked like and able to talk and walk.

“…that’s a pretty big baby…” I said. The mother said nothing, turning away and looking guilty.

(She either adopted this kid, or got this kid back from somebody…)

Don’t remember much else.

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Nov 15 2022 Tues:

Found myself in sitra achra last night going into this morning…

nightmares: trigger warning ⚠️

I was all over the place, but at some point I was trying to set up my temple and do something but my implements kept getting spirited away…

I eventually got pissed off and found out it was some kind of ghost.

“I curse you! Stupid spirit, I curse you by the ELEVEN! I curse you by the twin dragons of the other side! I offer you to them…”

Suddenly, everything became still and nothing more was heard from this ghost. Gone …

The chronology of the rest is fuzzy and might be out of order…

I and another had apprehended a man that for all intents and purposes was some representation of Ted Bundy…or “Ted Bundy Energy”


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He was standing in a spot cuffed while we waited.

After a couple of moments he wasn’t.

With a charming smile he walked over to a button that seemed to turn on a ban saw…

Nearby were cats. In front was a black and white cat that looks like mine.

Was it dead? It looked weak. Like it was aged and tired.

Suddenly it began to slide back as some kind of wind or whatever from behind the saw starting sucking in…

Before I could think about it the cat was sucked into the saw and cut in half before exploding into various parts and cat fluff.

I was stunned

Soon, the other cats started to get sucked in, one by one…the saw seemed to be spinning now because everything that touched it blew up into carnage like some kind of grinder…

It was like I was some captive audience as the scene unfolded…

He the placed a big square cage with compartments full of cats that got sucked in one row at a time like some fucked up game of Tetris…

I broke free from my stupor and ran toward him. Enraged, determined to kill him or die myself in the bizarre machine…

Woke up

Back to sleep:

I was in front of some altar, the one from before…

I was changing, suddenly a tall dark presence came up behind me and pressed it’s face into the crook of my neck and next to my head while multiple long arms wrapped around me…

It was giving me names to chant, emissaries I suppose…the next sphere? Gate?

It’s presence was both deeply, darkly, predatory but seductive and I found myself aroused by it’s embrace while also unnerved.

I could hear beastly growling from behind in the direction of its head. Like a lion or bear or…something

In my minds eye I could make out this being as a dark shadow. Spider like long arms, like Slenderman or something…A snake like tongue coming out of a mouth that was split open like killer croc from the old Batman cartoon or maybe like venom from spider man…I could make out multiple eyes that seemed to move and shift around. In fact it seemed the edges and shape of the face would undulate and shift. As if it form was somehow unstable or in flux. Truly, it must’ve had no “real” face…

Despite my arousal and interest, I didn’t dare turn and look as I was afraid I’d see something, bizarre, horrendous, and defying of the imagination and mortal consciousness…

After all the chanting was done, I heard a female chuckling that seemed amused and suddenly lighthearted as the presence drew away.

(I believe this to have been Lilith, seemingly intervening in my large break from the spheres…I suppose I’ve been initiated into the next…)

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Confused I turned around and was confronted with somebody I know that I find very annoying. (At this point I think it was more of a regular dream)

Irate, I began to beat him as I told him off for playing tricks on me while I was vulnerable. I thought about killing him outright …

Woke up

The rest was random nonsense, including one of the management from my job cuddling with a dude that appeared to be a form of Jeff goldblum…

I spent the first few hours of the day feeling very disturbed by what I had witnessed and undergone.

A sick feeling hanging over me as I felt the edges of nerves and sanity rattled. Shaken

The gates are open. Wide open…

AdoredShinyAlligatorgar-size_restricted

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Nov 21 Mon '22:

Something has been coming together in my head for awhile now regarding magic squares and kameas…

For instance, the square of the moon:

The rows, columns etc add up to 369. That’s 3+6+9=18, which again reduces down to 1+8=9

Furthermore, 9×369=3321 which reduces down to 3+3+2+1= 9

The ninth sphere, yesod/Gamaliel

The square of Venus:

7×7=49 (7×7 square, seventh sphere netzach/Aarab zaraq)
4+9=13

The rows all add up to 175, 1+7+5=13

XIII-Death

Finally, 175×7=1225, 1+2+2+5= 10 (malkuth/Nahemoth)
Which again reduces to 1 (1+0=1) [Tiphareth/Thaumiel]

There is also, the kamea for the sun…

Sun_kamea

6th sphere, Thagirion…

6×6, each row column adding up to 111, times six is 666, the number of the “Beast”, Belphegor in Thagirion.

The black sun.

It’s clear there’s something to explore and/or be harnessed or utilized.

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Since the beginning, and even now…

A recurring notion of mirrors, and mirroring has been coming up again and again and even worked it’s way into personal sigils …

giphy (4)
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I like the picture with the light and dark birds. :slightly_smiling_face:

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Nov 27, Sun '22:

Some gnosis…

The energies of Golachab got pretty intense at times.

I would feel these waves of basically a violent type of energy.

It could be easy to get tripped up in this sphere…

There were other things …

A sort of almost militarized sense of purpose and aggression…

In fact that kind of typified some of the energies I was feeling. Penitentiary vibes. Like I was being made to feel that if Geburah is the justice system, and it’s prisons…Golachab is the prison population…yet, that’s really only one facet of it. But definitely an aspect.

Overall, yes…lots of aggression

I need to pick the thread back up and start invoking the energies of the jupiterisn sphere Ghash Khalah

The following gnosis has unfolded in my mind.

Within the book of Sitra Achra, the “sixth hell” (which also corresponds to the Ajna chakra) is Abaddon

In Ghash Khalah, Astaroth will “open the eye of Abaddon”

There’s a layered meaning here.

Firstly, one can look at it like the eye of Shiva that brings destruction (destruction of illusion, and Maya…)

Astaroth in the goetia is a traditional divinatory spirit (THE divinatory spirit)

But, placement, or geography upon the tree comes into play here as well…

Abaddon, is the “Angel of the ABYSS”…

Upon the tree of life, that would be Da’ath.

Within the Qliphoth, this could be said to be the “abyss within the abyss”…which, with the consideration of the path of Gimel that runs through it (and it’s camel association) one might like to a desert maybe.

Not unlike how Aleister Crowley decided to invoke and be possessed by Choronzon in…a Desert

So, Astaroth opens the spiritual eye in order to see through illusions and to awaken the spiritual faculties…and prepares you for the next stage as you move beyond the veil sseperating the final (or first) triad from the rest.

In doing so you’d come upon the sphere of Saturn. The planet that governs time and limits.

The 22th path, Tau is also ruled by Saturn and represents “The world” in it’s completion ordained and arranged right before the sphere of earth and the realm of Assiah.

However, when you come up on the saturnian sphere it is instead to move away from these limits and restrictions.

oh-no
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The path ruled by Jupiter is the wheel of fortune, whose letter is Kaph, “the palm open to receive”

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The zodiac ruled by Jupiter is Sagittarius, whose path is The Temperance, letter Samekh (“support”)



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More recently I became aware of some symbolism I’d missed in the rider waite temperance.

Above the triangle that can signify fire is the tragranmaton YHVH, upon it’s brow the sun symbol, solar consciousness, the sun in the background is a crown no doubt signifying Kether, thus the angel is in fact the godhead itself (source), mixing and permutations the elements to establish equilibrium and balance. The divine alchemist. Thus, the fire triangle also alludes to the first qabbalistic world…ATZILUTH.

wed Nov 30 '22:

And just like that…another key has turned…a door has opened, and a path has been revealed.

Moreover, a small side project I was working on a week or so before seems now to have foreshadowed a vague element of something else…

This is one of those times where I just have to stop in silent wonder at how things come together sometimes.

I don’t know if I’ll elaborate on that much though, for now it is noted…

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This morning I had a dream that I got to my car and it was all banged up and the inside was very decayed.

Confused and distressed I tried to make sense of it but couldn’t.

I parked and some dudes rolled up seemingly to confiscate or Jack my ride.

A man in a suit and sunglasses was by the passenger door while on a phone.

I confronted him and he whipped a knife out into my stomach (didn’t pierce though).

At the proximity I knew I was screwed if I tried anything so backed off.

He nonchalantly put the knife away and kept talking on the phone. all business like a mafioso…

The day before I dreamt I was explaining music to someone and constructing songs but was annoyed because I didn’t actually have any instruments and was basically having to beatbox what I could in a shitty fashion.

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